然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGv4XYB5Mv
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfS1PmsLif
/259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3haZXebxc
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuY3bEG6co
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM617irKuzO
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC37wyaTllE
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTErTfoh7fK
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKknDP9iHjA
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH61kAjhGhV
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2CS4GHZbQ
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGTluMUKbL
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXD3jca9K3
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdjXzs4ukn
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0D3yNRf2UR
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFdJv7zDDo
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx89MR9dv7
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohLGdCNjLa
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5s0iui0cD
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgczYTazhEA
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVeOkKTpbJ
他心情不好便會打她。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxSxdDIlII
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5Sya5ViWJ
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03cJ5AeQcp
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j3dwNvlUz
一下一下打下去。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiBzeOO7Mf
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKj892d0Pd
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXAotGWUwU
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40X2uo4imQ
「我無唔聽話呀！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iS7uH6GTC
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXIE21Cfrr
「仲講大話！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdm5qk3Y2bI
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZX1byRB3WD
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4ciGDOgEg
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBExrsfN7U
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw6s1fqqpZ
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkkIQQnq7D
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sOrBLBoNX
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHlSWXtnd3
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJanSEuV48Y
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa8AIZhTBH
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KvTUMsV2L
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGUe4w8Vfe
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuDlQQTpvv
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziek06suC2
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAVPI0wWNp
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzib2U8tvo
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvi4Lnkw4sK
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVw341OZSEp
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvwjbAKszJ
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKtGhXrcwQ
/259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNToVxfEYl
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyu9juee6T6
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uk3dk4jsr
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqk2GPjjZ7
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRc6OQkNUs
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSq2xU8VJOg
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPW8HhBjWq
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMpxUJi2nG
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirZxb45Ew1
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCMSOWvWr8
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfEuX1AOSo
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5Vw6pgsdH
「熊仔去咗邊？」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYIMcIzguZ
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H5ZFtVH14
「我抌咗。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTgwlTRPCh
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLLPiDRRAb
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MHy8JWOGX
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKy1obBvpx
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2XF80Ydhf
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aMdufIzjG
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmD44L0IPh
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqm1zwqkJc
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHo1crzuUM6
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNu0Z68T4z
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5pj8KbmJ6
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbpuqs4Ebz
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5KGKRHdOv
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxEccA3iPN
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvpHGQ037u
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BPGESg4Ra
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFnEfSZPG5
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaH7cgDNpy
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyt4X3FBww
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNxKJ2SzRm
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAh1tnk9wX
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZrQ1X4xSm
/259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzS6UfHlqtm
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJF7s3aj7b
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCsbVi2KhN
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVLlrSq2tm
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyMRgbRRR3
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaggWE034VN
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXHZ6lUzZH
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbWHdn66kf
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXs3F7fSrw
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jxKhpTzeL
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x4edDPbP9
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ViEleEND8
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnTUt0VrQG
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtMBOVuSKW
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8oWlVd28j
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcH24eqs5U7
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfu5v1izZX
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYiQ6vRjrn
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVPwaBKxwX
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08SflyC0om
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMNRXzuL6Z
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4y7kqCJBl
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkDg2XAA99
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLARH4zzqF
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8nyilRmFU
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIiJ5WqoW0
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FPutoj68T
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnldxQFo7bS
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uio6czpa2
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiG3JvMUsF
直至父親又打家姐。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFsIvISaNI
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VqIZhyzHP
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSTaXIbK9h
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5AuqWS0rW
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2lCG5sbRC
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguoJrmvi0T
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFwdoq8hy9
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlse7niaMnH
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKREvp5rQT
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZnVnVGy7W
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nVWIcqQQ3
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaCUPU0W0d
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGFBFAlbHl
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KVJylh161
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCkTour6fm
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60bUfd2NAX
「我無！」家姐搖頭。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdM1J1Iw2P
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10zH4k8ofC
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICdJqqa9C7
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7sSBvduWh
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqREZeEaBJy
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMuW1aPZev
「多謝阿爸。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BP5qIMOfC
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qEedUPa5c
家姐推了林蓁落地。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1bcSrpmJf
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKfN7NonEK
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapApRT3V6W
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOEp9FKNK0
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTF8rLzgrst
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVTe4JqL4F
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNxn0Ubcp3
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAjzQ04K7A
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHebLrf5rAC
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ep4QhvjlL
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoPHwMzbc8
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzuPw7KD4U
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWs5sbduQJJ
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYlSumgpfu
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259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfW6UqVeVP
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb4rNgiGj7
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1sQwYsFq4
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfXfP9qmut
