x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQOLlqCPjg
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3AnX9NCIy
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkCdcHAvng
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpukC8YWI1
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVVD8v4kNC
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaj9DrwYNeg
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NypRaP0Cb
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0Mg3J2BCE
為何記住？我解釋不了。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWnFeWl3AL
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKy0oYapEyz
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfg6Sk5DOls
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7A7SPK9vf
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4mP7Ajf4k
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyOiObWral
其中一個是他。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ5bTb59Av
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruQigDufjM
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6EcNVU2Z4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLT2OnF0Egp
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIISiWspjB
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe6Zqgl4xu
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AHzh8PdES
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKsoRdL2g4
「你遺下銀包。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNwbUBxwfm
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3kHgxIo4q
「謝謝。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmkyEk9Hae
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNV17lGxlk
「不用客氣……」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXh7QedOKzs
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHiN5Qchtw
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RtpZclZb3
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQU73hpFoYP
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0uMBZS2xX
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6TW9ZndvF
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqL53dKThj2
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNrVelcO2V
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkU6CjECE2u
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFE8QKqE4g
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LODvfg8lc
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMa6pTHzi7x
「我是文班許家偉。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9OH8zSHg4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqgcHK58cL
「我是理班李浩榮。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHapRrjDMBC
其實我早已知道許家偉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPpsMV8lqp
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVVgqJHNag
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjdwH3S6Cp
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiRj31qHSv
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUhawvZwwh
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ss7NWN6JM
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNswfg6bCKv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43ZCKEsWI4
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMz8QByogI
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcgisnA5aB
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6Z8e00wdx
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eqYX4X7sl
不服氣。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifCFjxBgsI
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGHuypMdEz
繼續觀察他。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZceDHbQvwB
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YNte34H1J
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ143gvyuK5H
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeli4PNW9Uh
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtwTNibNb7
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBMBhc7bi1
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yLkolGL9e
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7KbnI853d
我急步追趕許家偉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr14wsizeXk
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPSGrW6Pjq
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EG6Gs09oj
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01GEGDfReM
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKyxLHdWyz
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK97EvXfcbZ
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59sLdCgyBN
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDcKLkU8xK
「你遺下了銀包。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbthddAK7e
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFOYgQH97i
「謝謝。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYQGmI7gfN
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotDGcQSIjy
「不用客氣……」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoySiyTC084
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlIm7qzcRb
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tm89I8Vfp
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnKU6oDnHE
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDS5o6yDXdu
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZwIaikp5C
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWfBxQr9Vu
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtiBxbTwGx
我望入他雙眼。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuITZBbDQ1d
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUqygkhCln
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLY1Hbxs2q7
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGREttgJVk
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHODkWBe75
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCet4pM6mI
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjKHrMsRHv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRZ3dCjsd7
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecM0bXjEQA
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZMQZQIrFR
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqCipVTLtL
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8vACGccqn
「我是文班許家偉。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsFraH62ED
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxzlQ89mC9
「我是理班李浩榮。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4enJjkK9h
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSnog93qdG
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZErFXBuFV
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYFMUbPLDg
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9DrlCAUK0
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfIrfxWLhm
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n34Yp47zU
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjVwWONumX
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWz2lIRHRBP
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo41h6Senec
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixd7kKruvL
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHflWJEXLzA
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkXS3rYsD5
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQheUppFzG
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDOcd8T7Y2
但我沒有阻止他。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYnFReWYNi
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOft8el88v
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMvN7fFcNK
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqe5NJwksX
我慫恿他繼續說下去。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoJ0Ag53xc
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QoSoJeSLg
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NTDVElSun
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ842dwN4W20
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVANoQ7I5GT
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfC4hBVTRRr
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JivXC6PAt
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhup4xq5jG
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqmp2dH3dB
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ctpmWaL8X
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTiuQ4UU0W
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bbpgZTw6K
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAJrBErUEC
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJ6ltxbCpv
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACIExhSiyf
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkGz1UALge
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO502S5MkyO
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzIq05RXVL
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDaFURurck
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB9kvfmY6G
但我掛念他。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2Kql4umvv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgChTGXW80k
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk1CMPOhAT
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnbPGCndk7
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGiJVgf6hV
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpivgvKuQ6Z
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOQn4tU3cm
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZMX6UZfxC
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT63F2tto4r
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdvCbNfYhC
不要說。不要聽。不要見。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpac9S2J05
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEqdWgDJvW
希望時間會沖淡一切。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInHTn2suZG
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtg8KJHCLCT
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVi6wvkAri
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkQeu7RDRa
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZgBsTeVsR
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNF5S7fLdO
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKAszsR7xY
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuY0q63DOek
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2ezBG5yts
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdeUR10SvE
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv3SusMnJL
「我也不明白。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb2rQGbAO3
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5oOSnRzF9
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvme1mGMtMC
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEzATVZR6v
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡav6VSHbayv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXgnEeuOfH
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD5wX8NGxy
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoG2Sqb2ET
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFLHrgP4EB
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gCXI1hXgI
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0tfez3dmE
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKzZAlsxC0
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrT8is7fpwF
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHyaACzBYw
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqnyreVS9h
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhIma8Doe6
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauUna9k1y1
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJ3uv02DEI
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6GcO2dNqB
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwYOraglPb
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg0rH293rd
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOAbW1oOG6
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVZbv1shB4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvmtGeG1iy
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1Q2fdVoUM
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitQpPiZ7yG
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡff78suPvSx
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N6EoSzWjR
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0j0rmeECN
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoDs0D5qnd
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXbN0vrlTe
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLqiqBbTXB
為何要走到這一步？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQllGUScz1S
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYeoYff60T
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqAJSoeDI5
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciWVDnV4lb
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1RqzJmBHz
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxf4VDe0vfU
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmjcoXAAWj
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCoMkp4vt2
「別倔強。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsDY8WwaVC
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCyvayLxMf
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡad3G9fqtjE
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡderwDSELIX
「我想你放棄。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4RHpbeN9l
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50ItNY7Grq
「原因？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy15dH8CAAv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00fTS33AOM
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbsnibcmx4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlue0giVmqz
「我知道。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1QmdkCyoD
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YVJMxxJpb
「何解還要繼續下去？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb2ujhq5e5
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmi6NcSXZt
「感情易放難收。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyN3j0WlR1
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObKNvPehnp
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnX7ysmNB0H
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBDr4jdhUR
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQM3QbS398U
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2YfOkqNhI
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPytj79e6I1
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N3QV4iW4G
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ0sfteFhD
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYhSxO3vKx
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmuIZcWelC
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnLvmYpGBV
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4LD3kBONj
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosjPZZ6zF2
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEnrGSGpdR
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXQ7wCxSUO
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG39UmZpzVU
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRsy8ow2t9
小醉。半醉。大醉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnB6feS4ppl
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrDqy82HE7
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcvnKLIwL6
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfCyTL2i42
「直接講我愛他。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4w7Dka0jZ
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKT33GM55j
「如果他拒絕？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyDjK4FVLv
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVNrdRCGAy
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoqxiBIXd2
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktGExxwxbc
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmz9kuDjmMW
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4jX5l6t2p
「我當然是高興！」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kEFKPlCsn
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeUTiSCMX2
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEzjPqMVOA
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5By7fbCno
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQRbooEQy4
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2G91XiIET9
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltSvqc402W
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBr2xPTP9K4
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhz6GdCHMGQ
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR6nivYlfX
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXD2YHnJx6Z
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSGjR1TfZC
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3g9TQMOaaK
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvaZrmIAdk
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn60bBUlp0O
「你仍然單身？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DNiC3Fcxo
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRseXeZAIB
「是的。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOUd3VTJ8E
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIgKv42N1L
「要我當媒嗎？」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyt18nLzRMf
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMsHUTOJ6Z
「不了。難為情。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aHfrFClua
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGNisPxxC1
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqVL719lRw
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgS9LV24WK
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNhd41e6XH
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hj6BwUdGz
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplkhup7386
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrEEAkpU5m
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvK6FHQXjqV
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcQQLkIVjq
回家吧。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjSCCqF19t
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMY16kTElI
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOibQU5UXg
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdx5OgOyQ9u
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5zsL1fTls
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmbCKu3jw5
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5X2dznlCD1
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTzFUurmZF
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90DgNw6PnV
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ythsuVNus
大概是一見鍾情吧。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOKcnNhaBI
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZfS2foQxw
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BZccwhrHy
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZpxRaAOCx
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROY0QGn4Rd
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0ihbMjvxE
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW99DseEDf3
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppaEtmplWA
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZkgKgvjdp
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3ijEg7IbN
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzmASqNXxI
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfCbG2e9YS
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4WaLnl0Pm
百感交集……517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7caTZZmRZ9
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vgfrylGlU
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGntEtyDwCr
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0d2JkIu8u
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJd2m0LEcc
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwlTm1JeJZ
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9uue0iNHj
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiHGWWOiBt
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE33Zn8VknQ
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIFAAuXMiX
「認得。你是文班的。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfDo2Ry7Kb
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuIz3BxyJt
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JIyyD24ky
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuECvECF1G
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BZCGfwrn8
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnuhzKVOlY
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXsh2sCyNt
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNXLQvuOG0
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡproprLGV50
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqd9ybh5pn
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdC0NfN1fRQ
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9GRVg51gN
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAcR1R0wh1
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFd9EKykeh
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zj7LsH8gn
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipolUOzGu4
我哭笑不得。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW70W2tbGI
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAquNN5FIh
無意跟他繼續對話。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn50CUmwGb
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRN7bUZHzko
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5N1hTVs6pZ
517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcN8HS7boG
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
