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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVJGyvrVqg
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRD0EUZzyl
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1xa7rHXvn
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCPE6c3TNz
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2WpBCxf1O
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpkMDP1jl5
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPYPw3QdXz
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2R5kJvDKri
為何記住？我解釋不了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLfMj78gwe
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5x7zd0Afq
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpA20e1p3k
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgrFMzpHoS
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HKImPH4ym
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT2m7U1Ldt
其中一個是他。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0moBWjZVf
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1z8wKjBJN
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFKAOqGV2w
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XjTUO08Pk
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9701Vsk5G
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh97SsbbSK
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKep5AHoXYP
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeOyJh7Fwx
「你遺下銀包。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQB3mrURwnc
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPJYOQGfxd
「謝謝。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpxpjgXQJ6
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHDpsbzlYi
「不用客氣……」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxjWD0hA35
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8WkOljIHT
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUISXDlmWQU
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jKnJwCR46
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFa1CTKTDU
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv4y1gvg93
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr06yCi4h8M
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE46s70PBpY
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMRpci4kHa
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUo2AVldOQ
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFT20d1JgX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsqPVh59e2
「我是文班許家偉。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpR49GVZA4
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQTZSWs6od
「我是理班李浩榮。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RD8rnldRr
其實我早已知道許家偉。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4SsQxAsXy
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOlvM7e7KL
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRoqOSSo5a
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvgn3nGGjH
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt06hx4n4dx
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFTHE6Zg67
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRr2Rmsvac
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbf2kOweIu
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQILPQu17MG
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlcMLJWdfd
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16BvxxCAxL
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOqd6DWBPT
不服氣。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEPfgRL6Nn
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZAb4jPIPQ
繼續觀察他。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyRRYsW2zI
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhYMcPEX8W
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9auAkNhjq
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsYkR64XSX
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nFn0ZchEm
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYwJuljbRE
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z8xuRZ45O
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9b4EK2RFb1
我急步追趕許家偉。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbVNF64aZm
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuiSCvO6Hr
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6UsteBumc
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡid6lrj6pDR
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdOdJvigzq
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqOP7IqEwi
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHV6vcig9d
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQku1T7fgg
「你遺下了銀包。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJV6fxtIbdv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AqnuVi9Qz
「謝謝。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmD3VGEtwZv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DQ3nRmCNG
「不用客氣……」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuB7s4XEflz
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrTVdf7sLd
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUujejUOKc0
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYfU7EB4TS
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWf8lbHigS
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAP6I18pcd
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxob21xewhH
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwA7jhimfRT
我望入他雙眼。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiRYReCFHc
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsnbCgH0xv
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcd8jFrnyep
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6yUOdexTI
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIHXNUe3kO
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLsbLMnhp8
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFc84GxJva
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOWcS2FZzw
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg36sTLBf1u
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyo1RmgRWFx
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjuyoQRncO
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAQ71WJHSv
「我是文班許家偉。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXOg4FI79N
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsF8XhXlFBl
「我是理班李浩榮。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qfpXybwSK
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnhgNAMwmn
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRkBUVCX1G
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXgLmqXxXV
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19oba2NklZ
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOVN7LKhdF
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzY0Omivz4
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHECLxhhQB
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKKQZkUBHJ
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEIquZX0cx
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3bndPfxyR
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrbQ5NkEjZ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJZuNKGXRE
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS5jXPT0fh
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO59bmgnkD
但我沒有阻止他。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3axrpJ3PN
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVaiobn9Qh
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ciWJ3IwGQ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4cY81FSmU
我慫恿他繼續說下去。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkoAKj4P10
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKqUd7uCVr
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡON0feijOv8
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhkDXkCls9
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctFsatoLas
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0wzkCteWF
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2t6abtHDd
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOpLsVt3VX
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXTKWjQkGk
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1p3Dikjc37
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD8EvFOLBw
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkaOAvE2s0
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3uvvm5iPG
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe19JUq1jR9
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKCHFV1G3S
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oNDO5ozvB
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRejAi7Nzz
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv595YG4GKq
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gJaETY3nH
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlCM7dZI1k
但我掛念他。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfhoAwC11C
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZJDF42gh3
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHnLiQwzUT
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI3cbdlstB
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAc0CoS4TT
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6oWPvpNoz
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cuUaqSROY
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwRjFsM1ii
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBSzb24nee
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbKq3M1S1J
不要說。不要聽。不要見。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rZtQm62oo
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GxFWW9SJb
希望時間會沖淡一切。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXl36q5AKH6
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TmDNhiiZZ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrF6tdLjBEw
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs53EKn5Zh0
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDH9wodqoj
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoR7p6EmMoM
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iXrO4EbtJ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBWKsOPgEk
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEwwDbcnBV
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcP5b0FSoG
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg313Z1ARV
「我也不明白。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbiTTUj80T
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfTpkNoLPJ
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJnIXkM6oM
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmbW2Cmcnx
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH4BJxfoLb
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZWVkT1uE8
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpT52UtrQbZ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBzc6ppNuT
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9broYnC9it
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrT3miPIaOX
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7kmiJ1HLf
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDqylMdPeg
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vn5VwwKVb
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTHo13yJpK
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcj2cp3HEVF
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAinVUg55Z
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiWzVXco5e
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KRhntTt0U
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho8RT1IAut
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94wTQG42I4
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡur1bYYVtpr
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncLNiFsEpY
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOY2jRma5B
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3lTD8D4np
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHIrg1Bi0Y
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOfGRrb22I
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmamvGG2zKh
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDfQYcP99L
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThmkQSktWq
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KRS9WsJFB
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRckb9dwcPd
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HZIuJ1aSj
為何要走到這一步？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPuJZiP037
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F3f2wAmu8
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqOBgO3CcM
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF76A5I6p7e
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfW2TyBAlQ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmOhOgFDrj
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡds1GYZV0h3
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBw69DZHIL
「別倔強。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio0dNKRnHK
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUsGApSQzn
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvNh15TdfX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qOw42PPgK
「我想你放棄。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zjVyEaPYg
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhIo8n8vMC
「原因？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisQ7ij9VmK
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkZSc8InGo
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFqJh0VT4c
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5jIagex8V
「我知道。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA0uLNvGT2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2XaXtU1Iz
「何解還要繼續下去？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHKAGZGDgv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAu6mAkpRu
「感情易放難收。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5BAz1im1q
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntPbY0N7Jc
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqsPKAolG6
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYSMI0xtbu
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8t6NbrIyW
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJMBUl7FcV
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjP9LDeNfw
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDj98vUrDLq
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuT3zSZadx
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2Ei1z3lwr
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKvbPz4gbv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScUoTuMEh7
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGI7UAMTe9O
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8bs9PRMs0
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqUxrXpF4F
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvK7JSzND9J
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6pE8zgNfR
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHdSZLQOiR
小醉。半醉。大醉。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuduLNI9RU
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4omnSE5Ivw
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYf1wRE7EtD
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdd38VK3LY
「直接講我愛他。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW81k4kFPmT
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2ZuEEZj3G
「如果他拒絕？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cyagKjXqq
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsj60ld5gr
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0ZVb6W4Ho
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktWeqw3QxQ
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99qreedRUW
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92rAdwJ71I
「我當然是高興！」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIYjvHeMYh
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxR0DCOli3H
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ789DUsyft
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzfLJCbKti
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWd1KrCGn39
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3PcUEJRIj
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnkx6OoRpE
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YRRlbrxgr
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnywjVmLhes
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYoG7wT95R
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZp1LXFPpW
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK0TOZrW7J
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n4PA413Ki
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0mPwKuVuv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHqivDmLDl
「你仍然單身？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4ist5Q0pT
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dIhztWOcI
「是的。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMUwIm9TNU
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXq36kLzxhE
「要我當媒嗎？」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdz7dDIGMoK
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu2JgksTRK
「不了。難為情。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM67Au0tayX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDKw59SxGp
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtpBo89Dm0
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MiT9p48fu
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsGEjYKLT2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDygxuj08l6
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fnvWgH6W7
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeFmKi0Jon
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveXcRktkxv
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag2fT5f35m
回家吧。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjf72nsJQrw
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnFa5rnwuR
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRzymC2Yd5
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYxR5bAQWr
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdj3lNPqJRC
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmUm1B1onv
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm9rblSxip
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcV5HzPTcz
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbztrOjaL0
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbzO2f3yxr
大概是一見鍾情吧。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgxHqNSJHQ
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlud9Sd7yhS
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29LtwShAjc
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjwQLuulHk
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5olkfJoQsg
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65yna8BbtC
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6GT5FoO6Y
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUBJiNv2q3
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqf7ivhoiO
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqIQOiaSvi
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfYigB0eYT
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7yBjvxW4a
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DiaLASfV8
百感交集……478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9emzp6o5B
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOOWANgKTG
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3NteRexbi
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbORZchYQmB
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDL4IzS0ISp
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fCR28l1E5
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgtWhI5RYX
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe58WLei7zs
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ssyi7gYC2
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTdCMnnta9
「認得。你是文班的。」478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tbr8noy9Q
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51Wyg2caRV
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6AIC49gwN
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVzRgHwtNe
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfUjJLNty1
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNX7VyUYk3C
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQrUzvFw07
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5VcKONBMe
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2o40dSI9h8
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLruPeakZbO
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqMG2xuHsf
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOc1WZUMsBg
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdGmOzUaIA
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33hYYAmgdY
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LMks76dp6
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5Fkz7X0XV
我哭笑不得。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJgFDrTPYN
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74t2Ca9oyS
無意跟他繼續對話。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgoAMGL6Gd
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaANA9P3tgA
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvgMs0oUDC
478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgP4vjfOcGm
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
