“It's been…… 10 years huh……” In front of me is a grave and on top of it writes the name Lilith Aku.
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Lilith Aku, that's the name of the girl that I bullied 10 years ago when we were both 15. Like any other bullying it started with some really stupid reason. If I remember correctly it was because she was beautiful. Unlike me who needed to do a lot of daily care to keep it together she was a natural, even if she didn't do anything she would still have easily been the most beautiful girl at school. Me and some other girls couldn't take that so we started picking on her.
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I still clearly remember the first time I picked on her. We were in the park, me and my friends were surrounding her, claiming that she is cocky because she is beautiful. We were shouting and laughing at her and it was at that moment that I saw her eyes through her lowered head and long bangs. It was eyes that were as if they were looking at bugs, eyes that were as if they were looking at something that was inferior, eyes that were as if they were looking at something pitiful. I was shocked, can't she see! The fact that she is at a disadvantage, the fact that she is being picked on and the fact that she should be below us! Yet those eyes, they were looking at me, straight at me and just for a second I was overwhelmed by them. Embarrassed and shocked by getting overwhelmed, I pushed down Lilith as an act to take out my anger. Yet she has a faint smile on her face, a faint smile that only I can see. Fear ran down my whole body and again embarrassed and shocked by my fear I again took it out on her, desperate for her to stop looking at me that way.
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"It took me 10 years until I can finally admit it, but I was scared of you Lilith, from the very start I was scared of you." Turning around, I sit down on Lilith's grave. "Even after your death I was scared of you, scared that you weren't actually dead, scared that you'll come back and haunt me as a ghost, scared that those eyes of yours will eventually look at me again. However, the ultimate thing I'm scared of is the concept of me being scared of you. The sole fact of admitting that might crush my soul, but not anymore Lilith, not anymore. Today I can finally admit that I am scared of you, no matter if it is the past or the future I am scared of you." As I admit the fact that I am scared of Lilith I feel a huge rock lift off my chest. Looking at the blue sky, it almost feels refreshing, I feel like I can finally confront the deeds I have done now. Turning around and looking at Lilith's grave I slip back into my memories.
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