在TG上，大家互相交換照片，今年的動漫節我只去了兩天。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXB2YM7qTU5
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4WGo8NSIQ
Annie看完我cosplay男角和女角的照片，她看到其中一張我cosplay著女角跟一另一名女coser的合照，便回應：501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSUrdONqGv
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQHjI39SZZ
Annie：你隔離嗰條女好靚，你啲frd嚟？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTaD4YtsON
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ812mHOIdAY
我：梗係唔係啦，啱啱先識嘅（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5Qbm1SSPK
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRlnmaomUb
接著Annie也給她的化妝照我看，又交流著化妝心得。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPV5vPHoBc
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloynDxWnVf
論「擠牙膏式」聊天戰術，對我來講cosplay、化妝、寫網絡小說，這三大話題是最長壽命的話題，能用來談很長、很長的時間。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8hQo5zOBa
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwg2DsS7u5
總之，我最終目的就是要把她約出來見面！501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAvTPiwtVx
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAQmg9QfOV
每次我以cosplay裝扮出席這類活動時，都必定認識到新朋友，男女都有，也是同樣cosplay的人，然後他們都會跟我交換IG。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFjDxG2Xkp
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgqJ17LCPp
在我的IG裡，粉絲頗多，主要有兩類：一是從cosplay圈認識的人，二是我從網上寫小說而招來的讀者粉絲和其他作者。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vDssj86FS
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhO12rOgaw
每逢我發佈小說的宣傳文，只有十幾個讚好，但當我發佈cosplay照時，不論是男裝還是女裝，總會引來多3倍的讚好，真是人靠衣裝。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwxZvVmQRX
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Btr9YBw0t
因此有人會覺得我的朋友圈子大，但其實這只不過是假象；因為我都很少與人會面，平日頂多都是跟我唯一好友Jason見面或獨自一人到cafe消閑。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKVYfuXgPy
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO0j5g6e5p
Annie：你個樣本身可以好女仔，出街實冇人知你係偽娘。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivtQjbU62F
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nyGROd9d9
我：但冇計啦我太高喇，實出賣男兒身㗎（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaVjjkHsaJ
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnE68dVmBP
Annie：其實我好憎啲男仔睇樣501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgpSlXzJFl
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcB2t9RBfFd
我：做咩突然間講呢啲嘅？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtWMZs0LAX
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQJd38twJ7
Annie：以前試過交換完相之後，條仔嫌我肥，就即block我501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLLCCMzjtd
Annie：我真係好自卑501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX96fNrTECG
Annie：啲人成日都同我講，話我個樣唔差，叫我扮下靚就有501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctWm6PUdc0
Annie：佢哋口口聲話唔介意肥閪，但係行動上就好誠實咁話我知，佢哋跟本介意。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBakh3ZqPh1
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuRKznI9Yz
其實我也很清楚知道，這個世上沒有絕對的零歧視。很多時候人只是出於禮貌，而在表面的社交應酬上，包裝自己的說話，但心裡仍然保留真正的自己。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzptawGQkLA
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uqltRy7gc
所以我的世界觀是：適者生存，與其努力去改變世界，倒不如學習保護自己。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5lbfntxt6
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdiYq6Z2rO
偽娘也會被歧視嗎？當然有，只是我比較幸運，身邊的人大致上都是禮貌跟我相處；或可能有人心底裡不喜歡，但我相信既然有人不喜歡，那麼總有人喜歡，每個人總會找到自己的一套生存之道，多訓練自己的敏感度，便可容易地觀察人心，從而使自己作更好的決定。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGc9kdRPSjt
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupexgIEBTT
所以在前面說到創建Tinder帳號時，我都說，即管大膽表明自己是偽娘身份，當有人被我吸引進來之後，再慢慢過濾誰是真正交友。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1klOz18Kt
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPO0YFrFVl
或許有人問：你這樣不辛苦嗎？不做偽娘就好了。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rswXTJRhN
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBPipw1Q8P
我會反駁：食得鹹魚抵得渴，為心靈滿足而選擇紋身的人，會害怕生活上的阻礙而放棄嗎？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTSIOwe7Df
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpnRCExXKz
我們又繼續聊，然後我嘗試開玩笑地拋出一句。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R6NgytywL
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T4jfqJM25
我：我好想食豬扒飯。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ydxknhjhf
我：不過我想食你件豬多啲（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DyjuXvKga
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO47oY2oaJ
Annie：我唔係豬扒！！501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwaU1TYIcH
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpFR6Za7vv
糟糕了，我講錯說話，焦慮的我想嘗試修復。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQ1elyDQpt
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPkYst77Nf
我：豬扒都有豬扒嘅好（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz6GwWfeUw
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjyozfW2Eu
Annie：可以啪啪聲嘛（大笑501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuCjdVlhAs
Annie：同埋，我呢啲高嘅係叫坦克車唔係豬扒501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NHajx4wqg
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVq7bxwyhB
最原始的對話版本我已經忘記了，也刪了；總之大概記得，我以「豬扒」這個詞語來開玩笑，說過幾句；但是勾起了Annie的怒火，而我又嘗試熄滅。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUPfnZtyNk
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynJlucuNkq
我：噢，原來我一路以嚟攪錯咗豬扒呢個term嘅用法。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXLtJ0P3vo
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpTqNA0Mbm
沒辦法下，我只好裝傻混過去。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNwKXljB3D
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhd7Oj8e4q
本以為如此便蒙混過關，於是我們又如常地相處下去。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEvKefI1rm
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOugJ5QLE2d
接著幾天後，我又約了一個攝影師在派對房裡拍攝泳裝照片；但是照片要修圖，要等待一陣日子才有。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjpNadNPTQ
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nRFFzcOvu
這晚我又跟Annie聊到半夜三更。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYdpZOMaZn
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZvOByXzTU
Annie：你去影泳衣咁有冇相？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MYMChL5uO
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQ1fyErS5z
我如實地交代暫未有相片，只有一張我當場的自拍照，是上身照，相中的我看起來與一個穿三點式的女人無異。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMFchzEI5u
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEJ2hlp3NT
艷濃的妝容、長長的啡捲髮、以及黑色三點式泳裝，露出大面積白皙的肌膚，正正是我當時的打扮。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxDV5GcKbY
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhle4kzWBeh
Annie：慘囉慘囉，連你都咁靚。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrTBzdTxBZ
Annie：我一見到有排骨精就有種想保護佢嘅感覺501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUPSQEUwFf
Annie：驚佢俾風吹走501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqmhmFgTun
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETPdBggWhP
我：你講緊邊個排骨呀？（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSMUxsWcEC
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdE2arLqPm
Annie：我好唔中意啲男仔自大501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp0z38f5ba
Annie：見過有啲男仔喺網上露佢自己上身501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKrcrRv2gD
Annie：佢以為自己有六舊，有好大條J501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTsl8vzitS
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxW8ywM1EX
我：俾著係我直情同人講：我冇J㗎（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33V1Yd9LsO
我：冇六舊肌同大J，咁咪做返女人囉（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtCiNsEDNs
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufz5Gwk1I8
我不像一般的某些直男，在網上放出袒露上身的大漢照。不穿衣服，我都會，只是我不會這樣表達而已。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEN1k7lUY6T
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4MQ6sNokY
事實上，我的確在Tinder放過一張三點式泳裝照，還有假髮和妝容；並不是因為我對自己男性特徵（例如6腹肌）沒自信，而純粹是因為我喜歡美麗的自己。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5DuvJT5ek
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKEqcdN0i8
以火影忍者的語言說，大多數男人都是使用鳴人的「逆後宮術」，而我則只是在用「後宮術」，一個「逆」字只是男版和女版的分別。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbMbtLS9ta
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgt5nctjKw
Annie：半夜三更瞓唔著，突然性起，傾吓性？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAKckWQqjc
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksc5xOzL06
我：你做乜咁突然想講18禁呀？M到？（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQDkLAPJSv
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfpRQhjiro
Annie：係呀，你又知？（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RljD22aOC
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwHAmPGuVZ
我：我憑直覺亂估咋501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQVBdrr3Pb
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTXdAOClJ7
Annie：好奇想知你唔打飛機㗎咩？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYRI9h8vm4
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUrgZsXVU6
我思索了一會，然後回覆。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKbHDPNssG
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJONeMnFtR
我：打呀，但我嘅性幻想唔係男女扑嘢咁簡單。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzsE1Uelqh
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gpODuiy28
我的性癖，是戀物。事實上對於女性的胸、陰道，不是主要的興趣；因此如果有大胸妹子在我面前引誘我，是沒有用的；唯一能刺中我「死穴」的只有女裝。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY39TRFKOn
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEufvOM0yXX
Annie：我屋企都有兩件sex toy501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHEhgoU30B
Annie：我試過自己裝上假J然後插落第二條女度501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIzroSyxJY
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuPd4gsCEv
我：你本身都係bi？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxARVPEmDL
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA7Magd60E
Annie：唔係嘅，只係貪屌女仔好玩（大笑501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkse55sKtX
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXMaw77FjU
我：話說今日我去私影時都就嚟出水501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UOyZvgFfF
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2skFnOCjo
Annie：你都冇閪，點出水？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgt3sBofEx
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wAa5hjnMQ
我：人工閪😏501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQnvk0azzN
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK29UkU7o7O
Annie：😳😳501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OrfPowvx2
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqA7FQtsYO
我：你嚟上我啦（笑喊501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpEHLsnqvi
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjy2STvTSd
今晚看似她已經把我說的「豬扒」拋諸腦後；另一方面，我們已經聊了1.5個月，我三番四次約會她，她都不出來，漸漸地我也被磨去了耐性和動力。我開始有點迷惘，下次應該如何提出約會，還是只保持網上關係就罷了？
Penana
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