又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ehZiDrPBz
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOtVXfeMzi
「…係？」我回答。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXi6XaEcVeS
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeY0o3RvJus
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8pzl1DEid
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOpyzz9irc
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbOzBv6Bu9
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkjSl7vyD7
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2ysU8iOQ6
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvlkAV06xj
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLPaXYQEdZ
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN4Af3tECC
我等著她最後那句。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9CzsqZwJd
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQCDhLHQqs
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukXAtWYoIC
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfcBbkbE9V
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIlDUeJ1UG
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznlWr1r48k
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oi3Kf3kHe
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfJFM13ElZ
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nniXQ1Umc
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkd8H4KKgvJ
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZykV75yDah
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJ8tJQVJvB
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5ZqX4VqJ4
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCB6bAEoAr
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBbpyiDq98
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD47tnCaT2S
「咁…」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfEX00MJWL
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ0GCBTxkf
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXGzeFDBwJ
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdHxw8ZXkB
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjSHjBRUmu
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wWhAoIEqp
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IE0rTjwcv
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2FTfvFHrb
「嗯，你講過。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDuvUubf1b
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlr2jZsRfpo
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNfk0noOwU
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0v8w785dlF
「咪笑我啦。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zNP5pMvL0
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxw5J2XiDk
她笑了。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfh2tLil7q
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eUmrHMxHh
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAHkEVL9j0
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTXZ1eAdew
「係好夢定惡夢？」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoItqdW13B
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1xvdrJUEq
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBr7JSoWrT
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGI6abWl20P
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn8zwnL8MA
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLaDdwoQNB
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucbrXWMfti
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezbABLLNUF
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx3kbpkkW9
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FPlNvqOD1
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlt4OIPCH7l
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqWyGXNBf0
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6V4JAvnyH
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyG9rjX9DDE
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMvDqR0kQU
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTINoCgy6k
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq17VPZH1Xp
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTr2dPFXkk
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEeelN9nPO
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFtW70QMJu
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxAFsXx4YW
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbimwB924Hb
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxOJDnlUVh
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU51sLZss4W
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgsi0j4hqD
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX62HDDGI70
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YFGXdZlru
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vwMCNSr2U
萬物的崩潰。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dL5pn0zox
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UHDDxHCAN
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmUbdvDlY4
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijxkiGLjqz
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrkhYDuTyO
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpzR6DOpY0
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtAiFiJ8sr
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJIXk8MIqS
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyu5kKjCHsg
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixo2UmDIib
愛的反面不是憎恨。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjGbVz31mA
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5hPhM9yUb
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo96prL8l8
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ohDLw3l8m
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqN4z2uPLs
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPNNm9RzbE
這光景，我看過。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMr44sTo2F
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVpXkosctc
我在曾經的自己身上看過。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvD5Wn1fYI
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtupVju1se5
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5D83AXrUl
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYQZsa1dkK
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9gIucMF7X
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuO7Ivy0mLo
「無可能。」我搖頭。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5f8zAbKCR
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeEsBGVivX
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1jbM6EToS
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ9PsFJHlx
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyY7KQTqdNL
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNxOIqWeOS
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIfvvPpZhv
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0onMKdvM6
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6eaqczNVY
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSJzg6plC8
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZb2doFd9eH
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDmH2TzUq3
甚麼也再沒需要了。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8c8d7FHHH
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtOPvXMgsg
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfNW3iboRj
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9kYeVyYzU
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKUuI03Zfk
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOR0J8kgPk
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel7v8hJqaC
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyQhTGRFQ7
話畢。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPy1Z1w7dxY
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3Fs0NmRVF
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUC8BA4DTE
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWuqetvhwK
「你想既，幾時都可以。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtPFdP9kQZ
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRtdYy6kCo
她沉默了片刻。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhcWlTWRe2
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSwrjwLgGX
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkopPuQWAtM
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JNH2JHnsi
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRb5MT0QlBJ
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJi2LzW5r3j
「無興趣。」她微笑說。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCkYZ9xsoi
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6KcQzgXey
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UeFch7PY6
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4mgPbTgcX
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQFi2XKdjA
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuuYKzezV2
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJekRW4DTec
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8yJ5K4KQO
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1ylXN7Fvu
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtOPTR0f9F
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFuwsGRmbU
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWYSa4NXFR
「連你都咁講，嗚…」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V8RTgk5r8
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrn1ee5EXt4
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxd7tZPO54i
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaa9Or1bRv
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RmWKdZNTj
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTpWKLqiWD
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzUxc8QdhP
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TzdW4UTxf
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZ0X6jjFdJ
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡam8VVESaFY
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0owjPoTTp
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP754PbYH6z
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiKErgoz9Z
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SmReZ9qPZ
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6uq4T0WFI
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuWCBmqY1J
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbvUQNGkAM
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mW7lufbqq
「……」952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsW9AE26inB
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrDniTGQOt
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42XSIx36qQ
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4xrPLD3Cg
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJegkIDMFp3
952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9VrHAi9HV
夏天，也到尾聲了。952Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPOQpD5frN
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