【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKptLwgEiIV
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3d1K1Wmrno
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbxSX5KeD7
感謝參與～69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIN4wDTtWE
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡideGPo1Y9U
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiobC1aM4u
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU48W54BLch
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEvbfy6aAy
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD40Jw65qj5
～～～～分隔線～～～～69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUVUROAMtS
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWJUkMQc8h
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYJYVYUfTP
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdEjsU8tjh
〈限制和自由〉69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpk3dTaq3Xc
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AtB7209oH
penana.com/article/102489569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfmfmYmPKU
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHi7pkYVR8m
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjhe6q9CpS
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvdJU45Kf9
詩度 0。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwcOmLgLPt
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Mwf6tjTGA
～～～～分隔線～～～～69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VRgfI7RhA
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTddmHHgFc
〈問〉69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZZHJ5xgnF
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgh2x8fUF50
penana.com/article/102494469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxejOaCcnhl
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID885KtDH5
詩度高一點。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksH508m4JE
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOI7PW8eVi
～～～～分隔線～～～～69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75BPUd1TiH
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKaS3mMald
〈摩天之輪〉69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NE61KUC9N
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8poUtPb4VN
penana.com/article/104570569Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmlgKj1cSa
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7XozCQRqG
詩度再高一點。
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlK08p8S4ac
～～～～分隔線～～～～
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaAp4wNUGZ
〈蝴蝶酥〉69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyjY6s51Wj
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpg5VUd9Zvo
https://www.penana.com/article/159771369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5NhuyzvOW
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9eXKshnr4
詩度比前三首都高。
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fZprbo2Ue
～～～～分隔線～～～～
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvHPDvNzzu
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGbWcZqm5H
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcyFdYDz5a
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuXV6YsjX1
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bZOfcVBIf
跟你分享。
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmkPh8kmAI
～～～～分隔線～～～～
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibNiaBVjnX
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmOt5S6wsc
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ680VkwGUUY
【認識新詩的基本元素】69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYFex1MR7A
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdvGdL5xYm
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719369Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcw1rxcbvTf
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKVJU75N4F
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmrE2pap4e
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8xGDJyds9
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXO6G2aQfk
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdtAN5octJ
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkS71gM2Uep
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMz2u2ZwtQ
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLGVp2rlQt
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhoX1ahv0C
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilAzU8WP5J
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OW7Wlayjk
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsTGzT9yCq
【這次全新寫的感想】
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl16S24x8LA
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sP8cZfbmR
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3NvZM1rYN
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDyZDfwOx0
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpjI4aSKQf
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XTaufFcLD
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALdtyHmVjS
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCqlPSaJGg
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrhdIoUZXp
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPggUdT8ZA
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcf5NM6MH1
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOootonofm
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGugxJYJiRa
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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