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接到出版社新指令當刻，我意識到寫作生涯正要面臨終極考驗。在我面前僅餘兩個選擇：屈從或離開。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgiHwYfyKN
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eBI1s0gJy
我笑，笑自己，笑自己毫不猶豫作出選擇——屈從。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvwNs8DP8U
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ67z5xLYRl
「好的。我會試從這方向去構思。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvSLcB5Wsr
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KdKJ0ZDDI
「不是試，而是必須依循這方向實踐！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyrV62OBlJ
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxZbsHuX1Q
「好的。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09W2k5xqk8
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIWMOWCpja
多聊幾句不著邊際的，編輯突然說要忙其他工作，我也識趣乖乖走出辦公室。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZlV4JqDlX
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk15fTFxgqo
在咖啡廳一隅找個僻靜位置，點一客蛋糕，要一杯咖啡，細閱悉才會面時寫下的筆記。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjelWkBA6fM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47kRGCKk5H
嗯……該怎樣形容此刻感受？被否定？被看貶？被強逼？被侮辱？以上皆是。但我沒料到上述所有感覺綜合起來得出的結果並非「憤怒」，而是「無力」。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7l4X3wUBCH
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqQwqIG508
潮流，風潮的流動。流的，動的，變幻的。追上潮流就會成為大眾模楷，追不上潮流就會被淘汰。我明白這是自然不過的淘汰過程，所以無法生起憤怒。若說真要怪罪任何人，也只得怪責自己——我還未開明得敞開心胸拋下固有思維去順應潮流——可笑我沒有絲毫怪罪之意。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQtvZvMqrc
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeMHgBMA6g
對於今日困局，我早有心理準備。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk1SLYHWv8
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCjpi1mB9E
不過在發生當刻，無可避免覺痛。大半輩子的努力付出和個人信念被一下子全盤否定！一直以來支撐我孤身走來的精神支柱被一下子推垮！我還可以相信甚麼？我還可以依靠甚麼？418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8hBcNQQbn
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvfoRkVj9u
內心波濤洶湧，表面淡然幽雅。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawPsMbwWP0
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SIgyLXw48
既然過去和將來沒有必然因果關係，那就好好享受當刻這口蛋糕、這口咖啡。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkmMV4kVBq
家，書房。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoVKCCNdcr
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wRfSj4OOx
開始鑽研編輯提供的清單上所有作品，看看時下作品有何熱門題材和成功因素。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyo8YJuIlsp
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTJNFfjCbx
修仙、穿越、同人、BL、絕境求生、困獸鬥、對抗強權、自殺、權鬥、道德批判……題材五花八門，卻也萬變不離其中。基本元素仍是沿用多年以來最受歡迎的愛情、成長、友情、英雄主義、個人主義、諷刺現實，變的只是包裝手法（題材）或呈現方式（劇情必須極端、人物情緒起伏必須激烈）。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocBzqPSpVv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4nEaynC4X
這下子，我似乎明白了「甚麼」，心深處卻又抗拒這些「甚麼」。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGHrf3bIPS
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4W6Nqfgvq
我放下資料，離開書枱，走到窗邊，倚窗抽菸。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdw36ZrB5S
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqyj5Ri1Lb
嗯。獨居果然是個正確決定。爸媽受不了菸味，與他們同居只會悶死我。他們常唬嚇我說抽菸習慣會嚇走好男人。我對此一笑置之，沒有反駁——兩老將近七十歲，我沒可能單憑三言兩語改變他們活用幾十年的觀念。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAAtMVbxKP
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GM6m2UOYP
情況有如編輯的幾句說話沒可能扭轉我沿用多年的人生觀、世界觀、寫作觀。若說我不思進取、固執、老土落伍，我會承認，然後反問對方認為我該根據幾多人幾多意見去改變我的思維、活出我的人生才算得上積極進取、從善如流、新潮前衛。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cx4IPVlN3
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60FRh1fhRH
相信對方會熱諷一句：「難怪你的作品賣不了！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW9nov6Gfc
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBBmWAwozF
情況正如兩老常於親友飯聚場合當眾冷嘲：「難怪你嫁不了！」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjX2ztEwXv
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GnzUF99sU
唉！感覺真糟糕，卻沒奈何。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOIm44aDw3
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IzEYP1hRi
只得再來一根菸。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hE8fRI2oD
動筆。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaFfJjhThf
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Kz2ogR0Pe
主角沒頭沒腦掉入不知哪來的時空裂縫，進入神仙世界，與位列末席的異性神仙共同修煉，推翻殘暴不仁的天界首領。然後與己方戰友鬧翻，開始明爭暗鬥，爭權奪利，結果禍及人間，令長站道德高地的主角黯然退下，在人間結識天真無邪的凡女，情愫漸生。誰料昔日天界紅顏湊巧下凡，得知凡女與主角關係，醋意頓生，視凡女為情敵，施以毒手。主角同性摯友為免主角煩心，暗中保護凡女，卻不自已對主角生起愛意，向主角表白……寫得順暢，寫得精彩。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJ9Bq0h1Rt
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNuLyf0IXd
完成作品後，我馬上發送電郵予編輯，內容簡潔直白：「我寫不了。請另找高明。」418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72Ar2J5BlX
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLl4QeooK76
刪稿，關電腦，將手提電話調至靜音。世界與我無關。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmNhosAbmu
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRYX9SLbF6
我卷縮被窩，無法入眠。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptkgracNCU
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsfjNkl6sZ
我在這世界存活幾十年，如今首次意識到自己與世界之間的矛盾何其激烈，而我自己對此又是何等無能無力無奈。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HIJLlJhTj
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyDvVo9m8a
那種震撼令我忘記各種宣洩方法：哭、睡、逃避、傾訴、吃喝玩樂……418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8wMgokszR
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rFgKSOgqC
整個腦袋幾近空白一片。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCK3vXLVTu0
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhrmDWuYWD
各種情緒猶如乾沙，沒能被搓捏成任何形狀。若強行抓起沙子，沙子自然而然從指隙流走，掉落地面，散開、飛逸、無影蹤。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1VKMuV8BM
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHepR6qbriI
沒法子。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3wVZzNJ6Y
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc79XOJBBYi
只得待時間為我整理混亂情緒。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVhKcOpFUl
418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEROeTj6Px
正如只得待潮流將不思進取、固執、老土落伍的我淘汰。418Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3k96UkMEII
