又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPLUojI4CM
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksQxPSYPF9
「…係？」我回答。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXonjjjGEK
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuHvhyvDiE
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZh537NDc7
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ401LqbsXNe
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFvU69P0Zv
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtJHg3d7dt
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Lk9d7g5az
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJbFk5t3K3
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnnC017FfM
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pOwGTV0qN
我等著她最後那句。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYviNhMaxH
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTKM8gmLTi
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Oy6l5aE3j
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0c6PzQ2Ap
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTyyZav52e
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mmjsPv6kh
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLc3wi9ZNe4
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxA62kvEur
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPXB7kHXC4
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoyjyqvlc4
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ztoCLwAk2
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7pzoXZz3O
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TeH1tMRoi
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HbD8G9oay
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFq9F0l8Jc
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1tyx5KkRh
「咁…」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdukabyaKFB
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4WWoGHp1r
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdZWSRYGu7
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiHSXLAv7k
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPf2bNgYBX
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeBxDYpItl
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlty5daRfoW
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HlVMOl7sX
「嗯，你講過。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkz9c9hC5L
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdwiUAF2pd
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcjU8DF9kg
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveVCafBJRN
「咪笑我啦。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYqtuka4qc
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKGKu8VStr
她笑了。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFjh2FdMoC
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloDjTDi641
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRLkgMqHD6
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzUiEUJaFn
「係好夢定惡夢？」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqxxgFck3n
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3I9g11hY4
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5ew4D7xuR
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwsG06B4fv
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcu3rRLyPiU
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NEsIrUBJ7
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBtzHEJU86
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKAT5H3xjk
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHMBnQiU86
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4mi2ji5zE
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9PBFwVDLE
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYKy8SPSvr
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0bxGkYdJl
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi8dZhzaZc
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgMK8IFMIO
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlZFnb5VKS
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftNrzi8SZ9
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqb514BauA
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDmSTmkPmm
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCYgCj1s9A
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jWMYjqvxy
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIBxM4AklL
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sk8NVXxiZ
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFRjCgGilN
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMvSkDuGXP
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGpasXV4kP
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15sNFFqm2h
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3HhgwyFfL
萬物的崩潰。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ehh0DEd9L
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7kouj3m1p
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Fn3tFQ7V9
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgbngknhpG
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYbOzhOt7p
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qVfA8xXzL
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVgSxlHlGP
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevH4tXVOJL
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwsxYtjRr0
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbFT8pmC6U
愛的反面不是憎恨。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJfcn3rtJV
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYiu5e2N3i
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAD0nOEwXKU
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMdtgB2778
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWWk4jmnpP
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZbHvGZmfF
這光景，我看過。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTe0CDFlPZ
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs13n9w53cP
我在曾經的自己身上看過。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMy6vd3qC0
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLuNDe4DSW
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqA2wt6BLN
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhD1dcB4Jdb
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Mr1OTzcO0
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxhf4Xd1nB
「無可能。」我搖頭。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzzr6yqt4Z
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTEksYMInm
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBeks2WmTv
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijQiWKoAeY
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvEy8tt7B7
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNOO2X34mu
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMeJPxjcIm
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tGGONvDox
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEDKMQdZJk
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb02D14hcy
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8J64ZcgIZ
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ806bO5m9vP
甚麼也再沒需要了。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3F4161b3u
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9IWAIOrDb
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQZfMpXU1C
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6T6HABZOe
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdIE3clXoR
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxlwYITKIB
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFIqDw2Td8
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsJtY4xgFH
話畢。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ697tP9EilS
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKT2PCnRN6
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHhMcgA8xx
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xriV82oh5
「你想既，幾時都可以。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKHYkOvYUE
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0cZ3S5NJj
她沉默了片刻。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4Wq4rdctI
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ302FRb6A
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7oYeXPGhJ
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVxoQJ7oQt
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWzx0zyGVh
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PaKVnpB66
「無興趣。」她微笑說。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS5pefT3Gf
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYR6lOnc6g
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWvX7ibSXP
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJ2vvTWywf
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngX5EhT2xu
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9lDNEdCiZ
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMy9ZjFy4e
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOHFPMNZWo
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepXg4VLiCs
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskHk1ZxkaT
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfCVUhOn9H
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUz3H7ZLx2
「連你都咁講，嗚…」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqMsE7vZDW
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXND7rZDkm
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfw8S9PQIVD
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlhH3VWxAU
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjR9zXCM2X
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDq1gv0XCy
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKZdQsuWaz
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMZtOMnw6P
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvJZtB5aWV
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskmUfxGyby
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXmhi67UoH
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMAgsxFiIR
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjFZDMFD8S
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATl6CxjOXg
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVttYmCDXk
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLMscM2NqJ
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGGEJdIdt8
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtF4BfFe02I
「……」963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjP2gsqkPl
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0pgcx3rYj
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rdcrOvkNu
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYj9yZHILR
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfZCz9SQmB
963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfEHvqW9cY
夏天，也到尾聲了。963Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAX4B4vtwHl
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