If we’re gonna talk about the very brief rebellious phase that greatly backfired on me, I gotta talk about Rusty and Toby.
I didn’t stay with Rusty very long. When I wasn’t home when I was supposed to be, my dad ended up driving over to his house… catching us while his mom was gone and we were alone there.
Don’t worry — we were making out… but we weren’t going to go any further than that.
But yeah, needless to say I got in loads of trouble and no longer allowed to date Rusty.
I suppose now is just as good a time as any to take a quick U-turn back to when I said I had a childhood friend who lived next door to my grandparents in my hometown that would end up playing a major role later.
Toby was my first, real, actual, love. He was on the school academic team… with my cousin whom I mentioned was too cool for me earlier — we were all in the same grade together.
Quite honestly, I couldn’t tell you how he and I initially got together romantically. I just know that we were already close because we were essentially neighbors and friends for such a long time growing up.
That happened a lot — going back to those metaphorical skeletons in the closet that you forgot about because your brain did it for you all for the sake of your sanity — I think that may be why. Not because things were bad with him and me, but because I blocked out a lot of things that occurred during that timeframe that I forgot about. But just as I explained in the beginning, I am writing what I do remember.
If you remember me also telling you about my conveyor belt of boyfriends that I worked with at the grocery store, he was also one of those included in that cluster.
But, out of all those exes, even though they were serious too, he was the most serious of all of them. He was also my first… if you know what I mean.
Yeah. That part includes about as much.
So, think back to what you were doing back in high school. Were you sexually active? If so, were your parents aware that you were? If they were, how did they respond to it when they gained knowledge of it? And… if no, you weren’t sexually active during your teenage years, was it because you chose not to… or was it your parents that made that decision for you?
My parents held no qualms when it came to my sex life… I was not to have any premarital sex at all.
No ands… no ifs… no buts. No sex talk, education or form of birth control was ever discussed with me outside of my polycystic ovarian treatment. It was just a matter of “DO NOT DO IT — PERIOD.”
Well, I was a teenager who had always obeyed the rules and my superiors. I was absolutely mortified of what hellfire would rain down from my dad onto me if I did do something I wasn’t supposed to.
Just the other day, my brother and I were talking in front of my momma about getting into trouble at school. When I mentioned I had never gotten in trouble at school, my brother laughed and didn’t believe me. Again, he was five years younger than me, so he would have had no way of knowing unless the topic came up previously, which it hadn’t. So, when he began sarcastically laughing and boasted, “Yeah… right! I don’t believe that one bit.”, I’ve explained that I was a very well-behaved kid growing up… so I’m not sure why he was skeptical about this in the first place, but he was. Anyways, he looked at my momma and said, “How often did she get in trouble in school, mom?” She immediately shook her head and said, “She never did.” He began listing off all of the types of consequences my school offered, “Detention? I.P.? Saturday School? Written up? Anything?” Again, my momma shook her head affirmatively and replied, “Nope. She never got in trouble and always made the grades we asked of her.” Spoiler alert: I was on an I.E.P. in school for math and science — so my momma set attainable goals and standards for me to strive for rather than expecting straight A’s from me. I think she just knew that would never happen coming from me… I was never going to be a contender for the academic team that my cousin and Toby were in together… she knew it — deep down… yeah.
She knew.
Anyways — moving right along.
I wasn’t always a rule follower, as the news that Toby and I were sexually active with one another eventually made it to my mom’s ears.
I was awoken by my Momma one school morning in a very unusual way, so I knew something was off. It wasn’t the normal way she usually woke me up where Mazi helped me tell her we were sleeping and didn’t want to be disturbed with her immediately growling at my momma’s entrance to my room. No.
When my Momma walked into my room this specific morning, something was off, starting the conversation off with my name in a very serious tone, followed by, “I need to talk to you about something,” and I could tell by the tone in her voice… this wasn’t about to be a pleasant conversation by any means.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I said, eyes still crusted over, where just simply trying to open my eyes was one thing — and keeping them open… was quite another.
To make a long story short, someone had called her earlier that morning before I had woken up. She was already up around this time because my dad was up getting ready for work, and she always got up with him. For the life of me, I cannot recall who she claimed she had just spoken to on the phone who had supposedly given her the information that led to the tense on-edge altercation.
“Shit.” I thought to myself. I knew better than to say any curse words within earshot of either one of my parents. I hesitated a bit before saying, aloud this time, “Okay? What’s wrong?” I could tell something was.
“I heard that you and Toby were having sex… is this true?” She came out with it, not wanting to waste any time getting to the bottom of it. My Dad was usually gone in the mornings as he left for work before I would have to get up for school, but the phone call took place before he had to leave that morning. After confirming he wasn’t in the room, wasn’t within earshot, or wasn’t involved in this conversation in any way, I felt I could open up to my momma honestly. So, after a bit of skepticism and hesitation, I calmly replied with my own doubts and uncertainty, “Yes.”
I could not have been more wrong. My dad’s reaction would no doubt have been irrational — there is no question about that. However, I didn’t think my momma would act as disproportionately as she did.
My name and a series of melodramatic “Oh, my gosh!” repeated several times over in succession came pouring out of her mouth in such a guilt-trippy, disappointed tone. With my hands covering my eyes, I did the only thing I could think of doing in the moment to ultimately fix the situation I had just gotten myself into by being too honest. I blurted out, “Oh, my gosh, Mom! I’m just kidding, geez!”
She fell for it.
Now, how certain I am that she believed me or not — is a completely different story entirely. But then again, my momma’s personality type is the kind where she likes to live shrouded in ignorant naivety for anything she doesn’t want to be true. And I do not say that like it’s a bad thing. There are so many circumstances where being blissfully unaware of things you don’t want to be true work in one’s favor.
You want so badly for the narrative to be false, that you just give it the cold shoulder, pretending it isn’t there — I would love that! Negativity seems to always tap on my shoulder while I’m out here just trying to live my best life, only to sucker punch me right in the throat with a welcoming howdy-do.
So no, I don’t always consider that a bad thing… especially in instances where I’m, completely, one hundred percent jealous.
I get why she was upset at first, I truly do. But then again, a teenager was told not to do something under any circumstances and not given any other options. Not making excuses for myself by any means, but much like the cliché phrase, “boys will be boys,” or “kids will be kids,” the same goes for teenagers. And, it had nothing to do with the fact that they forbade me to do so, it was just a matter of just that… just being a horny teenager.
That’s all there was to it. But, my parents, however, did not see it that way.
Needless to say, I panicked in silence until I could talk to Toby myself, for him to both comfort me after explaining what happened, as well as stressing that he needed to be more discreet when telling anyone about our… endeavors together.
Oh, and that discussion regarding forms of birth control, or the lack thereof, that is… that led to some drama of its own. I may have been on birth control pills for the polycystic ovarian syndrome already — but it was to make me have a menstrual cycle every month — not for the actual intention of preventing pregnancy.
Toby’s mom was going through his room one day when she ended up discovering random condoms in the drawer of his bedside table — as well as unused pregnancy tests he had also bought when we had a few scares. The tests came back negative considering I’m still alive to tell the story — but his mom kept quiet and just told us to be super careful. We had been, as I was again, terrified of what my dad would do or how he would react if he were to find out Toby and I were having sex. Since my grandparents lived right next door to Toby, we had to be sneaky as to where we would… commence the act. We would switch back and forth between his room at his house and parking at an empty boat dock ramp.
Going along with that, my dad also went through my room one day. His reasoning, however, differed from Toby’s mom who was just looking for something when she came across the condoms and tests. My dad’s excuse was just wanting to be controlling — as he always was when he came across some Cosmopolitan magazines that I had at the bottom of a drawer with other magazines on top of them. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder and always have, so the reason for the magazines was for the makeup tips blatantly plastered on the covers, and the reason for their location at the bottom of the drawer, was simply because they were the bigger of all the magazines in the drawer. He asked me why I had those magazines, which are sometimes known for sexual health, tips, and tricks contained within the pages as well as the makeup tips. My dad accepted this reason of literal COSMETIC proportions — albeit skeptically, as he gave a grumbled “humph” afterward.
Toby had decided that he wanted to join the military, asking me to go with him to enlist… which I proudly did. I can still remember the name of the sergeant that he signed up under at the enlistment office in the next town over. He and I graduated, even walking together to our seats for the graduation ceremony, and he ended up leaving for boot camp/basic training shortly after. Before he left, however, he planned several things for us to do together before setting off.
One morning, he called me and told me to get all dolled up because he had something planned for us to do that day. More bonus points will be rewarded to those who remember the photo studios inside the big chain department stores… as this was our mystery destination. He had scheduled a time slot for us to have pictures taken together as a couple before he left and would be gone, so I wouldn’t even be able to see him for a while after departing. I still have some of the photos that were taken, I used to be quite photogenic and was in love with the end result.
The photos turned out so good.
Not only this, but he surprised me with some other things on top of that. He was good with his money, very mature and responsible, and had thought about what direction he wanted our relationship to go thoroughly without my knowledge.
This consisted of the pictures and… a ring on my finger.
