x
我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOB2IXNL4FA
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJ1HxxSUlM
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD43uHHBSP
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYncxUiYzk
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJw00jL6Qdf
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9xc6u0BIl
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewTZ9lyqN7
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7W0ndDS5J
壓力似乎一併消散。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxrwjkbXAL
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvRbwozUTi
茶盡。我再續杯。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0PP29VpU4
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPCnskHJhi
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBmBJZV3U9
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhL0m0pdoT
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0BvV0293P
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Bhj7LWCyZ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzgjrc2ue8
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFWad25PM6
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51TWGZXlqk
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxaL0ifpPJ
夢醒一場空。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxuIBGxFws
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHuXZ0Lst9
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYDffeIOja
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4uM6cBbIm
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbD1JxfIMy
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTkjWNBaOx
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcZYHW6Ub4
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOni8HNDEl
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XaaePnyLu
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyXtOsPxVB
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUID1pqKCvV
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjVRDLOucN
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpasbZZRyeM
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6LG17hqWG
我沾沾自喜。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ev2ZjfRnU
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQrzktNoDa
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4OdMDA2OV
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K8lQBcFCb
但我沒有向同學們坦白。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdXSAGCCBN
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6qXLm4Nk5
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexJpe7oqeP
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmEgM7BHvZ
努力，努力，努力。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0ZCsMlFna
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWctgrmGjl
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHQy97IMUF
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqJ8bZTEMB
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe0yZGTw16
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NVEzB2UmS
以為。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCsvPRICtR
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurlpIplYMW
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iO6DDAMfb
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aKhSi23T8
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cv8lbLH8X
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcvCkPzfXU
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4UMK1zfWh
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwQJqr1Wpy
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VIVHP10Xy
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEmQu2X3la
我的作品感動了我。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkdYO2lYu4
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXmb9aUuxj
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZnEOOG5td
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnaiAMxkkj
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDd5Zf91bw
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDmi7o7jiX
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94ZAMbvLKh
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHm4f2XKKb
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg94lUlAZou
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGD6TzBpvX
熱茶又涼了。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5NCYzDz5N
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4IwOpNguH
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCffQ2h7lx4
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55kQ6VTZxM
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gopT9VDMx
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUnd0LXkVg
我的作品只感動了我。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjgpaRnNTN
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRt3hNhq2i
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAsiSh35ym
