Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7iNiM01Gr
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPerxzlzxr
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8igzdtBDH
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90N3MdjTHV
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw21yhcGYBf
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5UBCvipub
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4MCM4lOBO
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhjKCPKoFu
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX9aFG6JgG
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzj417OUHD
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXEANgq7r7
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9MThA8o3b
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jwGp6GAri
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRz3FKQo1jD
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SLG7Dc8Qf
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e0cJLWfvQ
我：當然沒有啊。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6zh1z5EDC
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6hLnG05Pz
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGovruxPUBx
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1qWu44S6S
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YkcI4dvHp
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3g8w10rW23
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTz1VXpKE6
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2yyjG6Mn1
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEPDfik2Jz
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyybr4YhPw
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqHUl59oQZ
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvnszFijsx
Priscilla：係呀。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qfw8J1wU5
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbfBTqsEWR
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUr2u5iyLwM
（我對她微笑地問。）422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzFuDGA4qh
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM57mt1ELcU
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60nw6I9eVw
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhFhYSDmbe
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZj3PFa3NOk
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9qUWN4oj9
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpuTQm5Iyz
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf4nOW7fxy
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSi4DAq15fi
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTqVslYym1
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2MW1Ig5Tc
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStjgG0PWxY
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeSf7m7mos
我：不如就開個account啦。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7GgC0tVUY
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVlF7CUNSN
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeK4la7jZCY
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB1w2pij5U
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo6mwoCgsf
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmCZ8Eur7B
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1DtZYRnyi
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zlrgAWXpz
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf1wM9CyBJ
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6spCRDPPRV
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u4HTCKPtX
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1GKITibNg
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4MSrzrT4B
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9MRdhSsfN
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOgfqTmIlK
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4UBofmpo1
我：睇完先再算啦。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYY2Ak4GGK
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0si3cbQ7in
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaewalhmN9
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4JoebUGBA
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47tZRaNeCw
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmwUIZMEdf
-----大年初一的早上-----422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxaNKxfivA
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uffxidKTC
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutjwjHFDrI
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzNXZpSUun
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP16DCMCmR
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4SzUMPS5H
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRP0DNr0ux
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZulGPLToZK
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVQDYA37zi
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQ0kot9wvS
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8XLB5aeYm
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIWCP6NkoW
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQNEWoCaJM
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZQRZ0TyiR
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66PtQCYX02
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeASZO2aVV
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvQ88iyZIZ
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRb7xzRvFn
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoj8jky5FY
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkVDF5lppD
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG78xRlNGXe
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6N1pHgKzGq
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SN4JE8uUU
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjOsIg2RsI
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHC3OuO3HK
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jaLap43Io
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡev3BSHHnzv
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLcKpCCEmw
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxbJRqUUYT
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzK1G6toWzC
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dq682jVlU
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfm5aNTvADn
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIsveBTmkJ
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LJLfPYLri
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcg8otY6Ld
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5suOkr3tw5
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9Hcelm4EY
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3rrciuc93
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5RQy9AdtT
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMckL2FYMKu
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqxn158PKn
我：咁拍咗幾耐？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzxIbKMHSk
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSuV7LQw1q
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZMm5L5u7t
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFrsZSjnYK
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jTftof11V
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrT6CnbD7E
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CascxmH4m
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvLzxJTcsB
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIQp846AX3
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNXcUqv7Ao
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfk6caDtnA
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6xxSHRJwv
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcKhRD7d7C
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EOjggpiDG
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIF6WgWtkl
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzcTByqL34
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpatoWUdSy
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXBtgN3wKj
說著，我又說起自己的情史。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1eK39OBf5
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAk1MKfeuf
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbbsbVuf79
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrxjJflU6y
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvxsJo7L2x
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyScy91487
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5zlTElYYY
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKgsy1aEfK
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo51lcjC0aJ
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjI0VIIYOB
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc82aOCXhAh
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XOfEVN7TO
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWzQbXPXw5
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVA7E8txNA
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4Lls3uWKd
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZnlGmnPzO
我：最後拍左一個月就散。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSS9I1AM9SQ
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLK6pKVs4P
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbKlAt7jJH
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSX1ruGl0O
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02im06ElP8
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdImc6UQBg9
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7VkeXt0qx
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gBFf4PEQ0
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzZq8XctaV
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KcoLRHftq
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIsHDCcvrs
這頓早茶，以AA制完。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeVVlRpOeQ
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmBzIzloO4
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vbLbWRssT
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsaLq4r3xF
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5avFG60Id
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJSDwIwnQV
我：下次再玩啦！422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxanAbqr78
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpczTylD30R
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ERBgY5TEN
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPM0inXJpi
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡathkrzdBT1
422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXH9Ud1SsQ3
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAN76yORij
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