前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieiF6tS6Nx
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVuBoil2xr
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對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEx3sL1Lmr
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLSelZ2Gu9
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我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGfp1KFytZ
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclwFFHPOzJ
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7xvX0WJwl
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSKRWGJoV0
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另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZDd4F1PRz
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374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UhuiKjd9G
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGyezQ9ryt
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYMPonZiBl
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnZsqhsPV1
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIIc92Gv8p
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56XypsATtD
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTGgPyfXax
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkyF1jXat0
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkp0zVGw2dp
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfFN5ikDQs
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3C2p5adP8W
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5sIdQrnKv
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNifdAV9SZj
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU3AmyrGXA
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7jXJZYY8z
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6KeyJ2UZr
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81ntgc1xOT
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfkQIyFXJ5
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooo8xqitxA
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MIPiiySL3
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnOFwwzFkt
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AZri3Hoin
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ospembGqn
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaktQvJpdVj
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFQz5VTwEV
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmDAxzeABA
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEKtin2f2j
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMs5PHlRTb
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYREX21x6gF
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaqyn6xWUv
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYs4XjtgkQ
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9prPCTfILF
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwd4rHuAnB
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z9OmBMXHH
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2K0vuvnkp
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsqLDJBHJB
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JxUO1TIuf
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag9Ec5SkY7
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfSkACIxEw
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBnkHlG6fU
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrXCVTkAEb
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzPqBFPwdG
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTK85eX3RL
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBvtqGUxzS
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDlz33hlCK
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ979HgMzcwu
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡein3uSXQaq
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjw78I8OYOB
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50BUZWwLXw
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitFmn78Hvm
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374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3x557Uwsj
另外，稍微補充一點。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcx9cMJEtEd
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSwEkNoWTN
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQfd6upFk2
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgsV49xk8V
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（以下都我隨便舉的）374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9arvNTC4xT
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OHOeP8I7v
例如：374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieW7407GWB
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSqfHYfvMK
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0TDznCrct
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddUSeXeZka
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjF8AsGsxk
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3uvNsdY5u
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WHibBGxc4
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyE3s2w0grV
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Elv6x7teB
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MG34yGK6Z
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiauBfkTkB
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDgarhhA38
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSppHEGmXdy
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphuo0fJ7u8
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaCokJ4a8R
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEl3i0MdwI
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHwoa1vWOZ
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLP9pF2UmFy
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlAuquFlEB
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0b0kHCORG
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvtRPsV8Lx
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2mTc3Mj4n
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbMEhSX2PC
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbFhxpQ7qT
大概是這種感覺。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIZpwepJvv
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyGdQQe5Zj
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfioxqHzr9
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYy56AmNsD6
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHvD3a4ALY
374Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjOjH2VtcQ
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