Matty's POV
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We're all at Rachel's in her mums small living room. Leather chairs that are all crinkled and lamps with tassels and fringes around them. I stare ahead at the blue wallpaper and the pale green architrave and realise where Rachel got her sense of style from. Her mother, Charlotte is at Rachel's aunts and so she has boldly invited people over. My head is just screaming to me that my life is going backwards and not forwards. I've had three shots and two beers. There's a small window that looks l into the dated kitchen and I watch on as Rachel and Phillipa do shots, Ryan supports his sister holding her upright.
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I've scanned the room countless times for a glimpse of her, the way her brunette hair would sway. Her keen smile and shining blue eyes. Hoping to spot Taylor in a quiet corner of the room, her eyes watching mine. I let the fantasy take over imagining her approaching me and holding me in her arms again.
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And of course I've tried. Many times I have tried to look at other women. I've tried to find things that attract me to them. I've had to look over and over again. To find things that interest me. I'm not usually a wallower. But it's been a long time, and definitely it would be fair to label me a lovesick wallower by now.
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Rach, I can see from afar is pushing herself all over Nate. She's squeezed herself into what looks like a fluorescent orange plastic bag. It is a dress, but the length is cut ever so short it could be a T-shirt.
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Nate's expression says he's trying to rein her in as he clasps her glass before she spills it all down herself. Clearly exasperated with his lack of attention towards her she heads straight to the drinks table for a new glass of wine to spill elsewhere.
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Just as I settle down into the leather sofa, two girls who had been trying to talk with me and who later realised I was a miserable drunk leave to find better company. They're encroaching on Ross as he has an easy smile and looks a lot more approachable and friendly than guys like me. I feel the sofa dip next to me, crane my neck after pulling a drag out of my cigarette, and see Joshua Morelli sitting down next to me with two shots.
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Wordlessly he passes me one and I smile. Not somebody I thought I would be friends with but as it turns out he's a decent guy, if a little pretentious.
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"Im going to end things with Kat" he says to me.
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I turn to him with a look of wry humour.
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"Oh good luck with that" I say.
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"I know" he sighs
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"She's gonna slap me isn't she" he says laughing.
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"If you don't wanna be with somebody that's your choice" I say defending him. I realise this must be exactly how Taylor feels each time we talk and when I want her and she wants him.
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"What are we doing then" Ross approaches us with a joint in his hands. He passes it to me first. Our friendship is back to where it was. Without Taylor in the middle of us.
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"Josh here is breaking up with Kat" I say taking a long pull on the joint.
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Ross laughs.
"Fucking hell, I don't think you're going to be having a quiet night then" he says and eyes him warily.
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"Okay okay, one for luck" he says taking one pull on the joint. Then he stands, Kat in sight he swaggers over to her. I'm pleased to see that he pulls her aside and takes her firmly outside. Away from others. Decent guy that he is, I am sure that he is about to get slapped.
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"Ross you may need to do your normal. Helping the girls out and being the best peacekeeper there is" I say smiling.
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"I didn't thank you enough for the amount of times you sorted things out when I acted callously with Taylor" I say and there it is. His expression at just the mention of her name. Love and happiness. I question why we all have to be in love with this girl?And then I realise it's because she's pure perfection. In every sense of the word. The way she could enter a room and have everybody captivated without realising it or trying. Shining eyes that looked through your soul and met you on a level that others could not.
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"I didn't need thanking" he says and then takes a seat next to me.
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"Any ideas on where they are?" He asks. He means Jay and Taylor. Forever the better man than me, I notice that he always addresses them together as a couple. He accepts her choices always. Even if she has not picked him.
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"No idea" I say looking over at Rach again.
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"Maybe she does" I say to Ross.
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"Rachel" he calls her over and she stumbles over to us almost tripping on the way.
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"Taylor, where is she ?" He says to a rather drunk Rachel.
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"I dunno, I invited. She read the message but no response. I don't text Jay. Out of principle." She explains.
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"Hmmm" Ross says, and I remind myself briefly of Jays tumultuous relationship with Rachel.
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"Oh come on." Rachel says exasperated, arms flailing around before us as she sloshes wine everywhere.
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"You two need to move the hell on. She's amazing, and she's Jay's. And they've both made that very clear with their fancy rings and tattoos" she laughs surprised by our melancholy.
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"Not that I'm jealous. At all." She smirks rolling her eyes, it strikes me that Rachel too had expectations of Jay and their brief relationship. It's possible, like myself, that she romanticised every interaction that they had telling herself that he was the one. Yet it was clear from everybody else perspective that he was not for her, it puts a few things into perspective for me as I smoke.
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"Matthew you're going to London. Ross you're a fucking catch. You are not invited to any of my parties next time if you spend the whole time watching out for your ex" she laughs.
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Ross forever knowing how to react to women stands and hands her the joint. She accepts and hugs him.
"Thank you" she winks.
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And I wish I was more like them. Ross so able to read the situation and act accordingly and Rachel who just goes with the flow. They look down at me still in my lonely leather seat and I sigh.
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"Oh fuck you all" I joke standing up to head to the drinks table with them. And God forbid to socialise at a party.
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"That's more like it" Rachel laughs.
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