987Please respect copyright.PENANAyATDvZqV4p
987Please respect copyright.PENANACrR20Unx0i
其實我不是沒有喜歡過阿樂。987Please respect copyright.PENANATKhfxaeQJL
987Please respect copyright.PENANAFkOGrrxanM
只是,這種喜歡對我來說,是不夠的。987Please respect copyright.PENANAfTGYtAc4xw
987Please respect copyright.PENANA85175AHQtA
剛剛認識阿樂的時候,我就覺得他很搞笑,不是娛樂的那種,而是因為他總是不說話,和整體的Ocamp氣氛很不夾。別人的熱情和他的靜默形成強烈對比,甚至他每次說話時都感覺很放不開,有點緊張。987Please respect copyright.PENANAnlr3jxA18E
987Please respect copyright.PENANA2nHu4Hz1qw
這一點,令我覺得他比別人可靠,和別的滿嘴跑火車的人,不一樣。987Please respect copyright.PENANA3Knpxc50L6
987Please respect copyright.PENANA4eX2oG1OP7
我認識了他,我和他相熟。987Please respect copyright.PENANAhohPEmoIV8
987Please respect copyright.PENANA7OYZ2LBtmi
阿樂不只是林子樂了,他還是「樂仔」。987Please respect copyright.PENANA34OX7tk2XD
987Please respect copyright.PENANA5CSKzgsdh0
我們是同一屆的新生,有好多事都是一起學的,譬如Reg科。我登入不到系統的時候,就找他求救,他幫助登入,不斷重刷那該死的網頁。987Please respect copyright.PENANAxIt5MPL6R9
987Please respect copyright.PENANAdOouHjaTxE
我們一起在晚上行過新亞書院的情人路,正正因為很黑,所以要有人陪才能行。他成了我一段路的情人,我捉過他的手臂,然而這一種肢體碰觸可能太過輕巧了,多走一會兒,就已經到達了本部。987Please respect copyright.PENANAWfngbKon2V
987Please respect copyright.PENANAwsSliUBWEj
我喜歡過阿樂,但其實,我也不知那是不是喜歡。987Please respect copyright.PENANAzdYjAxprh3
987Please respect copyright.PENANAxFuqLfjM0V
他陪在我身邊,和我日夜傾談的日子,我有心動。對,我發現我有心動,會很想等到他的WhatsApp,或者很期待和他連線睇戲。可是這一種感覺,卻沒有很強烈,就是很淡,很柔和的思念,僅此而已。987Please respect copyright.PENANAURagxknZNz
987Please respect copyright.PENANAjj5Kjn8aFY
然後戀愛,尤其是年輕人的戀愛,這樣的平淡對我來說是不夠的。每次對上阿樂的眼睛,我都懷疑自己的感情;喜歡他,和我以前喜歡別人時的感覺,差太遠了,以前真的是心跳很快很急,可是面對阿樂,卻沒有那樣的顛簸。987Please respect copyright.PENANAmYEG7SdZ04
987Please respect copyright.PENANAzlGAI1E0pS
那一段時間,我淡然地喜歡着阿樂。我的表現如常,只是和他更頻繁地聊天。987Please respect copyright.PENANAIF1bD4rUyX
987Please respect copyright.PENANAohFcVvXIn4
慢慢,我越來越依賴他。987Please respect copyright.PENANAjIIlZRFXW6
987Please respect copyright.PENANA7vkrXlIX0S
但是,我卻不想和他在一起,因為我覺得自己應該要和「更好」的人在一起,譬如,那個人可以給我更刺激的戀愛感覺。987Please respect copyright.PENANAiuacoNRzHM
987Please respect copyright.PENANA40lrWUWya3
我感受到,阿樂也喜歡我,而且,和我的喜歡有一些差別,他真的對我很好,很照顧我,未必真的想在我身上索取什麼。987Please respect copyright.PENANAegrOLKUKVC
987Please respect copyright.PENANA8lRY92j0Xe
我對他的友誼變質了,再沒有當初純粹。我貪戀他的善待,即使我受着良心的譴責——她說我不應和他曖昧。可是,其實我也迷惑的。987Please respect copyright.PENANADyUYfKErV4
987Please respect copyright.PENANAVJzBjvFBYi
一方面,我喜歡他,也喜歡和他浪費時間;另一方面,我卻覺得將來會遇見更好。只是在這一段時間裏,他是最好的,所以,我也願意奉獻這一顆不夠純粹的真心,和他做朋友。987Please respect copyright.PENANAKXFN7FyVNN
987Please respect copyright.PENANAFz4pXAU0DG
後來,我戀愛了。果然,戀愛是很幸福的感覺,很濃烈,很快樂,那一條情人路,我也和男友走過。987Please respect copyright.PENANABaJJkVVIcN
這一段時間,我也和阿樂保持舊有的關係,他總和我說,我的男友是個MK仔,總和我吵架,不懂得珍惜我。我笑笑,總回答他,可是有你對我好啊。987Please respect copyright.PENANATaVsvhWDD0
987Please respect copyright.PENANAC5zLQO9Asx
我對阿樂的依賴沒有隨時間消失,在男友的映襯下,我更覺得阿樂對我好。可是,那一種看一眼就鍾意的感覺,不是阿樂可以給我的。987Please respect copyright.PENANAPeKw5adpxv
987Please respect copyright.PENANAyofF9d1dbZ
我和阿樂,可能是不夠來電吧,電流太弱了。987Please respect copyright.PENANAlMgWZEJIFe
987Please respect copyright.PENANAeA9KYVA2v8
後來,我分手,阿樂和我表白,我拒絕了。987Please respect copyright.PENANAuaC78CWmjK
987Please respect copyright.PENANAPeREKfXxoL
沒有什麼難過的原因,只是難堪而已。我對他的喜歡,不足以捆着我,因為我知道,我永遠不可能像他喜歡我一樣地喜歡他。987Please respect copyright.PENANAKq951WAwuo
987Please respect copyright.PENANAS5nvHnZdPw
講到尾,其實就是我不夠喜歡他。987Please respect copyright.PENANAIO3GrE9rS5
987Please respect copyright.PENANAyB9XAoqmxC
我們恢復聯絡,一切如舊。987Please respect copyright.PENANADGgUSIT1rq
987Please respect copyright.PENANAcYISOmPTXh
我見有女孩子在他家住,第一下感覺挺不舒服的,但第二下、第三下,又覺得與我何干?我有些嫉妒別人也可得到他的款待,但這一個「唯一」我卻不太想要。987Please respect copyright.PENANARY0cCQ9Koo
987Please respect copyright.PENANAySs1fM1U66
大概是因為,我有心理負擔吧。987Please respect copyright.PENANAYrjj25czW1
987Please respect copyright.PENANAaadgNfj8Rw
雖然你未必相信,但我是真心與阿樂做朋友的。這一種矛盾的友達以上也令我很混亂。他對我的喜歡其實也很明顯了,尤其是他抱我、愕然地看我時,我知道他受傷了,深深受傷。987Please respect copyright.PENANAYHSSk0QNYk
987Please respect copyright.PENANAEogenRK5T0
他因我的迷糊和貪婪受傷,可是講真,這於我不是超級超級重要——我更因而知道自己並不可能再進一步喜歡他。987Please respect copyright.PENANAQLOGF0jszT
987Please respect copyright.PENANAnB2r2ETbAu
我只得來自友情的心理負擔。987Please respect copyright.PENANAnQ1XqfZvy5
987Please respect copyright.PENANAI2DAKPCcD5
我一直都覺得有些虧欠他,可是這一路走來,我都說服自己一切都是你情我願的;然而,確實因為我的存在,而令他有幻想和希望,因而,失望受傷。987Please respect copyright.PENANASZEj3cf5Fh
987Please respect copyright.PENANAo66uCQoCr4
唉,感情好難。987Please respect copyright.PENANAGA27CbG60s
987Please respect copyright.PENANAj2rB3hEiXA
但是,就在這段期間,我遇上了阿賢,我喜歡他,真的。987Please respect copyright.PENANAuJphwNa6P7
987Please respect copyright.PENANAUp4CnL1F0j
我確實這一種心跳感覺,一如當初與舊男友時的心跳選擇。987Please respect copyright.PENANAxzeNPYbKwq
987Please respect copyright.PENANAQXAdfX0kra
這不是阿樂可以給我的,總是差了一些,或者差了很多。其實我也分不清。987Please respect copyright.PENANABJG3JA7ZSM
987Please respect copyright.PENANAzQx0NTqH3r
我和阿賢在一起。987Please respect copyright.PENANAtYhZCpHcTu
987Please respect copyright.PENANAUTCONYsiog
我不想再與阿樂像以前那樣聯絡了。因為,我感覺到我們都變了,我認清自己對阿樂的感覺,他也不再像以前那樣,接受卑微的後備位置。我們的心態都失衡了,一切都會很奇怪,定位模糊,只得不甘的尷尬。987Please respect copyright.PENANAJB7fuPCtwM
987Please respect copyright.PENANAfzOOD1agk2
我對他的依賴,也仿佛在這種拉鋸之中消散,突然覺得這一種關係是沒用的,對大家都沒有好處。變成,我更樂意依賴男友,還更有正當性呢。987Please respect copyright.PENANA2uN8h6GBnG
987Please respect copyright.PENANA1SRUzi7FRq
阿樂看似接受了一切,可是我知道,他沒有,至少沒能那麼快。可是,都沒有辦法了。987Please respect copyright.PENANAL3EYswfuE3
987Please respect copyright.PENANAdwWbI96Cnv
變質的友情,在真心和不夠純粹之間,都很難有平衡點。如果我真的喜歡他就好了,但我真的無能為力,其實我也痛苦,但也許沒資格說吧,所以,唯有希望他快樂,希望我們都能快樂。987Please respect copyright.PENANAb96s0NgCnj
987Please respect copyright.PENANAdhmvEJVjdo
阿樂應該找一個很喜歡他的人,然後相愛。987Please respect copyright.PENANAp9a2Rs5iBh
987Please respect copyright.PENANACXicR1m5Ia
只是,這個人,無法是我。我不夠鍾意他,對不起。