又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA6iKpmTxE
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJyiVtIXef
「…係？」我回答。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlrwzHlNL4
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIna97eorP
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1WLPA42wl
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiZOPdTXAd
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiADoujM9jG
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtmpYPmCc0
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT4iw0Ypdq
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwoHFd3f7m
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FEP0mE7SP
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgH8JaZLyH
我等著她最後那句。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0edGWcxT4x
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rCnkPM5ZZ
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZXGC5AtpZ
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8xZxIOO2d
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc7F7AnwIA
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPxHJbSdck
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkaRwQqY5H
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNT6el2yGBA
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQfhYF9tMQ
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeON0HxCEod
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EyyGbr6OG
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYJHbeos8y
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wbQgEc2cw
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xMiTHgg36
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8ZO9sLfv0
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJBD6jCmkO
「咁…」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzT19BaG3d
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjYNQNkbzl
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTFNq57xC6
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwyiVMgddH
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQqOKyqOQl
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKzcQv70Ar
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRD4Ctevf8
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAGIAW9NmS
「嗯，你講過。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8D9I4G1tn
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZUXIcOlk6
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJn2WNr6eL7
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMJTX8BqvG
「咪笑我啦。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2T0tiSudJr
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrNzP3jLN3
她笑了。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewimoxhYjA
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAiUFHn0w6
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuiGMESM9w
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBSORqYZvk
「係好夢定惡夢？」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1mrDTMFwF
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93IlJzsJfd
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsduxgr0cm
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp5t1UUZzL
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PcPSeLI04
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdzcK789iv
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgJzJVa10S
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KcvvbeIJP
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8naPKsDVr
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LVgAOtl8X
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboLmT2kZMu
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2MOX9Zi1h
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY89XsBMTh
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoKSh1YPox
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3FpJTvxxy
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvthWIDKbZx
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30lDPy1oJo
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAtwHVDBUm
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVaWNqr8QQ
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sMLL39wmk
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IQdqu3JRw
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15pg5EtTnq
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QRqXj5lGG
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLxPDwAUIi
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWgqbMOucF
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2GwV15brR
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9qPEP9NdX
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVJA8YHTVQ
萬物的崩潰。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3D4xXvtur
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtC9rrSFYr3
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95aJP3vH23
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCNI3MaRK8
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3khpn1F2z
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2sWwL5vhZ
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IMiwpg0nc
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIoMRMvTbw
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zv7cgHR6b
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlyGSkeje0
愛的反面不是憎恨。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiZIHYU9ra
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUfa0Kk5mO
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlmXBi1I6b
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1D9ygJ6db
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGotdNVaI6
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPnkG3Xu1O
這光景，我看過。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlNDa9JPgQ
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRE0ZDwkEe
我在曾經的自己身上看過。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCdtuhkieJ
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGocwuEXOwl
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUUdy5OyME
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazvcydAm5w
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1uNmk8ezM
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9PCPRVF9Y
「無可能。」我搖頭。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuy4wssquP
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcccMdfc8G
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Br3L2V4kw
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWPSnj8fQz
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGyA7gI7W0
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJJVRlznBD
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhnzpZ86nz
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZUTc8bSvE
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYDyrGBIcD
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNejvVmUgxm
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnN6KFxDzCo
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WAmj6ERor
甚麼也再沒需要了。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvJfatW8M1
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHV4a1Qt4I
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRWF3eMX8S
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlJdwow2A4
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PD9oJE8NB
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AVaqSe8x2
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lbL5YFlvS
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8swNRealR
話畢。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66HnHZN6Qv
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzvjb6xnJn
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHa5ye9QzY5
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZ7bs9QpB1
「你想既，幾時都可以。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOVYB3Zc1U
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNwXX5aZ3v
她沉默了片刻。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CKYq2Y7Ja
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjPil44fka
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUzkBVuGft
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROaS3r5ydF
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSM4bV1PjQ
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhX3QQ6nbZ
「無興趣。」她微笑說。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53ILdJ9tOk
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeCJfGniNX
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KvRpN8pDn
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZxAQOu9eQ
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgfvwKh8Xo
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcANQ0PEZA
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0ivd2Wht2
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsCkPNMOlS
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy15ydX7uri
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtt1irwyGms
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7mrk0egyv
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIAquRU9Ae
「連你都咁講，嗚…」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67KCf0T6g1
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl7e0JCS9S
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjza9JplZQ5
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTqBuqMtVs
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4uKeEZyrZ
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURT8aZRmMh
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gceLW8hRH
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLI9IuxywF
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjTVxWuuCG
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ113MKGfKrf
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusRqu9uRFO
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZEWXCmcvH
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRe3LEe6Fy
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgMKvjY6pZ
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsioYnvcXAY
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kLayTz9eG
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScziWU37ls
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvZ7fhVhS0
「……」953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPHbaGd1yx
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEB7KUOQC9
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ54SLrAA40
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5Ze3oDndM
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5u7z49pwv
953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkEStfeYkD
夏天，也到尾聲了。953Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4Mq1w2hWA
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