又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAvBDNjEzXze
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAY23Rztp7qm
「…係?」我回答。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA02iT90ibHg
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAEjsEUaBftb
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3S9hKrGAn
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1lQmWEoBi
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…1047Please respect copyright.PENANA1TMDWb7kVE
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA5CFABGaimK
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAb58rwr1GOk
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAcVF7ilQe2c
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」1047Please respect copyright.PENANA965JZDYlgz
1047Please respect copyright.PENANApzWjTOaGha
我等著她最後那句。1047Please respect copyright.PENANASWW4dj9BpA
1047Please respect copyright.PENANABJTHwOdt5E
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAAFYTRi86YV
1047Please respect copyright.PENANADVeauQngKO
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA22rWP8rlwn
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA8AJZlqHlti
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAVzstQrms1t
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAhAsxpFhsYN
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」1047Please respect copyright.PENANABUQPiggE8R
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA0YOdcva5Ng
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAdCdwdEPjJ1
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAAUd45wCu4f
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAAQLMevIRTM
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAHnzyJhdzQA
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAzzzRKSqW0R
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAdG7te1KHuw
「咁…」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAq34WowH1Ei
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAA6S5xQk42c
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAm0G5SdSxAb
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAtEHz9greM5
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANANe0RhY9wHL
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAzz38aGlsYw
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA4nLJLNk6R8
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAKmjPAty4Zp
「嗯,你講過。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANARGsMNDVBWV
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA0EmX1Lzrse
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」1047Please respect copyright.PENANA9sQEVEAFdD
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAMypbAgx22M
「咪笑我啦。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANA9gPMgsgC5i
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAG9qvEGT8Ye
她笑了。1047Please respect copyright.PENANASaunnOlBmA
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAHA9llMGuJd
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANA0E694GvWyg
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA9QvUWitbsY
「係好夢定惡夢?」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAoy0Cr8NKfi
1047Please respect copyright.PENANALV5f1ZwB0Z
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAwMUi0zIvjH
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAQNAzdW4rtW
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA3ttj7MNmWe
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAn2D3mexVeb
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAG2qcGw9LbZ
1047Please respect copyright.PENANALapvbMqNCk
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAs9uW9LPrMX
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAKORdPLCv6R
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAA81iSimET5
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAA1ExVV4o4B
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAzzvktUb6tv
1047Please respect copyright.PENANATShOBrv2I3
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAyok2qAISfM
1047Please respect copyright.PENANADmohrvF65s
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAwiLjAalmC9
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAdo85m6Gxqf
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA60CbbSdtQA
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAf7Ye4CIC9s
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANA5hzZtHyoNs
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAlqLQwYnSEu
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAfJqZGSLnNF
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAW5hDjdChns
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1047Please respect copyright.PENANABuWxDoFVz4
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA6opkU17Gb7
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAfa4MVjD0FT
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA62rqR3rKo9
萬物的崩潰。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA97trw8TrNp
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAL3MSIyLMLd
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1047Please respect copyright.PENANALalI7NIMoV
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAv3kSU8xQF1
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAlXZ6MSJvUI
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAzNlcIIEaQw
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1047Please respect copyright.PENANArDYRp3Ifxp
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAT9BORczF1V
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAS7wgNpcPjp
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAQ41KXemWDq
愛的反面不是憎恨。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAjQCbeNg7bD
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAaq7MxOK83a
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAsyZC5tw0pp
1047Please respect copyright.PENANABKWDYJllcR
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAWrsHMM1fhF
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA6XD5cmdLdP
這光景,我看過。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAHIQbKWT3FH
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAXLHpgtVo9z
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAOHuz6VMIMM
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAstBfpXyd10
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAYXc71rLPQ5
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAMKAIyDdfsm
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANA5JDr3r7gHZ
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAuLWheCcDYS
「無可能。」我搖頭。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA1bo960wERa
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAhj7QlAVcyu
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA48FXH6NHe3
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAJCoiLt47XE
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANA9RoyxPsiJM
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAvQSSnaf8R8
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAqmazkGXEqh
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAXj7HUFvJVM
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAJCGRUBa6Jj
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAJVPAjySR26
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAP4yltO3XzK
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAYwaBcxD0c9
甚麼也再沒需要了。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAsIWTjDF4qE
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAWW2fdjfzsQ
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAcZI6YPj8iF
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA4k7HqhSKpx
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAcVHcRolhEB
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAO0vMzE8y36
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAM4qLwTrKI1
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAeI5OwTtNt0
話畢。1047Please respect copyright.PENANARFjNA9hvUg
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAXS72cBbQ7Z
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANABCLJNkGjbm
1047Please respect copyright.PENANANtwwTHfxv4
「你想既,幾時都可以。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAraOQZ78i3D
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAnfjvNUYUUO
她沉默了片刻。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA1AqoHL9y2o
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAfuoqoVPmPw
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAbgVny67T28
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAAZbLwoxsNa
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAgfjRb9G9Mx
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAEplDWaanCY
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1047Please respect copyright.PENANApL7GvXGGcY
1047Please respect copyright.PENANATC5TY1mGVL
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAqaXbeRB1eB
1047Please respect copyright.PENANArawBnqkbc8
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAAxeJCC5y18
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAwrsA4Svbav
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAYigoymHORJ
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAk8o6Tca1kD
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAW2AMBEe7pR
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAxTGntLKcNb
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAT9Oas1OBJ1
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAiN6SmtegD6
「連你都咁講,嗚…」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAwdlr2GMOVD
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAqH1nAoPOy8
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAL1NojLZ3eG
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAhcjLYLrUCP
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAPKFSoNrAmo
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAup0pAhWBj2
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。1047Please respect copyright.PENANA7udZDp1PhH
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAo9eX6UsgZc
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAy5L5elr9nB
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAIydNFAI0P0
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAiL47Ov1uaL
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAtAiBICTT9z
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAghwpYfQZQU
1047Please respect copyright.PENANA2fFIgIJYyL
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAaykgNI9J5t
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAhAPxFqpjHi
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAtTRSJF4e2B
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAHJH9LkIxBx
「……」1047Please respect copyright.PENANAA59WE42WnZ
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAetw2feaJMa
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAGL9NxWcrNB
1047Please respect copyright.PENANAoeyYvfw6cO
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAEkp7atpevg
1047Please respect copyright.PENANARx9jIDa9NK
夏天,也到尾聲了。1047Please respect copyright.PENANAcAIKjOKz41