B has asked to read my posts and i told him no. i said he wouldn't read them all anyway because hes not the type to read for enjoyment. and he wouldnt care anyway. its mindless jibber jabber that only i understand. thats why i do it, because i like it. theres bots/scam people in my dms telling me to sell my soul so i can get more reach but i dont want it because its my own mindless jibber jabber. but ive been a little self conscious about my posts because what if future me decides to hand over all my thoughts and secrets. then i'll have to take accountability. becausw i also hate reading, so im not gonna proof read whatever i wrote to suit B. no way. raw thoughts. i dont even proof read before i publish. idk if its obvious or not HAHA
i sit with B at breaks and we hang out and we talk but never during class time on account of us being a year apart. even though we sit with each other every break and every morning, i feel a little disconnected from him. because we dont talk to each other. suddenly, he became the most popular guy EVER amongst the freak brigade that hangs out on top quad. all the guys who vape, smoke, watch gore videos for fun... and just total virgins obsessed with the idea of sex. gross. B isn't like them, i'd know, i've been friends with B for like EVER. because i dated his best friend for 8 months a couple years back, thats how we met. but every now and again i'd creep my hand onto his thigh or try to hold his hand for closeness and i'll be there for a couple minutes and he'll move me. rejecting my request for physical affection
and dont get me wrong, dont be fooled. im a HATER of PDA.. theres several couples at my school thay every break, without fail, canoodle. every time, all the time. i'll look around and BAM they're cuddling or BAM his tongue is down her throat. i dont like it and i'd be a hypocrite to desire it from B. during school??? time and place you guys. so with my hate for PDA, i dont get a lot of it. B doesn't kiss me unless im at his house, he doesn't hug me unless im at his house, he moves away from my hands whenever i present them. thats fine, sometimes i want a hug but i can deal. what i cant deal with is with little options of PDA i can handle, he still rejects me. its putting seeds of doubt in my head, is he ashamed of me? has he told anyone about me?189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1bUmPXUGy
hes done things in the past that make my head spin in delight. like when he tells me he talks about me to his co-workers. but when he denies my hand??? and goes on like nothing happened while also ignoring me almost. i dont want him to hurt me. 189Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrzGZ5TkD4
-vinsie
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