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• 🕶 Everybody Falls •221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AUX5nJ03A
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Maybe I should leave?221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e6KsjhND9
Maybe I should go back?221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jpBUQxlvQ
I've never ended this night there...
With one last glance at her face, I give her pretty chin a final stroke with my thumb, before I bury my phone in my pocket. I retrieve the pack of cigarettes and slither one out of the cardboard packaging. Momentarily, dancing it between my fingers. I hold the lighter in the other, my thumb poised on the reel as if ready to draw a pistol.
I never used to smoke. You know how they say; you bleed just to know you're alive? Well, I can't stand the sight of blood, so I've settled for poisoning myself. Plus it's not as messy, the damage isn't visible, it's internal. Where I like to keep it. Hidden in the murky depths, like a dirty little mystery that only I know. To begin with, it worked as some form of release, but now it's just a filthy habit. A disease. Another thing I can't understand and I resent it.
I bring it to my lips, the smell from the previous one bided to my fingers. The revolting, harsh odour of tobacco fills my nostrils, resulting in them to recoil in disgust. They relax and take in a second round of the scent. This time it's sweet, mellow and inviting.
I flick the lighter into motion, a weak inferno wrestling with the breeze as I bring it to the cigarette. Guarding it with my hand, sheltering it from the wind, as if its so delicate it will break. Inhaling lightly while holding the flame to the tip for a moment.
Continuing to take a series of brief draws until it's well lit. I withdraw the lighter and tuck it back into the pack, sucking in the fumes the stick supplies. That feeling overwhelms me again, breathing air through fire. My lungs wrapped in its arms, warm and welcoming yet risky, like a friend, who's a bad influence.
Watching the fog expel from my mouth, it evaporates as quickly as the buzz from each pull does. Floating as it gradually wrestles with oxygen, until it dies out. I hungrily drag in several deep clouds of the smoke, trapping it in my lungs. Holding it there against it's will. I flick the filter to free the ash that sprinkles the decking, as the nicotine-drenched fumes scream for the same. I release it through my nose, and it melts as it hits the air.
I direct my eyes to the garden table, the rain cloaks the glass surface like a table cloth. My eyes focus on the pair of sunglasses abandoned on the transparent veneer. I tenderly grab them, trying not to disturb the droplets that have decided to rest upon them.
I begin to inspect the beads of rain on the blackened lenses. Fascinating, how it can appear so solid yet be so fluid, moulding to whatever it attaches itself to. I'd give anything to feel like that.
"Have you ever worn sunglasses in the rain?" Reminiscing her quizzical words.
I never did answer that question, still curiously staring at the sunglasses in my hand, taking a drag from the cigarette. Allowing the smoke to trickle out from my mouth.
"Well, you should. Everything looks better through sunglasses." Again, her disembodied voice filling my headspace.
I take the last puff from the cigarette, the companionship and consistency of it is my fucked up comfort, that I ache for. I let it seep into my fibres, savouring it as it does. Glimpsing at the stump before my lips, now short enough to scorch me, I chuck the butt to the floor and stamp it out vigorously with my foot. Crushing it out of existence.
Stifling back the tears beginning to develop, I hastily place the aviator shades on my face. Once content the rubber grips are settled on the bridge of my nose, now dignified to do so, I let them fall.221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzPyJbi1Ol
One. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBOK1HBTpN
By. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRZ6u0oZCd
One.
"..I'm gonna try this for you." In a brittle whisper, as though she is right there next to me.
The fourth tear drops soundlessly from my exhausted eyes. Stinging when making its tardy escape, as though it kept painfully looking back at someone it had left behind. I forecast the rest to follow, but they don't. They seize up, as if they have been cut off at the source. My eyes can't express themselves, despite yearning to be extracted, yet they remain suffocated to stay silent and unseen. Oh, how I can relate.
My body flurries with rapid rage like a strong current. I let it take over me. Carrying me far away from where I was seconds earlier. My fists clench into angry forms of themselves. The fury within me climbing up my throat, dodging every ball of fire thrown at it, to stop it from prevailing. With all attempts exhausted, it finally reaches the top, swinging from my tonsils.
"GRRRR! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG ME!" Agony bellowing raucously.
As the sensation rushes to my feet, I boot a deck chair that was unfortunately, to the left of me. The chair scraps across the wooded decking, clattering as it digs its nails into the wood's flesh, in an attempt to anchor itself. It's only saviour is the glass balustrades, that clunks when the chair makes contact with the reinforced barricade.
I breathe and bow my head in shame, in the same manner you associate with a dog, who has been scorned by its owner. I unlock my hands to crack my knuckles in annoyance. The popping of joints pulling apart, thanks to my manipulation. It brings me a sense of restraint and empowerment. Only to be taken away with the ripple of discomposure, soaking my nicotine infused brain. Smothering it like erupted lava, consuming everything in its path. Burning it to ashes.
I feast my eyes upon the scattered deck chair and I take pity on it. In one swift motion, I bring it to its feet, not being able to stand the sight of the chair laying there, almost helpless. I place myself upon it and lean back to gaze at the heavens.
I look out through the polarising shades, the rain still speckled on them. She wasn't half wrong, I have to admit. I can see the appeal. Everything does look finer when seeing the world through tinted glasses.
It all seems so cheerful as if it has been enhanced by an Instagram filter. The stars are more intense, trying harder to be noticed and the rain attempting to steal their thunder, clear and crystalline, like crystals weeping from the sky. The moon illuminating a shy shade of yellow, peeking from behind the flossy, pepper clouds as if it is embarrassed.
"..It's got nothing on you..." Respiring a lone, husky breath.
That's what I should have said. Cheesy? Fuck me, yeah but it was fact. Shit, if I had actually said that to her, she would have laughed her stunning head off and right into my face. Then she probably would have said something like;
"Flattery won't get you anywhere, fella." In that ripe, fruity tone, I have grown to depend on.
Followed by that infectious smile radiating her face, beaming straight into my very soul. Seizing every ounce of good on this forsaken planet, to captivate me. I can imagine the universe being exhausted of all its energy, from having to compete with such splendour, that is her smile. Leaving me to question; what on earth had I done to have such a gift bestowed on me? 'Cause hell, if I knew the answer to that, I would share it with humanity.
After witnessing and being in the presence of something so magnificent, the world and all its beauty has nothing to offer me in comparison. Even now, looking up at the cosmos, it doesn't even come close to her smile. Her eyes meanwhile, are a totally different story...
"Easton, get your sorry arse in here." Duncan's throaty vibration badgering me.
I spin my head round to find him standing in the doorway, arms crossed and his eyes narrowing at me. His diamond formed face tight-lipped, which does not lift when our eyes meet. If anything, his hard stare is more rigid and frosty, cutting into me, tearing me down the longer words are left unsaid.
"And what the hell are you playing at? Take those damn things off your face!" Duncan nit-picking, the waves of aggravation apparent.
He turns on his heels and storms back into the lounge, to leave me gawping at the space that he had occupied. With my mouth hanging open, the words on the tip of my tongue.
"...Fuck off... Look better than you in 'em..." I sullenly expel the throaty words for my ears only. I didn't want them to go to waste.
Pouting to myself, I get off my "sorry arse" and remove the glasses. I wipe the tears that have dried on my cheeks away on the back of my sleeve. The street lights catching the glimmer ricocheting off the shades, causing me to double take in a sudden acknowledgment.
"..These are mine...." I lay it out thickly to myself.
With that I greedily stuff them into my inside pocket and dust myself down, before slinking back through the double doors. One foot in the doorway and the other glued to the balcony decking, I come to a halt. Eyeballing them all congregating around the TV, which is now switched off. Gossiping away like a flock of seagulls scrounging over scraps. Their laughs full of such joy. If only they knew how easy they have it. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDv2gBpgbyJ
To live. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng40ogqOMs
To be included.
Times were simpler when I was part of that circle. I took that for granted but we all do until it's snatched away. Fate is one cold son of bitch, well, to me at least. The moments of ecstasy I was blessed to have encountered before it raised its cruel claws, I guess, that was the price I have to pay. The deal I signed. And the sentence I must serve? The last three years. That's what. The story of my colourless life... on the outside looking in.
"I saved you a slice of heaven, Guy." Reece singing as he dangles the sad, half eaten slice of pizza in my direction.
"..If that's heaven, I'll take my chances in hell." I answer gruffly, raising my eyebrow sceptically at Reece.
"Your loss, dude." He chimes before shovelling the remainder into his piggish mouth.
The room falls into a stony silence, thanks to what I believe to be the cause of my presence. I feel as though I'm falling into a pit with no lifeline. The rope just out of reach as my hands desperately grab out for it. I survey the room, my eyes landing on each of them.
Lauren nervously plays with her hair while next to her, Reece fidgets uncomfortably in his seat. In the armchair across from them, Duncan's face is glowering at me intensely. His eyes ablaze and his stare boring into me, like darts being tossed at a board. His amiable smile now a distant memory as the muscle in his jaw begins to twitch. Tiffany sits on the arm of the armchair, her legs crossed under each other, using her hand as support. Her grey eyes menacingly waltzing, looking me up and down, as if I'm scum on the bottom of her designer shoes but yet somehow trying to undress me. Still wearing the same twisted smile as she watches me squirm anxiously with the collar of my polo shirt.
"Let's cut the crap. What is wrong with you, Easton?" Duncan impatiently gnarls, snapping to his feet.
"Leave it, Kingsley!" Reece growls, rising to his own and plants himself in front of Duncan, his bronze eyes turning black.
"We've left this for far too long!" He retorts roughly, over Reece's shoulder, pointing in my direction, as Reece keeps him from coming at me.
I stride over to Reece's side in long, swooping, steps and grab him by the shoulder, pulling him away from Duncan. The guilt for Reece taking the slack for me brewing. This isn't their fallout. This isn't their argument to have.
"..Step down, Adler..." My throaty voice steady, despite my anxiety, disgrace and anguish creating a whirlpool in my very core.221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uSeiE5qoE
"..I've got this..." smiling lightly at Reece, appreciating his loyalty.
Reece's face falls into a smile, he's eyes bright returning from the darkness. The relief flowing within them subtle but detectable, foraging mine for a hint. He abruptly pulls me in for a hug. My arms hang at my side, until I decide to pat his back, just once, to return the gesture.
"Awww isn't this touching..." Tiffany honeys her words as she slithers to Duncan's side, caressing his tense, bulging bicep.
My lips draw back revealing my teeth, growling in a low tone. Scrutinising her hand stroking up and down Duncan's arm, the pieces fall into place. He is no longer someone I can consider a friend, and nor does he me. His mind poisoned by whatever Tiffany's vile tongue has been spouting. I have lost him, just like I lose everyone.
"Enough! Everybody settle down!" Lauren's Irish accent thickens tightly, reeling in between us, spread-eagling her arms, her hands close to mine and Duncan's chest.221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGfYF76wrk
"This is not how we discussed going about this." She continues, her voice wobbly, and her eyes darting between the four of us.
"That's before he manhandled Tiffany!" Duncan spits thunderously, his face a shade of crimson. The veins in his forehead prominently pulsing.221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN8oEnPQzV
"And YOU let him do that!" He penetratingly taut, stabbing his finger at Lauren.
"Don't point that fucking thing at her!" I gravelly bite, snagging Duncan's finger away from Lauren's vex-ridden face.
"Ohh, you do know what chivalry is.." Tiffany swarms, swaying towards me. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsjbacXMRh
"Was she lucky enough to see this side of you, Guy?" She licks her lips into a distorting sneer, inches away from my own. So close they stroke mine as she states my name.
She places the tip of her manicured, index finger on the end of my Roman nose, and dabs it. I grit my teeth, burying the revolution riding up in my gut. Her mouth parts as her eyes skip gleefully over my face.
"What a stupid question... Of course, Ste-"
"DON'T YOU DARE SAY HER NAME!" I erupt stridently.
My wrath surges my body, bolting to my hands. My right spurs into action in a form of a fist and plummets into the wall beside Tiffany, just skimming her head. I sheepishly retract my hand, the wall's plaster cracking. My fist fully withdrawn to reveal an indentation of knuckles scarring it.
My vision an immoral blur, as my blood curses through my disgraced veins. My heart pounding on the walls of my rib cage, as though breaking them down with a sledge hammer. My breathing shallow, as my body viciously trembles. No sound registering through my ears, blocking out the reality of my actions.
I shuffle round on the spot, not having the bottle to comprehend the sight of Tiffany's face. My eyes not able to process the expressions on the faces of those in front of me. The haze lifts to make out the flash of Duncan's right hook hurdling towards me. I dodge under his arm as it skims the top of my head, grazing my hair. I do what I've been doing for the last three years...221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhLKjcbYF3
I run.
I run like the coward I have become, out of Reece's apartment, knocking any obstacles out of my way. The pounding of footsteps behind me as I make the corridor. I make out Reece hollering my name, his cries aching my conscience. I detect a struggle as I reach the end of the hallway and Lauren's strangled voice as she restrains him from pursing me.
I won't look back at the mess I'm responsible for, I never have and I won't be starting tonight. I keep running, belting down the flights of stairs, my feet thumping each one. The bitter night air hits my face like the slap I deserve, as I exit the estate. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdGgGWKRmd
I continue to run.221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc9ez0ZErF
I run like I've never ran before. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8vkrWqhDP
With no destination. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcGCIYoPNT
Away from myself.. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG1lvjUUNu
like I would run to her...
Everybody has their fall. We all have a choice to either cling on for dear life and climb back up or we can continue to decline. I obviously, unwillingly, have chosen the latter. 221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsCVdSLa3y
The fucked up thing...221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqpwHkCFRS
This wasn't the beginning of mine...221Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsLWfhtbZy
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