Its been about a month since I've seen Summer.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh2KCPDOxl
She was no longer my therapist and I'd been permanently transferred over to a lady named Mrs. Davis. She was a kind soul, an older lady that'd been a psychologist for longer than i've been alive.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuO7UywoU91
My current relationship with Frankie was very confusing. We started hanging out more and she practically lived at my house now because of how often she stayed over. We weren't back together officially but I knew that's what she wanted and probably what my dad wanted too.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnnqOB3XCT
I wasn't ready to be with her completely but she was a safety net. I knew she would always be there for me and cared about me so it felt right to be loyal to her, but something was stopping me from allowing myself to fully accept us being together.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeGA1k9ASI
We haven't had sex since being "back together" and I could tell it was affecting her self esteem. It used to be an important part of our relationship in the past but honestly I couldn't think of doing anything worse. I wasn't in the mood recently and when I was I just felt guilty because images of Summer would flash in my head while I was with her.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV6fmjj6h0
It wasn't on purpose, it just kind of happened. When it did, I'd tell her I'm tired or I was in my head too much. She eventually stopped trying to make a move on me and accepted it but not without showing her frustration.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Oe27V8jnC
I wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault and she's a gorgeous amazing girl but I knew that would only be enough for a while.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6jUBtxQZZ
I knew this feeling would go away and I'd get over Summer but I wasn't sure when and it was starting to frustrate me. She was all I thought about everyday. It felt like I could only be distracted from thinking about her for a couple hours before she consumed my thoughts all over again. The only thing that really helped was being around other people and staying busy because when I was alone it only got worse.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbQxPveL4v
So I spent my time running the trail at the park she brought me to. I'd always hope I'd run into her one day but I haven't seen her around.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYYlYz9Hgf
Today was a Tuesday so I had a session with Mrs. Davis. When she called me in to her office I sat down on the cold leather chair across from her. Since changing counselors, I moved buildings completely and attended a location that was closer to my house. It was supposedly rated as one of the best offices in the region. It had a very minimalistic design with cold interior and modern art.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5g1QOPMXkH
Mrs. Davis was sweet and almost reminded me of my grandmother. She was very attentive to my tone and body language and because of that it was hard to lie to her.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj289nh9F5
"Good afternoon Thomas, how are you feeling today?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD9TXk3PzA
"I'm doing okay. How about you?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbgko0quA5
"Everyday that I wake up is a good day." She says quoting the words on her green coffee mug. I gave her a warm smile.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CJbsyepQb
"So how are things going with you and your girlfriend Francesca?" I briefed her about Frankie on one of our first sessions but left the detail of Summer out of course.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOYbJ0fJYt
"Things are okay."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNASIRA7S9
"Define okay."She presses.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEAQFnCV68
"We hang out every day, things are okay."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlrTLGZG9Q
"You mentioned you two haven't had a sexual relationship since before the breakup, have you had a conversation with her about it?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpHPuOSglT
"No, I just told her things are different now and I'm not sure I want us to rush into things."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaMXhTFYDO
"Is that how you truly feel?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7VyL1zd88
No. "Yes."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6WE1byiFs
"Hmm." She hummed cocking her head sideways analyzing me thoughtfully. "I think we should talk about your openness with your girlfriend. Do you feel comfortable opening up to her about personal feelings?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNUspM9TJC
I shrugged not knowing.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUewuwSI3VS
"You mentioned she was with you through your mom's death and that was around the time you broke up with her. Do you see yourself allowing that amount of vulnerability to her again?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJNUQUyzi0
"No."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo8aSkpO6J
"Why do you think that is?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxmA2pZJMs
"I don't think I can physically allow myself to be completely comfortable with her again, at least not on that level. I can't explain why but I physically can't."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScf506FwnY
"Is there something she's doing that's making you feel this way?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcZbwDhC4F
"It's not her, she's perfect actually which sucks because I know she deserves better. I just find it hard to fully let my guard down with her."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dboEXlt0k
"Is there anyone in your life that you feel like you can completely let your guard down with?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVYkQguRN0
I hesitantly nodded thinking about her question.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ODLs4AE7N
"What do they do that makes you feel you can trust them that Francesca fails to?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zunAD0Cqk
I shifted in my seat a little bit not prepared for that question. I sat in thought for a moment trying to figure out how to answer.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVejnofwKQ2
"They believed in me and understood my pain at a level I don't think Frankie could."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTgfKdYs5B
"Who is this person to you?" She looked slightly curious.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MM9YAb7yj
"An old friend."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUApdPQedr
She took a deep breath, letting there be a moment of silence between us. "I think if you truly feel like you can't allow yourself to be open with your girlfriend you might need to rethink if getting back together is what's best for you two." She leaned in closer crossing her legs.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkiKJFwYhk
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz1C8hhLmn
After the session I headed home, on the way back I picked up food from the burger joint because there was never food at home.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcz4CD0Rjo
"Hey Tommy, you want your regular?" The boy at the front knew me well enough to have my order memorized. "Actually, I'll take a number 7 with extra onions & pickles please."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjSrrh3tGS
He put my order in and a few short minutes later I walked out with two bags. I got Frankie's regular order assuming she hasn't eaten either. I told her to meet me at my house after her class so we could study for our final. It was full on winter now and this was our last week of classes before break.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhwxEsfY1f
The warm air hit my face once I walked through the front door and took my coat off.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9EpIAaHOf
Frankie was in my bed splayed out with a face mask and robe. We've been practically living together for two weeks. She'd shower here, sleep here, study here. The only time she went home was to bring clothes back over or to show her face to her parents reminding them she was alive.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax5LW9SL7k
"You got food?" She perked up adjusting her robe. I gave her the bag of food and put mine on the bed. I slid my shirt off in one motion and laid on the bed next to her.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWu7fNspu8
"How was class?" I asked biting into my fries.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqfFqju9zL
"So boring. I cannot wait until break, I think we might go to Jamaica."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjZAy3zf0s
"Your family is always traveling, that sounds like a dream."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXxqwm1q3a
"You know you're always welcome to come baby, it's all expenses paid." I scrunched my face at the word baby coming out of her mouth.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwGydnzQbI
"I want a bite of your burger." She pouted.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWekUYHU93P
"You won't like it."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsLbNd18ti
"We always get the same thing, why wouldn't I?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqv1rjTvnC
"I got extra onions this time." She cringed.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rm3QBHJXd
"Ew. You hate onions, why would you get extra?"
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1PzqeVYTS
"It's the best part of a good burger."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5U8v5GsjRH
"No, you said yourself it ruins the flavor."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyIwEheJZ9
"I had a change of heart." I concluded finishing my burger. I got up and hopped in the shower washing the day off. I expected her to be in her pajamas and face first in her laptop when I got out but she was still in her robe.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67HVxoy9oz
"Everything okay?" I questioned her still laying in the same spot I left her. I walked up to my closet choosing a set of boxers and heard her get off of the bed.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0o9iuZAedf
I turned around and she appeared suddenly behind me taking me by surprise. "Can we watch a movie or something I don't feel like studying tonight."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrFb6TZfbn
"Sure, you can put something on."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDJ90et3ds
She walked up closer putting her palm on my chest. "We could always do something else." She whispered playing with the knot that held my towel up. I grab her hand before she could undo my towel and intertwine mine into them.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQYY5pOqZr
"A movie sounds great." I said softly. She sighed and walked away from me. She grabbed a T shirt from my drawer and dropped her robe to the ground changing in front of me.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW1UC7aOhP
That feeling of guilt crept in again and I felt horrible knowing my apathetic state was causing her to feel insecure. I went over to where she was standing and cupped my hands onto her face. She stood still, taken by surprise by my touch but didn't move away.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJehuaRWTz
"I know you're going through a lot but it doesn't even feel like you're even trying to make this work." She said.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNGZvJqDra
"I know." I shook my head. "I want things to work for us."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k1X8Na7j6
" I won't wait forever."
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbz67ItRMU4
She moved away from my hand taking a step back.
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTth1czqgq
"I know."
ns3.142.124.135da2
