Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTFjzT5qXa
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy6h2U22XK
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZESLEXzbHR
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKGaafJx1M
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1dBmNq9Cl
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkA7NgWB5BU
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVudr7qlXD
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUB0HkvQ5z
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8s2YqCtD9s
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rT4i3Rd9s
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdsKfLXsLI
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvTInUk5JI
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx1CkFxCjC
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7r8E240M4
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmVoovnOv3
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEUdlqWgs8
我：當然沒有啊。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexdpUUyqaJ
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfWwOfHgRE
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmTHUkO96m
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBk1ijGp9Pt
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHH49qUuoTA
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nObecpQuU
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDdfCSx14V
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QteWvJk25
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOdRO5evNt
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL02tKFzsad
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Hb8dNTCYh
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VN7dGJt8S
Priscilla：係呀。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OlGzdIsq9
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKu2vGGChQY
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmW8OvO02C
（我對她微笑地問。）419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApDqvog5gt
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncAW7CO2kM
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrdzXBI0GM
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnaUcci58M
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0OYLvLwOg
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbqPW0e0Mu
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uVUmyQXGh
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmrOk1jZr1
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFBKtL0iRT
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd7xkKgayn
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRwb1DMWUG
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLn1dVmPMC
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjVfRmmiwi
我：不如就開個account啦。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65jNjhf6nE
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifdNFJmeyT
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVChZUEyke
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEtgtbPXWM
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JTCqDjCyu
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY6F5OtCSO
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4NiLw2Cwr
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO0gaZb4eu
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2E3JOQ9cQm
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8xSmUMnRg
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcR3dVHmRtN
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvm6sGYGu7t
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oVsHPhFu0
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkRbCFXYXC
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTkbSfwAgF
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3tHSdlkYR
我：睇完先再算啦。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8aqY6Ckwa
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdBxj9Ecfw
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOElaOcQ50S
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZztxXMGseq
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvLL7S2oHq
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaUmd56R3T
-----大年初一的早上-----419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIvpnyQePI
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPzbIFxA4l
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmc2WgPlUze
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVIybnLwKR
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcbSTOhR7c
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5JU5Ivo5z
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTgKW9bXrm
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgVXjCtEOl
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOnliyc8lS
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAjqnwnUK6
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuNlf9WRAI
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3srAkhvh4
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwp1zRs4YOq
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqPH2a9GQt
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1I1b8sg222
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYFipsWCrf
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cqnoHWdzW
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLnw2qh2gG
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBk9ZApa7X7
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMfPXIL3Vx
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0UHD40hcm
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdcnll97ux
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFvW9LUWDR
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUWJB1AfHU
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuXqQHBp6B
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKhmQ5LzBD
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MfdMXpLL4
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGU91Sxsbg
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZOXzcrfCv
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh5IAKC81E
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmPtaQt5ri
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OTc96HySY
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8cJ6XPcsk
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BmWlljeZT
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHmPVqhFRU
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ0f2V0fPl
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsL193YKYe
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcz9wNi485
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSvys1osKp
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFYlDD084P
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAdjMeloc2
我：咁拍咗幾耐？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBwMSFuHYe
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyf2mmNl4y
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ844B7NogqQ
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCjxixZMVL
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfpF9fv5CU
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFDDEUUQkY
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnFM5fNbSC
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9OQyDAO1y
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k3ldJ3ybJ
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60DEvQWcnd
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvjoqJg3Xp
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGz97YjInmM
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0UPAAbYDA
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPBEDYkErk
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjgw992KUD
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3iQq0IfHW
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPJQIeuXNS
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhfRxEWXHy
說著，我又說起自己的情史。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYo5kswNDLr
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3kI0XI0sO
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyyDzYymNg
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoX7Z9BWXSI
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIpxRYDD8M
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bCMDnxY1n
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEGj2xjzLv
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHdKWlRW5t
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrGnhs8eoo
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONfZwwzgfi
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNHDHE8C3A
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFuCsodpks
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUYbldNl9P
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBFYvncl5E
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm1lBkMAkj
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrZdfK12Ee
我：最後拍左一個月就散。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrn8DrWPRV
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jrfLRivxY
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuOo1IJ692
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAuFTCemgM
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjdbD8k98y
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawqYqSLpaK
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTS050BrRZ
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t5ufwNZ9I
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wh2W9avq8
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vvASmtZiA
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4n0HL7lUD
這頓早茶，以AA制完。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSjIVqAc48
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaGIjsTWuT
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmCuw5Ieeo
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6E5M4pMUbh
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtz1csqD53
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaQEpau51Q
我：下次再玩啦！419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvgd1MKSgA
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik99uRMAp3
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1Ceofm4gO
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNKj6Jl0K8
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MBRL0oyxb
419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qwkiewUBe
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。419Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UkLFs8ejz
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