其實她沒有忘記那些老師的臉，只是沒有太深刻，可能因為她由此至終都是沉悶的學生。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE5mvAzZjM
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IWvM4CSmA
小學，那樣久遠，卻有很多回憶湧現——303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0cgZgq84C
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6CtUfqaF6
家裡窮，那些要錢才能學的才藝，她通通無份。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPSj3pte6v
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxUTUeZqeL
她總是很羨慕人多才多藝——不是妒忌，而是羨慕，那些在學業以外的興趣太吸引，身邊能把它們玩得好的人，在她眼中都在閃閃發亮。尤其是，一項才藝往往有道具的配合，譬如舞衣、小提琴、畫具、跆拳道服，很帥氣。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaEZHARbEW
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNdtA2zWyg
因此，在發現學校有許多校隊招攬時，便盡量表現，希望可以試多點。高小時期，她是舞蹈隊、廣播劇隊、繪畫隊、笛隊的成員，用來配合學校訓練，出去參加比賽。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdXKg3w9bb
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzadnMmkZjZ
那些比賽的日子總是很近，臨近呈分試，她依然不想落下任何一個活動，只要可以，就趕上訓練。三點放學，先去必要人齊的廣播劇，四點半到舞蹈隊拉筋，然後被老師罵：303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyJQaiSpsw
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVLfLn078w
「有好多嘢做又點？遲到就係心散。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7QfkFEWJY
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5krRvl3YVb
想來可笑，現在她已不能柔軟地「拍蝴蝶」，但是，老師罵她後，她便無時無刻念記舞步的記憶，還在。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6K1SCrnon
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Zmmui6sub
七點放學，天空只有一片黑。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0VID8PtXP
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnBg4ynTw3
廣播劇和跳舞都很好玩，一班人，一同為一個故事演出，練到有肌肉記憶，聽到背景音樂便入狀態，實在難忘。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4TYBUqyM0
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP46gv8w4pX
令林蓁覺得辛苦的是，笛及繪畫。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iM7a7SXeY
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagowXHDWQL
吹笛要天份——即使是兒時人人都玩的牧童笛。音樂考試後，林蓁便被選去笛隊，她還沾沾自喜——一級的笛隊只得三人，那樣難得。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvo8PKPvof
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJ2fESwcmo
可是，她很快發現，人與人之間確實存在差距，並非輕易填滿。和她一起參賽的另外兩位同學，都懂得運氣，吹出來的音色更加圓渾，而她只憑肺部吐出氣息，聽來薄弱。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqA8tQz8Mc
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43XtUALpZN
最初，她還以為自己可以憑努力練習，拉近與同學的差距，但原來不能。無論她怎樣嘗試以丹田運氣，表現與原先所差無幾。單從結果上看，就像她沒有練習過。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFCFPWiX94
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOksGWGvC8
她感到無力。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIjH0M3SH4
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXwXUmr4Co
繪畫也是。由於校內視覺藝術科的成績不錯，便被老師挑選到繪畫隊。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc7uMmrWrV
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKqk8xGD8V
她生平第一次意識到——也是往後如此認知——自己一點美術天份也沒有，沒有創意、沒有美感觸覺，沒有對顏色及佈局的概念，總之，每幅畫都是極吃力地畫出來，若是不滿意，便砍掉重練，不斷畫、不斷比較，303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSoToWx8Dv
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZhQSxIqB7
最後都被同學嘲笑：「你憑咩同我哋一齊入嚟啊？」她本人也不知。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lsCNR8sSx
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnRPqjVg34
結果，牧童笛考試及視藝科成績再好，用處只能是：讓她認清自身美術的平庸。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzL0RDb5Oq
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobqXULYrVZ
從此，她沒有再接觸過音樂及美術。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYS67HlfgMm
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfdUipr1v7
至於舞蹈及廣播劇，升讀中學後，她便也沒有再碰。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6PEl4sfPv
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbOtkVTgAl
校內沒有廣播劇，而她在中一已留意學校舞蹈學會，發現成員們全是專業學過跳舞的，中國舞現代舞爵士舞芭蕾舞等等等等，有獎項有證書。沒有人比較，或許學會亦不理會舞蹈根基、不介意她其實連一字馬這基本功也做不好，但她早早自慚形穢，走得遠遠。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiJoXmRaDh
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw53lWEZWy
哇，原來十年前的事彷如昨日。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPxLy8vXm2
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPzhnO94Lo
//303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyFlMDYm2G
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI1h0edIp1
看見課室與舊時沒有什麼分別，便教林蓁想起一個同學，花名叫「鼻屎杰」——她竟已忘記他的本名。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXeNinOCI1
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhuvE7LsJB
鼻屎杰皮膚很白，像沒有血色，眉毛淡淡，眼睛小小，嘴巴紅紅，說話時，口水總在拉絲，牙齒上有許多泡泡。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZixZuXsJ4E
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHPL1Zpgyy
在小學時期，大家都異常興奮（相比中學、大學），控制不住吵鬧、調皮，唯獨是鼻屎杰，沉默寡言，只愛看書，有時是《丁丁歷險記》，有時是直排密密麻麻的小說，有時是圖文並茂的大自然詭秘探索系列。林蓁坐他斜前方，她總是好奇他在看什麼，但又與他不熟，便只是盯著書封，一語不發。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjglu4TlYxL
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAOOt5WV40
他便將櫃桶的另一本書拿出來，遞給她。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXYThOmPNU
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sz9vOblfU
二人不算好友，畢竟沒有什麼話聊，但她總感覺和他是投契的朋友。當時她不喜歡聒噪的男生，覺得好幼稚——拿著一張只考57分的試卷還興奮地跑來跑去，再踢另一個男同學。文靜的男生是少數，她知道鼻屎杰就是獨特的一群。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiVIKuJ9KI
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzza87AtTy
直至他被人說污糟邋遢。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNWPRFKKJW
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmg2d6wmyY
譬如，到處撩鼻屎再將其黏到桌子、椅子上，去廁所周圍噴，常沾到褲腳，不洗頭不洗澡，身上有異味。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuenNHyjUnM
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6eEzOQhiS
他從此起被稱為「鼻屎杰」，這花名竟被她記到廿一歲，甚至覆蓋原先記憶。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7N6148nAoF
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAh3yrBIWZ
林蓁聽見這些話，只有不解。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmHQU4mK5g
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhTH4UsF0q
「佢無啊？你哋覺得佢污糟咩？揭開啲書都好乾淨。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RDVgv9fyw
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9iGPcmRmc
「你睇吓佢個樣，成日好多口水泡泡，就算係咁撩鼻屎都唔出奇。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eyRyUvmAN
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HdXPe1Zee
「但佢無喎……張枱好乾淨。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcdHg0Imbw
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBzhD9FYbD
當時林蓁不理會別人怎想，依然會在小息時，跟鼻屎杰留在課室裡聊天。她分明見到他的桌子，或是書本筆袋之類的物件都十分乾淨，因此更篤信那是流言。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQI9Ou8lrwy
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiupZiG0MN
直至他的桌子上真的出現許多污垢。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7DgFbZ8bY
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MbdPDb5Yt
椅子也是。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDXoyiAySo
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvKJIr1ZiQ
他的同桌、後座的桌子上也有疑似鼻屎的東西。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCyYkdcWeg
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpkaac9Mhu
總之，圍繞他身邊的位置都黏附了一些黑黑灰灰、黃黃啡啡的泥膠狀污垢。最後就連林蓁的椅背也開始沾上。誰都說是鼻屎杰弄到如此。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJhVMEXNGc
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4Dtz6Rxw3
班上形成了一股排擠的氣氛——說得太好聽了，只是當全部人也討厭一個人時，便是那獨一個人的問題。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uTehTKAtI
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk695aDL0E
倒是沒有粗魯暴力的手段，303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5o6WOrsWk
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoCkXBqQvB
常識專題研習分組時，一小個圈一小個圈都形成了組別，全班也嘻嘻哈哈，找朋友繼續傾八卦。當時林蓁已與好友組一人，還欠一人，好友說：「聽候老師發落。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEIDqB9zhM
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXPjcyUsFi
她應允，卻希望與鼻屎杰一組，反正見他按兵不動，一直坐在座位，應是未有組。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbwIRO1lJT
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nVQfUUAKI
結果全班都分好組，只剩鼻屎杰和另外一人沒有。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6mQtH6w4W
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdm496MeLyg
老師問：「有無人想同XX杰一組？」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8PwEeDu0u
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVumQzpxY7
全班沉默。林蓁說：「我哋可以。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJ5YquXgnc
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VfuTgRbg3
「咩我哋？我唔要同鼻屎杰一組！」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88Wx7ef8Rx
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbaKNmMvsH
這花名還是首次大大聲地被揚了出來，以往不過是背後竊竊私語。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtg2sdWCVG
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEREmTTHsKQ
「我哋仲差一個人。」林蓁只懂回應。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAt7xhcQmJ
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAfgRmSdP2
「我想同XXX（另一個同學）一組。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRDkVuz7M7
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxfJgAExDQ
「OK，咁有無人想同XX杰一組？」老師問。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAMzvtz0rB
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ax9Ob0l4X
老師當然聽見同學們不喜歡鼻屎杰，但她也不想插手，若是理會同學之間的糾紛，實在麻煩，人與人之間本就有很多互看不順的時候，又難分對錯，插手亦無結果。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIYxPLScf8
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MylY8IhvK
全班又沉默，沒有人願意和鼻屎杰一組。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGPDJ22KxG
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgkGOivZ7V
全班沉默了好久，林蓁再次舉手：「我可以同佢一組。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplQ1kL5WLF
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KMDkAwSER
「唔得。」遭到組員反對。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RAAtuG3WZ
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FVRrjuVFC
她也很想堅持，但上秒再要求一遍，已耗盡她的勇氣。她和鼻屎杰不算很親的朋友，至少不比組員熟悉。全班都莫名地討厭鼻屎杰，她似乎沒有堅持的理由——是不是要為了他，為別人歸到「不受歡迎」那一群？303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIqXNOEfsp
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyu2Ex6KqZ
最後她不再作聲。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiV3wRoUxg9
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvbca7FJct
心裡一直覺得做錯了事，對於無緣無故的與人紛擾，她無所適從，也不明白為何會有那麼多的喜歡和不喜歡，甚至化作行為上的討厭，將意向表明。由始至終，她也有點懦弱，只不過想息事寧人，似乎沒有什麼必堅持不可的原則，譬如道理。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7d8FMSe0Pq
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7MMhQ7S1z
林蓁對上鼻屎杰的眼睛，急急低頭，心跳很快。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRuabpwF8a
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAtg9lZiYj
他絲毫沒有責怪的意味，反而帶著感謝地對她笑了笑。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqkT8fTxyE
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZaZzVkWJT
這才最讓林蓁慚愧。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaio8ad3TN
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSf2YPxx7G
之後的日子裡，她比以往少了和鼻屎杰說話，不是因為討厭他，而是，自己好像沒有什麼理由再和他交好。她若作為朋友，首先保全自身利益，好像也不夠堅定。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EBfVVNpZ5
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVaU08LqcG
後來她終於為何鼻屎杰被說髒亂。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJf4iuA15b
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfvKvMK7Dk
只是某次班裡，B同學在炫耀最新款的遊戲機時（長大後的林蓁已忘記是什麼），鼻屎杰沒有抬眼看一下；所有人都聽他的，唯獨有個靜靜坐著的身影完全忽視自己——總是淡淡，好似他珍視的一切、可以炫耀的一切，根本毫不緊要。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPoyfukmrq
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pOkkND7h2
B同學心中莫名出現一種不適，沒有由來的討厭。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz2rQkwc4r
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQip7vZYyM
「你哋如果周圍講XX杰亂掟鼻屎，我就借遊戲機畀你哋玩。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyx5B3E3AX
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BUUvONb1a
「好！」有人說。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvW7KCx7Hu
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYWxhxYaUH
「好似唔係咁好喎……」另一些人說。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnEk6zpiwW
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYJSfK6x6L
「唔緊要，我唔借畀你都得。」B同學說。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS4w1zBBcm
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSnp1POcac
「哈！咁我哋有得玩、你哋無得玩lu。」有人說。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReHZRXuuzr
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlO61iJ6igh
那是一個如果沒有看大家都在看的動畫、便會插不進話題的年齡；就算過後可以繼續聊天，都因「人哋有但我無」而失落，就算聊到今天的功課和體育堂，明天有看動畫的人又圍聚一起聊新一集劇情——更甚的是，有的動畫還出了卡片遊戲或玩具，又多了共鳴。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcpsWXVMIY
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmgR6phNIP
「唔好。借埋畀我哋玩。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJe1hunmP8
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISImI6AAFt
B同學以遊戲機為誘，令班上大部分男同學都聽他的話，說鼻屎杰將鼻屎亂扔。女同學本身跟鼻屎杰不熟，也怕污糟，因此與他更是疏遠，接過他傳過來的功課時，露出嫌棄神色。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yIk048dDj
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkZo5vgqJN
起因竟僅此而已。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNjdIFrJOP
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6sIWDB5rq
——後來，她終於知道他被排擠是B同學搞出來的鬼，更是沒有立場說什麼。因為，她也知道，除了什麼玩具、遊戲機，其實B同學當時還喜歡她，他對別人都粗聲粗氣，唯獨對著她時陰聲細氣，還會聊些不著邊際的話題。她和鼻屎杰坐得近，也會借故說話，投緣地笑。這些那些，也許都構成B同學帶頭排擠鼻屎杰的理由。她不肯定，但如此相信。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDsoFcoBu6
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASlrHjhURf
歸咎自身之後，又想起那時她沒有更大膽地說一聲：303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ybdg0UrtM
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPHh3n5nzU
「我要同佢一組！」表明立場，便更愧疚。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsCogb0C8h
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVu8NiFTmZ9
鼻屎杰的無妄之災，實在無辜，她這罪魁禍首卻只是做作地自我對話，愧疚一下。若是解釋，更覺無謂，難道說：303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2xb0p1eCT
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbVtPR3n22
「你畀人排擠係因為B同學唔鍾意你，同埋，佢鍾意我。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR1Nq7p8DO
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SMp7gJIkp
何必。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1TZREs6ZH
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9Fa5jba6G
很快便調位，二人再沒說過話，畢業後更難聯絡。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKVFH3rxQC
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSGArp351w
只是有時，林蓁睡不著的時候，會想起這件事。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZMC6oqTDr
