【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjTTA6h7Wf
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感謝參與～68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bs3UqU9sv
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVggtgiA9h
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1zURvua72
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2FGCRytgS
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDlhp2HzM5
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYig2x1LS9E
～～～～分隔線～～～～68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK25NM8rVs
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28Qf2X2jjP
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDzoO0Lhod
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〈限制和自由〉68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjYe5SSbpH
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6V1ewQdvdD
penana.com/article/102489568Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fo5QmzwjY
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIbGyWnCCU
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcORmAUa8MV
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBu6xla3hB7
詩度 0。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mm127MNci
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhF4QxuHXct
～～～～分隔線～～～～68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm91srf0TMH
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〈問〉68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebXrtD8vzd
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penana.com/article/102494468Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvnrrFnRvp
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeLB7W8S3u
詩度高一點。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1jebAIyHb
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmOkMSvUoD
～～～～分隔線～～～～68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8moc3hDNZ0
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZI0Xv7Ykj
〈摩天之輪〉68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35T0huaEoD
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEyuqsgul7
penana.com/article/104570568Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiG8eS7LtI
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbiWboF6yV
〈蝴蝶酥〉68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSajuvjMgu
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsZckLjQUf
https://www.penana.com/article/159771368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcx5QrzLod
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjBDrLrrcr
詩度比前三首都高。
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdp7B5mFXmw
～～～～分隔線～～～～
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9VpJdtuat
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1md9rJJUL
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MBqPylrDc
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjh58nlhdqv
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvlNPwuAR9
跟你分享。
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja6x2xnetx
～～～～分隔線～～～～
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrj0h3JcYr
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4ubAvyT4r
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb46d5kyDq
【認識新詩的基本元素】68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ut5yaBkdN
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBVSEe504b
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719368Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oR2NB13yS
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDsdMVz6CY
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamh5rddZI3
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68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyFi7ouwh2
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT3eWBXbfM
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4haWf1pH9
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhZjZwFquR
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27IZj2p3b1
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf3NshWEXc
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8d12vGlvj
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJcr9pcgWZ
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1S5yKJvl1
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTdzzVS4SV
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtexP0ym8rW
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdeGSszpP9
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9eQwqEUnv
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzTh4eiZUh
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GPPitfPZJ
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdwhfJTFoV
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7mtlCSzD4
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
68Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYJ78VlceR
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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