Chapter forty
I'm sitting in Matt's bed, shocked. He can't feel this way about me. Its not.....okay. Matt walks out of the bathroom and sits next to me in the bed.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly.
"Sorry for what?"
"Sorry for lying. I don't actually love you," he says blankly. How can he suddenly go from saying he loves me to breaking my heart in 0.2 seconds.
"You don't?" I squeak. I really hope he says that he does.
"No." Oh. Well, I guess that's fine. I lay down in the bed with my back turned to him and try to fall asleep. For about five minutes, I thought he loved me. 'Te Quiero' means I love you.
"Wakey, wakey." I hear in my ear. I open my eyes. The room is still pretty dark.
"What happened?"
"Your doctor's appointment, remember?"
"Ughhh." I complain. I am so not looking forward to that. I haven't even talked to my mom about this yet. That I'm getting birth control and that I've been having unprotected sex. I mean what if Matt has an STD. Why have I been so goddamned careless? I've never been careless with anybody before. I am acting so out of character. "I don't have anything to wear," I tell him.
"We can stop by the dorm rooms and you can change and all that. I'll wait for you." Matt is wearing a plain black t-shirt and black jeans. How does he look so hot right now?
"Wait, you're coming with me?" I ask. His face falls a little.
"Well, yeah if you want me to." Our conversation from last night hits me like a brick. I don't actually love you. Wow. I'm actually sad about that. Here I was thinking that he had feelings for me. I get up and go into his bathroom, grabbing the blue toothbrush out of the medicine cabinet. I feel so fucking shitty right now. I have to go to the doctor AND Matt crushed my heart last night. I mean, am I really that surprised? I'm kinda dumb. And ugly. I start to brush my teeth slowly. Oh no. Skylar. When I go back to the dorm room she's gonna bomb me with questions about Matt and me and every single detail about my life. Fuck.
"What's wrong?" I look up and see that Matt is leaning in the door frame, watching me. "You look like you want to kill yourself." I laugh.
"Yeah, kind of." his face clouds with worry. No, no. I didn't mean to make him worried. "I mean, I'm fine," I say quickly. He moves closer to me.
"No, you aren't." He wraps his large hands around my waist and pulls me closer. "What is it?" he asks. I know better than to lie to him. He can see straight through me. Its almost like he can read my mind.
"What you said, last night. Is it true?" He looks up at the ceiling.
"No." is all he says. He doesn't elaborate. Nothing. He just holds me in his arms. "I'm not good at explaining how I feel and my feelings for you are especially complicated." He kisses me on the top of my head. "Now c'mon. We can't be late for this." I roll my eyes.
"I'm usually the bossy one."
"I let you boss me around," he replies.
"NO, you don't."
"That's what you think," he says with a smirk. I glare at him and he laughs. I finish brushing my teeth and Matt is still standing in the door frame. I look at him, amused.
"Why are you watching me?"
"I don't know. I'm in disbelief that someone this amazing is in my room, right now." I roll my eyes at his sweet comment. I walk up to him and hug him, my arms reaching only to right above his waist. He's so damn tall.
"You're amazing too." he smiles at me and picks me up over his shoulder.
"Matt." I shriek. He slaps my ass and I squeal. All I'm wearing is his white t-shirt and my panties.
"If you don't get dressed right now I'll take off what little you have on." I look at him coquettishly, batting my lashes. He looks away. "Put your clothes on, woman." I slip on my leggings and take off his shirt. I don't even have a bra on. He turns around and gasps. "What are you doing?"
"Putting a bra on," I say innocently. "Don't get fucked before we leave," he warns. I stick out my tongue at him and he walks over to me. He tilts my chin up and kisses me passionately, tongue and all. He steps back abruptly.
"Nope, we have to go," he says breathlessly.
"You're really serious about this."
"Yeah, I don't usually care about making it on time and shit but this is important."
"Why? So you can stop using a condom?" I ask. He looks at me humorously.
"I wasn't using them in the first place, missy." I roll my eyes and laugh at him.
"You're cute. You know that." I tell him. Him calling me 'missy' is cute as hell. I love it."Okay, so in the car, we have to find some things out about each other. So we can at least seem like a real couple." he looks at me and I look the other way. He kisses me on my temple as I'm looking in the other direction and I giggle.
"Love that sound," he mutters, thinking I can't hear him.
This man is the cutest.
"Ready?" he asks after about ten minutes.
"Yeah," I grab my phone and backpack.
"Who's car are we going in?" I ask.
"I'll just follow you in my car to the dorm rooms and then we'll go to the doctor in my car." I get a little disappointed that we won't be driving together.
"I'll call you during the drive and you can ask me the questions," he adds. I squeal and jump on him. He gives me a little kiss on the lips. He puts my backpack on his back and takes my hand. We walk out into the hallway.
"Look what the cat dragged in!" I jump a little and then look up and see Jon standing there with his angelic blue eyes. He looks like a little curly-headed cherub. Matt wraps his arm around my waist.
"Yeah, we're going to the doctor," Matt tells Jon. Jon looks at him worriedly. "Oh no, nothing serious." Matt dismisses.
"Oh okay," Jon replies. "I'm about to go get some breakfast for Skylar," Jon says. Matt laughs.
"At six-thirty in the morning?"
"Yeah. I like to surprise her." Matt rolls his eyes.
"This is why you don't want to be with a gentleman," Matt says to me. Jon flips him the middle finger. We continue walking to the door.
"Hey, Novah!" I hear a voice behind me. Matt groans and I turn around and see who it is. Its Liam with his black hair and glasses.
"Hi Liam!" I reply. I give him a brief hug.
"Where are you going?" Liam asks.
"None of your damn business. Come on Novah." Matt interupts.
"Bye, Liam," I say with a smile and a wave of my hand. I turn to Matt who looks a tad bit angry.
"You can't do shit like that," I say to him as we walk out the door. "It's rude." He walks to my car pulling my car keys out of the front pocket. He unlocks the car and puts my bag in the passenger seat. He hands me the keys and kisses me.
"I'm following you. I'm gonna call you when I get in my car. Be careful, though. Make sure to pay attention to the road." I roll my eyes and smack him on the arm.
"Abusive." he jokes as he walks to his car. I get into the driver's side of my car and put the keys in the ignition.
My phone starts to ring and I take it out of my bag and answer.
"I wanted to hear your voice."
"We talked like thirty seconds ago." I scoff.
"That's too long." I start the car and pull into the street.
"Okay, so my first question is what is your favorite movie?" I ask.
"Chips."
"That was very awkward to watch," I say.
"What about you?" he asks.
"I don't have one. I can barely remember the movies I've watched."
"How do you not have a favorite movie?"
"I just don't have one that stood out to me."
"Fair enough. Then what's your favorite book?" he asks me.
"You might laugh at me but its called 'After'."
"Well, what's it about?"
"It's about this girl who's life is boring and planned out and she meets this toxic, rude 'bad-boy' and she falls in love with him."
"Hmm. Sounds like something you would like?"
"What? How?"
"I don't know. Just sounds like something you'd like."
"What's your favorite book?"
"I like poetry."
"Poetry?" I try to keep the judgment out of my voice.
"Yeah." he sounds really embarrassed.
"Me too. I used to write poems a lot but I just kind of stopped. Can I see one?"
"Umm...well, I've never really told anyone about that."
"Not even Jon?"
"Nope." I smile at myself. Matt just told me a secret. I feel so cool.
"So you don't like books?"
"Yeah, I do. I just...enjoy, poetry more."
"That's very sweet."
"How is it 'sweet'?"
"It's sweet that you're sharing that with me."
"Well, this is the first time I've told anyone and I've been writing since I was fifteen." Fifteen? The age fifteen is mentioned a lot with Matt. Something happened when he was fifteen and I really want to know what.
"Well, thank you. I feel very special." I pull into the parking lot of the dorms and park my car. Matt pulls in next to me. I smile and wave at him and he enthusiastically waves back. I laugh at him and he smiles at me. I love that man's smile. I tuck my phone into my back pocket and step out of the car, taking the keys out. I'll be quick so I don't need to bring my bag. Matt pulls me over to him and kisses me unexpectedly. "What was that for?" I ask after he lets me go.
"I don't know. I just love.....how cool you are," he says nervously. I kind of feel like he was going somewhere else with that. I look over at him and he looks away. He opens the door for me and I walkthrough.
"Thank you," I say and offer him a flirtatious smile and bat of my lashes.
"Stop trying to seduce me. It won't work." he takes my hand and we walk up the stairs hand in hand.
"Yeah, right," I say arrogantly.
When we reach the room it's empty and I'm assuming Skylar is at the frat house.
"Thank god." Matt groans when he sees that Skylar isn't here right now. I roll my eyes.
"What do you have against her?"
"She's annoying and invasive."
"Are you serious? You are so not calling someone else invasive." I go into my closet and get out a pair of jeans and a graphic tee. I sit down on the bed and take off Matt's shirt and my leggings.
"I'm invasive for a reason. She's just fucking annoying."
"Well, get used to her cause I'm friends with her and she's your best friend's girlfriend."
"That's the sucky part. She's everywhere I turn." I slip the shirt on and stand up and put the jeans on. Matt's sitting in front of me watching me. "If we didn't have to go to the doctor I would fuck you right now." I look up at him and decide to test his patience. I walk over to him and sit right down on his lap facing the other way. I pretend to straighten out my jeans when I'm really I'm just teasing him.
"Too bad we have to go to the doctor, huh?" I wiggle around a little bit in his lap, my behind in direct contact with his crotch. I can feel him, hard, underneath me.
"Why are you on my lap?" he asks quietly. I crane my neck and look back at his face.
"I like your lap. It's my favorite place." I whisper seductively. He scoops me up quickly and drops me on the bed. He's hovering over me, not touching my body.
"Stop that," he warns. "I can barely control myself and you know that. We need to get to the doctor, baby," he says softly. I sit up and kiss him softly on the lips.
"Okay." I stand up and drop his t-shirt on the floor. I bend down slowly and pick it up.
"Fuck," he mutters under his breath. I turn around and smile deviously. I grab my phone before we leave.
"Okay. Let's go." I say to him. We walk out into the hall and he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close.
"Later you're gonna pay for what you just did," he whispers in my ear. I shudder in anticipation. Yes! Exactly what I'd hoped for. We open the door to the staircase and start to walk down the stairs. "Okay, when we get to the doctor you can do whatever you want. If you want to call someone and ask them or ask the doctor, that's your choice. Just know that whatever you decide to do I....support you."
"Okay." As I look up at Matt I see Ben walking past us, his face still bruised and purple. Matt is glaring at him with his arm tightly wrapped around my waist.
"Hi, Ben!" I say with a smile.
"Hey, Novah!" he says with a reciprocated smile. Matt and I reach the 1st floor. I turn and look at Matt. He has a scowl on his face. We walk outside to Matt's car. I get in the passenger's side and he gets in the driver's. "What's wrong?" I ask him after we're both seated in the car.
"Nothing," he replies coldly. He turns the car on and backs out of the parking lot.
"You sure?"
"Yep." he replies. I roll my eyes. He is so damn immature sometimes. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I ask him,
"So, are you gonna sit in the waiting room?"
"Yeah," he says. "So you can have your privacy," he adds.
"Okay."
"I'll be right outside the door."
"Thank you." I smile at him and he smiles back. I'm really happy that he's starting to smile more. Before, he would barely smile or laugh. I'm proud that I'm making progress. Maybe, just maybe, making him happier.
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