又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDxYFcNAY7
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxbKe1Cahg
「…係？」我回答。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2tCDwMUIf
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdrSRbOumL
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4xRTwtjJ3
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbPWBoCjfZ
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpK9CJdvswO
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoUYSuCefN
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90s3SjTiQn
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU9IPVb5Wn
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvUIKUBhFP
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9T8sCivUxN
我等著她最後那句。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEM65eexx5
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9b3AbfvFi
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNynaXmLjlp
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4Vz5BOqKu
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwkrOYlOlX
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtz3s4966Q0
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaHU9MHBNE
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eNRVrPnRJ
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWkJO5O5lZ
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQmo68eved
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMiiHcryV4
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuLkPrX0CR
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvX8ODQQRT0
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMkuK1xYB5
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPAYIfADsB
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YbbBtGIzG
「咁…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcVzqRkt5p
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7MGEHUssh
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIO0w7sp052
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBU23GpGXlr
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueBGKMhWuo
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpU0GAzj4g
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInqPnvk3Wg
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVU0Pf4YnO
「嗯，你講過。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkOYZ9jWXd
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkq3vdK40i4
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtGpkCEaw6
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2gGtsgvT4
「咪笑我啦。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQl2DdlaNDB
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfNzh6DMDk
她笑了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3Ul2BszB2
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6O7bby8yO
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlllwFXYkew
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vjsgulW22
「係好夢定惡夢？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PFnjh6Xwn
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUDfQJ84TZ
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2mSoTMQRl
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeprYxZtsrw
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34LFNoiFJN
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJjwt952fD
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUFKGPejpc
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESLVf68ZKF
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcdAhQPu3i
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObCsMyM9f4
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHnNprlRFy
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcNZXVUDXy
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8oKPyoJVu
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWgARZmG44
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrrFYk4OZs
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXNpP8AS1s
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDIiJrzYWg
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSZfIiUZQ6
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkxxrvFtUD
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9XMwNy5cF
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYicI5wcMZ
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9ZW3OMLMK
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iz7Dbu6KY
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelWwpca4wc
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQngr39x5K
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIY2NjjWSb
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYLpqkfxOD
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCWE5C3cJA
萬物的崩潰。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSt2paiAESi
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7mBCQc9oz
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbS87R046wF
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvNK5fEhDH
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4e77NPXwA
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqTX8aV6WZ
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T9nz7IHdg
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNlwvmCE0J
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8CLmYeEUj
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HShXmVEYg
愛的反面不是憎恨。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjhgWS1FeD
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLf2xjwotd
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1IQ08XFW1
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8OMjLlC1a
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwbAkrXYC8
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCt4HHV8Xz
這光景，我看過。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCUL0L124Q
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwmuO0TK7e
我在曾經的自己身上看過。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUdgrL2Lha
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFIitso5kG
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViw4wGyECd
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvaLbAPTS1
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgwh7wu4P5
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmym7lZuvSJ
「無可能。」我搖頭。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLRgh7jfYD
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73N6CYQ1Xh
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsW8rmQIMff
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANq9tVw7wc
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Fbsfw8vfT
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwOmw1ZGeF
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5wRBhXSwS
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvWqkAXBDo
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXBFM5WpuF
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFwZns5y6g
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuVakWTku1
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLouQG3LrYD
甚麼也再沒需要了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctugZOhDol
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKD82x9KHR
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJh3RCDiMu
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6roNblgeT
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeD9S7hVuM2
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWHgYelpul
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4HJiwF9ds
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXck4bYh8H4
話畢。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u3J8V6r2R
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2mKs4CR9j
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNiWA7pQIm
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZ5FEAhaK9
「你想既，幾時都可以。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrrExM9FxT
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnF5a9YT7z
她沉默了片刻。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSqHlHSiUA
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoCxlZ1zbB
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDWIaM5KQO
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXGeUdRdw2
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgdyQJQCMB
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8URFx9qJvN
「無興趣。」她微笑說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzf9xPu8Eo
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdChDJvp8r
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTMAbmPE6R
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0fvSFL15A
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPY6SfFErw
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmh2Z63zUg
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVRVm30Y8B
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClzAaxDouG
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVTVSs4eRb
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqv8ROGkmrS
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9wqH8Om54
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTimQqLVbkl
「連你都咁講，嗚…」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKl3yvlKPss
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pRHXBPUcw
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpY0um9XaF6
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rSeeFdsh1
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNEQeh7Ji5
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz2ySFTACR
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiD1VTZNWI
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuGch7ah4i
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ6wOsmuwE
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDxs9eDT9p
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3C0Udpk01
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02sIQzA5n8
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTxtRbuTom
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIcuHn07Tu
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEw0BH8tmpv
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3hUVa8N2V
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMgiDhK9Qi
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOCMXSAKmQ
「……」956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHpupOdvq4
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dfL8cYWkr
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUndW7JjwgB
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjsItH0U3U
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEzHiRJuGE
956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRD54Fsttx
夏天，也到尾聲了。956Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GoeFX22qw
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