Chapter thirty-six
What do I do? Do I ask him about it? What if its a sensitive topic? Matt turns around and smiles at me. His face falls when he sees my expression.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah." I'm not gonna ask him about it. He'll probably tell me about it when he's ready.
"So, you're just gonna stand there naked? Cause' I won't. I'll take action." I giggle. He hands me my bra and panties. I take them and quickly put them on, pushing the tattoos, to the back of my mind. He picks up the grey hoodie. "I'm happy you decided to wear my clothes to school." He hands me the hoodie.
"Well, at the time, I loved the hoodie. Now, it just reminds me of..." his face falls.
"I...I have no excuse for what I said. You made me feel.....a way that nobody else has ever made me feel. My first thought was to defend myself against the unknown. My own parents don't even make me feel loved. And I was fine with that...up until now. You make me want to feel loved. You make me want to....love" As much as I'm thrilled about him opening up to me, I'm so emotionally drained right now. I smile weakly at him.
"I'm so tired right now, Matt. I literally can barely do anything."
"I understand. As soon as we get to my room, you can sleep. I'll get you something to eat, too." I get a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt out of my closet and quickly put them on. "I exhaust you, huh?" I look over at him. He looks slightly disappointed.
"No. It's not you. My emotions exhaust me."
"It was that sex. That's what has you all fucking exhausted." I laugh at his statement.
"Yes. That was...different." I say and his smile fades.
"You didn't like it?" he asks frantically.
"No, I loved it." I try to sound happy but all I can think about is how much I don't know him. Well get to know him! My mind tells me.
"So, what do all of your tattoos mean?" I ask, trying to get the truth about the names. He smiles. His tattoos are obviously something he's proud of.
"The pine tree forest only back is kinda representative of the unknown and also for my dad. That's what he reminds me of. The rose on my arm is for my mom. I also thought it was really...nice. The other stuff is just things I thought were cool. I always liked the scorpion. Thought it was cool." He's leaving out the names. What about the damn names?!
"I wanna get another one soon. I just don't know what to get. Or who to get it for." If he got tattoos for his mom and dad, maybe he has siblings.
"Do you have any siblings?" his face washes over with some identifiable emotion for a split second.
"No. No siblings. What about you?" he asks. Changing the subject I see.
"I was an only child. My mom was always too busy working to go on dates or have more kids like she always wanted."
"And your dad?" My dad. I never talk about him. It doesn't feel....okay.
"Not in the picture," I say, neutral expression. "He left when my mom was eight months pregnant with my brother. She was so upset about him leaving. She went hungry some nights. I was only about one at that time. I think part of the reason she had a miscarriage was because of the betrayal of him leaving. It really hurt her." Wow. He's the only other person besides Josh who knows that.
"Men can be real dicks."
"It's not that simple when it's your biological father. He's more than just a dick. He's a dick that's related to you. He's a dick who doesn't even tell you he loves you. He's a dick who doesn't care enough about his own child, to send a damn birthday card. He's a dick who started a whole new family and pretends like you don't fucking exist. He's a dick that sent your mom to jail. He's a dick who left your mom pregnant, hungry, and sad. Only men get away with shit like that. Not taking care of their children." Matt stares at me. "I'm sorry. That took a turn for the worst. As you can probably tell, I have daddy issues." He stands up and puts his phone and keys into his pocket.
"Well, I can say that I have experienced pain at the hands of a loved one. It hurts more than anything." Pain at the hands of a loved one? Who hurt you, Matt? I want to know.
"Ready?" he asks. I grab my phone, keys, and purse.
"How'd you get to school?"
"My car."
"But you're car's still at school."
"I'm gonna drop you off at my room. You're gonna rest. I'm gonna go get my car and some food for us."
"Okay." Why does it feel so awkward in here? Where's the natural flow that we had? I think I might have a drink when I get to the frat house. I won't tell Matt, though. He'll probably tell me about the dangers. I can't blame him for being so cautious. I'm like that too, sometimes. I'd always be talking to my mom about the dangers of this and the dangers of that. Sometimes, I'm borderline obsessive. I can't help it.334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKXRWLAOcg
