Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZdrslkOjv
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqiaWH7MUM
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YzymVTLog
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlaNFrFBh0
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl8AIDvqqN
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrwYy0yKje
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zpTMSKlb2
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcvvLrF4Tl
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPloQM4LtR
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuwZND7txE
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xQHBJ19vW
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgBxbI8GVp
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTErWGStc65
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTV97LAqKt8
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKgZs31GvY
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmPzhc5uCT
我：當然沒有啊。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLj0iORcBH
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJgR1ZUWtF
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TzSuMm8os
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY8SYgEpit
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPg9D9IGw1
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdlIJp5xA7
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMu5z0Pc2XC
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvo2hxROTP
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9cKVGRgDF
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr48Pp2KK1
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6kGt2wLRQ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6SljAISbe
Priscilla：係呀。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXyyT1CruW
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeLBGBHqy2
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb4GvIu2sz
（我對她微笑地問。）397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGvtIbz7hm
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQM2k1eMi4
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZQ3tVYpS9
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvz5c8WJJc
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTwOFQsWKK
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQVkNoRUi3
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSeb3ssErq
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEHIUnRwnS
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgET5DmVAw
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0JmPDiPpd
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2c44a4Hayc
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsXPPj4MkN
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qd0101e4n
我：不如就開個account啦。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzB8fQaZVEs
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxNIxAczL3
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcK2VBhKrC
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaFJxv8hIk
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqHWkzqxI5
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27TYrZSil9
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKc37TJF7F5
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeUkbBW4LG
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzrBs7khAt
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJjxUKCMEB
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxRkzI0WuO
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTux4Ej6lUY
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1pqyD9zuV
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWoo1lGnP3
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdJJCgIVrJ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Zh8JBBHDe
我：睇完先再算啦。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnF5rtTTdZ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEk8ahogy6
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUkOoXvgGJ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEOnm4PDG0
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzRSp9jK0v
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNxCT2E6JB
-----大年初一的早上-----397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3dGvipQUA
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbVcGilSVV
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqmzIS75Dl
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmAoMItXAQ
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9lUEFxuKA
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYsA8eNSZ8
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRlCuY3MTZ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaO2VaCct1I
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5asiMRaUy
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIbvcaTXzj
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Q54HmmTdL
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoa0NVPYIf
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEW7Ybd0p5
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtl7qjDyxBi
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWWWb2nAbH
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGrUkPuySq
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlS6VOXvCq
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATzwz43Fjd
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGeW3pbSci
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRev1DwlRyf
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYhvNDZo2C
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbRpW8MyOE
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewYdStdBoV
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjASAy0ptz3
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopqezBLLXW
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3zhQFV82P
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMZ2ydwca1
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgJ3nVgEKc
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gpVM0GqOG
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciGopbvoB0
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxECMCTLIAW
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVbxzPAHxm
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47GhMhPRyY
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhGDJTUcY0
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarPI8Y0Qwf
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTbZIw8V24
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fRFa10yhM
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g0BpkS7hU
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMiYAsb4xB
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx8ZI69ruM
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkLdDe6kat
我：咁拍咗幾耐？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMPbttxNiV
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpN7UOkhjLi
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSmbTNikTu
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36kxx5q6r6
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZm4y5oQpq6
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjqoHyXVMJ
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lypfhKcoc
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLP3Se9mhr
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ez6lbwae9
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWcDP0Gv6k
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GOcCm75T7
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApijmO4Oga
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixXHp43kmR
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FIktSmZ8j
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpLE4XRB6f
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59GgahapCh
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKiRjq6cdE
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIKwFyPZYN
說著，我又說起自己的情史。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9H18LjChls
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cF9BBZK4w
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU59Iy2ujD
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNGZB4vfR9
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnutQnOVMQ
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMQWFLzS5p
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhlotIMOFF
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZf6gh6zZVK
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwwzQLuT6T
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ69OOV9mJt
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnFNzpenZ1
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wmitZ07cD
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIekQrQHgo8
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLWbzaWAkC
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRJzbpRjzq
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDkhX4nDhp
我：最後拍左一個月就散。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZn158H2rla
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfbNSc1fsD
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbvgFmpMGT
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwPDNkleaj
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVH7n9HJNtH
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECpX0JVjD3
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpJobUbQSy
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIqp2vY1ra
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7e0iDNO3E
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMm8cgmBE9f
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6m3sbd5AH
這頓早茶，以AA制完。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lBILdSKEK
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrmT5k7KL1
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2C7udUFui
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEOlPnS2vL
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3V658AujrN
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIkqOv7oCJ
我：下次再玩啦！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEU8VeQNyG
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡds56AXyIvd
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVKXbcl87H
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJYRuiP9bG
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2n4fpOItN
397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMo4egI3LGF
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。397Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi70YPqBdO8
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