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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5blnNdA0i
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBtd4J0Seq
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OVyuGf5HI
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCqhubghkH
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNeuaNVnvD
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg80EUZpbmh
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKB7Ei44x1
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aaVdIw1ly
為何記住？我解釋不了。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0XEdpJI1X
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrUu4I0oKU
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeDzvFRLC1
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtRnM5pyFp
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cnxESV3Kw
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMXHGh3CeK
其中一個是他。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWn8LjT76L
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4w7g7hoiL
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXMAu5CENc
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04SV7PCvIc
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtP64erhnCt
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VpJw46lpP
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfMmzKLj3O
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvz0JQavmLf
「你遺下銀包。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKwA8eJZXo
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuailFf9i8u
「謝謝。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcndfZaZQRl
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnoBGdlaXM
「不用客氣……」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEluFbVzQl
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlPVgvvGQl
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3d7uf0awOb
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Tq28hA2Eb
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg308NdS0Y
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWalsf8Qw8a
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8K7HZmT76Q
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD6Nxucnnl
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGSibLv1IR
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKC2lmm3eyp
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv9Rm9fo61
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sgh6OyfRW
「我是文班許家偉。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkN6LZnjIj
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtCDOfMOVh
「我是理班李浩榮。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhFoZXNY0s
其實我早已知道許家偉。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS5tQRxdKa
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhIQrgYLOq
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM10FNOVrWc
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FkXT1yGGx
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CO11Wc4Cm
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WFey9NQAo
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKsiTMD19r
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk29u68j1Q4
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z1vjx7bbz
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICTEVcgUns
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S4ZEP4vbO
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJFRMKxm8Q
不服氣。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZLkWkDPfw
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fHkEdYj8y
繼續觀察他。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtHrnF7ijC
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYILgaV7wRF
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMDMAXgsYL
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAcyeAJICt
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjIuNDLY2D
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0FGFdJDWz
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUZSoKoQsd
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORJ0muY96J
我急步追趕許家偉。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0eyeQuMPq
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0M2qoYpRpJ
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVyZQeftAi
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdTo7QnIjT
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXU7wzUYZ8
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYCPobfowc
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69Au6pwWhH
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKC2ISuna2T
「你遺下了銀包。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ua63OfDnP
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWlu26OEPn
「謝謝。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlerQR1w81
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeRIbITBYx
「不用客氣……」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeTna6Lyhb
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLfGrEJKm2
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0fPCpILqL
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgc5xrWu3Fw
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNi5tQ6MjXu
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WjiQuM1yk
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8BY9LzKGM
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrA3aNHrXvH
我望入他雙眼。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm60VFrkMf
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbgj5K6mms
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXfeXv4PBx
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgLSK0K19b
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JDDPtku6d
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiozwk3wOBd
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9C8jzufrU7
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbj9W7A71o
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs2ZLrFjP5
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPApp6wrqvB
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUUr7DgZYU
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVdD3vpVB3
「我是文班許家偉。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkYQMgZ6EL
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS5t6JPdvM
「我是理班李浩榮。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9W8poTQCOL
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQ62K1MZfV
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbs0egZS6q0
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNrBPQ9XPy
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB5dI4bawp
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ833XkfI4EN
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOritYPps2b
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWDebsoqjq
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm05ZdiTEUK
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ64vyfeVtd
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35BZeAnAsU
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9cJJolpjx
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplyRa4otq3
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMt4ImYkSO
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzqCmcIUl6
但我沒有阻止他。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtLMyhGiEc
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDw6vCXlqe
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6ZryX76JL
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6qOeUYfqu
我慫恿他繼續說下去。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGED3mka0H
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQsYs7Ps0e
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaIWWcrsg1
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk1yzdNQXB
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyJGKQK923
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bMkuUBfNu
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSyY8QxJLJ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGLzBV1W3l
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkaxxvXrfB
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInLvxyDCZt
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpAISYFE34
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxLmCN3YSs
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbceR6LuoDq
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZCKMz3od1
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ117uoLoejp
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChcxgpTyls
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l4CbDxINd
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiWgBSVlD4
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbj8JajSYTa
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmGUgMtPjX
但我掛念他。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1IJgB3Zpv
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMpjmWXiUk
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEzCDAh7q0
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0JOUNmeuC
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC9hnKGlEj
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxeNxSGMHj
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPQGWvJKiJ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ3H6m2oYy
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgfri5sGD5
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMEzEguDF0
不要說。不要聽。不要見。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnLRyAAzYW
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNTEpDVNho
希望時間會沖淡一切。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVjVYE4j9R
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X19PAwXml
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLMDWtUPox
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBecLkLtErV
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdHgsx9je2
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZe8YR3FHq
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdXG4W6otS
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPl5WKxhKH
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1o60f655Zd
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZVlfnXgHQ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc1CWkdFp7
「我也不明白。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTW5VipELD
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXbrvSJgc4
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlCRymuaSC
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6qnTYQhwO
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAvVzeEgV6
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMMcW9dH63
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdo1Ln1JDu4
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61WUM39hMe
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgoqF5EU4d
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCAGJkIHtB
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURTh9TyEa6
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrfWcmnUAA
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqwd0YVnnF
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoiulDRRlY
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEGnec6YLQ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoFwBlr7LE
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGpSCAi4aH
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCNqtLlR7n
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOA68IHpebc
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyNy4X5LlT
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqGCddhlIp
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJNcx8bGAp
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeFMF73RNa
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ8ES1NQot
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUBTkB08E4
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCCT6dFjXd
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzSeLsnTum
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHd2QXtLns
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRDXvQrK8K
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUSRKd4P9q
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIx19fIz0F
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJHJWsYwi3
為何要走到這一步？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoxDxsNRRr
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubLVrYh9qy
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XnPPSaAbH
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2syTWOb5u
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAXSgEfnVy
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtj2cJiTplc
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvzVPFic5c
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5bgqN7YZm
「別倔強。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVDyGwFM9V
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7i1iNxgTSt
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqY7CygtpF
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf95Ywf0Xww
「我想你放棄。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJePHTUJZGH
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCy1jQpeb2q
「原因？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0lFYygE7h
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ545bcm1ICP
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRLazBZvws
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBWaZmLORk
「我知道。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIh2w7CW7Av
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoRpO4C5oL
「何解還要繼續下去？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhqbL5cZUE
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVrVnfLEAx
「感情易放難收。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMsikocQUT
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7eWBKbVTh
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMaeE9c1iu
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuihqReUdB
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuvraRUlsc
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstodqxKzt8
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkklPZTQUwz
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrImI2q8cR
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSII91gBLq
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJXSy22Tfv
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXZv5djSSv
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTafwRXeOg
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukV68cru2n
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CgSb1R33L
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssrcYQtplx
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7KK55cofc
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa26E01bUdQ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ujRpL4ZbE
小醉。半醉。大醉。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAoiZe8tiX
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fcbF5VzqB
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcf4CQnsMv
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOONlyYEdkz
「直接講我愛他。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHnj09PKRE
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJb6dBlBXuO
「如果他拒絕？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AVOWzAdRR
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdohRu1k6XQ
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnsPfIrCBS
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZ7uPqIhgP
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1Me99h9My
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCQ655p9PA
「我當然是高興！」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20b0jv0jfa
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QJMr25sxp
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVAHgZJxuD
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9BKOV1BoY
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tHrYWg8qL
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4X9X44OUu
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnwkkbnWoS
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3motl1bCCw
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQOetCbksy
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq5dnGuuAw
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzJquCAw3O
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsWmWUbSGX
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWntQ45Uf6
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDqgqUFGc3
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUaNo3AnRZ
「你仍然單身？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZuonTPiVF
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzASZLAkL6
「是的。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVi4In7MBCZ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FX1Ty4upB
「要我當媒嗎？」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOACvup9pW
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqxY0gSS4L
「不了。難為情。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2b9O3e6gR
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxnyGXeWal
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUnBzxmult
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlk3xkLMCCK
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszXiAivVc0
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvkAeH7xFO
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3n7XrXCFg1
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuM3PQrpFJy
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6HSdHYlY3
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlVpluDILF
回家吧。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS139INF5GR
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8kDhuBdb0
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bsTSCTeFN
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHOKhMBI34
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouwG6Nkg8z
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWF1EsinOdM
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwLAjCxqRN
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGekMIo6hE
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhrTyxGems
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOsqpRli3z
大概是一見鍾情吧。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CQLGz889q
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9UUaRbG31
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlLRj9RL8T
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwK7otfW8d
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xJRFifmGz
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0awLiXo2k
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQvPssNA6o
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmWnk9YKOD
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6hfCyqCPE
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGCJqj5WUG
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO0LtTw1oc
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQdRIr2Ifk
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVYdLImGP6
百感交集……483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywLbt92FyQ
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoo1g0fzNjL
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡki6qO2NAOt
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aTmzirrpS
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSIEObrE0C
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo599nqTRe6
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9x8qs93Ie
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90Qr2ZofIG
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJflFDXIJ9s
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIVzW1DjQx
「認得。你是文班的。」483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKnrOP6XD4
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqd4Rj6SQcL
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeI966noyCu
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvi35qZ8JUW
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3joWfjXhJz
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA602UxJjgj
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDf9d5PO3CF
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDBndWyLtS
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLo3AxE1FnH
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplFFesOqqA
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjJpQ612XA
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9l7uLNDwtJ
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDj5ReXqAv2
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67tiQ2v92h
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81kKGAeZhL
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttNsqD1BGV
我哭笑不得。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnqFVCanxd
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTijHfDK05S
無意跟他繼續對話。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcV2505kmaR
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa96vK8c1XF
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9xRkK07Wp
483Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnHqDdgzUi
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
