但現實是這樣又如何?1018Please respect copyright.PENANAFeL73GJJj9
1018Please respect copyright.PENANADTF3rARWw1
沒法理解,沒法接受。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA9bQetLcbvW
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAKQFseEBpuI
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAgYoMisLg6Z
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAqZKR0NsZnb
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAxlQrhg3Tsh
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAuvThEurUDY
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAShpgiCVHQF
1018Please respect copyright.PENANANqphOVGIWe
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAH9r93wmlIU
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAOAmWvcTP64
現在卻。1018Please respect copyright.PENANARwjdfjXNHC
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA72l8w4n1F9
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAt3T96doICN
1018Please respect copyright.PENANApdcpqVvnxV
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAop1nqhGOQ5
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAwn9S2DUUbB
因為我的童年…1018Please respect copyright.PENANAKgZtUY8rjd
1018Please respect copyright.PENANANY5C1SjdBm
…真真正正的,結束了。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA90z1ZjwJ9q
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA73I2OUh7a3
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAyYYtrVA52m
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAuhfQta3IFD
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1018Please respect copyright.PENANAfUASaEUiDg
1018Please respect copyright.PENANATwjyBe9X5v
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAihw4Y5uinu
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAOtUwAFBFgV
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAuDAEJb0FQj
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAUB3FJu5z1F
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAFCguJex5ef
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAoz34mTPhUW
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAHG9MvUQqRu
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAA6YTHBlvtU
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAOOuM4Gpjz1
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAF4bqMxRMuu
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAtqFHxbJnxf
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAiTWhVUsv1r
愛慕她的好。1018Please respect copyright.PENANABsk9cdQD04
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAw1DACAJWs1
便要接受她的壞。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAcIoUWr8mG5
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAkUvKwxCsgE
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA2jrmshgNkd
1018Please respect copyright.PENANArQYzlUvlm9
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAI84BLs8mzJ
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAMeDTUovZ2i
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA0LgimYy2VD
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAXEYxqTnGb3
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAm1i6FZAA8D
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAqi6dJN7tsD
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAI7s0FD7Set
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAYpSLBqboL1
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAljEsVGUWjO
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAZcTjGPE2pV
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1018Please respect copyright.PENANABNbp4rneIv
1018Please respect copyright.PENANADgm8j1PvOB
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAwGdkQ00Sro
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAUsgGnZu5m3
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAYYRYyJzXU2
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAQdZBsAI7Nh
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAkLTTnxnhiY
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA4pXNhERV8l
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAilm4DV4lS5
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAKTapRzGXCB
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAgeid9HPEh3
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAIMg5vhj8AS
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAsud94z8mAE
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAWdHy7B7kPc
然後,我推開了她。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA5fHiNPdE40
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAi9CwyEYEEh
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAZuwm3xViXx
1018Please respect copyright.PENANABOsRmTf7Sp
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAh9zDGhcm3H
1018Please respect copyright.PENANADmefz6D8fm
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAPC31WhmgAq
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA122VpgAnTS
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAa8kbfuI17v
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAmw4qT2GjSs
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAbhOt74Pomb
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAtL1AUBZS83
「係…?」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAxJfE5hAK8O
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA4cktbDXnE3
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAs8kZYKw7TK
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAkI0X8lgRnF
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAGYZzzbkbQ2
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAdykynOIL7k
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAhZFi76sY2N
1018Please respect copyright.PENANApizZRAG1kN
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAuyNYPcV7mF
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAykG6uRAQRp
「我先唔係。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAteyrsYtkbF
1018Please respect copyright.PENANATdCux6zjOf
我早就不是甚麼好人。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAtbo198lKOb
1018Please respect copyright.PENANADxtHmphVy0
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAsEKKyTAkeR
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAAQInXBDy7I
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAsg02mWOkpu
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAW4YCZEhQ2s
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAqq1XU4u6O0
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAwqBTGBgpKG
「……」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAXpYDuw08DI
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA8jPC7RNzKG
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAZzhW7Csxwl
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAXEBlIKLbjY
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1018Please respect copyright.PENANASDdIMSj5nM
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAcdoaQVLCHI
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAYWkSpaKMDK
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAZLAJrI2z81
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA7Nt84vITrn
1018Please respect copyright.PENANANdDL4FzqmS
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAc9N9nzzy23
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAOGOppD5Q48
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAShg2uw6cuK
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAygY6H00W5F
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAKZvcvXhisZ
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA0VQpNTNXHM
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAkjjzmyICJ2
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAbj3qTWcM1o
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAJn2O05du2M
1018Please respect copyright.PENANADmpTATwDoB
「呀遊…」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAnhOmyRh6Te
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAjd5xItvkoO
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAGi2EMieGIh
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAM63wKpAdXJ
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1018Please respect copyright.PENANANNgzFZTIze
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAsPjHfuavBG
做不到。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAx5AskCQShS
1018Please respect copyright.PENANANaCLT31rB2
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAuGwnTksJBW
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAiE6ZeSnQAI
做不到。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAaJx1d80H4d
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA8xfBBf1HmX
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAxeOzBAeZ9n
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAFX7nE7xSTV
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAHj0eQB3lDY
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAxu1IjvYNV3
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAQjauG1lCHf
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAOfbXUw8DWi
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA7eSndzWHWw
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA0eeBdk6OLe
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAJyXWe5uxox
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAjEwj1iA5xb
既,沒法坦白。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAfqJd4tw6rP
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAcJ2Xq6XCJz
又,沒法斥責。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA5Mozo9FQEU
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7IxmzUeh2
既,沒法接受。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAxYbEW7FDGO
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA7eKXz2kyW5
也,沒法忘記。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAF992MeeEzT
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAG0jnoUsydS
而且…也沒法理解。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAI7Vn0gdBAe
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAT8h8offJZe
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA6YSlkhc7ER
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAiRswTzzAVb
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAOkLObhRBN5
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAXgqki18Jjh
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1018Please respect copyright.PENANANmQe5IRe2e
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAQQnJcPa156
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAStC8FOxHf1
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAzt90agc5dp
「……」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAjQvlXqIbhn
1018Please respect copyright.PENANANW46n41qT8
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAxZMlzItFYj
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAAl04Lo4PSB
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAx283wlz8Fh
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA5RP413ySd0
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1018Please respect copyright.PENANABpeaQ8eabv
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAaqXom7vnoj
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA7oQPMt0W7q
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA7TlqtEHUNk
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAYnJ5aCaCRD
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA2Xcbeo4UyE
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANARKxQIsspgT
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAsV4A71aFC0
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAzV4CARKGdM
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA4S7pADdxRM
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1018Please respect copyright.PENANANh12QTewdo
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAqKmuWkgPPm
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA6YaYP3SE8Q
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAJVFA0HwYM9
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAkw3M8AsqNo
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAkZcXwYTZoH
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAXQxrdccmua
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAkKIpYJfFT8
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1018Please respect copyright.PENANAIRKTnEBAYK
1018Please respect copyright.PENANACIvEKakrL7
咦?1018Please respect copyright.PENANA83gTayZPkH
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4BJK1WkUw
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1018Please respect copyright.PENANACgmnpLdpq1
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA4GNfZgs5u7
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1018Please respect copyright.PENANA6tXxReVvTL
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAE1avlVskDs
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAdZv6AgW2t4
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA5vKuGvX6Mz
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAWs6kTPPB5E
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAmQ8Sjj4zme
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAOBcZLSaL6O
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAhvUlJW2w8Z
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAgL9cEDnvtL
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAM8UXRi25Q8
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAxqu1hWSHeC
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAktfRdbk7aS
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1018Please respect copyright.PENANAToFA3KrWpo
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA5IovkUkxwV
…我真的不想。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAa2TR3yPEjI
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAmTIoiy9Xmh
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAY8PcrUf7m4
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAy0VGcILsWJ
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAL1DUJ3thLc
1018Please respect copyright.PENANA3h5TfWLJG7
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAHTQ106NWZ7
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAoUpkz6CZFf
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAqTHnBLzFQj
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAWdiVFxdtqs
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1018Please respect copyright.PENANAcNlIwzK6IU
1018Please respect copyright.PENANAJj3FywP43v
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。