又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjRszxQSWu
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡursnE0yie7
「…係？」我回答。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxM4akTguo
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiYTHROmMK
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5eX3KaeXs
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLhp6zMZdG
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKxYUaqrUR
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlh5oF9ZGU
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0TfLvHNDR
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgK8AZmR4J
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj19Tw6YjSg
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wihK8vTbA
我等著她最後那句。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNoUVe4khE
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7JoLnQud2
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXBvTxjUow
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUojLel1sC
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWtiFUWxBp
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq9EIdTKD9
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNenAAEtpP
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1t12aV8X4
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTKWBqeZm6
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBAo5PIOTd
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lL6YVN5Ck
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ntj4XY2tM
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡody2nqRa1N
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRp0iD8191
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbgkuFE8va
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHKozL0CM3
「咁…」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWn5917nd6l
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YUGQDJNZt
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjluQjiWuAy
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1elHT2uqZ
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WYfdTZlfL
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXnMM9RsW6
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQfcoLw8j1
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJQiEvJb85
「嗯，你講過。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53ei9OvFwg
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKOSvAYmF6
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRI7g0IA3AH
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRH11I1C5k2
「咪笑我啦。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqx0pulFXB
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNDfSnMB3K
她笑了。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA8PfGmSlH
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6Ka4IjXgq
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCry1whW47
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcNgKogH9G
「係好夢定惡夢？」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpP028C8yo
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDtRMjBFy1
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7T3r1D3Qx
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjTxyWzOMH
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IJBLXlS7m
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RVq0mV01X
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDzlVgv3XS
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMXirbjBSL
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaMlKGSgvO
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDbP3zAP0a
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRnoXrnpTe
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BkEK1Hpxm
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRYCKzJ9ei
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2Us9pElRZ
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOWvwqBmlR
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDasu78EhB
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbVStC2oeN
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyCxvpTTZa
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0me07XXnh
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcstvDdMZL2
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSvNmbAM1s
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qKlOzEt8y
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi0Amhulxm
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5n82S0bew
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GSM2xdJDY
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WT4yYF0E3
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0Z1A1whtw
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuBlF3sze0
萬物的崩潰。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZD1ZHzIkee
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlbBLlLRyA
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyyYzuJZPv
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgr0zJ5BpC
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdsY6FqJEx
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr5pR67RVU
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaaeVoI46i
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxw01ymXh4
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJ54OK3USi
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhechvs7AAi
愛的反面不是憎恨。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UtuCzEaC4
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbgli3YqFt
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNiGWH8weS
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdob9wFHNKd
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYHeo1fnpH
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDDv9htA5I
這光景，我看過。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡND9GE6vnnQ
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0Nfh7wCHZ
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYib7z9NUCX
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfp3pORBVGz
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyODUPNctmc
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrbRZ5Y59u
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsTWVQIH2k
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27VsuD4weH
「無可能。」我搖頭。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKU29NvDuqv
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf20p1Orm0
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LRqswk7aY
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TF2m6HrxP
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SZT2eLUko
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF00GE9mQHF
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UIRBcjAbb
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mHi7RGxVQ
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLwRWVYq8b
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmpmRYsn9z
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoo6pz8CrkD
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrbiLB5N8F
甚麼也再沒需要了。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsXub9CDJr
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaA2TE0FSPY
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNgWTe6Cny
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEEdKjNwc7
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmb0UguGOq4
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AclrRdfVK
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADFFg8RVi2
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrCVzejscN
話畢。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5k9djMKHh
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8F1s9CqFP
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUJewe0W7S
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdIoZtWzf3
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvtxcxhMWl
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjbrjPfkwH
她沉默了片刻。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsBC2qKm3E
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsb8aL8cNHS
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQvOmhsMVt
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0VXP7O6b8
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKov3LPVuep
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRr1a8FNTHY
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXByhVv2sR
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAVNSC3Csx
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWmIy6NsTg
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmweczqQzdp
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwsvfVtSOT
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PJmeA7efl
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4GhcE3HVP
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCdCQG6PDz
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zzRUQ9itV
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKeY5kJZ5P
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UnrcSdCSM
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiFH1iH6wD
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2pfNS84bt
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSMYNnWpx7
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcmjeRha3I
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8frsXWo4Pv
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGBgKfYYdf
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77lal8KgX5
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AyjrwZOuR
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4etA1O6na
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5VxlDhJTa
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIha0U9aKh8
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAudWeEevF
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc43KWFMfo
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJmsoozjcF
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gxfv1IqbA
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluUU8jqN6E
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRRJE6Hfqu
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBHTU4OYPO
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHxpk8Svpb
「……」1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFYidpdoTV
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9H0b93bHt
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMk6mc0NF1
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmmPgHYiCE
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiooLMBuWww
1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymXyybh1Mv
夏天，也到尾聲了。1075Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWM2UpunCYB
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