Priscilla：你嚟唔嚟我屋企睇Netflix？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHTWweD5yA
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeHuoh5QGp
慶祝過後，我就決定到Priscilla家暫過一晚。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwMaGr5Yht
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEnuCue0vS
我：你屋企人會俾我嚟咩？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecINPgg0nu
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQiTCAm9MA
Priscilla：我屋企人都喺上面，喺香港我冇親人。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eb2A6D00K
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmN6Y54Nrk
了解過後，才知原來她當初是為了工作，才來香港申請永久居民。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0RoypXAvh
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysLRMTe5Dl
最後，我們在麥當勞點了一份二人套餐，就這樣上去Priscilla所租住的地方。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqUjkMDaNm
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JsPgPqRvS
Priscilla所住的房子是一人房，空間和面積如我大學宿舍的二人房，她的房間也蠻整齊的，有陳列架放著她的書、化妝品，床邊也放著一些玩偶，她還懂得用精緻的白色系和綠色系的蕾絲窗簾布，來裝飾自己的房間。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMpAPAyFIa
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2h1J3cgFGv
Priscilla：你有帶褲來換嗎？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJ97ODMoST
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaP5E49I2E4
我：當然沒有啊。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccyCeVSnfu
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSzyoBWPRX
Priscilla：我這裡有一條大碼的睡褲，應該很適合你穿。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVXFs46Bce
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFaeM5UaTe
我脫下外套，和換上她給的女裝睡褲，便爬上床上和她一起看Netflix上的劇集。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp9OLKgcV8
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUZ3rKNsp0
嚴格來說，這條睡褲算不上是女裝，而是一條很中性的睡褲。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakfspdjkiH
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkeFEp3rpk
Priscilla：同你講，格離室友住嘅房仲大過我呢度一倍，但租就只係貴幾百。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFHJYFkGiu
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2Rqi6HzSY
我：你呢度係專租俾女仔住？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4MJajdmCK
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf56mNjbIkM
Priscilla：係呀。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdR2wd9jbfw
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjFzJMnKko
我：咁點解你又俾我上嚟嘅？你唔驚我做啲咩㗎咩？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOBZWvz9K1
（我對她微笑地問。）400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44nikIYdf3
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndRd6PmjEw
Priscilla：就係因為你係偽娘所以先俾你上嚟。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczO3ubBIol
Priscilla：我當你係女仔先俾你上嚟。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpK2a50GJ0
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73jADuQvLr
她說完，我不心想：難道我已經落入了Friendzone？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8yflnOkrX
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKMEYcSbRh
Priscilla：你想看甚麼？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOAWMfUvVD
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosvEl4Y6tI
我：睇下有冇咩日劇先啦。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDSPNW28KU
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnkEBAGh6B
Priscilla在iPad上滑著，表示她正在使用朋友的帳號，於是她又問我要不要一起開個屬於自己的帳號。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhBlfAccQS
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4rvJQRAq1
我：不如就開個account啦。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnojH9FrQ7
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJCZXAMRu7
Priscilla：咁我哋就分返每個月嘅台費啦，我出住錢先。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1vr2myuvy
Priscilla：密碼你自己定啦。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnA9iVujBhu
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKMem0Lwpg
我：咁⋯⋯密碼就用我個名，同埋今日嘅日期啦！400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxNxeG9o2O
我：就叫「watergod20220201」啦。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6eEO3viz9
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡet5IVLAGer
雖然現今科技發達，有Google會幫人記住自己在任何網站設下的帳戶和密碼；但我心裡還是希望Priscilla會記住我的名字，還有今天的日子。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9rQ0kzouf
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuQ0Pk4mhU
Priscilla：不如就睇呢套啦！400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEyXmwcVYw
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiA3khZiYcT
於是，她就點進了《勿說是推理》。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaICxlgsyo
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhzCIR1iWc
Priscilla：你唔洗返屋企咩？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWp6gpSbhn
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8fxQCqhAR
我：睇完先再算啦。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xwAoQJ2cR
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhE834Byjw
我們的身子都是橫向地躺在床上，身子是半坐半躺的，各自地蓋上毛氈；只有把腿子捲起來，才會勉強地把全身放在床上，我和她的距離，已經是肩碰肩。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy57XMcfju
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKZ8hBMJ3j
看了很久，她自自然然地睡著了，而我也借著自己疲累的身軀，打算順勢地睡在她身上；可是理性又告訴我，用這樣的「肢體接觸」來推進關係，太冒險了，結果我只是往攬枕裡睡著。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEALY7NblB
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51JjU6OBAy
-----大年初一的早上-----400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH08KoQm7y2
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPK2vHgMcm
我們的早餐，就是去飲茶。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpsu992fUd
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uZXmdwCCu
「奶黃包！」侍應有禮地送上了其中一道點心，點心上的每個白臉小包，都印上了一個黃色的笑表情，我有點以為自己在吃Lihkg的頭像。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilZ7LVANgq
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPonp4rp5A
Priscilla：你會搵男仔定女仔拍拖㗎？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2wEgKhnGT
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPn859fEzd
這已經是不知第幾次，被人問上這種問題了。每當我被人這樣問的時候，我總是要思考一會才能回答。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbOLHFDPzZ
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sUHnWS65N
我：搵女仔拍拖就梗㗎啦，但我唔知應唔應該叫自己做無性戀。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KlnaVLdlt
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTEfsJUJZE
根據「無性戀」的定義，是指一個人對任何性別的人感受不到，又或者是只感受到很微弱的性吸引力。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU04H87N4wc
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3AMWTH2ft
如果直接問我的性取向，就如發問這樣的數學題：0除以0等於多少？0？1？無限？無解？無意義？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzySzcrUjg
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cISSydeac
對我自己來說，最優先的性傾向就是戀物、其次才是跟女生進行性行為；而且我極少會主動去想像跟女生在床上活動的畫面。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplK7lPaiZC
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78aZ7NiOnv
都是那個比喻：我最喜歡吃魚，但不等於抗拒吃豬；平日如果要二選其一的話，我當然選擇吃魚；但如果有人主動請我吃豬的話，我還是會開放地接受吃豬。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJF89iDFt6
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QXdrCPePD
只膚淺地說我是異性戀，不準確；雖然在浪漫的情感上，我也是追求一個女生談戀愛；但在性的層面上，我的最優先傾向是戀物，女生才是其次。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwvRHmUxmJ
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUvSgzncyC
說我是無性戀，也不準確；因為我也有戀物的傾向，會看黃色網頁，這已經是一種性生活。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRO4vhxd24
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjUo2b5PhR
我不敢直接向Priscilla說自己是戀物，怕她接受不了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWo5nphcEh
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OihFD7AuM
Priscilla：講真，憑我嘅雷達，我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgLS8tadfG
Priscilla：我又唔覺得你係直，又唔覺得你係gay。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypjOlCCuM3
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMN8dceXb9t
我：你第一次扑野係幾時？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnXzm8EmVI
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfS3kRjqEXm
Priscilla：8年前我喺英國同過一個男仔上床。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvuHydV7bm
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzKnNUs8VV
接著，她說起自己的情史，我才了解到，她有過至少一次的上床經驗，我沒有再詳細過問她在英國時的那段經歷；但估計她和那個洋漢的關係，都是停留在FWB（friends with benefits）的關係。我有這樣的推測，是因為相信，很少人能夠接受異地戀。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrexUMY6ir
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIZpk5XrSK
又以我和Yuli（Ch.19出現）的關係為例，換著是我或者是Yuli，對於在外地人物的感情處理，很多時候都是「玩過就算」的心態。如果有真正到外地留學或工作的人（又或者是趁著假期回流到香港玩）都知道，常見的例子就是，你到一個像蘭桂坊這樣的地方消遣，運氣好的話隨時能讓你遇到一個心儀的目標跟你上床；但，上床過後是否真的成為了大家常說的男女朋友？有多少人最終真的把「佢」（中文書面語的性別代詞只有「他」和「她」，太二元我不喜歡在此使用。）抱回你的家鄉？又或者「佢」令到你住在異鄉一起生活？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtppGISo6Qp
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn888RXWaMS
Priscilla真正認真的關係，是在4年前。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnvhVrTc2J
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAwhiKvJ0K
Priscilla：我上一任男朋友係4年前，嗰時係我家人介紹俾我嘅。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8OduT7tmb
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSFA7ByvKN
我：咁拍咗幾耐？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsY3QQ64Rt
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh0AWftZnn
Priscilla：都9個月，之後就係因為佢對我用冷暴力，所以分手。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwddPgE76dL
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMkgPLNSLe
當她剛才說到「我又真係感受唔到你身上嘅性吸引力」的時候，我在想：是否她對我沒有feel？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0U9EQ8gM09
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fw5RlA0lP
可是當我聽完她的基本情史之後，她那兩段的關係相隔的時間，4年，也有點久，不禁讓我想到另一種可能：她也是不容易投入情感的人嗎？以她的條件，也經常接觸不同的人，要遇上幾百個男生絕對不是問題，要找上一個條件比我好的人，都不是問題，為甚還需要家人的介紹？而且到現在還是沒有男朋友？即使很多香港男生不喜歡大陸人，但如果要為拍拖而拍拖的話，最終也是會找上她呀。真讓人有點摸不透。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmS7mL1ULA
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRA953sYlVl
Priscilla：你係咪有好多女性朋友㗎？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCuea0WIDY
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9anWMmVChV
我：我冇乜女仔friend㗎。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg4QDu5P4P
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWQke88px8
Priscilla：下？你咁都冇？偽娘唔係應該有好多女性朋友咩？400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rRfsLl9ie
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8g6GeNLQMl
我：幼稚園至到小學初期嗰時會，但而家冇曬呢種緣份lu。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRV7R7sc2b
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLBzLOgOGE
我：講起上次拍拖，都已經係8年前，嗰個女仔係喺Facebook識。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKRiEVj578
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WIClzpGnO
說著，我又說起自己的情史。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToMInujS5Z
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xdRHJmZBm
8年前的那段關係，又是從網上開始，印象之中是談了兩個星期左右就出門相見。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM5RcBYo2Z
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRS4VGanUxH
我：嗰個女仔，又幾主動，我從未試過做主動嗰個，去拖人隻手，係佢拖我手先。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6A2tvt6Nd
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvzY0D7qQk
我：然後就係，「拖」「攬」「錫」做齊，只差攪野。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcxdW3rWIu
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8UZ4Urbyo
簡單而言，大家的關係就在stage 3（錫）止步。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufYCNkwRG8
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYj34mDJBW
雖然很多無性戀者對性行為（所謂的Stage 4和5）沒有興趣，但是很多都還是喜歡被牽手（拖）、擁抱（攬）、親吻（錫），享受純愛的感覺。 400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1H3BCUMSY4
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMwJtvFG3f
就連我自己的愛情觀裡，也是相信只有「純愛」，只進行 「拖」「攬」「錫」就夠，再上兩級就不了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2398FZjCvw
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAA9iAkh66
這也是我一直以來仍是「處」的主因。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDCe0ftn80
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOA00xj6Mz
我：最後拍左一個月就散。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru2OwiHOvw
我：就係因為頂唔順佢太過霸道，脾氣又差，所以先分手。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67ADnZXAMw
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXdnQU7dJF
那個時候的我，「偽娘」這個靈魂仍然是深深地封印在自己的心裡，連我自己也幾乎沒有察覺，我可是完全以社會講的男性型象來生活。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtGHgW9Ba4
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2eMl9n44p
老實說，即使是現在，我也很討厭女生霸道，這樣我駕馭不了。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡea42rCoWVh
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpC9ottBZM
Priscilla：我聽講港女係咁㗎。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EafoEXt3R
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H32eQD32U
我：係，但你又唔好以偏概全，都唔係一定嘅。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtgr88lQiR
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWnAhPbviq
這頓早茶，以AA制完。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwVHdnWBvV
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0N3gD9Rko
我送著Priscilla回家，在路上，「肢體接觸」這四個字像一個鋼造的框架，牢牢地鎖在自己的腦海裡，又是那做為做而做的接觸。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUte1hwFBKA
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcb8aePl76R
在過馬路時，我眼睛又是瞄著她的手臀，想了一想，好不容易才敢伸手撓下去。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKfReBUJKz
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLWzs3bgdy
我：下次再玩啦！400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKkhHejxwq
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFl5eYDNrf
Priscilla：來一個抱抱吧！400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBoRIscWwz
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUNMrw5SRa
在Priscilla家的大廳裡，我和她來了一個擁抱道別。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88Zgk1YYER
400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YdQwUtOQn
這個擁抱，只能算是一般社交式的擁抱；因為我很清楚地感受到，她只是來了一秒，然後就抽身離開，彷彿不再讓我擁抱多幾秒。400Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQCLl0Ps8p
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