It's been 11 months since my mom passed. That makes it 334 days without her.
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It's been almost 3 months since I've seen Summer.
90 days exactly.
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It's January and my birthday was at the end of the month. We didn't do Christmas this year, it was too depressing without my mom around to bring her warm cheery spirit. It was my first Christmas without her so I didn't want to be around my friends and bring them down with my low energy. I spent it alone.
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My dad was with his girlfriend and Frankie invited me to come with her family to Jamaica but I declined. The winter wasn't as cold as it could've been but there were still severe weather warnings weekly.
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The driveway was covered in a thick layer of fresh snow with no sign of life within a mile radius.
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My winter break ended this weekend and school resumed the following Monday. It was extra lonely in the house with my dad always being gone and Frankie being away on vacation. I missed having someone, anyone to talk to.
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Gio, West and I weren't close so it felt weird to try and reach out to them.
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I spent the day in bed flipping through channels trying to pass the time. It didn't keep me satisfied for long and after a couple minutes of watching I grew bored.
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I went to my car and sat in it for a few minutes before pulling out of the driveway. I drove carefully on the iced over roads not actually having a clue where I was going. I ended up stopping by the burger joint I was a regular at. It was nearly empty with all the seats and booths open.
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No one likes to drive in this kind of weather but I love it. The roads are mostly empty and all the shitty drivers stay home.
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"Hey Thomas, you want your regular?"
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"Number 7 please."
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"Extra onions extra pickles?"
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I nod.
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"To go?"
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"I think I'll eat here today."
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He gives me a ticket with my order number on it and I walk away to the nearest booth. I lean my back against the seat and release a heavy sigh. A moment later a teenaged boy came out with a red tray holding my food. "Thanks."
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"You didn't go anywhere for break?" He said after setting the tray down in front of me.
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"Nah." I crunched on my fries.
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He walked away and I continued eating my food staring off into space. The bell attached to the door went off and a few customers walked in. I looked at the snow on the road that was packed on heavy watching people drive by slowly. I enjoyed the winter, the snow, the cold weather and the quietness. Everything was peaceful in the winter and everyone usually travels to warmer places so the town felt empty. Break was over though, so students would be flooding back in soon enough.
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I finished my meal and headed back outside where the crisp air hit my face. I heard a loud ping noise from my phone indicating a text as soon as I got into my car.
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"Look to your right"
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I look up from my phone and snapped my head over to the familiar red bmw parked next to me. Frankie looked up seconds later revealing her face to me through her window with an excited wave. I waved back with a little less energy and got out of my car to greet her. She swiftly jumped out and into my arms wrapping her legs around me catching me completely by surprise. I wrapped my arms around her body and hugged her back including a small spin.
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"You don't know how much I've missed you baby." She spoke softly into my ear.
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"I thought you weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow?"
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"Nope, I got an early flight back here first thing yesterday."
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I placed her on the ground gently so she wouldn't slip on the icy road and removed my arms from her torso but hers remained around my neck. She stood inches from me, close enough to smell her mint flavoured gum and see the details of her small speckled face. She was more tan and her freckles were more prominent after returning from her vacation. Her hair was highlighted with streaks of blonde and grew a significant amount.
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"Well did you miss me?"
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"Of course I did." Her lips formed into a smile and she planted a kiss on my cheek.
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"Let's go somewhere today!" She jumped excitedly straining my neck because her arms were pulling them down.
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"Where did you want to go?"
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"How about that place downtown that just opened."
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"The arcade?"
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"Yes! They have a movie theatre attached to it so after we can watch something spooky!" I had nothing better to do and with school starting soon I wouldn't have time to do much on my free time since I'd be consumed in homework. I agreed to going to the arcade and the excitement showed on her face as we both drove to my house. Once we got there I told her to make herself at home, not that I needed to, she was already digging into my fridge raiding everything inside. While she was doing that I went up to take a quick shower before we would be out all evening.
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I warmed the water to the hottest temperature and tossed my clothes on the floor before stepping in. Frankie being back was a breath of fresh air. I know I felt indifferent about our relationship but this strong feeling of loneliness shadowed over me the past couple of months and having a warm body next to me helped alleviate the feeling even if it was just for a short while. I let the water hit my skin, burning it slightly but in a relaxing way that gave me a sense of relief. I was deep in my thoughts until I heard the door creak open. The bathroom was too steamy for me to make out who it was but before I could speak, the glass door was swung open revealing a naked Frankie.
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"Franks, what are you doing?"
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"I'm getting in, duh." She said it so matter-of-factly like it was normal for us to shower together. It wasn't.
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"I see that, but why?"
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"I need to shower too, I'm smelly."
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"We have 4 guest bathrooms." I blinked waiting for her reply but I got none. She just moved me aside and stepped in flinching once she got in contact with the water.
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"Ouch! Tommy why is the water so hot? How are you even able to stand here?" She screamed as she turned the knob of the hot water at an angle changing the temperature.
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"Well I wasn't intending on you joining me." I mumbled hoping she didn't hear me so she wouldn't throw a fit. She mindlessly took the soap from me and used it in herself and began scrubbing her body with my loofa. I stared dumbfounded not sure what to say or how to feel. The only space where I felt truly at peace and she ruined it. I know I said I missed her but I'm starting to regret those words.
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She lathered herself with soap and stopped once she realized I was narrowing my eyes at her with complete irritation. She must have interpreted my body language differently because she smirked slightly before wrapping her arms around my neck with her body completely placed on mine.
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"Why don't I show you how much I missed you." She whispers in my ear. I wasn't in the mood for this, for her but I knew how much trouble it would cause if I continued avoiding intimacy with her so I obliged. She placed her hands on my chest and pushed me up against the wall planting kisses on my neck all the while I was thinking of a way to avoid what was to come.
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We started kissing, her hands roaming my body while she moaned into my mouth.
I needed to think of something quick.
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This time last year, I would've been all over her practically begging for more. This time? I couldn't wait for it to be over. I was starting to think I had a problem. Every instance of intense sexual activity with her I remained bored, uninterested, soft.
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No matter how heated things got, not even when she did that thing I liked with her tongue on my neck. I mean, nothing worked. I was starting to genuinely worry and thought maybe I should get checked out. I didn't want to hurt her ego or her feelings so I continued with avoidance. Her taking a trip for an entire month was a life saver, I no longer felt that pressure to perform for her. With her being back, the pressure of being the guy I used to be came back with her.
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I tried intensifying our kiss to distract her. I flipped her around to where she was now the one backed up against the wall and began working my lips down to her neck. Her faint smile showed that it was working.
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I kept on like this for a couple minutes before she stopped me and moved her hands down my torso. Before she could continue running her fingers down, an angel sent from above allowed my phone to rudely interrupt us. A groan slipped from her lips and she rolled her eyes before attempting to continue.
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"Wait it could be my dad." I lied. My dad never called.
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She straightened up her body and turned away to continue lathering herself.
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