Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIl0KmCDfy
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKI4OxwbVe
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWysVuwlIum
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZlaBRHSjS
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHhRO6vK1e
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7yVSwtxZE
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dafuvoMhp
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr1Wajq893
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL40P73esPn
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJn6aIpGWTI
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSK6f7QfWqB
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcLrmqvqv5
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmtIv29E6x
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIoFdM0Py2
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqiRdWh98W
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9glK9OBhr
我：當然沒有啊。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmxXF7q2gy
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD18vO7Qhro
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhTN5k9YpL
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmWWB0qJvi
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIcbnUiM1m
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1TsWKQB2b
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILIVlFiNwF
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkS48iBYGp
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8X6lzbI1eN
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41kmEMapmB
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NDixGdjG4
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYg0GSGnqz
Priscilla：係呀。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlzJGE7ZMi
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJGWVMRd5k
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQl3ebVMty4
（我對她微笑地問。）399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5yQY4DNWN
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Xsx03Io9s
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l52XHnK74
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGgpI9kl7Z
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGK8fDpKDg
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsI6Cz8hC4
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarK1ccUJxk
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORNlTVV44Z
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRzl2fedeI
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7xoLlclsF
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGfff1SISF
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoFb8QALhw
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZmNsM3SvO
我：不如就開個account啦。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1VhW2T00i
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTymNdzvmD
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78p0kUV5xW
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhofqosrTxL
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aj4vy5MdR
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzzoZWXUWa
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Az3UsK2gH
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5YHNoTOS6
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvw3PEvx2r
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyX5DjwKO0
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVbdcd1try
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgvQV2eL5p
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLz5GbjenM
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJLmbxMSK1
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8k4Vl50d56
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwh5CW7673
我：睇完先再算啦。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1tlXiLOPF
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiRHsIl8cw
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmWa6dgvG0
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9ssXyaZ0d
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgabaWnnCqg
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgWFm6GxpM
-----大年初一的早上-----399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ986pTcsoft
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKvbcI9uSf
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XlMKwd5ua
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fINvB282E
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfXjEy2Bmw
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpP37FhrKs
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZDTXk6WGd
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DKdES2uyw
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MIGTfasYy
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLkhs6s0Aw
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPBHU8idh6
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeH2xxBHbo
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLivnOH549
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgVf1iaR3l
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx8hPQmcUA
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOyurR5tL2
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qP2Ladi0S
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXkdkoO0Fj
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ms8v1sSnm
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcEYouflje
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4DTaaHRcN
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYh9HXVVMP
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmtJL6eyYb
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1HU3Qk0m3
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZBIjpWD01
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrNoehFLtR
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfxzA7KYVn
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbktFXdOCjb
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyx6nOFstc
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynTpuYY1BN
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBEPBq1ozt
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfaddT60uv
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HiSoHiDdU
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21faVw4XpC
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbcwtX2KIG
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjGISq741R
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeBHwMys5S
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0ayJbqnxh
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqhJUaRryc
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKsRxVj4pF
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mOrbTpYgZ
我：咁拍咗幾耐？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAG5BMK8nRF
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8HkDfmhoK
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ME2YWP5k4
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejajOmsObS
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodG6a60tdv
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2zsJIvmwC
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPB1GnfISQS
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8FmjhYZMT
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIwGI9xLhC
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsggtEhwPfx
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UxwYqRNLP
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazIftDLPkY
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZyNAZpcKN
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3KUVvQJAw
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrLyGQYAdi
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMQ1Z83M9b
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WMF9fvMEU
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2wV6XERYr
說著，我又說起自己的情史。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zv2xtLfH4
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hA1Wbaly0
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5H75VkDC92
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2d0g7IQQkb
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvE9zT4PC5
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR7kJ5AzPH
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ABPormfHK
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qY6LLfLWJ
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KzCQNdcS7
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZIY36DGkf
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccN4x2FTVf
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZqkiP4Ixp
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pOU3pJ2Xi
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOXrhMBjfk
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiQkcPp6kW
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEce5bz2s1h
我：最後拍左一個月就散。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTlI833iCS
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblRJk0oUEQ
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tPqX57uN1
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2GwvxkaT0
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOeeW4V6r4
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kDFujeiqO
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7x1Q2qWfRe
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpF4nelkKyu
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekbUzR076x
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbtIZPn3gf
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahvSay3RSn
這頓早茶，以AA制完。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZX6LvBhvr
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBwINbQNLS
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTdsvm661k
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCUIuPyqb5
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1io4DIVyQ
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklvjLTwtDf
我：下次再玩啦！399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjGzQAnyex
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmn9VexBH2
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKo89BqHU6E
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOQ1wS5Rg2
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48u8pncaeI
399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85ZczcRAsM
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。399Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5I0zHklKEn
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