x
接到出版社新指令當刻，我意識到寫作生涯正要面臨終極考驗。在我面前僅餘兩個選擇：屈從或離開。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7Bp0OsQry
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20XMH3XBc8
我笑，笑自己，笑自己毫不猶豫作出選擇——屈從。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDDmZw69N7
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgIgMn7J45
「好的。我會試從這方向去構思。」526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hetucDTdE
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHj1r1Wg2M
「不是試，而是必須依循這方向實踐！」526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NSRc87Frs
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1amPHV6FFL
「好的。」526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jzYVSkMlD
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYkocf00Ui
多聊幾句不著邊際的，編輯突然說要忙其他工作，我也識趣乖乖走出辦公室。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhtYYdrBx1
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq17vJbBMV
在咖啡廳一隅找個僻靜位置，點一客蛋糕，要一杯咖啡，細閱悉才會面時寫下的筆記。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPo0H9IRLyp
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcHuF1a3Ft
嗯……該怎樣形容此刻感受？被否定？被看貶？被強逼？被侮辱？以上皆是。但我沒料到上述所有感覺綜合起來得出的結果並非「憤怒」，而是「無力」。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7pDkeiNfg
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1ccfO6mga
潮流，風潮的流動。流的，動的，變幻的。追上潮流就會成為大眾模楷，追不上潮流就會被淘汰。我明白這是自然不過的淘汰過程，所以無法生起憤怒。若說真要怪罪任何人，也只得怪責自己——我還未開明得敞開心胸拋下固有思維去順應潮流——可笑我沒有絲毫怪罪之意。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuTtCah4DZ
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiaXk6hXvd
對於今日困局，我早有心理準備。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwbeUrzoVc
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvwT5QN0KF
不過在發生當刻，無可避免覺痛。大半輩子的努力付出和個人信念被一下子全盤否定！一直以來支撐我孤身走來的精神支柱被一下子推垮！我還可以相信甚麼？我還可以依靠甚麼？526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZF9AimmuS
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwkooSnwR3
內心波濤洶湧，表面淡然幽雅。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J3YILIg3Q
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfTdPgpusU
既然過去和將來沒有必然因果關係，那就好好享受當刻這口蛋糕、這口咖啡。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HGN2jAEeC
家，書房。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeD3dvnzbq
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7gv8FWVdc
開始鑽研編輯提供的清單上所有作品，看看時下作品有何熱門題材和成功因素。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0Z7hktKEy
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9bMDOZUe7
修仙、穿越、同人、BL、絕境求生、困獸鬥、對抗強權、自殺、權鬥、道德批判……題材五花八門，卻也萬變不離其中。基本元素仍是沿用多年以來最受歡迎的愛情、成長、友情、英雄主義、個人主義、諷刺現實，變的只是包裝手法（題材）或呈現方式（劇情必須極端、人物情緒起伏必須激烈）。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ml935FRRL
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3IFdODGbu
這下子，我似乎明白了「甚麼」，心深處卻又抗拒這些「甚麼」。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9SDjhV5Vf
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rXQN6iyFe
我放下資料，離開書枱，走到窗邊，倚窗抽菸。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTho8nsd1O
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7MMwUWj4G
嗯。獨居果然是個正確決定。爸媽受不了菸味，與他們同居只會悶死我。他們常唬嚇我說抽菸習慣會嚇走好男人。我對此一笑置之，沒有反駁——兩老將近七十歲，我沒可能單憑三言兩語改變他們活用幾十年的觀念。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxMsqe4EwW
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdHyI9Jos1
情況有如編輯的幾句說話沒可能扭轉我沿用多年的人生觀、世界觀、寫作觀。若說我不思進取、固執、老土落伍，我會承認，然後反問對方認為我該根據幾多人幾多意見去改變我的思維、活出我的人生才算得上積極進取、從善如流、新潮前衛。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjahvWG9PB2
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEeH1ZMF66
相信對方會熱諷一句：「難怪你的作品賣不了！」526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z67p52i0o
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwRi3fY2Q5
情況正如兩老常於親友飯聚場合當眾冷嘲：「難怪你嫁不了！」526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloA9M0ei65
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCDrDRTeQt
唉！感覺真糟糕，卻沒奈何。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2NYYL2WsH
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloETuCBxNl
只得再來一根菸。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDAYYyHtXt
動筆。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2KJPRT2cl
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHrG8uD2yQ
主角沒頭沒腦掉入不知哪來的時空裂縫，進入神仙世界，與位列末席的異性神仙共同修煉，推翻殘暴不仁的天界首領。然後與己方戰友鬧翻，開始明爭暗鬥，爭權奪利，結果禍及人間，令長站道德高地的主角黯然退下，在人間結識天真無邪的凡女，情愫漸生。誰料昔日天界紅顏湊巧下凡，得知凡女與主角關係，醋意頓生，視凡女為情敵，施以毒手。主角同性摯友為免主角煩心，暗中保護凡女，卻不自已對主角生起愛意，向主角表白……寫得順暢，寫得精彩。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofuR8NbUIa
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NjnjhWjwr
完成作品後，我馬上發送電郵予編輯，內容簡潔直白：「我寫不了。請另找高明。」526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxOdn17mRh
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDljYQFm1VB
刪稿，關電腦，將手提電話調至靜音。世界與我無關。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcJ420lB4m
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcueBC4cs0
我卷縮被窩，無法入眠。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbQwQ4CCak
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFy2truSyRg
我在這世界存活幾十年，如今首次意識到自己與世界之間的矛盾何其激烈，而我自己對此又是何等無能無力無奈。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbdRzGdOTu
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsu7WsySydI
那種震撼令我忘記各種宣洩方法：哭、睡、逃避、傾訴、吃喝玩樂……526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rKJqlG4eV
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wzpgBMeMA
整個腦袋幾近空白一片。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeWcVdQcW5
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7odzrAL6u
各種情緒猶如乾沙，沒能被搓捏成任何形狀。若強行抓起沙子，沙子自然而然從指隙流走，掉落地面，散開、飛逸、無影蹤。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4GsY7ImEZ
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6VGmCt8RK
沒法子。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9DG8LfZmo
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnfzHat9bK
只得待時間為我整理混亂情緒。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqjnIRQzvA
526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5ifsO3TNP
正如只得待潮流將不思進取、固執、老土落伍的我淘汰。526Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfeaYOAshB
