Taylors POV
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8t1jL2qD4P
Matty is being discharged. The doctor came by a few hours later to go through everything. It was daunting for everybody. Especially for Kim. Who listened intently to all of what the doctor said. He will be referred to mental health services, something which has relieved me somewhat.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtlwhIQq4G
Jay has gone to get some food, it's dark out and well past dinner time. Kim is taking a call outside, presumably with Linda, Matthew's mom. The doctors are speaking with Matthew alone and checking him over before his discharge. Rachel left long ago. And so by pure accidental circumstance Ross and I have been left in a room together. All alone, avoiding one another like we don't know each other. Like we weren't locked in an embrace just nights ago.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDvUT3sgVX
"Taylor" he says softly and I look up over the hospital bed at him.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPjIMU6EDP
"Yes, Ross" I say looking back at the flatscreen and the gameshow that is on.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesCwVun0xD
"It's not even like that" he says out of the blue and I know that he is attempting to talk to me about Kat. We've been here before haven't we? It's like Jen 2.0.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDkkLTNAbY
"And it's not even anything to do with me. I just wish you would choose someone who is just as wonderful as you are" I say honestly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyesqoaTUF
"I'm being honest, Jesus. I've told you time and time again that I love you. I'm not dating her, I'm just.." he says exasperated.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1EuUrtIvt
"You're just worth so much more" I say and I cry.
I'm emotional, I blame my hormones for that.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5v9ec9pWB
"I want you to be happy, so happy and in love with somebody that is nice and decent and beautiful" I say blubbering as I watch him. He's my best friend and he deserves the world, not me complicating his life. Or Kat who is mean and bolshy. I give it a week.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavBKEsiYMM
"What with you?" He remarks softly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtQPiWkhx9
"That's the only way I can have that" he says and he stands.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnHmPXpXae
"No don't not right now" I say wiping my eyes, if he holds me, I will yield to him again in this state.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi67vJvgCtw
Apprehensively he sits again and we resume our silence. It's deadly. Fully charged and ready to explode into an argument.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTkaslfwCG
"Look" he says and his voice wobbles. I stare at him willing myself not to cry, again.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zcw1s6rOH
"I cannot love anybody else. But I can have meaningless relationships. I understand you're engaged, I understand you love him. And not me. But I know that you feel something for me, somewhere inside of you. I don't want to ever lose you, I just want you to see where I am in all of this" he says softly as I nod seeing his perspective.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoulQxapXu
"I understand." I say softly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXSRX4mSAM
"You're my best friend, and I don't want to ever lose you either okay. I care for you. I always will" I cry. Ignoring my protestations he stands and comes to sit by me. One arm around my shoulders and a smile upon his lips.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKq0tlRire
"Do you remember, when you lived with me briefly. After Matty" he says softly into the dark room and I look up at him.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSjsmwwvoo
"We were so close, and however brief that time was, I will always want you. I will want us to wake up together just like we did after the first time we ever had sex" he says softly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZofTfxRUYI
"What can I say to that Ross? Yes I'm a rubbish person for getting with you and then falling for Jay. I wanted you, I needed you and it was unfair and shitty of me. I'm sorry" I say looking at my hands, just knowing that moment would come back and bite me on the butt.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1soypRHyQ
"You don't have to say anything. It was perfect. I'm not saying you're rubbish or shitty" he half laughs.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbDE2pw1Mc
"You don't need to apologise" he adds softly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mRPlfIT3y
"I'm sorry. And I do need to apologise." I say softly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3S65oqDjW
"It wasn't the right thing to do and I'm sorry"
I tell him earnestly. Sitting back and intent on resuming our casual television show watching rather than our heart to heart. The hospital lights flicker on and I look up to see the doctor and Matty walking back into the room.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBRUuMpHdD
"All done here" Matty says resigned. Both myself and Ross stand waiting to hear what's next. I shrug his hand off of my thigh.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTD2G7yrfTM
"He should be fine to go on home" the doctor says.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvYjXbGFlU
"He is going to be with you?" The doctor says looking at me, he's old school. Around 60 with grey hair and a warm smile.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7VxE8zNZO
"No urm" I say confused.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGdBGADs4w
"Oh my apologies I assumed you were together. So sorry. What I mean is it would be advantageous for him to have somebody to talk to" he says.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2BhiYIqnG
"He's staying at mine" Ross says. Matty smiles at him gratefully. Ross is always the one to save the day.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqa6F2kpag
Just then Jay arrives with three bags of fish and chips. I smile at him, feeling the pull of him and yielding to it. I rub my tummy without realising. Feeling for bump.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxx517SYEF
Once the doctor has left, We all take our seats and eat in comfortable silence, just the backdrop of the television on in the background. Jay notices that I eat all of my chips and places more on my plate, smiling.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxe3kXQbC8
"So what's the plan" Jay asks.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g1g94pAS4
"Matty's going to stay with me for a bit" Ross says.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAklDA5jQv
"Sounds like a good idea" Jay says.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJLuZQgqHa
I sit having devoured the food and it strike me that I've been with each of these men separately, and I chastise myself for such stupidity. I sigh and collect all of the rubbish. Cleaning up and starting to pack away Matty's stuff. To which he objects but thanks me all the same.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYC3kURuKk
"I need to have a word" I say softly looking at him once I've packed up his bag.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBM0B4pKybA
"Of course" he says eyeing Ross and Jay.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Bv254BxrV
I haven't spoken with him since his attempt on his life. I haven't had the chance too. Ross gets the hint, stands and takes the bags. I kiss Jay before he helps carry the bags down to the car.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVJHe4b6K2
Once the door clicks shut, it's just me and Matthew. For the first time in a very long time, with nobody else. I sigh and sit down on the side of the bed next to him.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDD7BNtULn9
"I'm sorry, Matthew. For treating you in the way that I did. I'm sorry for leaving you and making your life hell. I'm sorry for not being there for you when we lost our children. I'm sorry for kissing your best friends. I'm sorry for doing more than that. I'm so sorry" I say and I cry. It all comes out as I stare right into the wall for answers.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1Yab75tHM
"Shhh" he says softly raising one arm and stroking my arm.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8AhA2Lt8g
"No I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my message and cutting you out. I'm sorry that this is my fault. I should have just arranged to meet up with you and talked it through with you" I say softly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxGOZzJFF1
"I need you to know that I value you, I need you in my life and even if it's not in the way that you had hoped. I need you and I care for you. I care so much." I say and he's crying.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jTOkFpjmC
I wipe his tears away and kiss his cheek.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Fsvvv4rG3
"I love you so much" he says.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRorddl3Ohy
"I just didn't see any hope" he says.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomoTf2ksnB
"And that's my fault. I'm here now" I say softly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJugArtVJwE
He moves his face to mine and I look down at my lap. No more kissing ex boyfriends.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4JvNpaq8c
"Please know how much I care for you" I say softly, standing up. I take his hands in my own and he stands with me.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhY60lufbs6
He pulls me into him and kisses me lightly on my forehead.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hVIa3gNWC
"You are never the problem or to blame" he says.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg30E10jlt
Holding his hand firmly I walk him out of the hospital into the parking lot and over to Ross and Jay.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf09FHw2OB
Kim walks over to us, she gives me a hug. To my surprise. I had imagined that she would also blame me, but as she holds me like a step sister would I know that we are still as close as we once were.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5gt15jCce
"Thank you" she whispers.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXsIKY21UK
"I miss you" she says softly before pulling away from me.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7n13x8R9x
"I miss you too" I whisper and as she turns to face Matthew, eyeing him, I realise that she is crying.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMf8j4V7Xx
"Prom pictures please, I must see this dress" she says attempting to lighten the mood.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBX9UoXhw7
"Right Matthew" she says turning her attention to him fully.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCHLaK8KtU
"I love you" she hugs him. He accepts her physical contact and smiles weakly.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UMbsStxd8
"You too" he says as he eyes me standing in Jays arms.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7erhobFJvY
Kim hovers, for a long while, until Matthew assures her that he will be fine. We explain that he is staying with Ross and after a drawn out goodbye she promptly heads off to her little car and she is gone. Glancing at their faces one by one, I remind myself that I am standing in a parking lot with three men who have all told me they love me today. So many I love you's.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrLiag9eVz
"Right" I say at a feeble attempt to break the tension.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4hDQIWAgm
"We should be" Jay begins holding onto my hand in the dark.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zbQQ23YBz
"Yeah let's get going" Ross says at the same time.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92cMTIQPiJ
I follow Jay to the car. He opens the door for me and I climb in. Counting in my head, to relieve the compulsion of jumping straight out of the car and staying with Matty just so I know that he is okay.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmSVGuZZOi
"Ready" Jay says once Ross has reversed and waiting for us to tail him back.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8hLAbVTaP
"Ready" I reply and we all make our way back to our respective homes.
ns3.144.200.28da2
