但現實是這樣又如何?1021Please respect copyright.PENANAR3l2QOcXbL
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAMmifRTFYPT
沒法理解,沒法接受。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAZ50mh8lknQ
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAQuNTvrbfMZ
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1021Please respect copyright.PENANArpfRAPS3Jj
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAhLy7V7hgC5
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA3gsF32CdEv
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA41QO6MIpgZ
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAXRkJZbZSjk
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAixEG3joXai
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAqDr6O11NcS
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAK1MikcFgpK
現在卻。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAHl7iXZZ8m7
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAqR7v4vvwgn
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAXAinmkafrA
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAyoLXHnO82E
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAWFPFOwnrxe
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAhFagIDfq5F
因為我的童年…1021Please respect copyright.PENANARQ9kBdrzX7
1021Please respect copyright.PENANACUi4QFbHVy
…真真正正的,結束了。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAf9IsTzbzx3
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAJE2gmI9Ckd
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAtCEGyNLJaM
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA2vgUbLoTcS
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1021Please respect copyright.PENANAaDiReQM32l
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAQLrmGVqFwM
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA6xKHFhBxZ4
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAo9RkWhz0Bc
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA2w0gMuGOUR
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAXrgkEV9Rx7
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAItWRwPWDGE
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA9QfyNx71nj
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAYhnvvk0hcK
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAF7q21nCMdd
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA756LbmeAwi
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAvyILUZ7v7B
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA8Tshgrn21X
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAaBq12Krwxe
愛慕她的好。1021Please respect copyright.PENANACQwMXMzuxG
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA6jRUjnrIuQ
便要接受她的壞。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAykMwStkatN
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAE37i8icQxn
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA92qahAwRbU
1021Please respect copyright.PENANALb3h3oZSZP
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA3oZsCLZhaT
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAzXG3uPAi6f
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAGDZZYK4YgG
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAZzN9ZpFZIC
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAbvmsBHQaTj
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAtJ429n87mV
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAZHxEEwjBhk
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAuBwPAYcmYH
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAdEab4Ao7As
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA39CIn4LUsk
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1021Please respect copyright.PENANArYO5Z1l7IS
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA3Y94A7F21B
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAdCVmBKbnkR
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAezKxgmKHb5
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1021Please respect copyright.PENANApB7zQD1N8T
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAGxypd6VL5v
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1021Please respect copyright.PENANATR9AwOWrrF
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAvCauxKt5tP
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAgmbThUrsjj
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAbziZo6FHud
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAM4pxdMT0y6
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA51DTGm0W3M
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAxIJiMgQl8k
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA47biQf1nKH
然後,我推開了她。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAxZrqbSMmGf
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAWdzgvLkUtl
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAmYx9wObuiR
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAz2WeDY1bEH
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAoljTxg9I0b
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA49W1rWL3uX
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAYpRIHXULiP
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA26zuViNxAp
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAymLkMOck1M
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAhLfnpmlouK
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAk2ersnLPEE
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAKt990A9f7p
「係…?」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAjd7eSAWrzp
1021Please respect copyright.PENANABlUgca1BQU
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1021Please respect copyright.PENANATM9DqgKY0Q
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAeyzi1NFuAH
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA053bA0T85x
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAsfunTnwtxp
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAo5FK5trxWk
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA8tAJ72rXZS
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAXjh0yp0IJ4
1021Please respect copyright.PENANANZbei3m9YF
「我先唔係。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANATwxhUK86Qp
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAuWJHgfGmi6
我早就不是甚麼好人。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAcpNRN2UGrg
1021Please respect copyright.PENANANtCycEDeev
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA6x74UxZ8Rg
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAYHR57CHQxj
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1021Please respect copyright.PENANADG44wIDYQJ
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAuldX2X2vVl
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAxypNRdvig0
1021Please respect copyright.PENANACcqJvhyXeL
「……」1021Please respect copyright.PENANA0M0X1ZxiO1
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAsFoJO6iDEG
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAUKYqEluXKu
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAMkJQD7fkZa
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAwWMi8qChy3
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAjTqRNhYKDL
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAVsKIjgvosM
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAuJ9Vk78ldw
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAZdw20dtchh
1021Please respect copyright.PENANATHqPBrGi41
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAMnpu1T14bz
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAwBxVMJldcr
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAYhaF3xt62B
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAnNwBq4OaSu
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAGpsXM6z7ig
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA7tF14Rkp1l
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAWOPHwLlWIM
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAofNiKf3DUp
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANA47IxwZjwrs
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAFMLua8JaU8
「呀遊…」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAl8FDgwi9bQ
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAWB1KGeCWg9
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANA1O1ClWpwf7
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAXU3GNeTaaC
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAjfyi4JJV9Z
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAQK2XRSYDe4
做不到。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAAqiH5sRUso
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA9yuD8JC657
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA59iBxA0gQk
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA7cbRCnPKF1
做不到。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAKTcdVHYXob
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAcnxNZz14DA
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAcv0KHiuUlN
1021Please respect copyright.PENANANhScxpERev
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAgR2wTQeRWD
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAEPLYQtabf5
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAtOXE5ZvLaY
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA3wcI28K7El
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAk4wXQ8lQjB
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAWHdtXnKuUc
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAexQWHiI2d7
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAEfZRFAmNJn
既,沒法坦白。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAhOF7ticoLv
1021Please respect copyright.PENANActyLIWg6w1
又,沒法斥責。1021Please respect copyright.PENANARYDS1LkAiz
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAdBqFHTApKJ
既,沒法接受。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAUm9T5WNEJC
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAmlSGjyBOyi
也,沒法忘記。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAMKp8mldJuv
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA3lkLGO0N9G
而且…也沒法理解。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAFd1uv5bl0A
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAMpWUXTqNM0
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAFIcQGzTdTo
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA4g8DffrG77
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAkSB9Yc2uyM
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAilZfUh3zi9
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAQ9DzYTWKdh
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAGILPKl4EFn
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAx7ut8CmvEq
1021Please respect copyright.PENANASMmkVgFkG6
「……」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAGnLnNU5MnH
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAksDzrmmxg2
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAU2kz5XKVni
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA2atoiYFz4g
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAsrKSQdHffe
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAPZjfmYNcTt
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAefmyp4kytP
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA5s0wHXCUmb
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAHSv6nF5H46
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAVRbEpDbt9k
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANA2mRWxalVMC
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAAtKVJK8tX5
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAUi4O4NtZqA
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAtHlUEMclMJ
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1021Please respect copyright.PENANABRQF6AeAMv
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAGNw66lR1fT
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAqFuSZpPuM1
1021Please respect copyright.PENANArdwSyrwJbQ
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAlKGTpdXFpA
1021Please respect copyright.PENANARY4rVlC2kE
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAld0ghwK3my
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAeVJnpzFPOr
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAGJLbuladzH
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAUhNrcYTSh3
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1021Please respect copyright.PENANAWTi76l2rMt
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAZbL9PF2KSa
咦?1021Please respect copyright.PENANAHNUZD2k4Ez
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAwPNXNs78o4
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAeqcF7L7aqa
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAfXmwHa1f1F
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1021Please respect copyright.PENANARb2SeI1Qve
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAKXOFKU4tXj
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1021Please respect copyright.PENANADyefnE3WsD
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAEFxuTVU2P9
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAkmXRhZnN3F
1021Please respect copyright.PENANARLE1Fmyp5L
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAZX4vTiSIfW
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAkGqG26Vhyn
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAEVEZ7Jcxvk
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAyzyiVw45L7
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAksHPqG7cIe
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA92VBSULd51
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1021Please respect copyright.PENANAQkR5FE0c0F
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAlckhUcsUqO
…我真的不想。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAe1COovMnLQ
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAFTDzlcnA1b
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAu4hFAkrNCl
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAdnMwNywAUb
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1021Please respect copyright.PENANA2CCNRDx998
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAi2kGbsvaL8
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAXEkxkVHVwx
1021Please respect copyright.PENANAw7of4Vzxca
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1021Please respect copyright.PENANALuLbqEWisc
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA2muwAcbkhS
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1021Please respect copyright.PENANAzRO4YaTtgS
1021Please respect copyright.PENANA1ikgIaNLt0
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。