
這是一扇門。門上沒有刻畫任何圖案,甚至連最簡單的一豎一橫也沒有。它,只是一扇平實的門。門後的客飯廳也是平實非常,不講究甚麼室內設計,只是桌、椅、櫃等等基本傢俱。再深入一點兒,是睡房。曾經,那兒有一個嬰孩,天天躺在床上,接受眾人的祝福。睡房旁的主人房,有一對深愛著對方的夫妻…983Please respect copyright.PENANAw64garcDJ6
983Please respect copyright.PENANA5000hyvVR2
這扇門,守護著這個家已有二十多個年頭。門後的傢俱,形還在,但神髓不再。看著滿屋落寞的傢俱和滿桌冰冷的飯餸,夏瑜忍不住掉下淚來。這些眼淚,不是給別人看的,而是給她自己看的,好讓自己在情在理上都成為「受害者」。983Please respect copyright.PENANAfChCo8sqe5
983Please respect copyright.PENANAdnCjiU9zhl
以「受害者」身份流的眼淚,洗滌了夏瑜心裡的污垢。她不再是一個不稱職的妻子,因為她是「受害者」;她不再是一個橫蠻無理的母親,因為她是「受害者」…一切罪過都被原諒,因為她是一個流淚中的「受害者」…983Please respect copyright.PENANAGGUYmK7T8b
983Please respect copyright.PENANAjiyh4EWAP5
望著空洞的家,夏瑜在心裡問了句:「我做錯了甚麼?」猛然,女兒思瑤和丈夫振邦的臉在她腦海中閃過。他們的臉,是憤怒的、猙獰的、憂傷的…一切負面情緒,顯而易見:「你真的做錯了!」
二十多年了,一直安份守己。日出而作,日入未息,一切心力都花在這個家上。日子雖難不苦,因著是自己心甘情願的;很平淡,做菜煮飯、洗衫拖地…這就是她唯一會做的事,不多也不少。983Please respect copyright.PENANAe2vA7H6FPR
983Please respect copyright.PENANA7u6MP7cg9h
熟練地煮了滿枱飯餸,只等思瑤回來。983Please respect copyright.PENANAmiR2p3TDQ6
983Please respect copyright.PENANAlNjFhkqFTy
「媽,」席間,思瑤冷冷的道:「我要搬走。」983Please respect copyright.PENANAHetpTSPqQd
983Please respect copyright.PENANAqjhpS2VoKr
夏瑜呆了,真想不到思瑤還有勇氣提出這個建議。這不是她首次這麼講;她已提出過兩三次,但都被拒絕:「你照顧不了自己的。」983Please respect copyright.PENANANCIZ4Xk1sg
983Please respect copyright.PENANANRl7A0wX0V
「這真是你心裡頭那句?」思瑤的話,挑動了夏瑜的神經。983Please respect copyright.PENANAHMusB7JVlb
983Please respect copyright.PENANAmZTUkjOqZ5
老實講——不是。但夏瑜總是口不對心:「你是甚麼意思?」983Please respect copyright.PENANAyQmc46RVaO
983Please respect copyright.PENANArLden0fQjV
「不是怕我走了,你會少了份家用嗎?」思瑤沒正面回答。983Please respect copyright.PENANAXduU8TDL4F
983Please respect copyright.PENANAX86l9cHiNR
夏瑜怒不可遏,卻笑了。這正是夏瑜恐怖的地方——她能迅速從一切極端的情緒中冷靜過來。一笑,卻不泯恩仇。983Please respect copyright.PENANAheIcNCd25x
983Please respect copyright.PENANAX2CnfZcS0b
這時,夏瑜微笑著問:「為何?」語調間是尖刺般的骨子。983Please respect copyright.PENANAkUh24smkLJ
983Please respect copyright.PENANAWeZtab5Slw
「因為你。」思瑤直認不諱。983Please respect copyright.PENANA9I2vG7cTWj
983Please respect copyright.PENANAHETeh9sbGD
「嗯。」夏瑜點點頭:「繼續。」983Please respect copyright.PENANAc4MLYctoJW
983Please respect copyright.PENANAmUk9VgNlXW
「你的問題正是覺得自己無任可問題。」思瑤簡潔的答,因為對眼前人,她已瞭解至極——根本不容別人多解釋。983Please respect copyright.PENANARSomP1Por4
983Please respect copyright.PENANAcdbAcWZfen
「就是這樣?」夏瑜嘆了口氣:「你這麼孩子氣的決定,要我怎能答允支持?不——許——」983Please respect copyright.PENANAqihLeV0tly
983Please respect copyright.PENANAzzKW5UCA2y
「我孩子氣?難道要像你一樣,才不是孩子氣?」思瑤的聲調高了八度。983Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZWgaj5pjT
983Please respect copyright.PENANAASf9QUDRfG
「用這種態度對待長輩的人,不是孩子氣,是甚麼?」夏瑜保持微笑,心知勝券在握。983Please respect copyright.PENANAREKPIwKrJi
983Please respect copyright.PENANAB1oP1WTuOA
「我可不是你!老狐狸!」思瑤歇斯底里地大叫。淚水湧滿眼眶,湧滿心頭。983Please respect copyright.PENANAd3tf88nHKs
983Please respect copyright.PENANAbCS3ZRsI7z
夏瑜勝利了;敗北的思瑤則瘋了似的衝入房內,用力甩門。983Please respect copyright.PENANAzq638pTQzL
983Please respect copyright.PENANAMQM4hGRd3t
瞬間,勝利的笑容化為回憶裡的片段。983Please respect copyright.PENANAf9xZPyvXCV
983Please respect copyright.PENANATtothzHdxS
「我可不是你!老狐狸!」曾幾何時,夏瑜也講過同樣的話,對象正是她的母親。那時的她,比現在的思瑤更年輕,只有十七、八歲。母親是個很傳統的人,一切按照傳統規矩行事。983Please respect copyright.PENANAuo5Gpv3D4M
983Please respect copyright.PENANAQYiXwZZxWJ
「規矩!規矩!難道我比不上規矩重要?」當時的夏瑜很不忿。983Please respect copyright.PENANA2VThX5jWSI
983Please respect copyright.PENANAA4pMJfYful
「日後,你也會像我一樣,知道它的重要性。」母親只是語重心長地說,結束了這段影響夏瑜甚深的對話。983Please respect copyright.PENANAUJ6z2r98W2
983Please respect copyright.PENANAxcvDY8q6cS
現在,她真的像母親一樣,是隻不折不扣的老狐狸。無他,這是命運,每個人必走的路。還記得,她起初時並不相信;但現在卻深信不疑。唯一的不同,是她比母親更狠更絕,因為她親眼看見母親的淒慘下場——丈夫跑了,女兒(夏瑜自己)也離開她。983Please respect copyright.PENANAtZWxpn3ObP
983Please respect copyright.PENANA7zJCYRsLQR
夏瑜很怕,這真是命運嗎?若然,她必須努力改變,打破宿命。她要比母親強硬,綁著丈夫和女兒。尤其是女兒,她日後也會走上同樣的道路;唯一保護她的方法,就是親身示範如何做一個好女人,甚至要比母親做得更好。983Please respect copyright.PENANAEuZxSwXIHD
983Please respect copyright.PENANAuMqFb9o4cr
「囡囡又發脾氣嗎?」振邦回來了。983Please respect copyright.PENANAvTUFAXLlEu
983Please respect copyright.PENANAoParcCrcRS
「她現在入睡了。」夏瑜溫柔地微笑著。983Please respect copyright.PENANAKi6m6QgWMK
983Please respect copyright.PENANAmVY0tEGlvX
振邦解了領帶,喝著夏瑜煲的湯水,嘆了一口氣:「囡囡太任性了。」983Please respect copyright.PENANADxm99lqMwM
983Please respect copyright.PENANAbeUexjBCCX
「不要緊。」夏瑜搖搖頭:「她日後會明白我的苦心。」983Please respect copyright.PENANAF8wimG0cyB
983Please respect copyright.PENANApcj0JowLbz
「對了!」振邦猛然放下湯碗:「今天發薪水了。」他拿出支票。983Please respect copyright.PENANArsctdUDD1m
983Please respect copyright.PENANAj1jJ67V6Pq
「這些錢用作…」夏瑜喜上眉梢。983Please respect copyright.PENANAk7k47kd3rA
983Please respect copyright.PENANAKxbyhz6XK3
「是的…」振邦打了個眼色,示意她降低音量,以免讓思瑤聽到。983Please respect copyright.PENANA2TewWIRJ8g
983Please respect copyright.PENANAxIeLFZmQgA
「嗯。」夏瑜的眼神甚為堅定:「我明天去。」983Please respect copyright.PENANAORYQZLlcGw
983Please respect copyright.PENANArme32VlpCv
入夜,夏瑜在振邦懷裡,久久不能入睡,一心思量如何應付明天的事。
「今次可以嗎?」振邦見夏瑜回來,高興得很。983Please respect copyright.PENANADVXxxJgT1t
983Please respect copyright.PENANAkqOeKoQ2vM
「可以。」夏瑜看在眼內,卻不是味兒。怎麼振邦會懦弱如此,比自己更不如!昔日,他可是充滿男子氣慨的校園萬人迷;現在,他竟…連見債主的勇氣也沒有,要妻子去!一串串眼淚不自覺的淌下,振邦大驚,輕輕擁她入懷,不停唸:「沒事的…」983Please respect copyright.PENANAXwPmT0jVUK
983Please respect copyright.PENANAd21CV7tkPq
沒事?真的嗎?983Please respect copyright.PENANA6GB04Tcgao
983Please respect copyright.PENANASGY8UDsZLg
有時候,夏瑜真的覺得自己太愛振邦,甚至達到不合理的程度;要不然,她怎會隻身走到那龍蛇混雜的鬼地方,替他還錢予高利貸。說真的,她很害怕,尤其是那放高利貸的男人。他雙眼總愛盯著她的胸脯,感覺很嘔心。983Please respect copyright.PENANAjuA5vxi2Fv
983Please respect copyright.PENANAWR3riKbLrZ
電視劇裡的男主角,總是站在女主角面前,為她擋箭;但為何振邦卻是躲在自己身後,要自己擋子彈呢?越想越不明白…983Please respect copyright.PENANAqgAryt11hu
983Please respect copyright.PENANAJk4qaK5IdQ
沒事?真的嗎?983Please respect copyright.PENANAahFnqkjFgw
983Please respect copyright.PENANA1DepjHn4NX
往後的日子,夏瑜待振邦的態度並沒改變,只是心裡的情感卻複雜多了——不是不愛他,只是沒那麼愛。983Please respect copyright.PENANA7jVYLVn8Q8
983Please respect copyright.PENANASVK01D2eof
就在沒那麼愛他的同時,她也懷疑,他已不如從前的愛她。983Please respect copyright.PENANAe67nxHmubq
983Please respect copyright.PENANA5HmRwIpkoO
她照照鏡,心中只覺戚然。上一次認真照鏡,已是二十多年前,自己出嫁前一日的事。那時的她,二十多歲,青春逼人。臉部肌膚白裡透紅,沒黑眼圈,沒色斑,簡直是個大美人。披上嫁衣,更見明艷照人。983Please respect copyright.PENANA7njDrYBnGj
983Please respect copyright.PENANAAI1HnxSqbf
可是現在,「黃面婆」、「師奶」、「阿嬸」等稱呼聲,此起彼落,不絕於耳。但不能怪別人無口德,因這是事實…難怪所有男人都喜歡年輕貌美的小女生!983Please respect copyright.PENANAsdyhNUVw0B
983Please respect copyright.PENANAhM7jaoXLf2
她沒有哭,因振邦出軌一事並有任何實質證據;但這想法卻不知不覺間植根於她腦海裡,久久不散。983Please respect copyright.PENANAESMj01RPIn
983Please respect copyright.PENANApfxix5tsMP
「絕不能胡思亂想!」夏瑜對自己說:「二十多年來的日夕相對,感情一定不會是假的!他一定還愛我!」這是自我安慰嗎?自我催眠嗎?983Please respect copyright.PENANAhmncwEqwCI
983Please respect copyright.PENANAKK2l9qZIpk
振邦沒有錯,但自己有錯嗎?為何要獨自承受這種不該存在的壞念頭?真的很辛苦,但卻證明了自己仍是在乎他的,愛他的,所以更不能直接問他或旁敲側擊,以免破壞家的和諧。983Please respect copyright.PENANAMSnCeoTHCl
983Please respect copyright.PENANAFqQe0pQAcA
夏瑜提著沉甸甸的食材,好不容易才回到家。從菜市場到家的路上,她幾近走一步停兩秒,把時間枉花在「胡思亂想」上。結果十五分鐘的腳程,變了近四十五分鐘的。983Please respect copyright.PENANA09Ner4xU2Q
983Please respect copyright.PENANAxKDp7aBch3
她很累,只及把大門和鐵閘輕掩,便軟癱在地,毫不猶豫大哭起來。但一切的辛酸並沒隨淚水流走,哭聲只把她的心神推向更極端——振邦不愛她了。
「思瑤已離家出走七天,難道你不擔心嗎?」振邦的聲音幾近尖叫。983Please respect copyright.PENANAz4VlySekGu
983Please respect copyright.PENANAikXEuWzxhA
「嗯。」夏瑜無力的發了一粒音。983Please respect copyright.PENANAuy4Me0Codj
983Please respect copyright.PENANAZ04GiewyWO
說真的,夏瑜憂心的程度絕不遜於振邦;但這刻的她只感到無力。既然思瑤立心出走,自然不會輕易被找到——夏瑜實在無能為力。983Please respect copyright.PENANAEzbssFu3zN
983Please respect copyright.PENANAedVWTyxIWg
「怎麼辦?」振邦仍在來回踱步,重覆的腳步聲教人心煩。983Please respect copyright.PENANAijDjZdSI63
983Please respect copyright.PENANAggQgeCt4J5
「隨她吧!」夏瑜絕望了:「就當這個人沒存在過吧!」983Please respect copyright.PENANAXU4vp0x5Sy
983Please respect copyright.PENANAAVDKH1vb9x
要不然,怎麼辦!983Please respect copyright.PENANA6qGprUNpX3
983Please respect copyright.PENANA011jW7LB7J
回憶當初,其實一切皆有跡可尋;問題是,夏瑜一直不認為思瑤會那麼做——思瑤只是個無能的小朋友!但事實是,思瑤不單實踐了,更成功地摧毀了夏瑜的第一道防線。983Please respect copyright.PENANAR6og62V3cH
983Please respect copyright.PENANAtRITRuCPxm
夏瑜從沙發霍然立起,懶理仍在踱步的振邦,逕自到思瑤的房間去。983Please respect copyright.PENANAwO5ER6YRTY
983Please respect copyright.PENANAiKp2qni62D
二十多年前,仍在襁褓的思瑤,多可愛!對媽媽笑吧!笑…但日漸長大的她,不但失去了那可愛的笑容,還會哭、說謊、鬧情緒…好好的一個孩子,怎會變成這樣?是因為自己嗎?思瑤已不只一次說恨自己,為何自己還沒改變的意識?983Please respect copyright.PENANAfA8PYITpfL
983Please respect copyright.PENANAZslJhQvzU9
「你的問題正是覺得自己無任何問題。」983Please respect copyright.PENANA3jd4LxP55a
983Please respect copyright.PENANAGEnmPR7LnU
不!不是這樣的!983Please respect copyright.PENANAwUQcWqYAQF
983Please respect copyright.PENANA845qtAZrNV
「藉口!」983Please respect copyright.PENANAk1YdFdSkxU
983Please respect copyright.PENANAH9d1KfI73U
思瑤的聲音清晰可聞,但人卻不在身邊…983Please respect copyright.PENANAWDZtJHjjX7
983Please respect copyright.PENANANr6BVv1jcv
悲極的哭聲,原來是那樣的乾涸,只是喉頭發出「呀…呀…」心不覺痛,因為已被痛苦同化了,混為一體;眼淚沒法再流,隨之而來的是血水。赤紅色的世界,本該是喜氣洋洋的,但夏瑜卻看不見自己…983Please respect copyright.PENANAYG4HJ2iUFp
983Please respect copyright.PENANAwHO7CaLuxV
昏——倒——983Please respect copyright.PENANAy3MVC55QJC
983Please respect copyright.PENANArBqpPMuiJ2
醒來的時候,雙眼已被矇起來,但仍可清楚聽到振邦的聲音:「眼疾?會盲?」983Please respect copyright.PENANAxIqB3nhYxV
983Please respect copyright.PENANAYf1OBGPv0Q
夏瑜聽畢,全身發抖。可是,不消一秒,她又冷靜過來:「眼不見為淨。」心自在多了。983Please respect copyright.PENANADEXR3bEZOP
983Please respect copyright.PENANA4owvwjtTJT
既然思瑤不願見到她,她也不欲見到思瑤;既然振邦對她生厭,她也不要見到他!983Please respect copyright.PENANAfvHbeXNQuS
983Please respect copyright.PENANAzNK22CNAsU
出院後,仍需矇著雙眼的夏瑜由振邦攙扶回家。這個曾經熟悉的家,竟於一日之間變得異常陌生。但夏瑜並不感到害怕,因為一切都在掌握之內。983Please respect copyright.PENANApFDRu1T9mC
983Please respect copyright.PENANAq5C8DCk7lM
「振邦,你走吧!我不要你留在我身邊!」983Please respect copyright.PENANAKah6QLJ5cn
983Please respect copyright.PENANAUP63d3TtiR
「怎麼了?」振邦吃了一驚:「你不用怕負累我呢!」983Please respect copyright.PENANAaCsYhYteie
983Please respect copyright.PENANAXhYPdF0L3p
「你走吧!」夏瑜面不改容:「我不愛你了。」983Please respect copyright.PENANAUzolkFQNZD
983Please respect copyright.PENANArXH97URFb5
「不要這麼講…」振邦後後擁著夏瑜:「不要…」983Please respect copyright.PENANAe7JfKr2jaU
983Please respect copyright.PENANAztCVGu7zGf
「我不要一個只懂躲在我身後的男人。」夏瑜嘴角泛起笑意,因為她感受到振邦顫抖的身軀:「難道在我瞎了以後,你仍繼續要我代你還債?」983Please respect copyright.PENANArLyX9s2F6H
983Please respect copyright.PENANA5IlLRQ1D4O
振邦沒答話。983Please respect copyright.PENANASVL9HeLjW2
983Please respect copyright.PENANAEEwIzvvPo2
夏瑜的表情更得意:「說中了吧!你根本不愛我;你只是利用我,要我控制思瑤的財政,然後再加上我的錢去還你的債…」983Please respect copyright.PENANA8kpvXftqmz
983Please respect copyright.PENANAztgy980w3t
未幾,振邦鬆開手,頭也不回,離家了。
在振邦離開後的一星期,夏瑜的眼疾被治癒了。但夏瑜並不感到高興——她根本無法面對現在的家。983Please respect copyright.PENANAFrNKn6vlwQ
983Please respect copyright.PENANARgcDnRuywA
望著空洞的家,她在心裡問了句:「我做錯了甚麼?」983Please respect copyright.PENANAv7u6UjD6Px
983Please respect copyright.PENANAN0IDuDj174
也許,夏瑜這輩子都找不到答案。