在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNv22n1bbM9
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRvlROj2Eh
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFlqtdhK9u
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFDlGtkFv4
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLDFQJT6Wt
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8RiLFx54I
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyRx6V3FYf
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNVm2DMib1
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4cHRQ33TD
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡge8tHN88Qq
「你條裙有血！」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t3ytkzuHG
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRn5u57mL9
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gHkHG6pmU
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrhi4b38iH
「大個女啦。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgpHSoHds1
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8EEFncjV1
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv81a1NmoBO
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqPRtM2Vag
「去廁所清理吓。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1s5jBdjOJp
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYUP2H5T15
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjnpJADFEx
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGpdmlxoxS
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4csCmiRPy
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ464TXtQ8Lc
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIVjvcMrBk
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy2muCfh3G
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgVizj0tVp
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEej4YsIbrD
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnK1BWjk6lB
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1omBzM8sr
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rE4SCgUan
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILwfFtX3EA
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqn5sYjcQh
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlmo2cStQd
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdnyQREnK6
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDQQXb9TCR
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkf8inlPdQh
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmP9QZUwpo
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3k4ccjgMd4
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaunG1sBzbK
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakaVpK0Dxz
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OszeJFQEU
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2aq8hXP1e
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpb8AHrPQeM
只聽見他說：280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4EKrH6T0F
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4uxgkyhvu
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Vsvk31HHl
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZO9AcMWFJq
林蓁心下一沉。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPekqFETBg
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMnXv7Fnyp
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82aXtM5tKD
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2F19BAqmU
她又想，會不會是他口硬？280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtj4xqeQnLA
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUXmhTsszO
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1Isky1r83
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusNnpK8634
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteUGfLbiTQ
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7glDzzHsr
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfaAgVAnZI
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4PpwiHeok
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjS2yiSLst
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9VU9ghBEp
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXglCw89gX
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVVt28Aj0X
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwariKyk3a
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07tBBbLGGq
/280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHhrkYp3ZC
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4aWFjEVFg
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc7M7UeLpN
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jz97tbODB
她去見了周立沖。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCe6xQIgtPO
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXWAeI52Xd
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKOJcAJKog
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszxjkYC8V5
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7QG9jWcNp
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHgcWQQGhL
「無所謂。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRgrWdT5xm
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzMiWDijuZ
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxpBPZF9EU
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsATaN0th7T
家裡沒有飯吃。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUEVR3QEeB
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJXiInntpa
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0ZNho5ylX
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgDX7eCmtE
「你煮咩我都食。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7BdBM2kba
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZLlyCGR3L
「傻瓜。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROFSsvFyB6
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxiDgfwAeK
他摸摸她的頭。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUCew6IpwQ
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iAI1uXg6T
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kQ8xDgVDf
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LJ4bGVkrA
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ66ZVTuQAZ
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIg82fb9EMA
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UKc4do60h
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2PH1ylt03
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93gzJ6LMNC
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UqmWkEBd9
「不如食咗我先。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCp84c36E18
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqHa0cESjW
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozyvegtK9w
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vresHbRyv
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcbWMxqD81
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03SQ5RyolJ
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ194xLztnue
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzkzg3JT0N
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgKsEGRS6D
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdI0OCa95J
不過，幸好，現在他在。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYq8r04onX6
280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqS3uET657
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。280Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOLsos0KcO
