Chapter forty-four
I'm driving to the frat house in complete silence. None of my usual music. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts which is dangerous. My mind can go to dark places. Like, what if Matt....is......with another.....woman? No. It can't be. He wouldn't do something like that. I really hope nothing has happened to him. My heart is thudding in my chest. I'm so nervous as to why he didn't show up and right now I have a lot of possibilities swirling around in my head.
I turn a corner and the frat house comes into sight. The bright lights coming from the house stand out in the dark of the night. I can hear the loud music all the way from in my car as I park. The lawn is crowded with people smoking and drinking. It's a disaster waiting to happen. I stuff all my belongings under my seat and grab a pair of sneakers out of the back seat and put them on. I quickly get out of the car and walk to the entrance of the house. It's packed with people and I can smell the scent of weed and vodka. There are brightly colored flashing lights and loud music in the house. I squeeze my way into the house not even knowing what I'm looking for. Matt. Jon? Skylar? Anyone who can tell me where Matt is.
"Oh, shit! I'm sorry!" someone yells as they bump into me. I don't say anything. I scan the crowded house, searching. It's so stuffy in here. I wipe my forehead with my hand. I am already sweating. As I'm scanning the living room I see some girl sitting on the couch, laughing. Oh wait, she's sitting on top of someone's lap. Some guy in a black shirt and black basketball shorts. Wait.
I squint my eyes and focus on the person's face. My eyes meet the person's green eyes and the realization hits me like a brick. How could.....he wouldn't.....Matt. My stomach starts turning and I suddenly feel very, very nauseous. I rush out of the house, covering my mouth trying to prevent myself from vomiting. I run to the nearest bush and throw up the three glasses of wine and salad that I had for dinner. Alone.
My eyes well up and tears spill out of my eyes. My chest is tight and I can barely breathe. How could I've been that stupid? I feel a firm hand on my shoulder and I almost lean into the person but when I turn and see Matt I immediately freeze.
"You lying, cheating bastard!"
"Novah, let me explain..." He pulls me close by the waist and I rip away from him.
"Don't fucking touch me! I fucking hate you!"
"Baby, please...I can explain."
"Don't call me baby and don't talk to me with that bullshit!" I turn and run towards my car bumping into multiple people on my way. Matt catches up and blocks my car door.
"Novah, baby..." he cups my face with his hand. I stumble back.
"Stop!" I shriek. My vision is blurry with makeup and hot tears that won't stop coming.
"Just please...come inside."
"No! Move out of my way." I say quietly.
"No. You're not leaving."
"Who the fuck was she?!" I exclaim. "Who the fuck was she?" I whisper again with tears streaming down my face.
"Nobody, baby..."
"No. Move Matt," I whisper. "Move! I don't fucking want you near me!" he looks me dead in the eye, eyebrows knit together.
"You don't mean that," he says blankly.
"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" I say again. He shuffles aside and I get into my car and lock the doors. He's standing there on the lawn with a blank expression as I pull away from that godawful house.
I speed to my dorm room with makeup and tears draining down my face, my mind attacking me.
Maybe he stood you up cause' of how fucking pathetic you are.
I drown out my thoughts as I pull into the parking lot of the dorm rooms. I grab my things and run up the stairs in my dress in sneakers, not caring that I look crazy. I run down the hall and into my room which is empty. I throw my stuff onto the bed and crumble in the corner. My emotions and thoughts take over my body and I start sobbing uncontrollably. My heart is pounding in my chest and I'm drenched in sweat. I can barely breathe and my inner thoughts are taking over.
Whore...
Slut...
No wonder he doesn't like you...
Dumb bitch...
Pathetic ass bitch...
Are you really that surprised...
That girl is better than you...
You're a ho...
My thoughts are taunting me in the most horrible way and I just can't fucking function. I close my eyes and just cry in the corner, on the floor.
The sound of my sobs fill the room, the image of that girl draped across Matt embedded in my mind.
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