但現實是這樣又如何?1011Please respect copyright.PENANA6w6ZY3O2gu
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAxo0ABccFQW
沒法理解,沒法接受。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAlQFGctw0vV
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAWPj4GWb1qS
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA93p3elYGLJ
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA1X4ory1bxH
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAOOXyqjNshX
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAuHFgwOzzh9
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAbF3s1o6v7x
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAIcSbTPT4ve
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1011Please respect copyright.PENANASbCrgSx2VF
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAs3yyVh2uOY
現在卻。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAH9yB12RgqR
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAMRzyWdDvze
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAO5KX55FhVl
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAYuehSQx9LI
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAclOEDpCol5
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA1Wy6Ix6OJS
因為我的童年…1011Please respect copyright.PENANALwiBOGzme0
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAh6pcj7W7ob
…真真正正的,結束了。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAaerg5ULoGL
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAadP3rzDJJY
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAyZIUymkFe5
1011Please respect copyright.PENANASjSfV52NiP
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1011Please respect copyright.PENANA1PD38vGyel
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAvSKCMxWBhJ
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAbA6QeVSZ5H
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAFjJylx9NGJ
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1011Please respect copyright.PENANArR3zvVFc9b
1011Please respect copyright.PENANArMj8D5otsP
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAN739wWeTGy
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA4s61PhNeCR
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAuRVUgG6Gg2
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAxE2MUIIWlQ
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1011Please respect copyright.PENANACqfSrwU5Pw
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAMYY7irHVcj
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA43c99G7su2
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAE5gtCWB6fS
愛慕她的好。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAy3b68JmGc0
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAZao3Cp49G0
便要接受她的壞。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAeloKXjueuS
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAxkznJlcCmK
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAqmT7f0BEN0
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAjjS4r7qmQ7
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAOVEgJTAc3T
1011Please respect copyright.PENANACVydd6w2A2
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAeaMMe9LqrF
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAtzht85qZ2C
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA3cUPH0RlxU
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAZFQScWJ0Ba
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAK9HkJesGf4
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAqzp3676miN
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA8qVGYMR4Xe
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAW3l0uS51Di
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1011Please respect copyright.PENANA74T4JPprcQ
1011Please respect copyright.PENANABoRT2VjmFd
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAXfLL1tbO24
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAg6CCSylVO5
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAJfweVa4Fq1
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAJDgZauQgNy
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1011Please respect copyright.PENANATtD1Ysbvc1
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAbre8nycBum
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1011Please respect copyright.PENANA2zOWvBi7h4
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAnHPyKkuXQB
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAkwLm9bqOEr
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA8RmMXNYwQx
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANABlpb2iV9YU
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAUcCDUMpkCI
然後,我推開了她。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAVipcA8WF0j
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA3L3KKwErNw
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAK1jx7037Qu
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAz0OFGsM1Dm
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA1XZCphncEm
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA9EzV3gHeMt
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANA0HpuJHW2jY
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAL6vwGtqbyq
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAYGn8Xy7G8G
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAmr2sSUCaNM
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1011Please respect copyright.PENANADYNh6cEKEy
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAyo7Miq9fDM
「係…?」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAqP1ZsNM9bj
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA0xGuOtgQb9
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAJxuG1dwd26
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAloOwKJaE3v
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1011Please respect copyright.PENANARQWDAf9DSh
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAJocxatzG3Z
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA9znZeCcLWE
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAJkgVHm7Q4j
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1011Please respect copyright.PENANA4Au58lDvWc
1011Please respect copyright.PENANALyzZrvlwIH
「我先唔係。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAreFXzqQ8qO
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAAccrBWVamk
我早就不是甚麼好人。1011Please respect copyright.PENANARl49cuuBde
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAIx1u1bsVZW
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAQTbvAqtOBg
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAmQr38wcRQA
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0yhXpA89Y
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAjO44DpMk9o
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAhwDQQZfuVC
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA2Jxa27E4Xu
「……」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAGme3y7Yr0O
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA8F84gEzLFC
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1011Please respect copyright.PENANABLMueMOdK8
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAR51dc7cE2X
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1011Please respect copyright.PENANABPnBahLmY0
1011Please respect copyright.PENANABrXFDNdvEp
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAqHumVcQnpZ
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAVk2sH7IaEs
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAcUkNJFDLI4
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAt9WBgnaAe4
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAjRHkeGen8n
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAduHSnYpUF1
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAUGIPziFpog
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA9BvFyg2vuo
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAjLUjJq4hKe
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAe5Fs0dY9Sq
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAQQGnvBl5Cq
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAIoXiTTKF9v
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAiy483MXF5E
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAhYLGgzCml4
「呀遊…」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAQvr3oDn3lI
1011Please respect copyright.PENANATQ7R1OAzWF
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAv34rOCTuL8
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAFMUvkTzajy
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAADUrR0gY2v
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAWOYh2SRKdY
做不到。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAmob3tEPfaV
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA69C9n96UFf
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA76CVDbfwNY
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAoKcpVukuKm
做不到。1011Please respect copyright.PENANALuxHz1awVe
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAHDsHwkIfPm
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1011Please respect copyright.PENANACUAIQfOS9n
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAUzkjrJY14t
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAj8P6te1BrI
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA6knK7wfoXo
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAcfhkfOh1j9
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAlDKzGt1kTi
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1011Please respect copyright.PENANATAMGgwS0fD
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA19SwodWd9v
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAFP7lyq7WB9
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAkK5wfgsHDr
既,沒法坦白。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA7IdczJhi3R
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAZplbjd6JZP
又,沒法斥責。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAK9p3yxmA0X
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAC9JfsP2yBl
既,沒法接受。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZgmnwypVC
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAmbMkhJ2IiO
也,沒法忘記。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAPbUrrOdZ3V
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA6TLp04awfv
而且…也沒法理解。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAjsyAiov7vz
1011Please respect copyright.PENANARv0UCzI8Nt
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAkJpydkj2M6
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAB82DjRID3b
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAdp8AdUovPV
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAVmbXz2IM1F
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA7UG991GQ0K
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA6W7rPpriVp
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANA6FQkPzPE7B
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA9OWy5T45Gx
「……」1011Please respect copyright.PENANA14gxSZNyId
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAERbQyXyqPr
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAWspkTYM4eT
1011Please respect copyright.PENANATUH6OePr1y
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAsCbpo47LR6
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA5XnAXpiUPM
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1011Please respect copyright.PENANABEFnrghxV2
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAZp1hgCHm6o
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1011Please respect copyright.PENANARSqYEyVj7b
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAyKYeZlvDjl
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAVogIxPMXhw
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAu5yzWXffU4
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANABthhPop3iv
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAT2Kh8IrO6Y
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1011Please respect copyright.PENANANRV8rXAdDp
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAAPhIp0sjB4
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA7sAoqhU9kD
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAXYMvEoXtS3
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA97FMM1av5M
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA7giyK3w0mF
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAXdfJT5ajIY
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA7A3iREl129
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1011Please respect copyright.PENANABzdgw9UWhx
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA5ecXMt2wsF
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1011Please respect copyright.PENANAwfryg0JAk1
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA7IAfXDywqR
咦?1011Please respect copyright.PENANAqRYuNnVZnj
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAlfAMw5Icrt
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAJsaO9WV3AM
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAv0qGZ5RbrO
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAffQqwRDe1S
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAacAorI72AM
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAdSPcGe8Azd
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAHACakuUuOs
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAhdl0KIaXxl
1011Please respect copyright.PENANArELhNud4RM
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA07fb9Xs1ad
1011Please respect copyright.PENANASEe0xAQBQC
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAo3Qzh0dj6Y
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAwYinUk2jrT
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAG6t6AIIqaK
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAAAtvbiAv87
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1011Please respect copyright.PENANA00IrUrwJa9
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA760bSuZDQ0
…我真的不想。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAetbIPCyxEt
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAR6VmCUBEsg
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA3vjlVcZY8C
1011Please respect copyright.PENANALrDl53QNRY
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAQY9RaSjmYZ
1011Please respect copyright.PENANADrcKdEGFwB
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1011Please respect copyright.PENANA4e9vw2rNZp
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAgYCYwtJmXJ
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1011Please respect copyright.PENANAu301HRsMPr
1011Please respect copyright.PENANA0qG0bUjSXx
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1011Please respect copyright.PENANANgpEEKXGRT
1011Please respect copyright.PENANAi3ete4JO2N
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。