但現實是這樣又如何?1106Please respect copyright.PENANAi2Z44W0u5N
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxVpe72VITt
沒法理解,沒法接受。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAdwOhx7cAnv
1106Please respect copyright.PENANADCHGJf8kru
童桐變了,已經不再是我小時候認識的那個她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAtBKlDAdMnp
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAC0o0OyWydR
但現實對我來說,過於…難以理解。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAVrZBsVDTwc
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAeo64TlyOd6
她甚至連一個苦衷也不編,一個謊也不撒。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAeAYoV6IHBS
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAmCdQpgBU20
要該高興嗎,還是要哭?我曾經視她如宗教一樣的存在,現在卻。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAVDhp0gLGsy
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAsreW4ovNTH
現在卻。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAA9IdeIK8AS
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5c76noEhH3
感覺最近情緒上的衝擊,我已沒法作出正確的反應,腦海被攪成一團糊糨。我掩著臉搖著頭,恍如因射箭而滿是厚繭的雙手,能為我提供一個避風港。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAtPfKlh6pwC
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3X2EhJgnMz
因為我的避風巷已經毀了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAKB88ZBEdPe
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAKR3h1LD4tt
因為我的童年…1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUsL37zdJt8
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA1WeEeXodL6
…真真正正的,結束了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAVfEUBma6D8
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAjwLk437Jh8
「呀遊,我地都有唔想俾任何人見到既一面…我相信你都有。」童桐說,「但即使係咁…我都會接受,呀遊,因為由所有面向組成既…先係完整既你。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUuUZPBRWia
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAlp2eT961PU
甚麼是好人,甚麼是壞人?1106Please respect copyright.PENANAzP6UuDJlY5
1106Please respect copyright.PENANABoWlg2JRWZ
壞人在自己的故事中,也是一個英雄。1106Please respect copyright.PENANARm4l2O5nuF
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAXsr9WwrVLM
捐錢幫助窮人的慈善家,也有人視之為資本主義中的剝削者。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAU91x6kcmk0
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFOHwaRJsv5
不用說到這樣宏大,我媽也不是沒被人說過HR死全家,我爸把釣到的魚放上網和人分享也被動保主義者說血腥屠夫。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAMft3FbPlaA
1106Please respect copyright.PENANADFUlt5lA9a
但對我來說,二人都是父母,是家人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfjiiYBaDpp
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAF6j9RwJhUU
不同人對於不同人來說,可以同時是好人,同時亦是壞人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxCLAbz9wKg
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAuTFRZSstjk
…但當距離親近如我和童桐這樣,所有面向便互相嵌鑲成一個完整的存在,並非一個單獨面向。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAlle8suppVt
1106Please respect copyright.PENANANSmdG5TWD2
愛慕她的好。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAl4k2AI96hq
1106Please respect copyright.PENANADBnsiHfilL
便要接受她的壞。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAu8cOHqeWeO
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfQZguC2159
我竟然天真的曾經以為童桐只有好的那一面,如甚麼完美的聖女。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA4TqH5RoFqG
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAm65dnuPcR6
現在殘酷而赤裸裸的事實放在眼前,至於接受與否便是我們的課題了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAwCbWjikamE
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA4rJuimQsVq
即使我和童桐身上都穿著衣服,但卻比起過往十多年來任何時候還要更加赤裸,更加坦誠相見。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAkppvg5PFY0
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA9S3VtmHIxM
「你肯定?」我冷冷地說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAhyzuDopSKT
1106Please respect copyright.PENANArtONjXA0ZQ
她還不知道我幹了甚麼。1106Please respect copyright.PENANACer71O4vFm
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnJUtuzeDXc
她還不知道我曾經打算幹甚麼。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAddiYHbgBPG
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAIUKUfrRU3o
「…嗯。」她說,「我,我又有咩資格話你?無論你做過咩都好…」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAje9p4FY4L4
1106Please respect copyright.PENANALX9ggTo1td
童桐雙眼發光,好像在淹水中捉到了救生圈一樣。1106Please respect copyright.PENANABUEjjaB8aJ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA7GFfezKUiQ
「所以你覺得如果我都有一個黑暗面,一個黑化版既呀遊,我就同你一樣自私,同你一樣有唔見得光既一面,所以我地就平起平座,我就應該接受你,然後可以如以前一樣?」1106Please respect copyright.PENANACQyM0Hiqxj
1106Please respect copyright.PENANALmVyviW8OH
「…唔係咁…」卻被我看穿了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFHwMkm7fgs
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAIhgLj5QITM
「定係我咁講正合你意,咁樣你內心會舒服D,因為自甘墜落既人唔止你一個?」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAMufbmOMZ0o
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAoTCoB0G1ga
「唔係咁,唔係咁唔係咁,呀遊,唔好咁講,求下你…」童桐哭著說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAWr9nCE3avB
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAf0lU9mIRgm
「…童桐,我地永遠都唔可能好似以前一樣。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAJtRo3YFCBk
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAmZbIB0aVMZ
然後,我推開了她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA2el4JvKvC9
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAkhtxeNOVBc
史無前例地,我推開了正準近我,打算向我撒嬌的童桐。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5E2HciMoIG
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAG1JhrJKEwk
「……」她露出寂寞的眼神。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAGGJj6je7os
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAoRRpJA0n81
「你講得岩,我都有另一面,我都有做過D唔想俾你知既事。」我低頭說,「但…我好亂,我唔知,我唔知點樣面對你,同你一樣。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANA4VApDloWSD
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAVnLkYQjWKg
「邊個會無?我鐘意你,即使你有咩秘密都好我都一定會…」童桐說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAyFWeuZrBow
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAT6drC85mK4
「我係你就唔會咁講。」我苦笑。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAqfyPUn872Q
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvu0wzu7K7O
「係…?」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAin84Dq2oI2
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAt7mPgfxi2b
「我個時都咁講過,我話無論你做過咩,有咩秘密我都會接受到…然後我個心就碎左。」我輕撫自己的胸口。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAHa2q5WjJoS
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAkzXUxcATt2
愈是鐘愛於幻象,現實就更加殘酷。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAcgJooeRCWq
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAPSIM3GtwoK
夢中愈是甘甜,現實便愈見苦澀。1106Please respect copyright.PENANATyJ16u88hO
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAbSjhHrVYzL
「我唔信,呀遊你唔同我,你係個好人…」1106Please respect copyright.PENANABv4sY5IXYq
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAbUe877TPhn
「我先唔係。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANACfBdrZ1TPk
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFr6EmX4EsK
我早就不是甚麼好人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA8TSX3Oc4Lp
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAbz7DXigET9
從明明連人家名字還沒記住便去追求人家,胡亂表白開始,到之後的事。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnpKW0aGxjc
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3swuPb0fkA
我才不是「除了射箭甚麼也不會」的人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAryZ0l5Rmhi
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAf51RfDZgJT
「咁你講出黎。」她說,「我寧願你親口講,都唔想某日自己發現。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAEhM22EocW3
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAd7HEUCGveD
「……」1106Please respect copyright.PENANATWcBUOc9b7
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYKTSYTKlYL
是我害得植嵐晨自殺。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOovKcD98ZF
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA0oBjVy7tIk
那天我差點按下了清理瀏覽記錄而間接害死他。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAmlL073BFKU
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA4yeu5FDQtC
為了勝利我打算吃禁藥。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAiIcjdHrxom
1106Please respect copyright.PENANArR01v71TCF
我和妍妍有了肉體關係,但沒打算負責任。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAMrptSKaui8
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAavPcaBAAaV
當天第一次妍妍出現在水上樂園是,其實是PTGF。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3tc72ptccG
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAY0uM7sEgx0
中學時那連串的表白行為,其中一些我可是明知有男朋友也照去馬。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3vO4xvpghZ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANANw1fpmzLzO
……那年我打算過自殺,甚至已經完成了氦氣袋的試作型。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAqAiKXPUQw6
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnvJImIE739
「呀遊,我地大家今晚都互相坦白喇…然後睇下點樣互相接受到對方,好唔好?我唔想無左你呢個青梅竹馬,無論做唔做到情侶都好。」童桐說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA0GnrxohwzV
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAsoNH5unpl0
「我諗…今晚我地都攰。」我說,「我求其煮個公仔麵就返過去。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANARQw9NgS8Gt
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAdyjvp2wVah
「呀遊…」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAaXyAOJZsfm
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxPEk6UF0j7
「我會講。」我說,「只係…唔係今晚,我要,童桐,對唔住,我…做唔到…我好攰,我好撚亂呀,你明唔明呀。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYX0gB1Yvcr
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFkpqr7MxZf
我試圖以過去的眼光看待她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAaTPJlEi2zM
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAyxBqVfTnvZ
做不到。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA59vVg5RFAB
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAVzxw0JrMO4
我試圖向她坦白自己做過的一切。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA7apw4oqwwh
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAGKWyelGTGM
做不到。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfGm2mMDTRr
1106Please respect copyright.PENANARm5cMn51nT
既然我知道了她的真面目後這樣激動,這樣看待她,反過來…其實也一樣吧。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAC4aKNlctOP
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAgwUwiXrffJ
只是現在是我在暗,她在明,她才這樣向我告解一樣。1106Please respect copyright.PENANALWagNeAKgA
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAGB4tGBNOJe
下午離開Beta那兒之前,他幫我設定了一個倒數計時,現在距離核彈爆炸只剩下167小時。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxqChG5nj5D
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA5jocqENF87
我沒有高童桐一等,更別說是道德高地。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFCg4WMnehZ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAusR1gZXJwW
所以我也沒法狠狠罵她一頓,然後說要帶她回正途,連這樣子我也做不到,這才是現在一切膠著,一切如陷五里霧中的原因。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAkpDrB2FeRD
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAgZrCD6tfiA
既,沒法坦白。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAySjE1FVA1t
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAMAKVFYJyP9
又,沒法斥責。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAuKqO9Ufa8f
1106Please respect copyright.PENANABCvH4EK6Km
既,沒法接受。1106Please respect copyright.PENANANIKVxWUTuu
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAWQov0V3zku
也,沒法忘記。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAs9PT54maEH
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAL4aaDjOu88
而且…也沒法理解。1106Please respect copyright.PENANARstH2fSUg7
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAgJXl29pSr9
明明妍妍叫我不用在意她,去處理和童桐之間的事,結果卻變成了這樣子。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAk7DMi6J8uT
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA8zWfAQ9BFJ
反倒有點對不起她了呢,我這爛人。1106Please respect copyright.PENANALq33ac73ix
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYWw6hCPqz5
我轉身胡亂地擦去眼淚,以免自己在童桐面前出醜。但這時背上傳來陣陣的溫暖,陣陣的柔軟,童桐從後抱住我,把頭靠到我背脊上,用耳朵貼住我的肌肉聆聽著我的心跳。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvPTjkPsFlE
1106Please respect copyright.PENANApJhHMG6yvr
「只要你係我身邊,你要嬲我幾耐都無所謂。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAHRx41nPlnZ
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnSHAUrU4dg
「……」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnSzDc77BSr
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAy5K847Kpeq
「因為我地都應承過大家,嬲幾耐都好,最後都會搵返對方,唔準絕交,唔準永遠唔彩對方落去架嘛。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANApseNLasmQ4
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvzPN5QxsXc
她能聽到我的脈動,反之亦然。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAMVDxGxJxYV
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnyX30Bu4kS
我雖然沒法直接聽到,但我感受著童桐的每一下呼吸,每一下心跳,胸膛的每一起伏。1106Please respect copyright.PENANApUv7W3vDvX
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYhC1L4uDBK
「只要你無事就好,我個晚真係好驚。」童桐說。1106Please respect copyright.PENANArti0gei4cO
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAl5I05v338r
「嗯,我都睇到係你救左我。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAigRxt88p1p
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAmixaDD5FrL
「但即係係咁…即使你會討厭我,即使你個下已經知道左我係Dora,我唔知點面對你…我都唔想你有事。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAOjxqMYOvPD
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA55k4wG1jOS
曾經她只求唯有我別討厭她。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAr7tVJIIt8G
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAzYYUJHFPlc
曾經她即使全世界討厭她也不怕,因為有我在她身邊。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYMdflgg0vz
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ky32GIWYG
…現在即使連我也討厭她,她也只想我安全健康。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAW0xhl0nsua
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAx8oHBIh8ZB
你叫我怎樣對你生氣,童桐。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAGT9o6kFXbo
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAwzAINrjgqA
「我…好多謝你,童桐。」我說,的確是她救了我。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAPMkwdqJxyg
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAfJPDilVfCZ
「…到你覺得可以講既時候,就同我講。」童桐說,「我地只要互相坦白,然後互相再接受,互相理解對方,一定可以捱過呢一關。」1106Please respect copyright.PENANAAFxlH1Q8iK
1106Please respect copyright.PENANActLFhi5YrH
咦?1106Please respect copyright.PENANAKwbCY7Pj6X
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAXQJQOjr4wu
腦中如一道清泉流過…我覺得這就是我和童桐最大的差異之處。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAe3ubXhU5B0
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnrN8iMomqy
「接受與否」,是我的想法。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAvY4Srd6lr1
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAJinQJ0bKTU
「如何接受」,是童桐的想法。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUoJsWw7dNS
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAtiIf5oRKoQ
那天晚上我和童桐沒有得出任何答案,甚至說沒有任何進展。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAgSCZInKI5S
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAEaUX5aAcVn
她甚至沒有提出我希望中的苦衷,使我可以諒解的苦衷,只能得出「性格使然」的絕望答案。1106Please respect copyright.PENANARTcRCheWPk
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxQFtA0NtVb
老實說,場面比我想像中平靜,至少我們沒有向對方咆哮或痛哭。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAnd9pfW6aEE
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAK7eBK1dWiu
但是…無力感漸漸佔據了空氣,佔據了心底,連情緒該發洩向何處也沒有著力點。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAB8AKfKarhi
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAFqtcMEirVv
我寧願和她痛痛快快吵一架,也不想這樣子…1106Please respect copyright.PENANAxjIaSBGPlr
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAoPedzhsYRN
…我真的不想。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUAbcVy6GRg
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAShCgV7gW7J
至於和她坦白的話,我覺得不是時候,所以也沒有說出口。我需要時間去沉澱,去思考,去好好盤算接下來的做法。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA02DGeT9Utn
1106Please respect copyright.PENANA15yxBZX52c
活了在幻象中廿多年的我,被狠狠地摔到現實中。1106Please respect copyright.PENANA3XilVukJ9X
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAu5omP3QIn9
現在我要學習在現實中活下去。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAZgph6dSs8M
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAwImLQjuhNt
第二天早上,距離核彈發射還有153小時。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAUDOeoWBfQz
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAYTxt3Nj7qX
童桐的窗簾現在到了早上醒來…也再沒有打開了。1106Please respect copyright.PENANAM8V2Qaec1I
1106Please respect copyright.PENANAygAKPtT39D
那兒,只有一片茫然和我心中懷念。