十八歲時,思思憧憬未來,將來一定要組織最温暖的家。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA4HhnNA8yWk
1136Please respect copyright.PENANA71JbQ0Lw9H
她也有一個家,雖然,不是特別完滿。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAb9Pt2NVDvd
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAJmpM1kEHX9
父親好、母親好,只是二人合起來——不應合起來。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAuolb5RN0R4
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAMBtG2RvjNI
思思的父母不是因愛結合。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA9Stzkbx3vw
1136Please respect copyright.PENANADJKx9mnI3r
航班、傳統的相親、不能拒絕的安排、錢銀瓜葛、生活。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA2nEC0ODcT9
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAxEo15P5OWF
像「賣豬仔」一樣。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAZrVXzglT3E
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAWrd3H3Qzin
小時候,她只知父母從不同床,母親佯稱,父親的鼻鼾聲太大,吵着她睡覺。父母也沒有親密行為,連普通的拖手和擁抱,都沒有。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAzA4lkGYBCR
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAHJAZZUJ8NN
思思只覺奇怪,明明電視劇的恩愛夫妻並非如此;她去過同學的生日會,見過別人的父母,會替對方抹嘴,將紙巾撕開一半,遞給對方。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA6uiCkL1JZZ
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAeDbFPn5u6F
思思疑惑。1136Please respect copyright.PENANACHmGpNAxQq
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAOB4t9tfCBQ
後來,她再長大一點,問及父母的怪異,母親坦白:1136Please respect copyright.PENANAFos1Buzeff
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAANZ0h3E1ul
「以前賣豬仔結婚風氣好猖狂,我唔結婚嘅話,屋企就要賠錢。」1136Please respect copyright.PENANAAnPBRVwWmn
1136Please respect copyright.PENANArey5eHn2jW
「起初,唔係同你爸爸見㗎。嗰時唔知點解揀咗佢。」1136Please respect copyright.PENANAryJ85Ndz9K
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAbbIpEbCBxx
「一開始都ok;但後來,越嚟越唔鍾意佢。你知唔知,我啱啱陀你嗰時,佢俾咗三萬我,話如果我同佢生,就俾多兩萬我。痴線㗎,當我係咩?我本身都想要bb㗎啦。」1136Please respect copyright.PENANAgN6JYhQMMS
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAEQyL0D6Zmy
「唉。起初都有上吓床……佢想要,唔通唔俾咩,話哂都係夫妻。後尾,生咗你同阿妹之後,就冇啦。嘢都少講。」1136Please respect copyright.PENANAbXOW0pmTZn
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAVONV6SFx7V
言語措詞,毫不忌諱聽者是她的女兒,她覺得女兒早慧,絕對可以承受和理解一切因由。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAi5b3HAhf6k
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAsKZfbEgmBB
當時,思思十六歲,此前的她,覺得孩子一定是愛情結晶品,即使後來離婚分家,但至少,做愛一刻,有愛。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAb362djJSxH
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAXmcWBkKHkr
她受到衝擊。1136Please respect copyright.PENANABmmgPV9j4j
1136Please respect copyright.PENANA5DFabcCN7W
她常常思索,如果她沒有出生,父母就不需共同養育她,那麼他們又是否能夠各自安好,在自己的人生漫漫路上找到真正適合自己的伴侣?如果她從不存在,他們會否花費約二十年時間,守在不相愛的人身邊?1136Please respect copyright.PENANARzWnfEdGhB
1136Please respect copyright.PENANATedYWh7wWC
父母的結合並沒有愛,思思也因此並非愛的產物。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA8LaYKt2EB5
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAkWG59QEiDy
她只是長期合法「賣淫」之下的受精卵,她的出現,只是因為一次射精、一次陰莖從硬到軟的快感、一次陰道從乾涸到濕潤的興奮,僅僅如此。1136Please respect copyright.PENANApCp0PWQzoG
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAjdblkez6MN
原來,僅僅如此。1136Please respect copyright.PENANACtBnNmMXCm
1136Please respect copyright.PENANANfvhP1f0je
思思覺得,她的存在本身,或許為父母帶來痛苦而無快樂。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAV4TAeDUFa4
1136Please respect copyright.PENANADUhL5RB7gr
她苦笑,想起小時候曾經起哄,着父親二月十四日買花給母親。真傻。1136Please respect copyright.PENANACu2Ge6VcQM
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAPAK6veu8VZ
從那時起,她一直並不太喜歡自己,因為憎惡她的存在為最愛的人帶來痛苦,而她對此無能為力。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA1b7szt0utZ
1136Please respect copyright.PENANArLiHtojZVH
可能因為這樣,她總是和朋友保持距離,她不願意承受多一次世界觀崩塌的酸楚。她與人和善,只是少了幾分親暱;樂於做朋友的樹洞,只是不和人分享太多心事。她自信、外向,可以和不熟稔的人侃侃而談而不露怯;同時自卑、孤僻,侃侃而談時,常希望盡快結束對話。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA6A9i2P0msq
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAOqbD2Pd1ze
在友情、社交之中,她有強烈的迴避傾向,不擅長自我披露。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAKzG2Ek4rux
1136Please respect copyright.PENANA4HTHa9Da0U
只是,她也感受到父母是愛她的。偶然,他們的愛令思思覺得,其實她的存在是有價值的,父母仍然擁有一個可親的女兒。她決定,更努力地生活,以孝順回報父母,也叫自己要好好讀書,畢竟父母供書教學多年,不可令他們失望。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAgd6wptplOq
1136Please respect copyright.PENANArxiPxZHKGO
偏偏,父母管教並不嚴謹,覺得思思快樂就好,人生不要有太多壓力。只着她不要學壞。但什麼叫壞?吸毒、酗酒?逃課、打架?早戀、未婚生子?界限不明,她在這種不清不楚的灰色規條下長大,漸漸喜歡黑白分明的感覺。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAtdPpnhumy2
1136Please respect copyright.PENANASSKEEDdXTr
譬如,愛是愛,不愛是不愛,什麼叫既愛,又不愛?她不解。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAGNlGXevzu4
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAJARPPQ16oE
只是,黑白分明如圍棋,也總得有人下錯一子。黑白分明,從來是很難實現,或者說是很難輕鬆實現,黑白鍵組成的鋼琴,想彈得悠揚、活色生香,那要經過很多的練習和犧牲很多的睡眠時間。這是後話。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAte5N263nkw
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAW9nmP76Bvr
唯有,從小由她自己看顧功課,自己給自己期望,自己逼自己學習和運動,她想成為更好的自己。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAMaEmJVA0c1
1136Please respect copyright.PENANARJdfxQ8QM1
她想被管束。她想如同學一樣,有恩愛父母一邊鬥嘴,一邊檢查她的功課。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAbYIpGNV5n5
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAPVbXAgeXFJ
家,冷冷清清。團年飯都不一定在同一個時段、同一張枱食。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAQnrt6L2CoX
1136Please respect copyright.PENANACMhjQkIIGl
家,像透了一所暖色調的客棧。各有各休息,母親下班後,煮飯、孩子吃飯、將飯菜保暖,見父親回家,就會進房、關門;父親吃保暖的飯菜、洗碗、在客廳做事。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAifg8RmIc4Y
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAZZeOx8unDh
疏淡如水。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAiAanVQYj6k
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAljDq8FRRpV
思思是這所客棧的老闆,敷衍地聯絡父母的感情,偶然氣氛尷尬,譬如母親抱怨父親將襪子亂扔,父親則反駁,她的頭髮同樣塞滿浴室排水位,然後吵着不相干、不重要的閒話,最後沉默。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA9u88hIMSvC
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAuMHneUcClq
她一直都在享受着這一種不受管束的、悲傷的自由。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAwPS130Dlg8
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAuJfnCUaFOe
她不想要這種自由。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAZoQiCxc3c4
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAGcPBMgWKsv
她需要深深被愛,也需要依靠,如果戀愛,她會十分投入,願意將一切都給予對方。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAz2mMYTUkeG
1136Please respect copyright.PENANA95dA2JRJk5
她寧願被温馨地束縛,因愛結繩,很好。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA1zRHHZ7oWx
1136Please respect copyright.PENANA753boVBrDl
十八歲的思思,發誓自己不能輕易結婚。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAymHhlroN92
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAsTkAj6sSgN
寧願孤獨地老去,獨霸床前明月光,佇立腳踏地上霜,也不想與不愛的人身居同一間屋——以夫妻之名。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAJbHHJ8KuB0
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAwne6BoqVbY
她抵觸,和不喜歡的人塗抹同一枝沐浴露、擠着同一枝牙膏;厭惡與其的皮鞋並排擺放、日復日為其烹煮住家飯;害怕和他擠塞在同一張明明寬廣卻迫促的床上、在飯桌上無語地對着白飯發呆。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAAuNB1xNNfR
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAJD13ZEFoIc
「如果係咁,自己一個過,仲輕鬆自在啦!冇咁多嘢煩。」1136Please respect copyright.PENANACmcPE8xY19
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAfcXqAf89qE
中學時期的思思向朋友分享過婚戀觀,當時的社會尚未崇尚獨身主義,她被指怪異:「老咗你就知啦,孤伶伶一個。」1136Please respect copyright.PENANAP95dxZu7RW
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAplZJaHlgty
可是,她是真這樣想:1136Please respect copyright.PENANAHpY0TH5zlC
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAUVmNIQ5nqd
「為咗唔孤單而同人一齊,唔會更孤單咩。明明喺隔離,但係就好遠。再親密,都係疏離喎……」1136Please respect copyright.PENANA70aJo2Cimq
1136Please respect copyright.PENANA0BUTGK6COO
只是,從她和阿朗拍拖開始,她已經覺得,將來絕對不會進駐客棧,她認真鍾愛阿朗這個人、這顆心,必不會憎惡和他共用一個洗手盆。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9B8p5cDw8
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAjIFdAd3pYD
她願與他舉頭望明月,默默聽他或和他分享鄉愁和陳跡。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAPjoQURYyFJ
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAknNrqlRQYx
她也不要孩子成為客棧的老闆,上一代的事,不應該影響天真稚嫩的小孩。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA7WJLey7She
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAFbd7RJggqn
客棧,明明冷清,不必假裝温暖,名之曰「家」。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAuNFCCUr36M
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAC5AL87vKOg
家是家。1136Please respect copyright.PENANA3QwGJGLozY
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAGJ5NrCemdj
她要和最愛的人走進婚姻。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAswR4hHCMcs
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAB7vFqq2fHo
她願意自綑自綁。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAkVzF2rhNTs
1136Please respect copyright.PENANAmPLHZKatxs
只要相愛,只要有愛。1136Please respect copyright.PENANAI8FIwY3VYo