我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl9BzGNYcc
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡribYLYao3Q
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLCR13gmKA
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxg95ZcVS8
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL7jeSsD2b
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVfiafiJ3w
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIz5jWXWHO
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9uoZ34QeA
「妳是…？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMN7McefolL
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtnGLApzDK
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DfO72vLTV
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYsKE12iy3
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPaqpnupl8
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx5kXvkpJ4
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3ZyMesDIz
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0hQChFQFM
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnc5P0LXRt
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRN0zv3UJlV
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3ppOd1d2b
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkfsDSCqbp
「妳是他女朋友？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TCA9E6QSb
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZgiPAgqoV
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2fP4bl6Er
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWYdfMFOAe
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4NZVHwhMd
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI0Bp5bNDv
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XLAdnmZbu
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hVqiWZnIS
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2i8sSOSLk
我一時語塞，沒能回話。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjxsfRWDda
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGtMwpK18A
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOvDOk4EfR
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg108Jims32
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSp9M7crF1H
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOGVxBGDiv
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyPYsg7tPS
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaoJ7HBcji
「小姐貴姓？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBDENzF88l
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAz81pnvkd5
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMXngQgdG5
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNyvEnOpw6
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvRSZ7sLxP
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5edqIAeAj
「糟。」我心想。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBTiEEZWog
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3mfFJTEV7
她隨即關上木門。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmFbEnY8W7
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxsr8SFBxR
「她知道我是誰了。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5165Tz4HfZ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCDg3GEYYI
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMl4IZ6i9p
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0dc6fLxyM
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjImhZP1hi6
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGFSEqO5yk
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hWO53Bfyd
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVM3jvxuSem
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KvqLvuuQ4
就這樣升上了高中二年級，414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftMUquaEEW
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGpWkrcM77
迎來了人生的轉折。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFJhU2mAxg
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6n3vMTjrc
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkHpXbHRIb
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60tHyys5Du
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m7mz4hUJQ
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZQYaaMGX1
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqZL1glemG
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTekc81mM5
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVMJ7A94EQ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyVGMoG3v5
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZrrVTnLTs
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJFexGvEaE
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYbrmNl5nP
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1bwqoQmvl
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98hXBWvweb
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5S873WUHL
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPiOUCRMJW
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHx3AJGQfKw
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhA2q6nIQC
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aGM5YBnY1
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdW0Tlhl06t
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7Pg8ygUI7
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3G870l9io
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwhrUUeeAu
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmY7BA9rrh
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnXpSLS9f9
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCH26ouczY
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZ36ahoPYv
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPue5DnGxp
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoiMFcASmj
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSKCxTBVn4
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV03pJZkuWM
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E3qDxAoml
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRc85pTGwy6
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7rt2Ac2pz
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Yc3uB0L5v
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKsvvuvBw8
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyoDNkz0IW
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClSO7HyOsK
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGzPXWpgkR
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOv8xwvjBA
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDYljA9B9P
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5bbxnpoW5
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklsWBeZVrl
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcfvSjdDa7
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFE0ximr7r
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBVSOBrWRQ
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CBa6AkIuF
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbuUQE6IF4
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbGuqyH7cv
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNX7VorypKk
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gdaA513v3
「爸爸。」我喊他。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlnlfeJv96
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJufe8t5MJq
父親抬頭看我。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cxrqGMZRi
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9hgusUBF1
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikzDpdTAqA
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZR0IbvxuK
「我不知道。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWcPqoMWge
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz51YdbckT6
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRhqE0BEsb
「我和你一起搬走。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzl3w7EiqZ6
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNM2nYd6q6s
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83VZdvYHXv
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHC7X9wEXv
「真的嗎？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPuEa5g9JU
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyxo2mALcH
「嗯。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNmVbbPCi1
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm19cmFDGLW
「…好啊。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3brFOtP5S
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNl4EMp6V39
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFannp1fz9
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXx6lfbnRn
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FKRwzMe1a
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbwjetBAyA
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisnQFFypFl
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIybuYiWpO
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZUiElaVjR
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybbw2lewdp
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHGioa74vx
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXlWpaA48V
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSr8zGzGEL
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYT1nljUfS
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEegzedWQ5n
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OWpda7AjP
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxwfI9Vy30
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTjjFrYomc
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ceWwZ88ri
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQe40oxS9W
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6quvPX8we
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vJVl8fgCc
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7GRGFzTD7
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXeossoJvn
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfm0knjmC5
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiLMB6nW36
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXIXuu8N4k
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDF9Jq4Y12v
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98GlbtNa5O
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlZhiJGBoz
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhi23jgUn7B
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoTDTmIAFh
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6jgirzEBt
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKAAHbKDOA
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mppUIY5cc
但那是另一個故事了。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpLcqA7ITv
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63UhfbqpDb
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡud0Unm7sb5
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Tztk0D8AC
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbBU6yhEjF
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmz76bXLZ1o
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMYIfviQmv
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4Fw4We4Va
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dBMri2F2N
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjO0W1XjsK
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRFQpYuaxZ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pHubj3OzZ
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08KokNCBiR
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwJFhQFuYj
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQg0DlNI7i
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRpPbFoL6I
難道逃出台灣了嗎？414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIEgYPuKDq
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawsMzunQPF
難道…真的死了嗎？414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nhG5zEV9R
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZq3YMzHn9d
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcBQN19QhO
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AMUnSVM2q
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5b7kxDCt3
但父親不在家。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipDSDtZ47a
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8ph7GY8Ws
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84D1i62xBS
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdIRpl2WlH
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinop6UW1in
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIem0rWyQOC
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwf73KnyWO
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlwnQX3l43
「都是自己選的。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitBRbj3gCz
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDK6FiLVvr
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbEgBofkSt
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgpswOAmjr
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpLkPbRo7a
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uVAVgkhdM
「乾脆，去死好了。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuvnPa8Pvv
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNO4IZw2fo
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76e8PDuLMw
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FWtP9ignA
待續。
ns18.118.82.212da2
