從安布羅斯回來,已經又過了一個月。33Please respect copyright.PENANAUyp3HAUJgi
這段時間,蘇硯扔了不少資料給我,說是要「好好補償」他這三年的損失。33Please respect copyright.PENANAYjjMAjia8H
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……什麼損失嘛。33Please respect copyright.PENANA1t6RgQm7VM
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但他說得一本正經,連眼神都帶著幾分「這是理所當然」的正氣凜然,讓人無從反駁。於是,我只能乖乖接下那些堆積如山的文獻與研究計畫,開始適應回來後的生活。33Please respect copyright.PENANAOaczdFtUof
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學術界變化很快,雖然這幾年我沒有真正離開過這個領域,但國內的環境終究和國外不同,而且,過去三年,我一直都是在邊緣徘徊。33Please respect copyright.PENANARTYPbWlD7g
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現在我開始重新熟悉這裡的研究進展,也參加幾場小型的學術研討,見了一些舊識與新面孔,漸漸找回「高階研究人員」這個身份的感覺。33Please respect copyright.PENANAnm5MkuI5x2
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比起三年前,現在的我少了幾分焦躁,卻多了一種更穩定的心境。33Please respect copyright.PENANANy8bdPHhWi
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這樣的生活……比我想像中要順利許多。33Please respect copyright.PENANAUNOnbrIIx4
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「會後悔嗎?」33Please respect copyright.PENANAlpSMzt1Hgz
蘇硯問過我這個問題。33Please respect copyright.PENANAEAzkOS0psI
33Please respect copyright.PENANAV2jAetUFLq
那天他帶我去了一家新的咖啡館,店內的香氣讓我想起了Luna,讓我不由自主地出神了片刻。33Please respect copyright.PENANAoDs6Nhz5Lm
33Please respect copyright.PENANAB2z9T2XuVy
「回來這裡,真的不會後悔?」他語氣懶懶的,像是在隨口問著,卻又帶著幾分探究的意味。33Please respect copyright.PENANAjgudAppieZ
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我搖了搖頭,手指輕輕摩挲著杯緣。33Please respect copyright.PENANAN4SfPRwOQJ
「不會。」我歪著頭,思考了會。33Please respect copyright.PENANAnLh3lrJOqK
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安布羅斯的確是個很舒服的地方,Luna也是讓人安心的歸屬,但……那並不是我的終點。33Please respect copyright.PENANARnys5xQw6u
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我曾經害怕過回來,也曾經猶豫過,甚至登機前都還有那麼一瞬間遲疑過。33Please respect copyright.PENANAOH0M13E51N
──我真的該搭上飛機嗎?33Please respect copyright.PENANAkcMuxO7Cph
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但現在,回來以後,我已經確定自己不會再逃了。33Please respect copyright.PENANAQ30LG9sUAs
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「我很喜歡,現在的生活。」33Please respect copyright.PENANA44O5FRnTwJ
「妳確定?」33Please respect copyright.PENANAmP6KK1FNSx
33Please respect copyright.PENANAtYu85e4AEr
「確定。」我輕輕地笑了笑,「學長要是再問下去,會讓人覺得你才是那個不確定的人哦。」33Please respect copyright.PENANA4lT4oXfUNp
33Please respect copyright.PENANAELz8a5Y2EH
蘇硯瞥了我一眼,哼了一聲,「我是怕妳回來後又鑽牛角尖,然後又搞什麼『學術界不適合我』的戲碼,又要大逃跑。你學長沒有那麼多美國時間陪妳玩!」33Please respect copyright.PENANAFvBQVJkIcb
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「這次不會了。」我很認真地說,「因為我知道,我是為了自己回來的。」33Please respect copyright.PENANAvNN23mPoit
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有時候,我仍然會想起安布羅斯,想起Luna,想起店長。33Please respect copyright.PENANAezq3Ks73Ti
33Please respect copyright.PENANAQnGnVUYkWZ
這個習慣在回來的第一個月特別明顯,每當研讀資料到深夜,坐在書房裡看著電腦螢幕時,腦海中偶爾會浮現那些畫面——33Please respect copyright.PENANA5od6Uoa7P0
晨光透過玻璃窗灑落,溫暖地映在咖啡杯旁。33Please respect copyright.PENANAIs6sg48d5O
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店長忙碌時,總會隨手將長髮盤起,嘴裡嘀咕著「這群客人真是越來越挑剔了」。33Please respect copyright.PENANAsMTM9ezHIH
而我站在吧台後,靜靜地磨著咖啡豆,等待水溫達到適當的溫度。33Please respect copyright.PENANArfJrvI1nD3
那時候的生活平靜而安穩,像是停泊在岸邊的船,不用擔心風浪,也不用害怕目的地。33Please respect copyright.PENANAlrlH3C1jJy
只是現在,我選擇再次揚帆了。33Please respect copyright.PENANAiZgPPDqoc4
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關於他……33Please respect copyright.PENANA2QwXuu5naO
我不會說,我完全沒有想起過他。33Please respect copyright.PENANAf4dohw7QR5
許墨這個人,無論如何,都不可能被輕易從記憶裡抹去。33Please respect copyright.PENANAXcpSfbHb60
但過去那些帶著痛苦與糾結的回憶,現在卻像是被時間打磨過一般,變得不再那麼鋒利。33Please respect copyright.PENANAPx3HjOy4tr
偶爾會想起。33Please respect copyright.PENANAxIoTjezd2p
但不再讓人感到難以承受。33Please respect copyright.PENANAApIzmREeJe
這讓我確定,回來的決定,並不是因為他,而是因為——這是我為自己做的選擇。33Please respect copyright.PENANAqfGFpuv8II
只是,我認為,我還不能去見他。我要找到最喜歡的自己,才能去見他。33Please respect copyright.PENANAyPctaE0BwT
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時間慢慢推進,日子一天天過去,我的生活步入了正軌。33Please respect copyright.PENANAKvFCogZAjX
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某天,蘇硯突然告訴我,他那邊有一個研究員的職缺,問我要不要考慮看看。33Please respect copyright.PENANA8NopkkyLPP
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「學長缺人?」我看著他,眼神帶著幾分調侃,「該不會是為了讓我還債,才故意留了一個空缺吧?」33Please respect copyright.PENANA288tsA2Rue
「妳要這麼想也行。」他一派理所當然地說,「總之這個機會擺在這裡,接不接隨妳。」33Please respect copyright.PENANAroiwkEjoL5
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我沒有立刻回答,只是低頭想了一會兒。33Please respect copyright.PENANA591Q7knk2z
如果接受這個職位,那意味著——33Please respect copyright.PENANALrZ3k8lF5E
我會再次正式進入這個圈子,會再次站到與許墨同樣的高度,甚至……可能會有交集。33Please respect copyright.PENANALykH7wVPcb
但我已經不再害怕了。33Please respect copyright.PENANAZbtCASSVu7
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我放下咖啡杯,抬頭看向蘇硯,輕輕地笑了一下。33Please respect copyright.PENANAdSPFekkvAj
「好啊。」33Please respect copyright.PENANA366ETr9Tp0
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這一天,窗外陽光正好。或許,我的春天,也該來了。33Please respect copyright.PENANAO2yIQJkCGG