又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXxK0wyYqM
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRK8AB1D2Ae
「…係？」我回答。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkedacyeWx9
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKBbX5EIbF
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZqYiMVetW
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRUEdB8kDO
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiQgUl7Z4L
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSshxHSJGFc
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZZuH9sQxV
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvRgpVUbXm
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmKOTqeHgQ
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHpedk0Afi
我等著她最後那句。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MyOahDsT9
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bM6NnWeOu
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUhjQ7b8sP
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOLBBlz9mK
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6BLXiJzXT
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjks5ak4IEa
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yo6BHknCQ
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMumDFHFsh
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wNl8UYLok
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlp0MBRMpB
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHahJVJgVh
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqGDlbwDOV
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LKTCaCQga
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlqB5pdK1K
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNKEXmUwCe
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7o9SvgWet
「咁…」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1zVwaRXrq
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3REgxqGOA
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XkngNF6jK
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDqH9pjaqP
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkRmHdIu6r
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpvgvNSe7l
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKf9LF9uwIK
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsfDJmOBnz
「嗯，你講過。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWpVuEo9Hi
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFerL5JTHL
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDTEFzcaEH
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWxEMxLTT3
「咪笑我啦。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOndZr6cG3x
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJ3Pfxy5BX
她笑了。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe18H5YXvV5
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ013Xmquc6o
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobHcsk5L5d
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡct4myXdsAx
「係好夢定惡夢？」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LNLKHYsMJ
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ229ZhV1C3x
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYgPqcVtSK
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciLITCqnES
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6QW5D8zeQ
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAECt9qXcZ
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3c8cRMj5jx
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mGBB5PG1w
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMK2iOyl2U9
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZPWUEvMBH
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReVpYXv1dh
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLMCAWo985
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45CKg1d1P4
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXLV1ky8d0
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPcVKoYIAH
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3tTpUgxm1
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGUiTi66Aq
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsgXyX1snH
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc730bbOg6o
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiW8ricYgCs
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzwVKcUEF2
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoc1xRhSJe8
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAfc66xbC7
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dJnYJ53UT
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScNLriAUEB
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GkyM6jm1u
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOddsc5mW70
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQzHmaBU8C
萬物的崩潰。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUrOuqgsZK
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlE3S1GSSJ
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDYUSOWdd2
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPAGs8LlMP
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVZ2nq2Cok
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRwDZaz4YJ
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWFg9iWDts
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJmUMfvdBi
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6hRtnAUzL
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmfxPO7NjV
愛的反面不是憎恨。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRF8zIheuui
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ585lG6D1
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhOioKS8ur
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGSgy9HFN5
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GnEAte3On
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSj17I4FWhd
這光景，我看過。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxkz56cyMI
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTCNKLLaRI
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQoj60Gome
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4PprndLFl
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeFBhTwSdb
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWYIYa4Sie
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoBNcstiu7
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaxGrVILCW
「無可能。」我搖頭。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroZSApwRx5
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4N164WhXQZ
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoH2e6zSli
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqeAt9lKQM
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1i8oqNPpO
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXzLny7EgP
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZXye2kaLl
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0hrGveZNb
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCeUVFCIy3
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzvfwPULqu
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuZyRW8nTc
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOykuAcLyax
甚麼也再沒需要了。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwvbyM5OI6
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQJLbyifRW
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7eSaqCSXy
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe67xNOqjv
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CCaxvndGr
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1pWeTHJt8
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUxvOcH7k3
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXVENWWZfY
話畢。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0lRH3gGMO
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BkRscWCRj
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpp3oOsIgAt
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeVa9lGnAk
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7l2Tzw2lx
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbODLdX2u4j
她沉默了片刻。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFA7Ax2bPW
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcWSpVpaGC
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeuyK3UJHu
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGyK0NYjcs
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNVJl4zV2d
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquRnGQQZ0F
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1OW1vO667
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEXTAVK4hJ
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhciteWrOLf
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttqe0gErqm
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQiSeJ7XXB
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrApxzjeHIh
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieiOo0PV3E
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiSqKHwHKt
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyyugC9IRL
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbKdhQAdo4
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwLoD2Sou9
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8puq7UFXJh
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4dW20DyJ3
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGs4rhUbmof
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgX9sPiORQc
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0uWHuLBTF
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjUsiks4lO
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GyH8KXcEk
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fSkT1hxsz
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PMCAMaigP
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGfbMCWEJQ
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qki1UpUpq
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlI8lPZR48o
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFMplGuhPx
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvONBatDPZG
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQMdYlIL5y
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1ECYwPLBW
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pLdbEValc
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna9kHSe9Pf
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcWT7PC4kf
「……」1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iXBI1NU3v
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPLGsAu7rT
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjuMI2CXXc
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfZ5SXi2vL
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWnhkwo61R
1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydyqdJPhC0
夏天，也到尾聲了。1028Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfrEDURqfF
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