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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOScvx8Wc6h
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqlWJlLVUP
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mYA9gbCmY
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMnRcSSIhe
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGrFjBBqBp
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQI9dwru5bw
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBja6DjdXc
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuIMa4PHRF
為何記住？我解釋不了。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjao1naJ02l
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcON3pWFJFK
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRLScY4Tj7
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoJ8TsIfb9
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSfVHM3pr7
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqGQQuvD1J
其中一個是他。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9TuLaIdeX
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbprqfzKI2m
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEHTzyqt8m
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjFsHVCNmK
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob1qlMFe4S
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhpYtRNI35
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdG5KbQjsk
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh0to9ZiA1
「你遺下銀包。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rXhqA5b5Q
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rjrkb2v2H
「謝謝。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqIOcdMUc1
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKWmbhPciq
「不用客氣……」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPQCQrQIV3
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRHBL1bMLc
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIRRUzhmX6
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1616x0iN5
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvqVRfjnaL
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwThjLPh1w5
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcigmyKRMTI
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Iu1OSV2IZ
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdktOKa6KJ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8Ypseuo7m
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBb96R6RcvH
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHwQoav67S
「我是文班許家偉。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR782QHcvKi
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2o2kvQQeW8
「我是理班李浩榮。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5juMFHno2
其實我早已知道許家偉。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXu6UkAlFs
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRS0s8ZzR0i
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fik2vF32D
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6VoAKAuFX
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cL33vjyyX
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcc6RhBKbl
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaZ63zYivm
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKcvggF7iy
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkVfjYEJUK
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuPxHe4yWF
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6c5YwcLs8
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E9opsnMCE
不服氣。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXF3DvIEVQ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMP1zyD9TTO
繼續觀察他。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOYTK451XA
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDMNgdI3aH
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDdHaXeriJ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuGgRMLFzm
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcW3iieFcUR
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGr04xY10P
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQNDxxrBqs
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hSROiCrcF
我急步追趕許家偉。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOsNl1OPDY
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfiPp8lMgK
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JzqraFj6l
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQL3yG3mB9a
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHBt108U6c
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRU3pvyPJY
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvOAWqn7QM
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3S10m0adtK
「你遺下了銀包。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2gdBwTvlJ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHKK4yrOZ0
「謝謝。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUwDPboSRo
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2m5ogdK1cH
「不用客氣……」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwm2KUEI7eN
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2lVWO3zP1
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtajMWf6lfM
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8fsY9OV8t
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2h85Co0vvc
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYtgPqxd9E
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97KoFC37r5
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceHE8icw71
我望入他雙眼。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSdO9mIvHU
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcIoDGHLpe
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEwU1M08Ub
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBNvk8jA2e
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaoX5rrifO
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2JAMOM2Sm
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5bj6Yr6tF
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrHxqU00Ke
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQfzzCgsjd
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzlkgYEHWT
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehQXA8QKiM
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4e4EL2J9k
「我是文班許家偉。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7GJsFh4mu
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWKahL7Ly1
「我是理班李浩榮。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAHr8SjpXA
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlBTraHVUM
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPDK34Q24d
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZw4uP21idL
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLDuPjS0Pv
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5mUDtruB3
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbVd35oke0
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknesA4Lnwf
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId55ODjRUJ
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV9SMR7Xey
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITLoeJ5NQ2
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnf2BFuqGd
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzLCib9Kzx
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvw9pQX1jWY
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ2BDJJw7C
但我沒有阻止他。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYYhL5Xqw5
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhUSuqcA0w
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PzsvhPHNW
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwonbeMIzKh
我慫恿他繼續說下去。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCC0WV7OIH
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZTQ9Uw2HJ
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbckWrMoma
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡde8aNQa6yS
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRKxqWTKx9
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUR59IPX5sI
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEV7XVAZIHP
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSByLwaRzWQ
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaASXc669n
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAm4A0onwl
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLETcyXrJsi
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVUxPj0efs
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqyf9F7R5z
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2KTYZoC9P
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJeDJcAqI9
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDn6pwI8G72
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAyGLys28Q
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfYVoDdZ65
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OsQP5yH5A
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UsLh1JyXv
但我掛念他。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IU8lvhvWY
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85PkfDoAJB
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxzwXWkgMy
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbBZmnzLdc
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wRZeQuVNU
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ki7DTkBxP
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BcZNWiups
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gfAlHJN1q
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxgke7QYjE
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL16TFZgpQy
不要說。不要聽。不要見。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sacdGZisd
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiflug8577
希望時間會沖淡一切。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RTKBSYa9W
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia43qi7Msi
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoWQ1JACcH
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgn7P5nLm6o
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oYXxyR2ta
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhCrTNfCcn
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGUe0qf1zQ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0mkD9On8o
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfuw6mKVo3
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5yB5jNSRl
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDkiYETsgG
「我也不明白。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxgstifwqS
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmewHqHrI6A
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzFseXWAQ6
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg7bCBEt3Q
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAh73HFGoK
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDvWmPzaqQ
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhGyIzGmX3
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtn2qQm84X
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzrsYZtjon
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCb72vBSlYT
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWP7dD2a4Lb
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGkcf6vhkB
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWUOv94WQq
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhs12hEytiw
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm229y4MyhO
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTpApBLgTr
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOann26sMzc
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhISuCztmi
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKsdSsAFPl
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBtZIqT0KV
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjaEGpqizQ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcINTL7ETlo
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLpWsY5dfz
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhb5aAiisKE
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WWIwFsaC8
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUs66d2K2b
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvKXXLWM7u
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzijn1gLAxP
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2lWYPwswO
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhCvdlIlYD
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2o8smsN9H
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HUOTzfelb
為何要走到這一步？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiw6rhTfwRo
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmkQ0ptAoK
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeo22AgZ8e
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP42WLVpbev
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ViK1KNhLG
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsGvhlBdSb
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuWGTjqVa1
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQEgVMYTmM
「別倔強。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mAbueIowX
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLoAK8YAU4
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWARP9RULKZ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIobwbEA7X
「我想你放棄。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadYailkeEY
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoJbsowg1D
「原因？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8T5InZahd6
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfm7jv3JQa
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOR5JpMo9B
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtySIpinAE
「我知道。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiAqrPPj5P
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrNWUzw7ZW
「何解還要繼續下去？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8WH96v8OU
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoB02zv0sx
「感情易放難收。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVr87Bcqdon
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTndaQvUSc
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92iwvTzUSw
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhT1VL4TVmI
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYREJG0CBK7
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAdkOTA356
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwnbG34rdi
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBPJt2ecnA
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6I2a8DDbu
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6DuWB4a3A
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHizp2qsv3p
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEGW4S63qw
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHgVXIdNA3
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXAzNnOkYt
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQrmDeOeqZ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskKHkLX46D
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz8uosA7Jb
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPITegmZW1F
小醉。半醉。大醉。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69ZO5VuM5E
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHAHPuO8ni
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVlPf1GogC
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZDATWiQCC
「直接講我愛他。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKUQxzbS1f
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvsFK82iBY
「如果他拒絕？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagiS5NGbBT
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisww8N0wCb
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseKeekTRuV
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKCO26fIiV
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWi2zbkRh4
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiW2TSnEJWM
「我當然是高興！」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdejki2lQ9
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOZiS9FBvL
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xKKqhDeAW
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcjC6cDJwd
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCR59TkN1Qk
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44t4aJOkDC
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvgSTwgbVd
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmV003mRG3
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6JdWTSjLz
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTp2A9hKYY
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArjB6lfSMP
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqd71p7AFo
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Vx5Z3lorm
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyDJKD8AFB
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGVcm2XfjG
「你仍然單身？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgewWp8y5X
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvKJK6Lvvw
「是的。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07gbgNvkX3
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFAm4Wzuj1
「要我當媒嗎？」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42qpRqjJAe
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1VHA6qedT
「不了。難為情。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTsndZp3i6
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcRK3ZNdHd
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFugP97fg0
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHbqxSkQr2
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALamrqTfrU
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwJLY9DWQ1
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4Sc4S1yz7
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVJ5XbB9E1
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4zK0cZbpd
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTeEBiZdGX
回家吧。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONzbAduxGv
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhVpYabS3F
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh08tJ3u3vR
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZvZ77ertk
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnW3GbWDji0
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyfRCrrzzR
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgFvhuIKRn
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LVXuD6fEX
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2f55owSoKI
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwmqMQpF5W
大概是一見鍾情吧。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob0bTmo7ri
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwlCK9lkxk
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJiuga14Ce
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O4QfEoPOn
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmy95JjRokT
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBzdXMHyIo
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbai387K73q
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZa3H06y2n
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJbdGZcHuh
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTFGLdGSkq
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8Le0st9jV
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96hiMJxNWC
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOvCiA7wS9
百感交集……514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSNYAwx0bm
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLslA0yPEW
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyz3LPJJLL
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzAgDpSyJ3
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7itJGjWEZG
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKizeNaAUZQ
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ro9ovIobf
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHzU5Dsfqj
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q5hFgvMgq
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddhC50YcP7
「認得。你是文班的。」514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKZrWWieOB
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CJzBjFBcu
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5S1GbzQgU
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsRHfsFnfg
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZANTAEhVV
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YQZxQEsKv
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl39Zj9IuId
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iGH0xLQGl
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uBBshVH9n
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNnKNvQSrp
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqaRsClTYM
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm237cL4gFy
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ624QX2dj2l
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEL6xh1FR82
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29gbXLuUDi
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxC9CYLg0E
我哭笑不得。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLCAKtzGvN
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbB8cwDVxuZ
無意跟他繼續對話。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCNiwKdiWW
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrsfzeI3jq
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9gEj9JKOZ
514Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWEZDxQIRj
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
