Since the big cry fest over four weeks ago, my life has pretty much gone back to its usual state. I hardly even remember it anymore. I continue to work, eat, sleep, and shut the world out as I usually would.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulXnZsvOta
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRX95LP86YF
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj2fW1uS5Y
There's only one minute problem; I've been avoiding David, and I'm sure as hell that he's noticed. How could he not notice that I haven't been available in over a month?579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqGxITbbWq
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCK0c1rmpEl
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaDh8grPK3
I let his calls ring out, and I don't call him back. I don't reply to his texts, or his WhatsApp messages. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63NJZNYtZp
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU13UwZFZXA
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrlqMrYsSD
It's pathetic, really, but who can blame me? That night, I realised that I was beginning to feel something very strong for him, and I also realised that he had already begun to feel that way a long time ago.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bviv6EwQy
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcoOqiiGCE
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJU2xuqpNI
as long as you stay here with me579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNvRRdDI7k
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodAB4yxeDw
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RWJK9N8QJ
That's what he said after the wedding. He meant more than what was happening in that moment. I could feel it, and that night at Poetic Justice, I could see the way he looked at me, as if I meant the world to him.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡly8yDxb06u
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9kcT0xd8C
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyOnH10zB5
This has to stop.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDqnwg3G32
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5eWrSNpy2
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykjHSUJ2nk
I sit on the edge of my bed and stretch, feeling that sharp pain in my pelvis again, and I yelp. It's been happening more frequently now, and it's getting worse. I really need to eat more.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjrh4O3UAY
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8YOFzIjap
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhycEGDh0h3
I get up, not knowing what I'm going to do today — I have no work — so I go to make some coffee. I'm just about to pick up the jar that is now placed safely on my kitchen counter, rather than high up in a cupboard, when I hear knocking on the door. Somehow, I know that it's him; it's as if I can feel his energy through the door. Still, as I pull the door open, I didn't expect his expression to be so... worried. My first guess would've been that he was angry, but here stands before me, a man who looks like he is on the verge of shitting himself.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kZfQo5FsV
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJLQMyaEkn
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCWB7LAC9F
"Are you okay?"579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIDaYZjLOs
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQ2lvR8vgp
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzSmecB3zg
"Yeah," I say letting out a heavy sigh. It seems as if every time I think of him, he appears. "We need to talk."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ymT4Rau0Z
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgenNRU99UU
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvZ23w2oOX
I step aside to let him pass, and follow him to sit on one of the couches.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZzATcX74R
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsVz14aqzY
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOLzEW2SNJ
What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't love you? You're better of without me? It's not you, it's me? 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ykHfJDTFJ
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu68uSNt3dV
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNy9wgYRQZ
Instead of going with any of those options, I choose the best thing that I can think of.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpaAZyJizU
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4btumBTimn
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTWx00b1c3
"I don't want to do this anymore," I say to him, sounding like Rihanna.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjiSwjjLNH
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgccPuSwbg
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMRdO3l07E
I don't want to hurt you anymore. I can't give you what you need.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSzBsIAP7O
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYzVsgia7s
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlakHJx7LS
His eyebrows knot together in confusion. "Do what?"579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBSXHqKA1u
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrDMQZnNNn
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsVBLeYBPX
"Us," I say, but he still looks confused, so I decide to elaborate. "I can't give you what you want."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYFphI3Jrh
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBoKm41hFX
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2scEDjO3Qg
He puts his hand on his forehead and rubs it, letting out a sigh.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7O9O1YuUQ
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP5sDXp6dG
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2ed4CGRrF
"Yes, you can."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJIkVYGB65
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eJ6aRSyYh
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4KvbDjXTV
"David—" I interrupt, because to be honest, I'm tired of people telling me what I can and can't do; but then he throws something at me that I didn't see coming.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAETAWHE5Y
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDq56LjQexz
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6RwbKWOPX
"You can, but you don't want to. You're holding on to the past. There's a difference."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Qq92Xx6eJ
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqL253cdq4
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrD7Bcomi4m
All of this is said with a look of sympathy on his face.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lLInN03BG
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8p0Ljpoql
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNf1yW6Wvr
To be honest, I can't tell him that he's lying, because he isn't. That's exactly what I'm doing; holding on to the past, to my dead lover who's ashes are kept in an urn under my bed, who I will never see again; but there's more to it. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kgERTwG2q
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTmNI5kmQa
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSQWBHb0s1
I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to lose again. If felt enough pain to last me an infinite amount of lifetimes and then some.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gnlPlIPpd
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhZR41sFCu
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyybGtOWSIA
"You're holding on to the past," he says, repeating himself. "I get it. You love him, probably infinitely more than you could ever love me; but do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Would he have wanted that?"579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRBBGGahjF
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3611CkAnY
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRSgfLxs2c
I stop and think for a second. Would Andrew have wanted that?579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbL0MQd6st
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamBndxKtBL
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Fer8cFNRR
No, he wouldn't, because the last thing he said to me was "be happy, for me; live, for me." 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslcd6zaZJH
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf58gmVnbN
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgaleFcVza
I'm a disappointment to my dead boyfriend, because I can't get over my dead boyfriend. This is so fucked up.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqsl3XRa5n
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaWTbTc8Gx
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVS9Rl2FaO
I don't even realise that I'm sobbing until I'm in David's arms, and my face is in his chest; he's rubbing circles into the small of my back, just like he did four weeks ago.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx8LwkZdZ9
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSWp2czELz
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wx8Yy6n6X
The sobs wrack my body so hard that my pelvis starts to hurt again, which causes me to groan.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmj6LjnfSI
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvC8dZTYtj7
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiScpmdiFC
"What's wrong?" 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIcXw2IEY2
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMKgFzLkA5
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ940qZlk0OY
I take a few deep breaths, so that I can calm down; each time my breath hitches, I feel that sharp pain again.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6MwLPUi8g
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5q3JHK0C5
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiNMjzrtak
Once the sobs stop, leaving only tears flowing from my eyes, I speak.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllbG8r1GNg
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVDRgUtBYs
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQkbJzT4N1
"My pelvis hurts. I feel pains whenever I don't eat enough."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Y9QHVx0lX
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmcVvIe5XV
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1vgVM5Pqa
He gives me a disapproving look.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCHlvh7I6C
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQTYUuLAZz
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mJEClIxjG
"Are you anorexic?"579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX26LTKc78z
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVzLzwGsh9
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVKUCB4qyJ
"Oh, god, no. I just only eat when I feel the urge to. The problem is that sometimes I feel the urge to eat once a day, or I feel hungry and I don't want to eat solid food, but there's no liquid food in the house. Other times, I stuff my face like a pig."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqNhB6vs4m
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFAeBwnqY7
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ6RaGMkmf
He looks at me like I'm the strangest creature on earth.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquUSYz84sc
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr1USYdp0w
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQTS7JScbc
"Okay," he says in a resigned tone.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡON44IfT89q
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7BKF6x1L1
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qBwJBFBhg
The tears are slowing down now, and I'm beginning to realise that David isn't going to just evaporate into thin air because I order him to.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmsTuU4Szz
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JfQmshFJo
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw04p6PCBFC
Almost as if he hears me, he smiles at me and says, "I'm not going anywhere, babe."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qdMP04FBd
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHjCYwPf55
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcZa1sGMNP
Not yet ready to accept that, I let out a sigh — then wince when my pelvis hurts again.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29iGw6jwNa
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNxh2ibJ1h
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cmSyk1AT2
I ignore it.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclqwc5aPLb
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjc4o73t46I
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL7g7fI1kH
"I don't want to get hurt again."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ617YCssILm
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcwthEmlu5
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mG3CJ3DB8
At this, he has nothing to say. What can he do? Promise me that he won't die? That would be a lie.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzmGNFwuZB
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDdAdZhzcq
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mXggyXPbM
"I won't let that happen, and I can't give you what you want. I can't give you love."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBk04LcePQ
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8z5PrjqhyY
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw64N2HHf0A
He knows that he can't give me a legitimate reply to that. I've lost every important person in my life. He can't ask me to risk that happening again by becoming close to yet another person.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDPqG81GpV
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIYUsdvNsN
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNNApaYQHX
"This is why I don't have friends. I don't date. I live on my own. I just cannot endure any more pain, David. Love is a weakness; it it my weakness. It feels amazing when you're with the person, but at that funeral? You feel so distraught, so hurt, you're in so much pain, that you feel as if you're being tortured to the point of death, but you aren't dying; you're stuck on the threshold between life and death yourself.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8QTcGZd2M
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhUg3jnqcu
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscQFFwSXuE
"When I love someone, I do it with my whole heart. Whether it is my friend, family or lover, it consumes me. I can't help it; so when I lose that person, it is absolutely devastating. I can't do it again.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHNWodtQQt
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVk0DvXiO5
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Okz8Ne3tl
"So please leave, David, because these feelings that I have? I refuse to allow them to blossom into full blown love, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already inevitably have."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NnpR7PLoL
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFdJYgcvhV
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTVPemSONn
He gets up, and I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I can also see the understanding. It feels like it takes years for him to cross the room and make it to the door.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8eHXxWVbB
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DyzOTC9Ln
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hED90FtgN
As he opens the door to leave, I know that I have done the right thing; I couldn't use him anymore.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATFLBZFZp1
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsYHai2wAV
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDunDrmlAVH
So why is it that I felt the urge to call him back?579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNN9Nh58vg
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7BQso6k4P
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvtJWy4T7y
***579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2yCzySoVg
For the past two days, I've been doing everything to get David out of my mind; and I've been epically failing. Every time that it is most inconvenient for me, he just pops up into my head, out of nowhere.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aZbbiYIAI
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UjpLVWHjr
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUSCZyqEEa
For example, right now, I'm at a photo shoot for a man who wanted a few portraits of himself, and I can't see the subject through the viewfinder.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdsAYjiI5R
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJHPa8wTmA
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWlan6qYzB
"Excuse me, can I get a glass of water? I'm parched."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5EdCSnwDm
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQQx6bK2RT
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vKfwFflou
He smiles at me.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQFWjBh42E
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd56b0hkw4x
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOnn0yT0L3
"Sure, hon."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJfS5seU6l
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPXZCqiQCS
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCv6fTLKhL
He walks off, and like the masochist I am, I pull out my phone and read David's messages. So much for trying to forget him.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBZoqoymK3
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmEArcF4Jl
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtSVfcWvjf
The very first ones:579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OJrlIIWto
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ypD9gVM3M
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHWh7PJFSo
Hey! I miss you.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPc2IER9L6
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyXouhUARU
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnK4uYS7JP2
How about you come over to my house and sit on my face? 👅💦😉579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZArj2rBMbk
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiCiU7E78o
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdGHhjphP1
Leah, I have a special present for you... 🍆💦579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUV695xODyy
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4UpTPwxVR
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvS9BuQPef
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKdZO0Bx94
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKqn7h97rN
Then, when he realised that I wasn't reading or replying to my texts:579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvsij2fp1A
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡml7BqDNJcB
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaCL866Sne
Hey babe, why aren't you answering my texts?579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJKG10DqjQ
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEihzWGzy59
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnbjJ7Pwm9
Are you okay?579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMExbftMTl
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStKq20vOFk
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrYBY5XIKV
Did I do something to piss you off?579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcwAmiLSw6
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79pXNWoHA6
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlevkLtixLQ
Then, he caught on to the real reason why I wasn't replying:579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1IU8KSLeG
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfegqaZpRdw
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9MOTAQUnh
If it's about the other night, please remember, it's okay to feel.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJo5g3B54n
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzKmtq2yuA
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFDKEvlW9F
Then, something that caught me completely off guard:579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhAShIXkaX
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHb2JwZnP1U
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfeIz2Wwxj
Leah, I've peen wanting to tell you this for a while; I wanted to tell you this at the poetry night, but I didn't know how. I love you.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoofLcriCB8
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymPoPc37J4
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmkMscmE0J
Suddenly, it feels as if all of the oxygen has been removed from the air; as if I'm dying from CO2 poisoning, and my heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it is trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSrBUktWB3
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcHvZbzUuW
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXzV8pFU23
"No," I whisper, my voice cracking, and I let out a sob when I work out the date on which he sent the text. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DEWYLVyco
579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ms2H77LgR
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Two weeks before he came to see me. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRf4YD42ja
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Of course, my fucking pelvis begins to act up again, but the pain is barely noticeable over the pain I feel at knowing the extent to which I've hurt him. I knew that he felt strongly about me, but love?579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpvdAsmGpi
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"Leah?" Trevor says, with the glass of water in his hand.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6WmRQ0Pss
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I wipe my face quickly.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzByLOHs5o
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"It's okay. I'm fine."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSduxim1eMn
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"You don't look fine," he says, with concern on his face, handing me the water.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFV4aWL4J5o
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"Don't worry about me. Lets get back to work."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRqhAu5paS
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***579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUQEdhZkNH
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I'm in David's driveway. I know I shouldn't be here after promising myself that I'll leave him alone, but I feel as if I have to say something to him after reading his confession, even though I know that seeing him in person again will probably end badly for both of us.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ727j6fbmSi
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Still, I called him to inform him that I wanted to talk, and he invited me over.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpngId8w3SC
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I can't get out of the car. I'm fucking nervous out of my mind. What the hell am I supposed to even say to him? 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3cohDru47
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I don't even realise how long I've been here, until I here knocking on my car window. I jump slightly, yelping in fright, before realising that it's only David. I open the car door slowly.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKkM17H9D2
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"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to spend the night in the car," he comments.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw02blhqbK
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I close my eyes as I stand and lock my car.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiWHG8gCpM
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"You finally read my messages," he states.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLSoSDVwrk
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"Yes," I reply, realising that the ticks must have turned blue.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0gflfxScs
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I just look at him, and he looks back. Now that I'm looking for it, I can see it plain as day. He loves me. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1qQ1xH9kb
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If I'm going to be honest, I should've seen this one coming. He always wants to cuddle, he always looks for an excuse to sleep in the same bed as me. Now that I think about it, most men who are trying to keep feelings out of a relationship would rather sleep on their couch.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIMq7VTju6
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He fucking stalked me, followed me to a water party.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0QdNAZTTd
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"When did you start having feelings for me?"579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnYORsnMI4
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He exhales loudly, and then looks at me as if he knows that I won't like the answer.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk20RrwIiGx
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"That night that we had dinner together, right here."579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIf1ailgvQ
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Wow. That was an actual date. A romantic date. I feel like a dumb fuck.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDFpeRemdy
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He loves me, but I don't love him. Despite the fact that I feel drawn to him, the fact that I want him, not just sexually, I don't love him. Not yet.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv7PvVGdQl
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I'm attached; I swore that I wouldn't let this happen, but I've become emotionally attached. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMlhujNU8i
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"Leah, are you really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life alone?" he asks, interrupting my train of thought. I can't even think about the weight of that question, because he continues.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpiwUGQeFK
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"You say that you're afraid of pain, but right now, you're hurting yourself. You aren't happy. I know it's nothing compared to the pain of losing someone, but at least when you let other people in, you'll have some light, people to laugh with and cry with. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhqqhLUpeM
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So I'm asking you again: do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?"579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX1GrC7wbd
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I look at him, and I can't say anything; I'm speechless. Everything he just said makes sense, and it hurts, because I know that either way, I'm screwed. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQfipcZ4QO
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If I say "no", he'll hold onto it the way that Jack should have held on to that lifeboat in Titanic, and if I say "yes", that may not be completely true, because I don't know anymore. I hate being alone, but I fear emotional pain. 579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARYZ1FiNyl
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I just stand there, silent. Instead of trying to talk, I do the only thing that I can do in this moment; I hug him, and to my elation, he wholeheartedly returns the gesture.579Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98ABaMABLc
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Happy Valentines Day! ❤️😘💋
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