但現實是這樣又如何?1057Please respect copyright.PENANA1bVZlpMVYV
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAlaWlSYBCCL
沒法理解,沒法接受。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA05hAYoyN7J
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAlPMBcxVsHu
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAWLBI5HfE02
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAnU9dvtWtUv
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAA46STYDlOg
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAhP4YV13coR
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAyIUjSs0hWK
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA2c0PLdzcx9
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAVKBmYOQK2L
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAMOYPKne8LJ
現在卻。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA9RFXrBl1cM
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAsDFfSN0TGe
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAhSaBJfNgVH
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAPqXzR1iqf6
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAd0ofxAOgPG
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAyOt4DN6F94
因為我的童年…1057Please respect copyright.PENANA9LlqE7ugIE
1057Please respect copyright.PENANApCPBGzYtkQ
…真真正正的,結束了。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAwApi6QPPDN
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAXpQmcZrFrd
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAg7mlWizSgn
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAsWZTwKnPcv
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1057Please respect copyright.PENANA0rGrrQly1v
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAC9eKF4eKay
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1057Please respect copyright.PENANARGI1iBIMKZ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANADaD3v0Gj69
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA1jZorYLYxG
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAPB8T7vShI8
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1057Please respect copyright.PENANATYRW3SpmuS
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAacbe53G8pp
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1057Please respect copyright.PENANACH5IFQgB7i
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA398V5dCtJU
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAP9MIhXSYAZ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA31ITtLgwvo
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAvuaPjh1wSC
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAwE9Yf2pUf8
愛慕她的好。1057Please respect copyright.PENANALT8amsCf5w
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAnocb7xRHCt
便要接受她的壞。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAyVx5VVzMQK
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAzujTVimGLn
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAfTeph0PbVI
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAbWxR04M5Ht
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAq9LVcvyXPk
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAoNpceOk8j2
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAE0EhaUclPs
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA2bN6Mos787
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAqHwl76L3c6
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAsrTHSyROsi
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1057Please respect copyright.PENANArWf1WQonah
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAykluSv8ig6
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAW2BgM3WrAP
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAnHDbhIgxyk
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAItsgelCnoP
1057Please respect copyright.PENANApbeVEV8oXR
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAtJI7TzUyBu
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAWUJ4Ha0hCm
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAqCWA0k27eb
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAbu4ZuiJNjp
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAFQYpgh7FRn
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAXKeXL30S19
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAl8fvuSDsqW
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA8ydDFtRWd7
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAs2ht65gyEw
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAbDbP5I5adh
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAy50q61tKTQ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANASQFO6N0MX0
然後,我推開了她。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAdOhvyUPC9k
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAIXCw1Y62Gj
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA33lriZaRS0
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA2asSMjQyGs
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAVJKMT7bPNI
1057Please respect copyright.PENANARAW4cSEhxA
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAyAXydo5ejN
1057Please respect copyright.PENANABSrrUPpTpC
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAqcWanaigiD
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAyFAxrVEMBm
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAkl5GbySDoA
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA1kcTG4kVmX
「係…?」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAVM3imvGeIh
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAFAlGGVqWnH
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAd0YqGNFgi9
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAgqM5OwalWw
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAMijLqxmYNP
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAeNWoVbXit1
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAljZ0r61Gah
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAA3DiJHwrdp
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAGlHKfz88Co
1057Please respect copyright.PENANANI8wGspF0P
「我先唔係。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAU0EmUoiTmY
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAxRSh0YBvjq
我早就不是甚麼好人。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAc6ey52lXSo
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAAj6dXGqhd0
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA2vtrJAxf0z
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAnvUnIlzPjc
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAvW1PAlFR8a
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAYnAEN3iRUb
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANALwNl7glW6B
1057Please respect copyright.PENANACPx5VE2hp4
「……」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAihU9hODrof
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAcYlqo9YceW
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAutaA0YATSO
1057Please respect copyright.PENANArflxm7Zaqi
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA93luqnAjoZ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAmBYGf3yVJS
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAhIxH3FAeMc
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAdtFoANFK2h
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAIIDai9NyWQ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAgpVqYB8S3b
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAvJQmgZC5cB
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAoM8ZujMEz5
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAlbbmY0ihMG
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA3Jd5pORXxB
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAOGtj3xh3Mq
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAs6NeK8EOlK
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAX9uC8fHODS
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA8sfyEXrnKB
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAW93nzyCN4s
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAAdpB15Why7
「呀遊…」1057Please respect copyright.PENANABdmWMutIvG
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA215WK5PCpz
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAY18C71yAsD
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAVqFt12yhOJ
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA3KxTUF0n6K
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA8DvH8UZroV
做不到。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAUBOTRgzkrJ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAxEF5osRlVj
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAXVjLxtteuN
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAoeHtcSEiQR
做不到。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAM17wdT9sgE
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAqhElNyb41x
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAaLfJ4mMaXe
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAFfPUmDfFST
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAOAGRMAc7B6
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAEVTXr7QE5m
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1057Please respect copyright.PENANALax7ox0qAQ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAoNeIlC1SBS
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAkrwe8Sdsdh
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA2CnKtrraUf
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1057Please respect copyright.PENANARIiX6X7ruI
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAAahnLkhXv2
既,沒法坦白。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAdZdUE3fzXs
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAexLznqBhoC
又,沒法斥責。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAG5yQaJahMV
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAXHykwMenu0
既,沒法接受。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAoqilvbymzz
1057Please respect copyright.PENANASJFJApzDlP
也,沒法忘記。1057Please respect copyright.PENANApwqZ6Cv3eE
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAHwH1zvxGq0
而且…也沒法理解。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAWxfYuBjZ8E
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAEiyrLeScyB
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAdd9WLdUgEz
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAZwzVmqjypS
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAroH0jAl39x
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAFd4uoTpLQ3
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAPWeH7Lc8D5
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAyaFEcU5q6P
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANASaX4S7pktm
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAdmYXcCe4oy
「……」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAFcPAtERfoa
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZGT2LdQ8Q
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAoiKdQlX15e
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAsUhaU05DLY
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1057Please respect copyright.PENANApzkkEdbkTD
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAnNmxcDnCDO
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAVilbpFEhef
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAsMz3g54Fbl
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAbWL7ssJtGl
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAIdwcFtLYOZ
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANA03bmqITA4J
1057Please respect copyright.PENANALU6kAALSsR
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAZyCtjmhF3U
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA12gQEapYNJ
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAW9vNsoe1oz
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAPJWOqtvU11
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAASVhJDFLNU
1057Please respect copyright.PENANApibxxy9UHl
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAGKrD1PLeWw
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAlsVD5Je3sK
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1057Please respect copyright.PENANApHXxtTWMg3
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAlbjRlNVnIL
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA17Uiroubjp
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAKknX5qnBWn
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1057Please respect copyright.PENANAubxzIyBcCB
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAcuowiqazAO
咦?1057Please respect copyright.PENANAGb04Cg53cK
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAcrUKD8xpbK
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAodm9cpSlHt
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA0pugXzscxs
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAU5zEqlWtBe
1057Please respect copyright.PENANASU5dVJZ2ML
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAHODvibm2OJ
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAtoGe1WAM1c
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA4JvjKiSgiA
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAOPo3bke43S
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAKm3gKyufGd
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAS6BB8kTeGR
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA6oA40kt0wy
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAi6arcyR34R
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1057Please respect copyright.PENANATYitmmNJ6X
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA66pSPZDP1E
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1057Please respect copyright.PENANA83KDAmHiKN
1057Please respect copyright.PENANApJAKRJWrWT
…我真的不想。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAeWdLQ833y1
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAmawrsCJAp0
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1057Please respect copyright.PENANALm3U0dlKXE
1057Please respect copyright.PENANA7kKT7gcHAc
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA24jM8VDuIg
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAbIoEgj85i6
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAIChWxk9auK
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAD9sRqkn6Em
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1057Please respect copyright.PENANA9adEm1TMo3
1057Please respect copyright.PENANAzHLkAT2iaz
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1057Please respect copyright.PENANAX7gVkqZPH1
1057Please respect copyright.PENANATNOHMzWrRl
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。