又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsZ8iQWwmU
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeMRtXOohb
「…係？」我回答。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqMGiazat8
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSe7JLc3mT
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQQaj1rU8O
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxNDEbEJb9
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCkJfF8XqU
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSDpV8qJCF
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcVAX1AqfX
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BdLxSjd6U
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0wcpniJXU
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPEA5oBHsj
我等著她最後那句。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocLm4gWKos
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfzMVAnQMA
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRVFx5WoFv
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQluqt6Gkr
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0UvQYhpmc
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11Oa7SXC9g
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GalifTjPe
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZ2HTK0Go0
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhtrTCkDMx
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkT0gG8AvE
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSg85ytxBz
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8m0NNELwgO
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8mXFIsl2X
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1EEpxNh57
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1T2wP1wJX6
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3zssAJ4O5
「咁…」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H8ZOxSDQY
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65r3DzHwHZ
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRmWLWgAqZ
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1LEkTAQbh
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5poZkgUHz
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguhMOKhTh1
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznN0XGtooV
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVizUS2rwKR
「嗯，你講過。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTT93sFY1Ss
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfV8UP1td5K
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvw9jCCArHy
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebzYjxNGJL
「咪笑我啦。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigUcZDB1WP
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CSBGOPsQC
她笑了。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1s5Op9TSV
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveqbAww6UU
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHY90doNd2S
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5QbDa0E99
「係好夢定惡夢？」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymnofwTSrD
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGIwzoAbsW
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtL5UQVv1A
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8UraHdNOB
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLUdZVgZyW
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGwLfMIQXL
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqeEMdcGEW
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0JtdYdnd5
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqpLVG3RsQ
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPVIbQUuRP
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mDF1ZAugx
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJSUNd25Fd
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuUq43C4tl
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wKSnjfLdw
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTeQbSfVye
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96HpRy8ZTH
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn74teuu26a
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsquivzOoN
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7YlyMy3Qp
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcnFoXzdzd
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSW6fDqt8g
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8Fqahp1zt
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPtgEdwnzu
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpCMybJpM9
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzt18R0N98w
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu6nmy2TKw
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziW5bXqh8q
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUZW89dsZG
萬物的崩潰。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV00SszUEd
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJsS8lDkTe
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleLh0fL5qf
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzb12gHjmH
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuO3bEXzEg
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlFHFeOxUK
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKT7eUg9qe
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4Yqj7acvu
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDfoevsEu9
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5dsFMxGfu
愛的反面不是憎恨。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwV8zfieCu
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuySZywbRo6
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vwc6h9ZFc
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbLoJnJSn0
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKMR5nc9IR
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMeFVRR7sF
這光景，我看過。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypy8sCtECj
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGJPIEYXhQ
我在曾經的自己身上看過。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQQXAHaiJn
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPTUHfIFSJ
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FnwuHiMxh
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mgQTjBQ9Z
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOfcsaIITG
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlT7bUE4wV
「無可能。」我搖頭。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKxPT03tcU
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4G4567j8IJ
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxJywvaZcx
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjERJykeyX
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIheVgfhv7
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1BvQBrY7G
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaUWfMdMe0
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7LhXhPEoF
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHkdhLCRDa
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAPapfDwvL
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxBtmAaWcF
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnslnfGqMkZ
甚麼也再沒需要了。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrA2uFYR7Vi
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VldfgnUnQ
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3e7LRZjL7
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKz2v0rDTZ
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHxKd1JHNI
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVtbMwvAys
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoKwpi5yzD
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipzjgXRKjI
話畢。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DmKeMAsFO
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq7noe5jCS
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXygdHe9VIM
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmUT7vAECJ
「你想既，幾時都可以。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzTCMKk4QI
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGCcG2pi0D
她沉默了片刻。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbzCyCLFCi
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqrHxiTKsg
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡle54SbhC2y
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpSOHpv3HR
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGGNT1MOfr
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoMxoMnMXL
「無興趣。」她微笑說。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTSH69bYm0
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfxn99NP3W
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzLf7IvADM
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVZFFJEkun
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiDt7WXpFM
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQLLrnb2Ne
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhrOngxCvo
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBrEaUstqz
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OdN6ahLRI
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwuZIpIxO3
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPaozYF9ab
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWj9QrJBCx
「連你都咁講，嗚…」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8TG5l8Pcw
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKDNU5cabB
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTTkKA6fK6
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOnJSe3WfO
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa6aNDA0uS
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXMeoZyKfk
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSekUxGqZo
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0QTVfnVeh
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MdM33pu7z
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVK3EHbGmsi
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0aXhYGkFh
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzU9gzOxqHo
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQHuydrj01
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoc842Hg7D
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwqUU01Ups
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XNxok1NYn
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEmparvJBP
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTcmCXfgNC
「……」999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwx2APe8hHz
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLftpi8hq4f
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdpC379V5H
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNxSvJxNgu
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs95KzK4j3s
999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMPh7HuMRT
夏天，也到尾聲了。999Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbAXl2HfjL
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