又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsUnyDkTre
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkLXqJUuHq
「…係？」我回答。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2r6oScTMDL
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsNchTEmM3
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoMUeSluad
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDI8ixCWwz
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgkLzFegt8
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmafqbkp5Y
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoucDz8bWb
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpovwEJ6MqM
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYj8TqC3VH
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sqEXRttd9
我等著她最後那句。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9a73oXV4d1
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXSgn71hns
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXghdNhSe0Q
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPsgUfJ8Py
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBWLDZpq8L
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6SlME5rNR
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAifBsEjIS
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfed3FHzMkJ
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpatlYxoB5
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn028VxUPM4
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYt2pfyIYt
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmGboINUOR
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxpDWSTS7M
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAEtx6Tt9B
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgt5H2PR1UE
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2C7uegTN6
「咁…」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJKQU0ghyA
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPbA2tKhNf
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcFwMNHPhE
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfAlbHoJFc
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAGPLkBRSv
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3asDekDKW
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GYRf4e1ut
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7Bjrs1Lzq
「嗯，你講過。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3glRMSfhMO
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9sTLS7hwr
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCykjSPoXeZ
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfz7r3HImfQ
「咪笑我啦。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IZ6qGO2xe
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2G7sW65ai
她笑了。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlDHZAj8Mk
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpoyKoD53c
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcbscIXIDv
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrv3C9vNhQ
「係好夢定惡夢？」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzCkZ4JpSX
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNCPLpBeHg
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdxTExiOrV
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVmJ78YBMP
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcuSmLVdXe
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCazUviJijb
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz2tDKpblJ
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhdZfmHAzP
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUrIqYhqH3
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLqg3Yx5u4
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRL2tg3hWY
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbxRpfZiRO
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmY7WrizayR
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81Z0icBt92
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvB04bx5n69
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSQrA3hDWo
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPahNNnFBkV
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D3FFEadIO
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIINMQqfBm
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XVJmXzlg4
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEZ5np0VZH
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlp1xGqhVVe
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SWiVhMsjF
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRidLHcI4i
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0ptzFWVnn
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSH1laNV7ag
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEc7gtFVWY
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqyLnnNEFA
萬物的崩潰。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZS8NxFUsq
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVSBPLiWnr
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmxaRbFenj
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Hv4FlxmdG
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkmNWyIfHF
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkROwOM5Hds
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVX7N7NdIZ
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QwKzwbMSW
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PUzcEd1lh
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MYNjQn3xA
愛的反面不是憎恨。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcvj3qLGQi
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZZ8GDR1hm
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPwqNHxcqs
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MsHw4bGEZ
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWs4tqxOkJ
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0TEpEEV8o
這光景，我看過。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXSqG7g5v3
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEFIxR3u44
我在曾經的自己身上看過。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkVPbYrswV
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdbGUGGPkB
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBshc9dcxi
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KhL0F8kF1
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3VPPbShN6
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVClJ44aT7
「無可能。」我搖頭。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP9UTwi6R0
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLcQaWsNu9
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagDpcEfwlW
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpElFbF4hBR
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEacKlftM5
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2uWKDpbKA
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2CAVXC3SO
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIiWUdCv3v
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjogC4ADKuL
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrklqx9hLBM
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacZgRCIb8p
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnuE23PS78
甚麼也再沒需要了。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fvjyYO5vH
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgRrSzHH0V
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfyd9bzHHj
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxzdmRsbdr
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uSR2pTWcH
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfwlYd7mSy
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX02NY9s7Z3
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGw9u7W6aIF
話畢。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71FFMPXu9y
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XNqXG3eER
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8mL6IBC2v
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQU5p1XpfAq
「你想既，幾時都可以。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbIQkecQXN
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWp4lWSetC8
她沉默了片刻。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz868xNJDo3
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJUgW8Dx2P
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVbG9NXMeP
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fdcAPDt2k
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvnMVICt0k
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboyBhA1lG3
「無興趣。」她微笑說。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpWKqflRqp
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JR8ygeATr
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKEZkb9FoK
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fBrcLiesX
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBrT0zxwk9
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQHzphwQXj
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7VyqDyGib
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDvt3Qad0V
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoRcsRttr6
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVGlsIUOHM
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByZdydt3O9
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvzoPHh6Bl
「連你都咁講，嗚…」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgAP4AznwE
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUT9gxcqHG
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrCi2u1mjX
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwSq9Wofq7
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRrMfOuQSS
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO8v9deXVm
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCf8qhal6kb
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRmT3vdsb2
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCf5Hcba9j
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3gtXGdQEh
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYBobx6ro5
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1raFLmXg6
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe59Pf17mWE
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuL2Fuyr5xz
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3otPe2NOm
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPVLjYJYrB
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjIWa9QMhc
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaYHeDyh57
「……」984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizYWnoXJQl
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBdeKSnc3D
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDFOknvkcb
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQO3U26gUp0
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT5Ee8yktz
984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4sn7QSb0D
夏天，也到尾聲了。984Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYhgla150M
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