尋死的念頭一出現，我就被自己給嚇到了。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBLnFpjUH4
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8k2ickGXBv
「妳瘋了嗎？」501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHKKIqa0lI
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTc1fDeabl
腦裡出現兩個我，理性的那個正在發飆，狠狠咒罵另一個我。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KCCjAI3q3
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8zR4s7qKc
而被罵的那個我，只是一個勁兒地哭。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPX8F3Ay03Y
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqLMg3mvcB
我覺得自己隨時都會爆炸、衝動行事，便躲進被窩，用厚厚的被子蓋住全身，連頭都包在棉被裡，不讓任何光線進來。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBw6FidzBX
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKQe4PbEJv
在充滿二氧化碳的被窩裡，我全身是汗，滿臉淚水。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGajTN8hHCa
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0Cx5UdRVc
我側身把臉埋進枕頭，把尖叫送進布料與棉花裡。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObWzjRy78I
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnY0X98j9c
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDusSe1FLG
我往自己的腳下看，有一片草原。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccqPgF5w6E
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIyYBZNe3b
面前有一條石頭道路，盡頭是顆大樹。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9cGobVTX7
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPP18tsog5
樹下站著一個人，太遠了，我看不清他的臉。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXkqi1fkgX
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBm7QzvI2jk
所以我走近，愈走愈近，直到我看清楚他是誰。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSrY6TRVW7
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkSAKZhTnz
站在樹下的人是英傑。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvYbUmdEPt
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi16l26HbG2
我跑向他，勾住他的手。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuePoGjZ28
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3i09vu8GLe
他對我笑著，什麼話也沒說。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyScmiTVhUs
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zkknvu9ue
我像是要把這些日子以來，所有發生的事情都告訴他，開始滔滔不絕地講。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3VcQvv2UY
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjvBRjDZvI
他陪著我走到我原本站的地方，就停下來。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiejIhsqpnq
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OwNm56On2
我還在講，他轉頭看我，伸出手揉了我的頭，就像他每次做的那樣。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknWAhlnfH2
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIe7fTzC5YL
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLiotUELtD
我張開眼睛，才知道自己夢見英傑了。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksVWbavrqD
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUrJUmi60z
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnZrtgISUe
我開始懷疑起自己做這個夢的原因。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcihvZGN6fI
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6hjftzRMR
是太想念英傑了，還是壓力太大需要出口？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsduhG0RBGG
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUyatmKSTR
或是…他真的怎麼了，才到我夢裡來？501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5UWoKB7k2
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHDI8PLbCC
我心裡很害怕是後者，但我知道此時的自己無法找到真正的解答。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF4gJhGf9y
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXm6dU73EgF
這個夢緩解了我的情緒，也瞬間恢復了大部分的理智。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChW8WT6M5R
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbCl3ulK0E
不管是什麼原因，都是英傑救了我。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmUyI8qrsJ
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtIS5jIio1
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS14Te2TWL
我度過了心中的那個坎，日子雖然沒有改變，但我的心態改變了。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEy7bRW71o
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98EiyFVnVh
「沒錯，都是我選的。所以，我要更努力才行。」501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpwpljbNB1
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cgroNal6k
雖然，從那個時候開始，過了很長一段借貸的日子。人都說救急不救窮，但我很幸運，擁有很多好朋友，如果我開口，他們總是不說二話的就拿錢給我；就算我死愛面子不開口，他們也會一直逼問是不是沒錢用。我拿著跟朋友借來的錢，繳家裡的房租、水電費、瓦斯費…然後在假日另外打零工還錢。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡao0g7cJaaV
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qqeZVUEfY
高中的最後一個學期，我也差點因為沒能繳出學費而休學（當時已有就學貸款，但沒有考慮，只想著沒錢就去賺錢，別念書好了），但我那班不知該說是兄弟還是恩人的同學，硬是把一疊鈔票交到我手裡，要我慢慢還，要我和他們一起畢業。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZafd8uWF6A
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDv00S6uSOF
我沒參加考試，畢業後直接去找了工作。我還清了錢，卻欠了好多人情債。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2R7S5Vzk1
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0NpJV2cyC
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuuC4KgsMW
生活條件穩定之後，也談了戀愛，生活圈的人換了幾輪，越來越趨於穩定。
只是在我心底仍有一個空蕩的角落。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrVcEmdHEW
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbanjVNmWQ
我還是沒有更換手機號碼，一直抱著小小的希望，501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBXEscEVcA
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZOiGkAnVB
可我已在心裡默默地接受「英傑可能已經過世了」的事實。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXSIbOvJYb
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcf10xDnCNA
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKr72Jow4V
某天，我的皮夾不知在哪兒掉了，找也找不到。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbNyME0MW2
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yANmjJYg6
我辦了卡片掛失，心裡希望有人撿到皮夾，會願意送還給我。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLEmXEUdGc
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKbnNlaLyz
這時，我才想起皮夾裡有英傑的照片，也想起我們說好要另外拍照留存的事。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hPVnYlRda
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtG8z74hfuH
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5a5Wknqvm
我的皮夾沒回來，英傑唯一的照片也這麼沒了。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00gi2Pfbw8
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEP4bc8y2ZA
有時候，我會懷疑自己已經忘記他的長相，便努力回想那段日子，但畫面只是越來越模糊。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d6VgnrAUz
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSrB0OjXsi
一年、兩年、三年，當我漸漸淡忘這段過去的時候，我卻看見他了。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdC4gDDxgu
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1Ys5PGfJR
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfmplZcwxK
在電視裡面。501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXASkusvH3
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCNeLr3xD4
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK04b0cya1G
501Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla2tbBkOdI
待續。
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