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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwhhEfEItF
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxQcC9SJUT
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14qiKkbDp5
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWpv7vItSm
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEYcC0EAd8
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIVtN8wI3W
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7KRxQLcbc
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwitKIeDon
為何記住？我解釋不了。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK5lylt4UU
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHY4cSzxFP
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbOsVoVcFC
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZKxlHnPyW
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20BjwqqanA
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9dlx45Wss
其中一個是他。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvdntHotau
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtY2RoMkuL1
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3Zw9FEPeC
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSPr7SG2o4
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQ3wcfKF8S
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlySvHLYrP
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7pj5BIS6t
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCWFWnMlP3
「你遺下銀包。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡog4Uo5aZVl
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrwzXA7UnO
「謝謝。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2PymR3okt
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxQy2nv3S3
「不用客氣……」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpMJYNm0vy
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcncQHRG4Y2
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPcqCZPTV4
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHa3nFe0ZEy
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡje5Ixr5ci0
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJblBKRgRw
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVXYOM2Taf
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaDbpi0DHb
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERmF2QDfLu
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOSMg4ZskO
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrGmn2yOfM
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TlTihh8Bj
「我是文班許家偉。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiMLI27zJe
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbqY5mUM1M
「我是理班李浩榮。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPBxAvl8Xb
其實我早已知道許家偉。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjtgphSka7
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUkjJn0lD0
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXXHtPTUlj
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rBeNmKf2W
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqxrAW0Reo
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcx0yGHZ4k
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tNX6iH0mo
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1CVx1B9eJ
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgql3XBxzI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4B5T5yw84
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlYUpmaX6H
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67dFYur7fA
不服氣。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RwX03CzFG
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qdsiITZuF
繼續觀察他。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUckughX2ng
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtX0ZqClzqD
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdTa3DvJQK
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgLXGhMpeZ
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYmHgq7Cgg
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdvURFx7st
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS3q13kJwy
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7zyu6c98B
我急步追趕許家偉。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWPXMC0N33
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPup11u62CU
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUG8EE18qM
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQufYx2GlWS
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjL9jLVePIR
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RfQv2pzLx
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9Is1XjzVW
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dXyZZrhIi
「你遺下了銀包。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLWMfa4MK8
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt4t5t9TQk
「謝謝。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7Qwal5MC9
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycGhG3iLgD
「不用客氣……」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvvSM7SOtu
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uHEOcAYwQ
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccybPdJuw5
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHk8PQ3ilI
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNumreMft49
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhuhBh0nUy
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rrpz4MDwb
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsVb9eZFMT
我望入他雙眼。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHtcs1E8pR
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQRRLTWyMH
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9z6nFdHrE
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8hOBeRiz1
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEYeqVz6Gc
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lgmdm7JmD
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHq62WnzOE
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoP5WmnuF6
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDAnBzrBot
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIBb0flK6i
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDgwxYjd7H
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhFYJAUAqI
「我是文班許家偉。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9GwKniBSq
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbyq9enYzm
「我是理班李浩榮。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYZYkKlpIs
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOOq6iPq7F
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB638bomJfX
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIGmhhm17k
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMwj310cOK
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkTBZtdT7X
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Es6ai6ZOb
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzE6qX6Nj7
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjVjG4NjAw
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZaPMFoQ42
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZaQZPeHwF
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSy735Qtcn
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUpeCmEkhj
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBWPYOPEZJ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfeKajk3dt
但我沒有阻止他。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MM7blYc0J
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXviYEt9yBI
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsFqKQQH7J
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSuxgsks1o
我慫恿他繼續說下去。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzApJFT0SI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNw3Bk5aic
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvZGVHRlRH
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiVjEoR79I
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsHVioWSRj
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiiaZDEqKh
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdDl2TMCOk
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHckQJd1qH
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRXUbJNcfY
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKntnphNHr
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lVeA7CuCP
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFk9AiG4a5q
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Pn3uzV5MZ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aRVg7uoE5
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5HlUgghm9
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssRGTaRfPU
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvUXVFqeEP
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1avVgeT5rZ
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySVeHT2nCT
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jyXMr8tls
但我掛念他。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPHBCou01Z
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhubGN3a1IW
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxAiHMg1Z6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyYJo94NlU
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMLMdRBypA
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyNDFmWg3F
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRirp72Pfli
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEW41fjAPf
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCLrneM3mm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMeWJmgELM
不要說。不要聽。不要見。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTPEaJ1B28
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcBs2mymRs
希望時間會沖淡一切。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8AUY8MXGi
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyV3c2SCv2j
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3bMN40DxC
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqFn8ZicuE
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgNpJHRYqr
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiACcspnvOB
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zZLM3al1W
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArzEh5VWBN
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27RGvCPrOL
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhPHaHtktO
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1bNQZRjB4
「我也不明白。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rP0y18cVL
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdZBORSAtO
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX1XPc4gc8
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YwBVgUun9
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdKdCM6vHp
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8DzX81WET
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsd74EYWLZo
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5k7kzWjMu
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQM7CldvLb
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcQybRX5XA
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODaCkcTfTe
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQV7nAYf1X
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCd4ibutyhm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHdAuAith3
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1VU6Nj8M6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUrghdsZvf
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo48tkydR0
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrenX0HR8z
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetBGWHzdEJ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdGDcVK0qq
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMXguxsoOg
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9t95jbNAM
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLIQumyA7A
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsD2oUAIXo
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3gj8bVfTZ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiEmdlsmjT
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4RwuQe5jh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFHbCcmPfJ
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO61Gx2o8R
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrM9TVVlsG
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLuEaIuuf9
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJQSUZBJ6e
為何要走到這一步？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFHcWkMgL6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3krl72kweC
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioGFDNTTUQ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaOmWMy4kj
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dxN5Wxi3N
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi1ZrpGVmf
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7CFsLQqPy
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWvxo0sWHf
「別倔強。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdFJFN8yir
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmhw2YLz9B
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz0EsqZnVm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOm7e7txlY
「我想你放棄。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHzsaIwn1Y
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3hyx8prz1
「原因？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OWcZgqJDP
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vraO9OvFo
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHNxnIg2sh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYPcuT6N3u
「我知道。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYyJ3ZMNeI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjKmCknxMt
「何解還要繼續下去？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYV6eJAETM
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vLnPLNPfa
「感情易放難收。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94LSZpeKqh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBuHQLxtgY
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCRumViHrK
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5M1CtNW4LH
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9wq7EUw1J
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjktOxIiM4
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhs1f4Eycq
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GGUvLGwlB
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsK8jDgivO
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiq3HlhSI9
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMT9HnmHxDg
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizm1gLkZrL
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HIFchhzSL
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkeDlTDuXS
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCullg0MPo
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLK768nwQ1c
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQwXeofoPb
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhSmzVAtg6
小醉。半醉。大醉。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1scU9JafBJ
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkczRIopXd3
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzagyfDLyc
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkztB5qlCfY
「直接講我愛他。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTYTu6HM9a
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFzrYtUVXV
「如果他拒絕？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKrhUsSplR
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7QnFcOKB9
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLXStyIndh
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcJ3xMAZap
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnAIGamlov
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzIqx8coq4
「我當然是高興！」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHkC5N038S
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnSUyFAwDB
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOUrojzv8r
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KuIGiy3bY
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQGtRPRkoC
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwbI7hmOqF
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYDFmrm3C7
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRaAYBztO3
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2AyeuT9iv
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jWwSGsyXI
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK2mkj93YG
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeToyIRuW0
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQylFQY6TuK
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EbOJNEO0u
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIG1rYjT3f
「你仍然單身？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf7e3B4OxK
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcKVHGYr2P
「是的。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJOocglFEU
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeC5nJybac
「要我當媒嗎？」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN8G7gk5N6
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODrKxj7cTU
「不了。難為情。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDXbGnwYvP
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4w9hCGmOqE
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyMOWwtEH0
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtciQW5CQow
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCQSjlwShE
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4KxgfrzeV
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡya33206RWm
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBwbNUhMOV
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2I7GgQgL5C
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaDXkHDPfe
回家吧。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45EjaHHe6g
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxOsnqxMhD
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEHlF9aKZs
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4qpAobhDl
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrMRVm5gxG
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyxrN3h2MK
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim0biM4ZI5
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SKyDqzuEv
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAnzYvKmQH
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hZB7Lwxit
大概是一見鍾情吧。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAcVYj5GKj
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYKHLngtnH
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiifK35qKV
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKT9U3B56qE
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rwSn2CsDH
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Mvw1KeNAi
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHDGYrTHcp
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡec5FGDT8Rs
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfJ3XZ30bS
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWVD80Uv4S
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34gowTMpbV
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHUlY13OmW
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UqJgNTGBn
百感交集……590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHsTCPXxiX
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4czlp9n3CG
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPzpf1dehD
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdntx6D6U2d
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxr5OvntGu
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwHAH78VLJ
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfszB46uJ1l
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguogsTSF3T
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tgFevu9DN
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1As1Y6eNkQ
「認得。你是文班的。」590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOT1vQVFhpF
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1IpKiSxk3
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkNq3pbRuy
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6cdmaJLxu
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7GBL0iJFd
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z8Q4L6g8Y
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcms1eafV9
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDAdHYnTgn
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCv5dFEZzN
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdRhvMxMRY
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5sY9jHeN2
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS0z8dK8WR
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlen5hdbriE
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3Qg73wbJH
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjCTZ78izN
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegXzhdgEte
我哭笑不得。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c7GP5ghbg
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrM8ha5cEs
無意跟他繼續對話。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc7LlsrEPW
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGq6UYA02JQ
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWd8avhUqIq
590Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sf4Z0U65o
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
