前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoIDnYXtOE
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziIso0diFI
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3fsP31c3g
整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHfTsmaqFn
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZZA4izwaf
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1vmQmn9BL
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1fN00gUSj
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPMMagK0NS
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoDNhkcrcs
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaabAGfv6F0
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKqIReN1nL
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe3FtgKxP0
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUacJH9H1LD
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLRNhANJwP
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjX0x5u1dD
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXmxPcgaUP
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLDGrJJuAJ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYv97m85jk
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcFh27b6Lh
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdovJ4QJGQ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS3e1GHnj4
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78WGNat0fV
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3Uvu7HXg2
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKQOkdTd0X
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvM1UTLdbn
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6U4tmWLEg1
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHofXYRd526
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMvCmL7qcL
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRmwYQIQtI
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8kAh41W6I
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM65ReFIo53
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxjKCaZjBm
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUKL52ZXPe
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjM4IeTza4n
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYTXsx8b9F
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkccbeXoGQV
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbnNWjnWBj
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbSEUELlDs
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHHsRkEL7p
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYQQgwmFAa
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZOSHaFBGI
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FGRKd6L9R
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEsaE7gA1e
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAzmoCPGrV
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLc7I9xtGEo
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3W5VeDZQB
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwbDLDT7LG
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPbqMiD7Ip
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzUNPzaFCW
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFJ5OYHoj4
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70VydSfbcv
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrebjtlzOZK
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEwEutV3gh
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ154s4bCDVJ
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEX2GYUixL3
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX85Jydx1QF
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLEGXsmPCA
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGEbhDltgG
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEK14WSYP3
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0kpGeGBtV
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0FMIyl4qK
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivtFNmeWEC
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfCqsdhMFD
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAY0jgz12a
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgGSv9EinZ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1q6vspATu
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxqgQzU5Fx
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLIJNtkZ76
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpD8Tc0VhN
另外，稍微補充一點。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8207ZlKLq
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbubeIVdmKZ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdLzMUx0Ew
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYNLbFkSsZ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGXWvAFmUd
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（以下都我隨便舉的）379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQlvR7tpUO
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例如：379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVnIaFYXsJ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdJf7pOB2t
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomsuOmYoWH
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0gUHcab1Z
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdN1QGOYaKf
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPNIwh8EiF
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0WraWuErN
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0eQ1vTCPX
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu7NPovs80
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQhiqHD7WK
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XNhuffY4A
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhOHbTpvEN
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BcUv5KHfZ
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WUN2easgF
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1b4XeF6JyC
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFKmhyCQ9u
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXMPpYWuSc
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SUHRVCPT6
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSmjHAbiDe
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTviQkQPicP
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EH2DDWkpl
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL85xOEOqVN
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6uSUeISAH
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGWhya3hM0
大概是這種感覺。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchNLCOmsZ7
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBMBqAhVS6
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIBgLe0fAx
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkKhEuQFJB
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8u6Acx0RA
379Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdUay0Sneh
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