但現實是這樣又如何?1013Please respect copyright.PENANAjHSizZYtL3
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAhrFBsYvzjt
沒法理解,沒法接受。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA3VOHJf6Tgz
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAPCOTMRYeUe
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAx8YjR32CTz
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA66uE1Nh7Jv
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAaw20sz4txB
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAeDS9e5ZWLs
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA9tqRvNUp05
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAgmUAw1imrM
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAK4IpTnmzCk
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA3yLblrKVRR
現在卻。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAu626MLutNL
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAPuI5jpgxco
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAOoCIJzPMt0
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAjgrCsQEprE
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAsvned7s1sp
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA7WrL4vkbbt
因為我的童年…1013Please respect copyright.PENANAWxaAZip28x
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAEvePK5AfwQ
…真真正正的,結束了。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAy0fh4DvQMO
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA5G4EjYt12G
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANA8f25oJ0b0a
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA4mRekkWnIM
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1013Please respect copyright.PENANAHlHCHLcqwB
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAM31JpdV7qx
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAK6v0GDwmjU
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAO7s7ay7620
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAdg7UKvtqzS
1013Please respect copyright.PENANANR1gO4pla3
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA0A8rNQg4P1
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAHVVdgdMCIt
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA2Ec3zej9Kh
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAg6cMfNF1TF
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA8LhELgiFdZ
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAGEarD7i8wy
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAPHz2s7VT5d
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAbI2SrOxzGj
愛慕她的好。1013Please respect copyright.PENANADBwt3dOrzU
1013Please respect copyright.PENANACqeOiq0IAV
便要接受她的壞。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAeYqxhvii7o
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA8kiaqjU4Xj
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA35wCW0luNT
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAIdJaMuL9vD
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAtGLXVdvOvr
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAsYaewKPVHK
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA5IvsF6jRoj
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAI7ICh8Emp8
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAMJVvSMFcpo
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAcTp4fzZUM8
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1013Please respect copyright.PENANApmC64wnNyp
1013Please respect copyright.PENANApzAdoko9DU
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA8gN5G5M5GI
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAzh7BnynC84
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1013Please respect copyright.PENANALY6RhVvFTX
1013Please respect copyright.PENANALkqgSm06iK
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA4VxW59ZkIn
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAHsO7rci7AZ
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAqYb2oiOolq
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAym9S3jtrqh
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA2z0nv6GokF
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAONMMpt3lxG
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1013Please respect copyright.PENANA7xvdmQcISA
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA6Z3saOO5Kd
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAd9SLpPxiE9
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAIkA4B8rNM3
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANATAXMK3burd
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAmTZmFyAEry
然後,我推開了她。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAy0eqMLs23d
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA2PIvVNmBf2
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAqQyHLEE44w
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAAcpYMu9lej
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAXngygdTFkn
1013Please respect copyright.PENANALHCa4O18HL
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAimpMYGxoGi
1013Please respect copyright.PENANANN2pbiJOyT
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAm8GFe13kzi
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAaRxII5S7Ja
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAti870TVxJR
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAZsrhZwWaQm
「係…?」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAQPTZgfotbg
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAqI7FAhvkaT
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA6AecPwOcGv
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAIB7LNplkFq
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA70OZzWgjSo
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAak8ChVOdm6
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA6XHAEr2kUJ
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAtJJga6mdWF
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAxKytSTMgNl
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA8EDhnIuWMA
「我先唔係。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAIh01RXmEE5
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAKyHGQjHR4z
我早就不是甚麼好人。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAuChjA5BeJO
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAgR31wbAVG2
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1013Please respect copyright.PENANADUdVSGFGq1
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAu4ivCFAgBH
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAeqljhA1W89
1013Please respect copyright.PENANADJnHkE2sNR
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANA8CfAPuZyxA
1013Please respect copyright.PENANASWS8CZWfmU
「……」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAEYMwQs0Kvq
1013Please respect copyright.PENANACEmsmRgldF
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1013Please respect copyright.PENANApSuHNV4yl4
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAeMzdC7R9mG
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAiMpDals7jt
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAW1KZyP1Cxu
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAp2TPEAVAic
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAErQFIlufO7
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1013Please respect copyright.PENANApysvKP6D3d
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAbf700LUkX8
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1013Please respect copyright.PENANABKrDgSA9R4
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA6CeB32Rc7M
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAJQE2mJmvgO
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAIBkQQTrVLP
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAygWSmF80pA
1013Please respect copyright.PENANASNThdCxPge
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAYZu2QZK5Oz
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAqesKcXFabN
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAibttzHSp4J
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAZ86G4LlqUL
「呀遊…」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAqCT02MvH1E
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAlDXV825XEU
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAd3WzokiHZf
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAaW5Mv8aooZ
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAubE6J8Fzv9
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAmoiDJqvSg5
做不到。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAA4cgZfK74o
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAg1p5TeM3DH
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAR8jPr0SBsf
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA10EDjeLeNg
做不到。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA19NyxnwLqv
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAv63NrWdv8H
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAKHsFHphJGm
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAJwzkSN8yAt
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA1Pk5Houi5F
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA9FRrNPwWV2
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAtNPckzhF8l
1013Please respect copyright.PENANABgeFBQIAG2
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAZttkZIuUVv
1013Please respect copyright.PENANArDhNyoho31
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAdn4NwuDRBX
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAxaq0YWIWfd
既,沒法坦白。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAcCvlidtXPO
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAKMv2hOJSjD
又,沒法斥責。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAOiRElXKUkH
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA29TCA8PH3z
既,沒法接受。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAoPPGYbUQzw
1013Please respect copyright.PENANANqSCPO1naZ
也,沒法忘記。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAQKZP0yoUNz
1013Please respect copyright.PENANArE3qbhw5Kk
而且…也沒法理解。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAV1LbmGVEHK
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAzhcyfIfL5g
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAkrHi4o5TxP
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAsmuRYXYg8h
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAGcfR0VIGeC
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAnJM7rlV5zx
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA7zIUvmgbtE
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAzmXTSH0Y2f
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAoNUgFG05DN
1013Please respect copyright.PENANApWpH0pPeq7
「……」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAVh8xPFTOvg
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAmysDsw10vC
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAMiAiDfMrzZ
1013Please respect copyright.PENANApubkCy97Oa
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1013Please respect copyright.PENANA0fgntPh6fw
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAarDlEYP1TZ
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1013Please respect copyright.PENANASJxDXknrD6
1013Please respect copyright.PENANApqQxqEl5L4
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAROQJ2eZy0i
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAgJffPV2DXY
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANATy8CyRSaya
1013Please respect copyright.PENANADe8Tsqdxk4
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAuq3jtY1Zk3
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAjK3ZrnVrLX
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1013Please respect copyright.PENANADPAyXlhyIB
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAPaz0VjGkWp
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAbE0fhYS6N2
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA0ykPrGl5mW
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAMQK9gQ0QTT
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAUIa52d2y38
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAvXVLoUoudE
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA2xSgzocooq
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAqwrMi6BOV7
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA1GyGDUWrks
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1013Please respect copyright.PENANAL4wun0WHJ5
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAtXbqo5RTeL
咦?1013Please respect copyright.PENANAt5XxhZ3wOZ
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAGvYw3icjh5
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAIIfH43N4Qx
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAuLBYU4DRm6
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAoVFeaHDrqw
1013Please respect copyright.PENANABc4jDBKCH0
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAOoJdYk3Lvg
1013Please respect copyright.PENANALzeYx8hwxM
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAaH5KzdRq3j
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAD6gXFFdCzQ
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1013Please respect copyright.PENANArdgAyBbRBj
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAkMepPqj8Va
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAEFWpNvzQka
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAArlVhuYsXc
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAowQdnBeOWm
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAFS0bPEtlFu
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1013Please respect copyright.PENANA0TvslqhRk9
1013Please respect copyright.PENANA0uXVUuc922
…我真的不想。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAGbxVacC2uM
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAiolWqE1pP9
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAM1NhsDuQs4
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAl8gRtrkCsM
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1013Please respect copyright.PENANASdtxowo3A7
1013Please respect copyright.PENANALHBSpQ0sEC
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAXbpvYauvYR
1013Please respect copyright.PENANARzJFrQTr7z
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAmzNhRKBtCM
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAOe5tF2BqS5
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1013Please respect copyright.PENANAmSJYClhCNh
1013Please respect copyright.PENANAfXAkk5RgaX
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。