Since the big cry fest over four weeks ago, my life has pretty much gone back to its usual state. I hardly even remember it anymore. I continue to work, eat, sleep, and shut the world out as I usually would.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPBUuY42LP
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3x5Wr6TR5
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQqiYIOiCX
There's only one minute problem; I've been avoiding David, and I'm sure as hell that he's noticed. How could he not notice that I haven't been available in over a month?563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPRBE2BDQq
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEv5sZ5HaYE
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3MV89PUSL
I let his calls ring out, and I don't call him back. I don't reply to his texts, or his WhatsApp messages. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYYG3gx9dA
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8yFACPNoZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Dh9dF0qXZ
It's pathetic, really, but who can blame me? That night, I realised that I was beginning to feel something very strong for him, and I also realised that he had already begun to feel that way a long time ago.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcA5wbEF0p
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxSw88Jo2a
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgdjC0QWXd
as long as you stay here with me563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkzIU3DgO8
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEkvMq9gUx
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggoKVC6ru1
That's what he said after the wedding. He meant more than what was happening in that moment. I could feel it, and that night at Poetic Justice, I could see the way he looked at me, as if I meant the world to him.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM3kUnWQqe
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqrVJeBmPU
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0DHWWD0YF
This has to stop.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1VjGLdqwb
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjcWqJtSaa
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneDhEBigzw
I sit on the edge of my bed and stretch, feeling that sharp pain in my pelvis again, and I yelp. It's been happening more frequently now, and it's getting worse. I really need to eat more.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kLUoYc9Wh
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡED2wObBUZH
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYschOxE14G
I get up, not knowing what I'm going to do today — I have no work — so I go to make some coffee. I'm just about to pick up the jar that is now placed safely on my kitchen counter, rather than high up in a cupboard, when I hear knocking on the door. Somehow, I know that it's him; it's as if I can feel his energy through the door. Still, as I pull the door open, I didn't expect his expression to be so... worried. My first guess would've been that he was angry, but here stands before me, a man who looks like he is on the verge of shitting himself.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hxNUsd1o6
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pop8xTT5f
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9MMYXXd2V
"Are you okay?"563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6ocJzLnAc
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLRJ7fiR9h
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9lzJKwbWQ
"Yeah," I say letting out a heavy sigh. It seems as if every time I think of him, he appears. "We need to talk."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYBvHu1dWd
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YiRyBxBnv
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZ3PL1b99D
I step aside to let him pass, and follow him to sit on one of the couches.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYw9mwK97T
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorIRSNOVXC
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrF69odZNk
What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't love you? You're better of without me? It's not you, it's me? 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tiAf7YHjz
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31FBEe3d93
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCywFm3E9e
Instead of going with any of those options, I choose the best thing that I can think of.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufsKTcJ8bk
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxcU2JmNE7
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzKtGXKLUZ
"I don't want to do this anymore," I say to him, sounding like Rihanna.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmF1tLEX1E
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1XS0P8ywQ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NG726ZHfZ
I don't want to hurt you anymore. I can't give you what you need.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSYRxXYfUP
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmJf61PPDY
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmX6HfdHjn
His eyebrows knot together in confusion. "Do what?"563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vad0QhqrR
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ibbk0azcF
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaosnLyqDz
"Us," I say, but he still looks confused, so I decide to elaborate. "I can't give you what you want."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wGXqb2vlx
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0GXhR0ktb
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ9VZLhjZ9
He puts his hand on his forehead and rubs it, letting out a sigh.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh95JVKuYXz
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTsiLXYjSf
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTtMcvE6CA
"Yes, you can."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR47eQ82Rx
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQahQKFHyZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3B8YEbxGZ
"David—" I interrupt, because to be honest, I'm tired of people telling me what I can and can't do; but then he throws something at me that I didn't see coming.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq1Da9E6Nc
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGgD6lo29M
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcy9PCnc5B
"You can, but you don't want to. You're holding on to the past. There's a difference."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzGcqY6iiu
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wl8A9Gy0Q
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0bk0bKTkS
All of this is said with a look of sympathy on his face.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsipRn0xJZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNRRTk5O3z
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8H9pVIVOq7
To be honest, I can't tell him that he's lying, because he isn't. That's exactly what I'm doing; holding on to the past, to my dead lover who's ashes are kept in an urn under my bed, who I will never see again; but there's more to it. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fbGPcQpxN
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHk9VIFMx3p
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFs5S5JY6w
I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to lose again. If felt enough pain to last me an infinite amount of lifetimes and then some.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkO02pbpWg
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDYvSgTEyp
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIvNWXtmG7
"You're holding on to the past," he says, repeating himself. "I get it. You love him, probably infinitely more than you could ever love me; but do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Would he have wanted that?"563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9740zOdcfA
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMtX7J9uYZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARbPneJTyI
I stop and think for a second. Would Andrew have wanted that?563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt4MRwb0Km
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrl3swiNk1
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4V5Ch8mfF
No, he wouldn't, because the last thing he said to me was "be happy, for me; live, for me." 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxWIs5Acct
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jKMe8aIFN
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCPUbsEVpn
I'm a disappointment to my dead boyfriend, because I can't get over my dead boyfriend. This is so fucked up.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMUXiWLpvx
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKwZbXjERP
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWxm5ZGoKn
I don't even realise that I'm sobbing until I'm in David's arms, and my face is in his chest; he's rubbing circles into the small of my back, just like he did four weeks ago.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19u6C6c0a5
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwY6UfpWjxk
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxeXt7tWFz
The sobs wrack my body so hard that my pelvis starts to hurt again, which causes me to groan.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk01ogMmEvv
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfrRFFgQDX
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOiI2x26wG
"What's wrong?" 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTCIsgN53c
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBR2jH3mkJ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhPLtgyIyD
I take a few deep breaths, so that I can calm down; each time my breath hitches, I feel that sharp pain again.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVirGVjtYi
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoH9dwMX6ch
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJE0RVDvbl
Once the sobs stop, leaving only tears flowing from my eyes, I speak.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl638if6hW
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAZiq9bI94
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6ksZN0lop
"My pelvis hurts. I feel pains whenever I don't eat enough."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iQLnaIlvj
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XLZWJNWU0
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovlKSBDszl
He gives me a disapproving look.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMDUoTn7lq
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkvLOVIGqg
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zybG3oF9M
"Are you anorexic?"563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQ2kqGrYvN
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLw5Felr63h
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7DSVh0iku
"Oh, god, no. I just only eat when I feel the urge to. The problem is that sometimes I feel the urge to eat once a day, or I feel hungry and I don't want to eat solid food, but there's no liquid food in the house. Other times, I stuff my face like a pig."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFVpP9EqKA
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgbULk5xhs
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTOSbHf3yk
He looks at me like I'm the strangest creature on earth.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzp4P3Q275a
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JlWAOcgn2
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgug5sIySb
"Okay," he says in a resigned tone.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLsQbWkho6
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUf8lKo3Ojm
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNvEcW6Iig
The tears are slowing down now, and I'm beginning to realise that David isn't going to just evaporate into thin air because I order him to.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiGYunLduZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dxKJ5PVHo
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ooCUUzFEx
Almost as if he hears me, he smiles at me and says, "I'm not going anywhere, babe."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8FXVsS0BQ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfUChYJDAc
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVW27iNXeu
Not yet ready to accept that, I let out a sigh — then wince when my pelvis hurts again.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k5JHB5uAO
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8Xje3WE3R
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnFDQDaGom
I ignore it.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGstm8Kh0c
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39h37zYdNO
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3F4dPxYTe0
"I don't want to get hurt again."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrGFcMp0q1
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlFiESvi8d
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3ARnVnwcW
At this, he has nothing to say. What can he do? Promise me that he won't die? That would be a lie.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfaFHQnj0y
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrePXyPALX
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnv7W3GrYq
"I won't let that happen, and I can't give you what you want. I can't give you love."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMlItLK3rz
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOYBzG4cyi
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVB4xBBxLO
He knows that he can't give me a legitimate reply to that. I've lost every important person in my life. He can't ask me to risk that happening again by becoming close to yet another person.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CTltyosag
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAeDHA8YUL
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrXU8rjjfR
"This is why I don't have friends. I don't date. I live on my own. I just cannot endure any more pain, David. Love is a weakness; it it my weakness. It feels amazing when you're with the person, but at that funeral? You feel so distraught, so hurt, you're in so much pain, that you feel as if you're being tortured to the point of death, but you aren't dying; you're stuck on the threshold between life and death yourself.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApDgvhD8wi
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI0HyIVRHO
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDuY14eg4d
"When I love someone, I do it with my whole heart. Whether it is my friend, family or lover, it consumes me. I can't help it; so when I lose that person, it is absolutely devastating. I can't do it again.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLjRv9Khmv
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFvS6WsH65
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO5s3kReES
"So please leave, David, because these feelings that I have? I refuse to allow them to blossom into full blown love, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already inevitably have."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j0dpz6UvF
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWkV3u6Qcf
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfXqXcPTD2
He gets up, and I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I can also see the understanding. It feels like it takes years for him to cross the room and make it to the door.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPQt44Su7B
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtX5pRRNM7r
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhvjTILNIA
As he opens the door to leave, I know that I have done the right thing; I couldn't use him anymore.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡck06ch8tlV
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YuM4G99UZ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfIpyaIPII
So why is it that I felt the urge to call him back?563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4UgAgqa8u
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPJh43slKm
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53fJJ9kZ4K
***563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9bUAYOTzT
For the past two days, I've been doing everything to get David out of my mind; and I've been epically failing. Every time that it is most inconvenient for me, he just pops up into my head, out of nowhere.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5xyJiuVJc
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwMHinMrTu
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcWN4AXMH3
For example, right now, I'm at a photo shoot for a man who wanted a few portraits of himself, and I can't see the subject through the viewfinder.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXwTyHD7Yh
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKenxHOAMy
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzH56QmDCzg
"Excuse me, can I get a glass of water? I'm parched."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0jgoc3cuJ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jijjYOLt1
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmmOWLxxmR
He smiles at me.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DHjZ4HeLn
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz8NAuCNNW
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvydpmvJJYi
"Sure, hon."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLjeRsPmz6
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmHQJ6keBU
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei5bGMRPre
He walks off, and like the masochist I am, I pull out my phone and read David's messages. So much for trying to forget him.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFB3CzNBjU
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCWSZQ5yj1
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0N5HD6zXxU
The very first ones:563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEugPrcnT07
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzhKGusm3n
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjorZP3ZyTm
Hey! I miss you.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWq9ajNKCw
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxN98wAA4X
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwPRWHr6iX
How about you come over to my house and sit on my face? 👅💦😉563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NNw0VBytn
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeGxa2TIJz
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRX9nf2KYO
Leah, I have a special present for you... 🍆💦563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsze46bwHo
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoQ3Tsp73m
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzj0UCJwcY
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneA65mOX7P
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxd7PShUoz
Then, when he realised that I wasn't reading or replying to my texts:563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JIguxanoq
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiiuOAxXld
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB2EgsSzxy
Hey babe, why aren't you answering my texts?563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQBg5FzziS
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUIHhKaF0j
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rz7vLcg0l
Are you okay?563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwHocqIlKO
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckI4KBbGP1
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUZ2MN68sB
Did I do something to piss you off?563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDJlSYEdKX
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94dDCxwmTP
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH32OYOVeBm
Then, he caught on to the real reason why I wasn't replying:563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IOFwvTHCl
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeoTUHCbXP
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mxs5RQvuT
If it's about the other night, please remember, it's okay to feel.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuJA0evSDQ
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmD9AOIbp8Z
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohlY2NHaeC
Then, something that caught me completely off guard:563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4MaEtOXM4
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse62jZstyV
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx13ogw5R0c
Leah, I've peen wanting to tell you this for a while; I wanted to tell you this at the poetry night, but I didn't know how. I love you.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTs3rOZlOu
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTlmfpcAyH
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sdnqHJlrm
Suddenly, it feels as if all of the oxygen has been removed from the air; as if I'm dying from CO2 poisoning, and my heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it is trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwe4mpITYv
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDAQgFcGAT
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMdXr7Q1d7
"No," I whisper, my voice cracking, and I let out a sob when I work out the date on which he sent the text. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7GEk43sXA
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKNq8jqcwq
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjOWhmma56
Two weeks before he came to see me. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVVfw8vDBa
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyrSgmM2fd
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cxCdcmZI6
Of course, my fucking pelvis begins to act up again, but the pain is barely noticeable over the pain I feel at knowing the extent to which I've hurt him. I knew that he felt strongly about me, but love?563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkIJNSJwXt
563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbGTtuzAnQ
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"Leah?" Trevor says, with the glass of water in his hand.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8iFyYPC9q
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I wipe my face quickly.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0glHXdfVX7
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"It's okay. I'm fine."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcKHX2Opxk
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"You don't look fine," he says, with concern on his face, handing me the water.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfl33ah5dM
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"Don't worry about me. Lets get back to work."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoGo8UB3IX
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***563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWc7BRcEgoz
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I'm in David's driveway. I know I shouldn't be here after promising myself that I'll leave him alone, but I feel as if I have to say something to him after reading his confession, even though I know that seeing him in person again will probably end badly for both of us.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlgaTtjukf
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Still, I called him to inform him that I wanted to talk, and he invited me over.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY02n6iUXrW
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I can't get out of the car. I'm fucking nervous out of my mind. What the hell am I supposed to even say to him? 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue9HStyBxk
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I don't even realise how long I've been here, until I here knocking on my car window. I jump slightly, yelping in fright, before realising that it's only David. I open the car door slowly.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjQP4pOgJP
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"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to spend the night in the car," he comments.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWJhksrgLg
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I close my eyes as I stand and lock my car.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjeBjCe4EV
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"You finally read my messages," he states.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRvGNvJrbY
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"Yes," I reply, realising that the ticks must have turned blue.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzw4xhYyBc
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I just look at him, and he looks back. Now that I'm looking for it, I can see it plain as day. He loves me. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZY5sZzYgN
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If I'm going to be honest, I should've seen this one coming. He always wants to cuddle, he always looks for an excuse to sleep in the same bed as me. Now that I think about it, most men who are trying to keep feelings out of a relationship would rather sleep on their couch.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuqeqALyG7
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He fucking stalked me, followed me to a water party.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELXuVDGn4x
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"When did you start having feelings for me?"563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHoeRp39Yw
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He exhales loudly, and then looks at me as if he knows that I won't like the answer.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cxGnDFaBs
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"That night that we had dinner together, right here."563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D7xtVJJRW
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Wow. That was an actual date. A romantic date. I feel like a dumb fuck.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEEIlpfCOH
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He loves me, but I don't love him. Despite the fact that I feel drawn to him, the fact that I want him, not just sexually, I don't love him. Not yet.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zEoqJjmjt
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I'm attached; I swore that I wouldn't let this happen, but I've become emotionally attached. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqPXhD8pHu
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"Leah, are you really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life alone?" he asks, interrupting my train of thought. I can't even think about the weight of that question, because he continues.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIcDoxyuHr
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"You say that you're afraid of pain, but right now, you're hurting yourself. You aren't happy. I know it's nothing compared to the pain of losing someone, but at least when you let other people in, you'll have some light, people to laugh with and cry with. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9lJCGLfyU
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So I'm asking you again: do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?"563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3drzQZR4Od
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I look at him, and I can't say anything; I'm speechless. Everything he just said makes sense, and it hurts, because I know that either way, I'm screwed. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYTeSJd97W
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If I say "no", he'll hold onto it the way that Jack should have held on to that lifeboat in Titanic, and if I say "yes", that may not be completely true, because I don't know anymore. I hate being alone, but I fear emotional pain. 563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI9pQETHtu
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I just stand there, silent. Instead of trying to talk, I do the only thing that I can do in this moment; I hug him, and to my elation, he wholeheartedly returns the gesture.563Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8cESpsxeO
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Happy Valentines Day! ❤️😘💋
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