我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQjxe7sP1A
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiWBuyAd8v
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaDXO6Pik0
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDli9xZ3LF
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2VlnmZuas
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5np97IWlm
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ai6d3jW5R
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhZCu7vsOI
「妳是…？」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2F8qEHlVy
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGRoyjFPBg
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUy4ISoHJO8
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49XDOBCVrk
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLb9vlJfgqG
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Qzbhna0vy
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mzni0ZNBX
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWf6VYwynEY
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPw0SxRoSIc
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEpJOX96TU
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiMoFUvtGi
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKES5erNPp
「妳是他女朋友？」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZU88VUTYhu
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpM8zYgHyd
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0MjKwZK5m
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡex6lwuqN6V
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0qgdWQ8LK
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ibPi6yr2J
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCXMceBC6t
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0odJhX1mTC
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DmKhA3rDg
我一時語塞，沒能回話。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfSOzsGFX7
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1dSzJm68L
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhwBCFlaad
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkY6A1TeBlQ
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEAdPex3zN
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEgF6QuZ7D
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqAuUVwzyy
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eGjgbqRlg
「小姐貴姓？」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWbwgmXlcR
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrM89uZV0O
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfxecukcEq
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2u9NyKHWQ
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSkt9zDfRX
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUtM2LKukR
「糟。」我心想。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaeKzr7Bqw
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKce0Lz4UQ
她隨即關上木門。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8KoTgD2aR
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZNxm0GZZR
「她知道我是誰了。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6P7a9G9NA
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEACVdbBpVC
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLA8ggz4RHW
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5nsQc1I1I
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgq0ZtIs9Ch
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnstlBoKh2i
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItWgH0JWGH
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpIC3tg5a3
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhaZCfiA0R
就這樣升上了高中二年級，408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTRI1KkDkn
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuUG6R1JzE
迎來了人生的轉折。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA4pAlrzmG
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sF2Ud3MrN
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINkn76CaOy
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouidajJrKU
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67ei7RJt23
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd96iHYpJ0a
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj53iKoH5Z5
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KlA8fnS88
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHpk9KcuJE
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhASp9Sqlc
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBI0eIYAzgW
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftEQfNt88z
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xLrT7jnRA
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsbok02HN2
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8WmtYWVjF
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeGNFezeAO
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzqpU2fi9r
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RaT1WpofK
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFkcKLSa6g
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSz1MV8Em4
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVeDwjQwix
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk17tWUr7ov
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALpoZWiVeT
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMqSm2aOyQ
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Gy8vs6IjT
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsjdZFMile
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyrgbGRcoM
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAgVeNNbgg
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeII1wcVSu2
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhn5sOhUQ0
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjFI4yqz5E
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hUGIX7jq8
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTiFgt1nRD
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXAFmu0gGS
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMeLbydiHd
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGCcPk5KhM
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGxwiQABP3
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbECcplpGuk
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BmEp1p36z
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQb3jaCEig
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUVR1Mt6rO
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eEfMZfVZK
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MlGESPrjS
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7ZJ8aPEKO
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF9YI4sDWF
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRDMG59u3v
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtvslugUjz
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bL92kDGFD
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3W5RiHhiV
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUw3G8HKj6M
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAh2Dz0trxP
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTETkuXgOul
「爸爸。」我喊他。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoccPGZ9UJF
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQkLNyaXvx
父親抬頭看我。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXDFNGJa2O
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeCkIFZVWE
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TZkOqiXPI
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqM03jNG6M
「我不知道。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYEHyTueak
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYMJ2KEinA
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvwYTtxFNY
「我和你一起搬走。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmLuvrG9yp
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6r2Nij2U7V
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kAL8pFOW8
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20Z7Zq9ZSV
「真的嗎？」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawXvfCqCfB
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dNASXGhfB
「嗯。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7UxzTUrPY
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCnIrczZzk
「…好啊。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyedq9jPjg
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmrUjCtEgu
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPc2efUNAv
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiq10cbEQuY
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMt9Tk8XkPj
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ871OcJI1Lu
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWYBdpTy9p
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAPv5HqKvH
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFSwoE9sjO
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaPDcYtBXm
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNK1Yz0Vzt
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwXQ5PqdBA
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtSLF6AMYC
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTulaY1Dky8
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLohnBR6rd
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXNSPpDwLn
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4vrYvtD0u
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3XaDbcUTZ
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUv8nUSM50d
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawBEqc14rr
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkKqFcMrUi
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvyOqrxjys
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWpuwTjPQ8
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOfYqNTx7R
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx7vFvqAmC
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkTETfx6b8
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELp2udDvNb
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ15JqofAQt
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6binDR86UO
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN29lpqYvk
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdagP9FWU1a
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJqShf9hoq
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugaSZKVtOC
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirYisLUuKz
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NMrLUyfe9
但那是另一個故事了。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSb1zbjNB3z
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszm3tEjQvC
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rB5x0Mn5G
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTGeZFAoZI
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ31OoF7QSr
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79Jm1Il52b
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22IeGHYjLQ
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlGLbHSfZo
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEGMGlseof
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TzP8FU4aM
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KkEwKrBm1
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2hl7I21ZM
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkyh9UdPZo
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcUFkK5AKY
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSrr67v0qB
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9d0UfiI1B
難道逃出台灣了嗎？408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Zbrsvic8K
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SZvXj6fn3
難道…真的死了嗎？408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bZFayguqC
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdIjbA9DwX
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VKaSnCmh1
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNxLFOrHtf
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kj5NJFKJe
但父親不在家。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN0VqhACss
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwPa05iwwn
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh5YVM0HI0
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfmHH8O71Q
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY5bZJbx9D
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj43wmbP52e
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEo5j4hy3GK
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDUkCdydLh
「都是自己選的。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aaEoIYgX7
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OL50POTdg
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpt9V6Rhkgg
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoKstnJV3f
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYB3NvNyuM3
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvJPOmnUND
「乾脆，去死好了。」408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZQADBX0mU
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW7BNYYAnM
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzj9foDJmP
408Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXZq6EhEOg
待續。
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