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我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUaiqECs7e
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcJZTeHeqG
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFG2zVSWkx
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuSL6lMlrB
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKi3bNVzphq
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKP6WZpIrP8
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjUAajiUT8
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpy6z2goR1
壓力似乎一併消散。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81uZtF2mcV
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXOTEh3jcV
茶盡。我再續杯。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpnqg1pzKe
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85hFKEyPGK
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUymQm5bH2t
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MJSCCCS5A
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaCSLwnvhZ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPNkpev9SX
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdy9GN2zHjx
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQi5Vkq7QF
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVllLGMs815
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt7BVuy2yF
夢醒一場空。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESXZryZSDr
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejCD8YnCKu
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHXvJkcuMy
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc45cvMOtaU
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ504PC3ODh4
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxONVQge1eV
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUUrt68nmx
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjUy2ZwHdS
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwnf7KkiZ4
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuoOvxL2cg
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHAa2M1Buw
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DReJ52Oc0
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRi4fM5rqFk
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJZ8B4MN0Q
我沾沾自喜。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhym9fx9Nw
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOo7DeP1nXQ
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcOGLF3xLe
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC853rbFvKU
但我沒有向同學們坦白。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarxcmcAzxV
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8z0mOQ4Du
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29EU6icXnf
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46CjACnP9f
努力，努力，努力。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXrqayz7Bk
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaXTtM6auX
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSasu9MibDG
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2zXIt3wyx
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gNYGul6An
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5Sx5fV3ND
以為。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iqdse1qQw
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKddd2S5zE
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQ8agGTHg5
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWraSrelX5
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK9kvpNXs9
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLWYnxKtfb
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxCcexLddO
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5f59pEkXpl
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UlIM6zYpQ
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsxHq1Q5fq
我的作品感動了我。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp82CCiGkto
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5SrVkFX3X
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46FzMYMznG
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttdOXWkTHi
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMTrco6gPq
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JX00cz5Md
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF03utuY3Bh
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShmJ4ey70v
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQm09X1zslT
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovUFhtlTP3
熱茶又涼了。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rvEea9mJA
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo82TRyK9A
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqET2AkybR
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgBb3evpL3
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2M24t29AP
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlRCRAM7PZ
我的作品只感動了我。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufwtvM5pGs
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8FkKBhBlg
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJyNY2Hez2
