我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ve7yFK3mz
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOwR6hjvKh
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7moO495NZl
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkQERE8CMO
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLth9THPsjx
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1ihgCaJe8
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjizkD1Rcz
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCyoEKtOL2
「妳是…？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e43iQUsRw
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3KvBeweG8
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HYyXmjsxL
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsz4VBMWgZ4
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYrmhFCjAc
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbrQ27NbFS
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7kRHMw9P3
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZr5ydX5YGN
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkD7khtuI6
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1sCnJAlNr
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAUUY13N7e
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1tksdgvjq
「妳是他女朋友？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLokWqyFAxL
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhrX5UQmw3
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqVcj8ss9L
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5btvbNZ1o
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZG15f6zzxO
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4UBb4Sigb
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqTaD7TATv
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rlc4KH4ZX
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YN2LYNKJG
我一時語塞，沒能回話。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaLY6Qz8dT
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlKCeXv96v
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuTWUUc3BB
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTfekhi8sb
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4Fiqth6lo
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusTclabhtl
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs62ga2zo0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2fxklDAnU
「小姐貴姓？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEx42nw9Y0y
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXp0fHHqLL
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVUE16EEWw
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UovzyuNjh
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzCw7u9S0o
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajC1W2V2PJ
「糟。」我心想。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpGIOYlb0k
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJO115mN3md
她隨即關上木門。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3R1jeNa2Qw
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsslcYe0iR
「她知道我是誰了。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcSmeyYRll
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6HT0AdAgt
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65CBf96f1K
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2nqdN8WHM
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXnn9giDK4
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1qFqOeRF8
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6EQfX8uKQ
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIEQ7Vbipu
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9V8EL7wtYs
就這樣升上了高中二年級，407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhfnbbEpRt
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUecPgO6SbZ
迎來了人生的轉折。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7r8yAoHq1M
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LF2ho33a4
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML3TSSFWVo
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCGFK8OQpS
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASxeVo0R2c
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz82jyD09PJ
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxg0kXRylm
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1nOhCwVQF
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYIMslT44B
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemNvjgHiTW
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuCI9wSRcu
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpu2H0uuq0E
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZtpXScpsM
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVosk0CTFeK
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxw5iYFZPf
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagXdQ2AepF
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMuu7t3Lr7
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwkZL4TRGI
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYiShqnQLv
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKe1DKd7O6
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpunkcR5U3
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPzWgPKlbo
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiGMjgQDdm
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WzOq67hKd
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIghAGh0qiK
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ioLTSXFlN
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdxt98xUOL
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYU6bAlawg
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv4VwkjLSR
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu8J52XZev
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbMTwg4Yxj
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLdoSC3zKr
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku5TQYaMfb
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUg5Dzg1em
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxnLflEvsm
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvypselj4Wk
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbHRL79DBb
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOK2ngEpaj
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5lPvBxQoA
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlZoXv5Jnv
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw9fDxLHrd
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtOQJLHQTD
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MsasoYwsF
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0TknkvEo1
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUovHjs4vxP
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMbOg8wjP1
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtqfKN3S9c
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZlghnM3Sd
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSLjlhOgZg
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTReR4OPJ5A
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyLWwK1diP
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrJmDeEWb9
「爸爸。」我喊他。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJdaae7oIa
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkFWZ3MfEp
父親抬頭看我。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jSBrlpMLO
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVVnVTsScK
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxp0F2FBfo
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUj2FzHKLx9
「我不知道。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWOgUfvuhw
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaTJzymZl5
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiTz2x4nA9
「我和你一起搬走。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWL2rFYf4ce
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBzvMgICZi
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2RC7C2Z7F
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHfLq3FUqN
「真的嗎？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIRi4XRdRi
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGYnV81SXR
「嗯。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGglC9OzLj7
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdQbBcj3R5
「…好啊。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEl291LXTm
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKf2jiewGHG
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgM15kpnGQD
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBMACktA5t
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VhRN6QvbO
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoCPEXo6NF
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHo2qkeOcts
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIDr2Y2PJk
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5D8piIxnn
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9llhJw8No
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACINkiHBZB
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodQ4dLPNYl
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLGzXVagy2
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8j703Evcnd
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIhLWmYb1E
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJe6rVecY7N
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvCefr6Wj8
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7vPnvMpvX
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyR7DFdWuh
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIyBF5MHFA
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleJrposOOy
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMVwVT7PrB
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qo5MR4P4F
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFJjaH7CBo
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWHoyhLtXn
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7ydDHtbA6
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OnT7zhMm2
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOz75qfsbO9
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCkZWy4CU5
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Gc0dEExJz
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnlzsBS5tI
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZNeGFNQJr
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkfzLCf0qL
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡws3tdMWhti
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6XhSXlQf1
但那是另一個故事了。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5neWaSZ7Jt
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqya6KZ93mr
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7J8KjrV0Q
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90DxEFNbzf
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuPYmJTv9a
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIqLHFoHL0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAIWzShka3
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4uS2hYhEV
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9okh3u2VG
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgxd4RNPfU
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItSBPiFI5A
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5ikn2CtSN
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZzzZ0bxPT
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4tonVItcT
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5ndQD5gxR
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoIWdWxBSW
難道逃出台灣了嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZJoRZ7daA
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IbIH1RdsK
難道…真的死了嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYErU88c6S
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbOATikOBz
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHppKGxLTo
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42dVYiQBdg
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPFshecbxh
但父親不在家。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMURZZddsd
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfg62q8k5P
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnh6vbbw4b
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2N83orXNa
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHthYnwGa1B
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVS9Jw6nD27
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwwFWt9FD0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGkNrzzrnF
「都是自己選的。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCREc85ihn
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjJrTl1fTG
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFG0DGp2r9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYheetz4X6s
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJybkSHBUI9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg3v5Qk2iT
「乾脆，去死好了。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQY4fCmt2u
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi06nOtsCLV
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3evV0kBRO
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jB5zg3o36
待續。
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