但現實是這樣又如何?1139Please respect copyright.PENANAJa5TKjPFgM
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA0QuV7MMqq8
沒法理解,沒法接受。1139Please respect copyright.PENANARknwNpweCG
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAenJmXnUepP
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAciArAiGdLi
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAuex8rKiH4n
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1139Please respect copyright.PENANANnciCbpsoR
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAbc9DbFYfIc
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAO69L0D5xDB
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAy17Uax6ZyY
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1139Please respect copyright.PENANArswxtJ2oM5
1139Please respect copyright.PENANARSzEZdhSgK
現在卻。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAxJ8b2xg2sT
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAd5TK7k0UHq
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAGdNHVjp2Qf
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAhOeAVy8f80
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAtQ2CNzWWSq
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzIp2jnJqZS
因為我的童年…1139Please respect copyright.PENANAeg2jYml306
1139Please respect copyright.PENANABtc4xv1ZzJ
…真真正正的,結束了。1139Please respect copyright.PENANACpjvjgJSf9
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA9xyiiz6shr
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANArYq4P1VGZr
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA47w0QUcX6Z
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzR4E0EPozQ
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAqx02YgdmV4
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAkJrdNHhvqX
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAMGVtNrYLSH
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAHfEX7LGL0w
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA3WrFYl4Hws
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAPInOu2uWP8
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAEAd83zzM7R
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2tAQ73cGv
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA1gsNhfQil0
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA9o2sEaEVpq
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAiX43xQ2CWK
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1139Please respect copyright.PENANApxFSmuER0O
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA4TK7mMoNdt
愛慕她的好。1139Please respect copyright.PENANANHPpA3StJZ
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAAUF1Aqx7UZ
便要接受她的壞。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAJBhddwAXff
1139Please respect copyright.PENANADkNv3I1mq1
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAMGxsVAzPrT
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAcxmoCtr3xj
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAJCjdiDMbaI
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAdujAojgieE
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAuvkyM7Y9xG
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA06EFCWsQIe
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzHJ7DgI1TJ
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAmqGABJm4fF
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA72e7UhwGif
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA426oQ594jZ
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAjEGY1Uo8t0
1139Please respect copyright.PENANASpHhkbPfIB
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAGNLoM2fCFl
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAK0F1R8S4t3
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAvbpCYJ7G1y
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAkjIcDcVSj1
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAYXNHB4TlT7
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA2PXlltOhW5
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA08Zo9JvQOS
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAYVoV1T42B4
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAUmaVtXAyli
1139Please respect copyright.PENANANTFTuUQAxh
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAGfqYRL3eBq
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAoxAPDN1oBj
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANA8bNDR9zPMl
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAxTLDAN8dcC
然後,我推開了她。1139Please respect copyright.PENANASAKGTipl32
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAm0ijpPMcuE
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAqwIzai33GM
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAS8tIDbG2dE
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA6TRE2Ybus7
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAMgtNHGjwaG
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANA29fQ17Wmgi
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAI3NVy8fe0K
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAMfPkt0Uix6
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAaQ1SfeLyDS
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA8j8bfnP30F
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAUXPEsBTSSG
「係…?」1139Please respect copyright.PENANALrauj5ESwg
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAU0cXBbQGu7
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAvdtZT67PpI
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAL5ORSjrDlF
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzoA9aaVC8Z
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAqHz27NKzWA
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAhnlRSuhNeO
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfHMTkatmJT
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1139Please respect copyright.PENANActjQU0P0Hs
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAJgweodM1DP
「我先唔係。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAgGLmNp7x4R
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA4KIt5Wj5Gl
我早就不是甚麼好人。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfATXl6dBwV
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAeZ4wrEHdcP
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAOYXxKmJWTr
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAFEUlmfqhZ5
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAFlKqzQqgXV
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA6wZZLc4OGd
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANA60OYItL6DK
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA9FkV9hvV20
「……」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAbJS93I8tji
1139Please respect copyright.PENANARBuLEGdWKo
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA7o9gGXP5PW
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAqsjjMd7b1j
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAistvjCoHTc
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA5wsuGW9po3
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA7j88LIYCxM
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA5aWEuTAJ8W
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAuMLynI7zu4
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAekXXzTVzdL
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA4DmmQn6uKz
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA55akpdktKt
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAg8OPKSyOoU
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6aYGmadGh
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAo4MEkCfTJT
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAHBQvB3ya2t
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA9og3EiM6GD
1139Please respect copyright.PENANArhoXX0LfAr
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANArsxfUndahW
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA5I7P9FUF8U
「呀遊…」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAToWjNDS4Qd
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAv1usdOBHmV
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAw4mliMg5GH
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAG5A9U0fRE9
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAlQbuTciY7D
1139Please respect copyright.PENANANy4Nd0D8R3
做不到。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAZG0ESIcyiT
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA16bK4z0dry
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzWNQuJTWjA
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAsRPTB7guPN
做不到。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAMsoymCQitO
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAc04fAxvkg8
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA10f6Jvwbmb
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA2mQUYQ4NC2
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfViPvevW7D
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAYdjVRqIiCt
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAnSCwn5oXdK
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAGsPq3Prdf2
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAFQsiOtMWvL
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAftwQ2Zvhj9
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAUe2aI3xGla
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAp2rz2ERIiQ
既,沒法坦白。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAYWQgL53vmx
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAm1o3uB150r
又,沒法斥責。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAakEgXjnuMD
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfTWpkqg3xj
既,沒法接受。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAPJdKe2t1JI
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAVxzoDRezG8
也,沒法忘記。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA1y5Jcni3h3
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAoO4QPG3JZV
而且…也沒法理解。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAHdfPJgCiuE
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA5cIffU5LvB
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA3JYHS8jJ9n
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAIbvXjZdKa7
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1139Please respect copyright.PENANASRqw1kmjQl
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAjUFoghgrTF
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA7H02adPX3j
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAIvtOzn1dNv
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAPb0gSa67A3
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAnLH49s5xed
「……」1139Please respect copyright.PENANACp8ho6z1rc
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAsQCMx0aGRI
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAygEhrmoxMW
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfLgtvqmZZ0
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAcXo4gPGklr
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAYGuIciCEcS
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAsX37ysKEek
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAqO4NAu5VKN
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA0ltwGUvxym
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAa4dvMbbAmQ
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANABvQurXO9wn
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAWTssVzwEV4
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAMEuyWPrwpQ
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAqbu0kBAWCt
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzcOLbYYQlL
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA92gPk57y5F
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfQ4sO2jAsy
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAClZJfasq3F
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAL8zhFZRBQ1
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzgtXdsT9h0
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAdXU7zJHzAW
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAcKQ6AbT0zB
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAq4wbadN4k9
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAUtlEBzle54
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1139Please respect copyright.PENANAGTEmld6x9x
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAhy5V1m4l9A
咦?1139Please respect copyright.PENANAkeIAmJnh8x
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAppfkN7SNdP
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAE0IsiChBnF
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAe4Kjlwy2g5
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAKhWlilPjqb
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfXj4ObNoes
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1139Please respect copyright.PENANADA7gG9sYi4
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAzO0mwAtOki
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA7efGO2EvNQ
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA4TNAdXAgtB
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1139Please respect copyright.PENANA2kAkV9Vj23
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAQo7pnVqlMn
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfT51u8UKn9
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA88yPX708uj
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1139Please respect copyright.PENANALZ1VW6hY2v
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAK5SAv13PTV
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1139Please respect copyright.PENANALChxJN62oO
1139Please respect copyright.PENANA1cVDODYFa6
…我真的不想。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAprsERtfCLW
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAeio3rJ5UYW
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAd6jzHY0Uob
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAe9FudsDx1x
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAKA5nbsWzvS
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAe0yZs8QO6m
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAkDNQT7O2tj
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAfmhjYNW3kA
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAxpKVGzTvha
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAEC2adPVULD
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1139Please respect copyright.PENANAmf1wlvEVWM
1139Please respect copyright.PENANAmaS0rDYBGg
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。