我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYvhrzT5tI
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQNArM4k7n
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41uroVI9MS
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP93EP7mzXu
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSC6MwRvfV
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia3XyLYejg
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwj4wGWRvXb
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lC54qkW98
「妳是…？」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBpnzSzqC8
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZY6NxHT8xA
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlXgtOi8fk
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCT5Jt18th
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0GHnxdWOP
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqFtuHw0m7
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Rx02FG9of
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3jJTKXOat
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6wAAq3irX
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNWnBIAKip
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfQqQqeeHa
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3D6P9xVtS0
「妳是他女朋友？」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3tDUBAq8T
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCb1yJXBndK
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzlKFz0qWW
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFjfzrBuGS
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHwofOatJH
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuEvLKYI75
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3tmXXNidB
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTTsOQXhQE
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBVt7gLHiQ
我一時語塞，沒能回話。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTelBrsoJUV
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCEYYmEu5t
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSruwBqWCr
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCbSSpZpFh
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ702SfPi3kZ
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo06K39pYbZ
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ376heOK4Me
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmGyS3K0Rk
「小姐貴姓？」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrnZf5XyR5
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5N76XZ4rL
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc0zl1i4AJ
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt9pujHDR6
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOEw4Y6qxQ
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIHJRVsrwO
「糟。」我心想。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9x2XBl5Xm
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fGjKar5DA
她隨即關上木門。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk61VFqIrEy
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSpw0zKi21
「她知道我是誰了。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYw0o7zi64
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKppMP3QVnb
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0oaxiJWbz
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9w3YUI4ws
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWJWLF5ArN
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQEuhQ7XTR
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnoCBwOOsn
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgS1j5Y3Mhy
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0gCCfHVkl
就這樣升上了高中二年級，394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hamkjXKex
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqDjgFiBnl
迎來了人生的轉折。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5rbtk5Twm
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38Hg1K08OS
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREEsNrROZh
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nt08GKy5k
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIxvFpr4iI
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCIaUlX4KA
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGB1Rs942r
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrI3pwEHmlX
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbCR3bD4SI
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT0lgXaT5H
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAPT3ySkkY
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcFUmNMw2K
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgACS1zr9Di
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRu3fZ8wW7
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS93Zk26WWM
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19clSuaBwu
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yotK34MK0
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxx0fERr5pd
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBv9c3ZOi9
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQPbfLHmZx
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmlq1Lq4RZ
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUIe8yPOfe
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFiVRAztC2
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLt52mbjgI
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFXw7exg3E
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKrmUHNJ7C
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlI9yInmP4
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFqNl5awnD
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNP3gpFSX8
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCGMBFilQh
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fZTDFsEJm
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7nvjOozY7
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHG6TT4EwdM
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uGnBit2T8
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCYZj6KiBc
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5rXaqHthg
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3SSm0lspM
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbEqQV7dO7
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHZ4RNfAhh
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJjfAVsppP
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWyn1Es9zp
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1FhKvAVHl
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0m2Vt9OTC
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerGMi9YCqL
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6DhGAsArl
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3qjDfOT7x
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zSVT2zhCA
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUF1XAdOahG
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISjakix0yu
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bKAgY15dt
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDzCb6d3cV
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPx4Kqx0PA
「爸爸。」我喊他。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAAJfZa3rz
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zG4KPSVS1
父親抬頭看我。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKbwdG7OUj
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsbG3Pvjip
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgPh2YhR3Z
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aDYqW2Ni6
「我不知道。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkCByAPAjI
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcR4yNTUrW9
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLcAA882sD
「我和你一起搬走。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFq86vemCi
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvr8yVqEab
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dxLMcyBSF
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1J1ORQVPR
「真的嗎？」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9QUSS83JI
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFdZSvgT3W
「嗯。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqYWgKpKNk
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1X1h2pobh
「…好啊。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZb0S5MkQI
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO52t2pKZK
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhloRuhKAf7
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwv3bLy2Ndf
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLOBnFSgyI
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozJV3paOiv
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWCFzFvFFK
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlHnhf2JjY
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRe6uI0zZeQ
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshnXK8nLvg
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vTZPO54wC
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJhzAADWfA
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQWH056zxb
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfR7iZSDsx5
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2xMAlUD9U
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse78T4CONN
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bKthPI8gL
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29IE0c4HI9
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3BgFnNojx
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzxYadNWnN
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5RLybCfWC
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAlse0ki9l
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiQQ11Kr9D
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAB3xdZIOh
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtvuTWtKEg
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAm3LPUk7YR
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlx0bxFeVjO
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDDjruIhKa
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3sOtB92Az
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPBqrj7B78
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp32mivXByn
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtSqIE0tVR
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtq9kNNY389
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAAADOrmES
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofcHRXgWsF
但那是另一個故事了。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynBT2oAF3x
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qCv1ZdiGo
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIpQDoKbpR
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQVVsJg6eW
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9xeOIVpOk
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8J2FQRZ5C
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrwLIZn0mx
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQ4AGgiMrg
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuWoA3Hvoc
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUYrVyKU9f
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQg0ocQhbgU
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUG0jbv4CS
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhjolzNIIK
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPaGvYe7ra
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8EhzwYqXG
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfT101Sf2nP
難道逃出台灣了嗎？394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUR48xkWjag
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK81vM35lef
難道…真的死了嗎？394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ujPyomDoP
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Kwadxu9dg
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbUuaUqnvC
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9Auzm2IbD
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShsVhPHpCk
但父親不在家。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMs3v1hbSJ9
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThZBW4kj03
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlif0wSqGf
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N9B13q4ld
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYrjZMQ78R
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRKwSFwUBJ
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZZ8ci97rl
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvEIuy0aUD
「都是自己選的。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQapJZMmVsq
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36qYooCzQP
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VM1xut14X
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92gUm8RzOK
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQZ7GfnfbE
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrIyCa8PBK
「乾脆，去死好了。」394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMb5OwODo4
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDyelvxIk3
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwtXxzXzfn
394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVaofZA2Tq
待續。
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