Chapter thirty-three
I wake up at five-thirty am. Matt is still fast asleep but I need to go back so I can do my usual morning routine. I move Matt's heavy ass arms from around me and get out of the bed.
"You leaving?" he asks me in a gravelly voice. I love his morning voice with all my heart.
"Yeah."
"Use my bathroom before you leave. So that you don't have to use the public bathrooms. I have a spare toothbrush in the medicine cabinet." I smile at him.
"Thank you."
"Why do you get up so early?"
"Because I have places to be."
"I have places to be too. In you." I get that ache deep in the pit of my stomach. He smiles deviously.
"Do not start that."
"C'mon. Haven't you ever had a little morning fun?"
"Nope." He gets up and stands next to the bed.
"Do not, come near me." He grins at me and takes a step forward. I take a step back.
"Is that all you think about, Matt?"
"Most of the time. It's not my fault you're so fucking beautiful." I'm flattered by his comment and he uses this time to scoop me up in his arms.
"Matt, I need to go." He lays me on the bed and pins my wrist above my head. "Matt," I say weakly. He kisses below my ear and I feel so helpless.....in the best way. I just want him to take over. In this place, where it's just me and Matt, I don't have to think about anything. All I hear are his sweet little compliments, whispered in my ear. All I feel, are the little kisses that he plants all over my body. The sensations that he causes.
"Do you really want to go?" he asks me.
"No. But I have to."
"Okay." He gives me one kiss and gets off of me. "But next time, there is no escaping." I roll my eyes and he slaps on the behind. I yelp.
"I'm gonna take a shower."
"I should join you."
"Matt, no."
"Stop trying to play innocent. I know you want to." I do. I really, really do. I ignore his comment and close the door behind me, and locking it.
I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. Matt put a really big grey hoodie on the counter for me to wear back to the dorm room since my clothes from yesterday are dirty. I quickly slip it on, brush my teeth, and put my hair in a bun. Since my hair is curly, I have a horrible bed head. My hair is curly and thick and does not look good messy. I step out of the bathroom and see Matt sleeping on his bed. This boy. I grab my keys and phone off the nightstand.
"Do you want me to drop you off?" he mutters.
"No. I brought my car. Thanks, though."
"Well, Bye," he says.
"Bye," I say and walk out his door.
I make a quick stop by my room to do my hair. I decide to wear Matt's hoodie because it smells like him and I miss him. I'm such a fucking pushover. How can I like a guy after like barely a week of knowing him? Although he can be really rude, he can be a real sweetheart. Like, he bought food for me yesterday and he stood up for me last night which was really, really sweet of him. Is he boyfriend material? I think he could make a great boyfriend. I pull into the parking lot and quickly walk up to my room. I look at my phone. Six am. I should've slept with Matt longer. I don't have to leave for another two hours. Skylar is sleeping in her bed. I decide to do my hair and go get breakfast. I forgot that I have to go look for a job after school. I sit down in front of the vanity and start to comb my hair back. I get a text from Matt.
Missing me? it says.
Yes, actually, before I hit send I think about if its a good idea to send this. It's so early in our "friendship" or whatever this is. Should I let him know that I already have feelings for him. He already knows, probably. I hit send and wait nervously for his response.
You shouldn't have left. You should've stayed and let me show you a good time. I read the text and it gives me butterflies. I can just imagine him whispering that in my ear. It gives me chills.
I regret leaving. I don't have to leave for another two hours. I hit send. He replies almost instantly.
Shit. I would come over there but I know Skylar is there, and I can't stand her ass. I only put up with her for Jon.
Why? She's really nice. You hate everybody.
You're right. I do hate a lot of people. But Skylar is especially annoying.
Then, why, when I first met you, you said she was your friend?
I was trying to find an excuse to be in the same room with. To piss you off of course.
You succeeded.
I'm glad.
Is she still there?
What do you think?
Damn it. I wanna touch you so badly, right now.
You do?
Of course, baby. I wanna touch you all over. I continue doing my hair because I don't what to say to his text.
Well, you're not here, I glared at myself in the mirror, pouting and mad because he's not here. Why did I have to leave?
I'm sorry. I would love to be.
I have a question.
What is it?, What I really wanna ask him is if he actually likes me or if this is just lust. I think its just lust. Especially with his past with women. He could just be playing me. But, I'm too shy to directly ask him.
Never mind.
I hate it when people do that. You have to ask me now.
I'm too embarrassed about the question. Actually, I think I'm more scared of your answer.
What could really be that scary about my answer?
I'm not trying to get rejected.
I could never.
Promise?
I promise.
Matt, I.....I can't.
I've heard that before. Where?, I wonder to myself.
Where?
Novah, ask me the damn question.
Don't you think that our relationship is just lust? And I know what you're about to say. I don't date. Yeah right. There are times when you have been the sweetest guy I've ever met. Then there are those other times. I mean, we barely know each other and we've already....slept together. I don't think that you actually like ME. I think that this is just a physical attraction for you. I've heard some not so good things about you, and even though I want to defend you, I don't know you enough to be able to. And there have been some times that you made me feel like shit and other times you made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. I just want to feel one way but my logical mind is telling me a whole different thing. I need to know how you ACTUALLY feel before I get any more invested in this because I can't say that I have absolutely no feelings for you because that would be a lie.
I sigh after sending the message. Letting out all the thoughts I've been thinking for the last couple of days. I'm also kind of scared that he's going to say something like "You're right. I don't like you!"
You're right. This is lust. I mean, look at you. You're fucking drop-dead gorgeous. But it's not all lust. Some of it is actually feelings. I just feel like there's something different about you that I'm willing to try new things and go out of my comfort zone. Like, going on a date. I thought that I'd rather die than go on a date. But when I saw your face yesterday. When I saw you crying, and looking hurt, I would've done anything. I would've gone on a million dates to see that beautiful smile that I love so much. I know you think I'm a womanizing jack ass. I think I'm that too. But I feel like you also see something else in me. Sometimes, the way you look at me, it's like you see something good in me that nobody else has ever seen. I didn't think it was in me. You make me feel like there's something worthwhile about me. Don't even ask how I could get all that from a few days of knowing you. This is just how it feels.
I read the text, taking it all in. The fact that he does have some feelings for me. The fact that he called me drop-dead gorgeous. I just feel like he's broken somehow. Something has been stolen from this precious boy to make him think that he's not worthwhile. To make him put himself down all the time. Somebody hurt this poor boy and I wanna fucking find them and kill them.
ns18.116.87.126da2
