在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CvwX2QT5O
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuQ6UZvL0z
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMPHXVzHii
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVYbOeAOXX
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXVCOD9nSE
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBcZB5Tneh
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMO665khEW
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yfx19tBq9
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmP98xi0kg8
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqJC4695DO
「你條裙有血！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDzAdav9dT
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQht4vwyEl
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzDRewksCx
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho4q3oSQIY
「大個女啦。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChDj75MebM
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoieEzKnYG
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrQ51FhvST
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQMyCNRmEE
「去廁所清理吓。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKL86xZAf4
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qAs9dU6CE
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZrjYQK3YC
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBQlTNTx4z
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv04Vzfvtmm
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnYAzx6euj
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtoCNCiJj1
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhHQ0OMefZ
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHehit996W
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJOmdFbjfP
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1igdrZVZ1I
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7P9yj19TwM
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7QemmJzM7
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRUtQZLeOX
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTK2xOVEYcX
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDVmMQqHH8
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBQ3GjV4m1
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGvgcnZ0xQ
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1r13MqM1P6
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNybRuce78
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJsnojzTY5
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqvKBry2Wn
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnLR6pZDzU
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eLT0jJEzS
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzP0aF7rTI
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZFmgkqzH5
只聽見他說：272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdru4fZomgt
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEauDG27BH
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORivtl8zLu
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoabDm9uqN
林蓁心下一沉。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5hOIbSJQB
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lSLdPW5lm
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3nyrrSRUW
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQgRRtA1Lm
她又想，會不會是他口硬？272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2ChNmGoEP
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DAKkuF37x
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9i88LxDkxc
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tSonLF5uT
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmmKkbsOMf
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJizxGo0hW5
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwx7VnmgBD
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJtFJ5OdKV
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfW3IVVVZM
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tcuqVAVqt
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgS3W2sTGuO
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RMJ22l3Kn
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVF2Y44yiL
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tzduRHlFr
/272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA7Mjd6WM2
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG6BueYF1a
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhcXZE4XR6
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcGvrg35U1
她去見了周立沖。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcNeDLlC5w
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zj24jmy2y
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzLk0u0qZP
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFQiksLhN4
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SGo0W0QUH
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONUZtBfDAc
「無所謂。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fvlmJ918b
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTELVHa8C1M
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvBwUNOqtj
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOieZ5oV4n6
家裡沒有飯吃。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRzXNiqIn8
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0StO2fqWpc
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VeJYT0NEk
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWzIxTO6Vv
「你煮咩我都食。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdIs7Qq4xB
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7sbTEZ2By
「傻瓜。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId3oRH3zxK
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zUpVRoPVD
他摸摸她的頭。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJkC59l92c
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FjftsciIt
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGedHggyti
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1kYZHjtS7
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1DFe84Xvb
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl2cXJVvpP
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqY7gXbsl7M
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡco6GQzSG79
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpy0QHTRgs
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmCRp7aTmK
「不如食咗我先。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vtIbudpod
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡde56GoaRLc
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaWa4aV9iG
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbutT88piVw
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq523zMMohP
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgXp6uGgKO
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShZ04MFHXm
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3R6yQj4tZm
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSPjlq3Gqw
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiadjJGzK5p
不過，幸好，現在他在。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9TtmiCA3t
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsH7x7zdwYQ
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5zG2cYrFp
