Life — can honestly suck. I can and will admit that, no sugarcoating, especially when you lose not just the ones you love, but ones that meant so much to you, and I was no different. Starting in 2013, we lost Zoie, soon followed by losing my Nana in 2015.
In some Native American cultures, depending on the tribe, different rituals were practiced when dealing with the afterlife, so to speak. For example, we’d cut off pieces of our hair to bury with our loved ones to help them find us in the afterlife. Not only that, but owls play a very big role to us, it’s more superstitious, but I won’t lie, I’m a believer of this one. Some Native American Indians believed that if you spot an owl, someone in your life is about to pass away. Well, one was spotted right before my Nana passed, and from the span of 2020 to April 2024, owls were spotted by different members of our family just before losing six loved ones, including my Papaw who walked me down the aisle. All these losses were extremely difficult to cope with.
With that, I want to leave you with a few things. Things that I either jotted down because it sounded good at the time, or random words of wisdom I’ve obtained from other sources along the way.
Don’t judge a book by its cover. My entire life, for as long as I can remember, I would get what I called “gut feelings” about people. I could meet a person, and it will either be a normal exchange, or the person will have given me a reason to feel these feelings about them in my gut, gut feelings that would make something feel off about them. It felt as if something wasn’t right. I am a very empathetic person, I feel what others feel to such an intense degree, that I feel I misjudged them. You see, there for a while, my gut would be right, and the person did ultimately wind up being a terrible person in the end, but then there were the other times. There would be other times that I felt something was off about the person, but they ended up being great individuals. It wasn’t until just recently that I noticed why that was. I used to assume that the off-putting feelings I would get were reflected in a bad context… I never stopped to consider that it’s just context that I’m not familiar with — but curious to learn.
I used to be kinda judgmental about things and always had a metaphorical stick up my butt, but again, that was before. Before I had that eagerness to learn about others on a deeper level instead of automatically assuming something negative about them. Even if there is something negative about them — who the hell am I to judge?!
That’s not my place.
Not my job.
We all have some sort of past, whether we’re okay with that past or not. We all have our inner battles that we fight, our dusty skeletons in the attic, so to speak. Would we want others judging us for those inner demons we hide? No. Because at the end of the day, what’s to say that the thing that may have felt off in the beginning… was the other person’s inner battles that they fight — their dusty skeletons in the attic.
Be understanding. We all face personal battles, mistakes, regrets, and the like, and people judge what they don’t understand. Be mindful of that — not just for yourself, but others, also.
Set boundaries — for your past, present, and future. Even in this series, I’m not giving away every single little detail. Whether the topic is irrelevant or just something I need to keep disclosed. Whether you choose to do so temporarily or indefinitely, you don’t owe anyone those personal boundaries you need to set for your autonomy and your mental well-being. We’re only here for so long. Put differences aside and agree to disagree over things that we’re never gonna agree on no matter what. What’s to say once you get past your differences, you might just have some other things in common? To quote Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks, “Why can’t we all just, get along?”
Trust your gut. I’m sure everyone has gotten a gut feeling in their lifetime, whether negative or positive. My gut feelings have hardly ever steered me wrong. Something else that’s never really steered me wrong — are eyes. There’s just something about eyes that I’ve always had this fascination with and have been very telling for me, whether good or bad. So, maybe if your gut signal is off — maybe rely on the person’s eyes. But with that,
Don’t be too trusting of others. Trust is like a mirror. You can still fix it, but you’re still reminded of the crack every time you look in it.
Lean on your inner circle. Rely on those who have proven they want to be a part of your life and have proven it time and time again. Those will be the ones who will be there for you when you need it the most.
That said, also be there for others. I have had my fair share of not being there for the people I truly cared about as much as I wish I had been. If someone is always there for you, make sure you’re there for them when they need it, too. But, with that being said,
don’t let others walk all over you and take advantage. I have had the unfortunate misfortune of having some people I genuinely cared for take advantage of all that I was willing to do for them. I used to have the mentality of treating others the way you wanna be treated. But what if you live by that mantra, but others around you don’t? I heard a life lesson once that really spoke to me. It was saying that if you are TOO nice, people will take advantage of you and expect your kindness even when they treat you like shit scraped off the bottom of their shoes. Most people will underestimate you as soft, that’s when they disrespect you, and showing them, you expect respect in return is crucial. Just because you’re nice, doesn’t mean you have to tolerate their nonsense. You’re not obligated to be nice when someone constantly treats you badly.
Learn from your experiences. Not every hiccup in the road is a hiccup — sometimes they’re disguised as lessons. That’s a mistake I had to learn the hard way… just because you’re young and think you know everything — doesn’t make that the case. For some people, sure… that may very well be the case. But, as far as I go, I didn’t know who I was until now quickly approaching forty.
For those who may or may not be curious as to what my favorite movie is, I’m gonna tell you anyway. Misery with Kathy Bates, who is also my favorite actress, is my favorite movie. For those who may have seen Fried Green Tomatoes, I couldn’t agree with her more when she says she’s too young to be old and too old to be young.
I feel that level of going crazy. Why is it that by the time we finally start to somewhat understand life, we’re that much closer to the end of it? We’re stupid with lessons to learn while young and beautiful, while smarter, for the most part, with lessons learned when old and saggy. I knew there was more of a reason for hating math than just sucking at it.
Make the best of things. I know how much easier that is being said, than being done. Sure, getting old sucks. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult… this whole adulting things isn’t exactly what I had in mind. There are times I still cry myself to sleep at night, other times, I’m good. We just gotta take what we have and try to make the best of it.
I guess I need to listen when God tries to teach me the lessons I’ve needed in life. Some people come into our lives for a reason. I rush to find purpose within myself, so I just need to remind myself that God doesn’t call the qualified, but qualifies the called. If anyone ever tries to discourage you — just remember that those who are insecure with themselves are everyone else’s harshest critics, and people judge what they don’t understand.
Don’t get frustrated. Easier said than done, I’m aware. Hear me out. Just because something doesn’t happen the way you want it to, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening the way it should, and sometimes for the better. I have noticed a pattern of everything always working out. We either find a way, or we make one. Once you reach rock bottom, there’s no way to go but up. When your world falls apart, you can either pick up the pieces and make a new one, or put yours back together.
Consider all your relationships. Another important lesson for all the ladies out there who might be listening — don’t compete with one another. Don’t compete and start beef with each other, rather uplift and empower one another. A very significant period in my life involved being miserable when I didn’t have to be. Toxicity and negativity surrounded me at one point in time, and was extremely contagious. Be mindful of that. Even if means just offering an ear to listen, and/or just a shoulder for them to cry on, be there for those who have proved worthy of being a steady figure in your life.
Don’t let others sway you. Be yourself, and as Elizabeth Gilbert would say, “Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” Remember, they say art is subjective. This is precisely why Salvador Dali’s most-known work has always resonated with me. The melting of one beautiful thing, seemingly being destroyed, still ultimately turning into something shiny and magnificent. That’s the way I see it, at least, art is subjective, all about perspective.
Know your worth. I learned from Perks of Being a Wallflower, that we fall for those that make us feel bad about ourselves because we accept the love we think we deserve.
Establish realistic goals for realistic dreams. I previously mentioned that my ADHD does not allow me the luxury of structure. Instead, I must sit down, refocus, think about what will make me happy, what will give me joy, daydream — albeit realistically — and run with it. I find that ultimately saves you from a clash and clatter of internal disappointments in the end.
Manage your expectations. I like to hope for the best, but have learned from experience, to expect the worst. So, go in with a good attitude and confident, just don’t get your hopes up. Expectation can lead to resentment.
Find things that bring you comfort and carry them with you. For example, I have a necklace that I wear every single day. I might pair it with other necklaces from time to time, but I always wear it. This necklace contains charms that are significantly sentimental to me in one way or another.
I have decorative cherry charms for what I think are pretty obvious reasons by now.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDATk71UQmB
I have my Nana’s fingerprint for obvious reasons.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGmO3XhTzu
I have my Papaw’s fingerprint for obvious reasons.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9F6rMylT9
I have a crown to remind me to hold my head up — it keeps the crown from tipping.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiW1qB3P0R
I have a cross with a mustard seed in it to remind me to keep the faith.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK32kUZrivp
I have a safety pin as a vow to myself to do no more self-harm.22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44gECoFP8L
I have pendants of a paw print heart pendant and my real name as special occasion gifts from my husband.
I’ve assigned different symbols to every chapter listed in this series. I’ve decided to make a charm bracelet with those on them, as well, as this project is also very important to me. So, here’s to the souvenirs of my past — and cheers to the ones I’ll get from this day forward.
Be kind to others. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. You can catch more flies with manure than with honey, but that’s beside the point. The point is, you never know what they’re going through, just as you’d hope they would be kind to you for the same reason. On the flip side of that, please don’t take advantage of people’s kindness, this is coming from a former human welcome mat, herself. I always tell people what my aunt has always told people:
I’ll be as nice to you — as you allow me to be.
I have my own, little version of this saying that I use that goes along the lines of, “I’ll be as sweet as sugar — unless you burn me — then all you’ll get in return is spice.”
Empathy without reciprocation slowly turns to apathy. When sincere empathy goes so long with no form of reciprocation in any way, it’s only a matter of time before that empathy that was once given so genuinely, freely, truly, and sincerely… will eventually turn to apathy after so long of the gesture going unreturned.
Going back to just being yourself, it’s one thing to add a little sprinkle of seasoning for a little extra oomph. But, with that, keep the pizazz to a minimum, as overdoing it could be viewed as being fake, defeating the whole purpose.
In some true crime stories, the killers usually have rough upbringings. But you also have people who could never hurt a fly that had troubled upbringings, as well. Just because you grow up with a difficult childhood, doesn’t warrant a good excuse to continue that cycle. Trauma is not an excuse to perpetuate bad choices, don’t let yourself be a victim of circumstance. In my unprofessional opinion, it should almost trigger an internal response where you subconsciously avoid hurting others because you know how it feels to endure that kinda pain. You may not be dealt the best cards in life, you can either give up and fold, or play those cards the best you possibly can. And who knows? Maybe you’ll end up winning when you thought the odds were stacked against you.
Consider this a summarized version of my story, very summarized. Some parts of my life require a book to tell the whole story all on their own. I know I’m a scattered, chaotic mess scribbled in teal crayon. I know I’m extremely random and all over the place. But that’s just me. Sometimes I speak in underline, other times in all caps. Sometimes my words aren’t wording, and other times my words are wording in italics, a little too much. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking at all, and other times I won’t shut up, even when I probably should. Sometimes I ramble when I know what I’m talking about, and even when I don’t, even when I probably should with that, also.
But, that’s just me. At the end of the day, I just take what the hamsters throw me from up in my brain vicinity and roll with it. So, from here on out, I’m just gonna turn my lemons into lemonade using water from my Pisces side and turn those cherries into cherry a la mode with my Aries side — using all the fires and floods of my past to flambé the hell outta that sucker. After the undercurrents have been unveiled and overcome, here’s to those flood waters washing away my past, so I can live happily in the present, taking full advantage of my future.
And remember at the end of the day just, be you, be kind, be human.
Be you, being a kind human.
