又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVU1vDf1pY
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWArPKvCmJL
「…係？」我回答。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBLRYPRzEG
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OuMCapaRq
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ6xebeR4a
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgzTBQErY7
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyejfOJDJDi
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK32eaOJtmC
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90tXwheuwY
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDRck76s2P
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPbgYBNIGd
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0VXUJ2sxP
我等著她最後那句。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuaHpq71nQ
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAB9D89pvRs
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyty94u8xQl
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq1HeC04x6
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0tIuusbJP
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGK0iW9CVMN
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddtu7EPY8O
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBFz5CFpRr
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57tMwK5CxF
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr700Q2A0mh
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA9NdTTxYd
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrlqPHn5D4
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEEtCjXMM1
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y2aN5okfm
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9MMqjxrpc
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMaKmeymXe
「咁…」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXZyOXEWhm
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DhNfCdIpR
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLmQ93KyjR
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCLMUefhJi
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaoNXNMrnB
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LPiA1Xhoz
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnlGyK6sky
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwg67QXnmB
「嗯，你講過。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyg2qaakVc
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpLmZRodDN
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xbCHYUOm4
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc19GN7c4e1
「咪笑我啦。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHhyd9FMil
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs28tjF80ec
她笑了。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvgPrynSOM
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iDiXEhfSr
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oSi9iOFrU
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq169ep0Ecw
「係好夢定惡夢？」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡge5EMx1wB2
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmJC5FUndb
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypztn7Az4m
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWwjWyhVb1
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswCEEN1den
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyj8N4FXyh
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFq7TjaiXnH
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDH215CpUu
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKCRU4rW9n
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNkgcTOn7l
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4obqyg7nea
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMyZFju294
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEViuQdJ7m
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Nw6IHhZjy
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFSvUaZuou
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzMQyQ36It
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQArlGW2wD
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueRxhLMz1v
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQUCOMAoVb
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMAbF7Lq8q
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxppnMheBC
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQUb5MfHi2
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqHARpRgQI
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXYMrDSsh8
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm137KVLV3c
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlpUIppqp3
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaRIQWMzpo
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡav1D2vu7NL
萬物的崩潰。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhL1N071sl6
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrafYxeOhnT
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjkaeunckn
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvu19bCo2Sj
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDDqHautsz
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0j5wElisn8
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCN4a6ttHX
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JYnmMJ8qO
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03noEBYd9M
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ETgjwNRqu
愛的反面不是憎恨。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtpL3L8Ppc
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHYfS1XwV0
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tIQNjE8Fl
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgn3Uytp5XD
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BiTMxoPms
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJEhmCOBnq
這光景，我看過。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Wm8s5Yoxg
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgCEIyjkbF
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8Qjr4O0f3
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSJ70edtez
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmc7l4rMVmR
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo0u2sIvP5
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9A8A7iElc
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUedkLgx325
「無可能。」我搖頭。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnKAOIH69M
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz61ml2mGt
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofXcApXFyO
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPo6xGATMQ
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7cHrmx1xw
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOxnRpaWxS
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBaJghlksa
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPc0BcbrON
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75jySkZYfp
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5A7L2zHNS
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSl5C5rVGH
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0A3fjIGEM
甚麼也再沒需要了。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eaL0sgbro
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbFEdBLYDb
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvrrU6WMTS
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYpiKkaGFt
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOodomzhn2
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGA8tWItKfg
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LL2qtsnd5
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopwAFtFBtj
話畢。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgAqdcmXb2
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KtG8HSfTY
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbD3m2a4dH
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqZUpkLZfE
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1fq983z4u
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0Zh5LMzoH
她沉默了片刻。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFjGXVf1oQ
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29xEjdjt0Y
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpZab5s2Q6
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMNq9QRnr3
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUA5CPmbmQ
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVt84oElIZP
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGvHkt71Wx
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7OnX0AHUd
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98u8g0cuwQ
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxmZwcETFC
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyQQKv5dTt
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszwE4rGEs8
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tuLJIk7RL
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NYuAvCllD
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQGHLQ4jng
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2AkX9d9gI
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJvcFUUYqz
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6207u9KoGr
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXypwi2i1S8
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3LVsRc2iK
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6J8DMJvYa
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dpVdrWgWV
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhahRjwdkOp
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7pS9mzVzp
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUMpHQf6TW
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoSdsKqZca
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rNUeWvf9j
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEHLNETonT
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOvrMmnvan
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYpfMID5Ch
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHq3Rpbiz1
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lflS2nwX1
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9UfOVmDVL
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t1mAcICi3
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgytqlkC9r
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTD7E2KHpb
「……」1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG91xOXQsqy
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvPSeSSm6J
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9CUisBUUJ
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcsm5Kyzw3
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XmSGjxA2R
1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ulHajBoKt
夏天，也到尾聲了。1048Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtga4lqAOCt
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